how serial fiction broke clio's heart, part 4: Avatar makes up for a lot, and the way forward
I totally changed my mind about what I want to say about Avatar. Pardon the slight delay.
So this spring, after the healing effects of reality TV have worked their magic, ali_wildgoose says, I think you would like this show! And she lends me season one, and I end up watching it all in one day! So she lends me season two, and I end up watching THAT all in one day! And the same with what of season three had already aired at that point. It had a genre sort of plot, but that was fine because the characters were rich and interesting and the plot wasn't all that involved. And also, omg! Actual character change!
You'll understand when I say "I don't care about plot that much" I mean it when I say that pretty much everything that I as a viewer wanted to see resolved was resolved before the four-part finale. For me, Western Air Temple, Boiling Rock, and Southern Raiders were the "finale" I wanted to see, because they were the end of certain character arcs I found interesting. But even now I look at that line, "everything that I as a viewer wanted to see resolved" and I flinch a little, that I even had things I wanted to see happen, that I allowed a canon to make me "want." On the other hand, that there were things that I thought/hoped would happen that actually did--Zuko's change of heart, Mai returning to kick ass, Azula losing her touch, Suki showing up again--I think gave me a little bit of renewed confidence in my ability to read a narrative.
Now, this next part is me skirting around some shipping issues that I've decided not to get into, but let's say that there were some folks watching Avatar who were watching an entirely different show. And I have to say, I know the show they were watching--it was some random teen drama on the CW, or possibly The N. This show puts characters together romantically because they have "sparks" that are revealed mostly through their opposition to each other, because passion is passion. This show reserves "my how you've grown" moments for girls, not boys. On this show, people mostly run around being hot together, when they're not being emo about their dark past, a past that left wounds that can only be healed by the love of a good member of the opposite sex. Anyone unconventionally attractive is left out of the main narrative. The events of the narrative happen somewhat randomly, mostly to keep dramatic tension going.
In other words, those people who "misread" Avatar did so because they'd been trained to misread it by precisely the sort of television dramas that I had so many problems with in the spring of 2007. Seriously: all this stuff is training people to not be able to follow a coherent narrative, because they don't bother to present one. All that tension they're building doesn't lead to a satisfying release because it's not supposed to. The pleasure, it's supposed, is in the tension itself. (And thanks to black_dog for his always-interesting comments, which helped me to figure out this point.)
But as ali_wildgoose pointed out to me one day, I don't like tension. Or at least, I don't enjoy tension that has no release; it just makes me tense. I don't like cringe comedy, nor comedy where one person is a jerk and taking advantage of another person (like some Ben Stiller films); I just feel bad for the people involved. I have little patience for angst and no time for the "stir things up" sort of plot. I hate villains, and the sort of stories that need a villain as a catalyst; I don't like watching heroes just return the universe to the wonderful way it was before the villain started fucking around with it (usually for no real reason other than a vague power grab that doesn't make sense). And I don't really like endless darkness or dystopic futures because they're so unrelenting that to me they feel unrealistic, or at least, not something I want to visit all the time.
But I have infinite patience for small character pieces, or for watching someone just sort of go through their lives. I love stories where no one is really good or bad, but there's just some people whose natures lead to conflict. I like cozy. I love musicals. I like stories of established relationships. I really love the later Anne of Green Gables books. I like mysteries, which don't actually have that much tension because the "act" has already happened. I like romances because you know that the tension is going someplace, and the joy comes from the author showing you why two people go together so well.
So. As television moves more toward genre, and toward a sort of no-ending continuing drama, it moves further from the kind of narrative that I prefer. And I'm more aware of that now not because of fandom per se--or rather, not because fandom has led me to "over-analyze" television shows. Instead, it's because fandom has let me to write narratives of my own, and in doing that I've become much more aware of what turns me on and what doesn't.
The sad thing is, in coming into HP for the reasons I did (mysteries! coming-of-age!) I've gained friends--wonderful friends!--who pretty much have the opposite narrative priorities that I do. And I've spent a lot of time (because I'm fairly ridiculous, among other reasons) feeling really badly about that, as some of you know. I want to like the same things my friends do! Particularly because so many of my friends speak so disparagingly about the things I like that I don't really try to recommend things to them anymore. I've tried sort of forcing myself to watch a variety of things for the company--Heroes most notably--and looking for little side things that I might like. But I think that the lesson I learned from the spring of 2007 is That Way Lies Madness, or at least, a deep sort of dissatisfaction that I've been struggling with as though it was a personal failing.
