(no subject)
I've been left without any other option. I have to admit I've not been myself for along time and will most likely not be back to normalcy for longer still. While I've always been acting rather cold and heartless.... Asshole or Jerk are not wrong words to describe me. However, lately I've been living up to that name.
Before I still had feelings and would often apologize for my bad behavior, now I seem to go for the hurt and after wards.... I don't feel bad, hell I don't feel anything. I just go on with my day as if nothing happened. I don't know why this is happening and frankly I don't care. I could do without the worry lately.
Perhaps I'm going to drive everyone away and finally do what I know I have inadvertently set up. I'm not suppose to be around or be there for my current friends. I've set myself up to be obsolete and unneeded. finally everything is coming to fruition and I'm no longer needed and will simply fade away and move on. I'll miss most of them but at the same time I'm glad. My shoulder will finally be free and the weight will be gone from my back.
Then again this could just be a useless rant and all be tied into my distressing lack of my much needed necklaces.
who knows, I know I don't.
Before I still had feelings and would often apologize for my bad behavior, now I seem to go for the hurt and after wards.... I don't feel bad, hell I don't feel anything. I just go on with my day as if nothing happened. I don't know why this is happening and frankly I don't care. I could do without the worry lately.
Perhaps I'm going to drive everyone away and finally do what I know I have inadvertently set up. I'm not suppose to be around or be there for my current friends. I've set myself up to be obsolete and unneeded. finally everything is coming to fruition and I'm no longer needed and will simply fade away and move on. I'll miss most of them but at the same time I'm glad. My shoulder will finally be free and the weight will be gone from my back.
Then again this could just be a useless rant and all be tied into my distressing lack of my much needed necklaces.
who knows, I know I don't.