But you know, it isn't. I'm not a bad geek girl for not liking science fiction television very much. I'm not a bad geek girl for liking reality television, or sitcoms. I'm not a bad geek girl for liking a well-written romance. My liking established relationships is not actually a sign of emotional immaturity on my part. My dislike of dark angsty stories, and of villains, doesn't mean I'm a wimp. Ideas aren't enough to get me through a story--I have to be emotionally engaged with the characters in some way--but that doesn't mean that I'm an idiot.
And I'm saying these things as a kind of mantra, and as a hope that some of you like these other things too, like Anne's House O'Dreams and How I Met Your Mother and American Idol and 30s romantic comedies and Little Miss Sunshine and will care if I talk about them. I'm tired of feeling like I don't like things; I want to like things! I'm tired of saying to people who are exhorting me to watch a show or read a book that I'd rather not, because that makes me feel sad. I'm tired of people putting down the things that I like to read and watch, because that also makes me feel sad. I'm a positive person and I want to be positive about the things that I like! And I'm going to try much harder to do that moving forward, which means posting about things whether I think anyone else likes them.
But don't worry, Z. I'll watch season two of BSG if it kills me!
So this spring, after the healing effects of reality TV have worked their magic, ali_wildgoose says, I think you would like this show! And she lends me season one, and I end up watching it all in one day! So she lends me season two, and I end up watching THAT all in one day! And the same with what of season three had already aired at that point. It had a genre sort of plot, but that was fine because the characters were rich and interesting and the plot wasn't all that involved. And also, omg! Actual character change!
You'll understand when I say "I don't care about plot that much" I mean it when I say that pretty much everything that I as a viewer wanted to see resolved was resolved before the four-part finale. For me, Western Air Temple, Boiling Rock, and Southern Raiders were the "finale" I wanted to see, because they were the end of certain character arcs I found interesting. But even now I look at that line, "everything that I as a viewer wanted to see resolved" and I flinch a little, that I even had things I wanted to see happen, that I allowed a canon to make me "want." On the other hand, that there were things that I thought/hoped would happen that actually did--Zuko's change of heart, Mai returning to kick ass, Azula losing her touch, Suki showing up again--I think gave me a little bit of renewed confidence in my ability to read a narrative.
Now, this next part is me skirting around some shipping issues that I've decided not to get into, but let's say that there were some folks watching Avatar who were watching an entirely different show. And I have to say, I know the show they were watching--it was some random teen drama on the CW, or possibly The N. This show puts characters together romantically because they have "sparks" that are revealed mostly through their opposition to each other, because passion is passion. This show reserves "my how you've grown" moments for girls, not boys. On this show, people mostly run around being hot together, when they're not being emo about their dark past, a past that left wounds that can only be healed by the love of a good member of the opposite sex. Anyone unconventionally attractive is left out of the main narrative. The events of the narrative happen somewhat randomly, mostly to keep dramatic tension going.
In other words, those people who "misread" Avatar did so because they'd been trained to misread it by precisely the sort of television dramas that I had so many problems with in the spring of 2007. Seriously: all this stuff is training people to not be able to follow a coherent narrative, because they don't bother to present one. All that tension they're building doesn't lead to a satisfying release because it's not supposed to. The pleasure, it's supposed, is in the tension itself. (And thanks to black_dog for his always-interesting comments, which helped me to figure out this point.)
But as ali_wildgoose pointed out to me one day, I don't like tension. Or at least, I don't enjoy tension that has no release; it just makes me tense. I don't like cringe comedy, nor comedy where one person is a jerk and taking advantage of another person (like some Ben Stiller films); I just feel bad for the people involved. I have little patience for angst and no time for the "stir things up" sort of plot. I hate villains, and the sort of stories that need a villain as a catalyst; I don't like watching heroes just return the universe to the wonderful way it was before the villain started fucking around with it (usually for no real reason other than a vague power grab that doesn't make sense). And I don't really like endless darkness or dystopic futures because they're so unrelenting that to me they feel unrealistic, or at least, not something I want to visit all the time.
But I have infinite patience for small character pieces, or for watching someone just sort of go through their lives. I love stories where no one is really good or bad, but there's just some people whose natures lead to conflict. I like cozy. I love musicals. I like stories of established relationships. I really love the later Anne of Green Gables books. I like mysteries, which don't actually have that much tension because the "act" has already happened. I like romances because you know that the tension is going someplace, and the joy comes from the author showing you why two people go together so well.
So. As television moves more toward genre, and toward a sort of no-ending continuing drama, it moves further from the kind of narrative that I prefer. And I'm more aware of that now not because of fandom per se--or rather, not because fandom has led me to "over-analyze" television shows. Instead, it's because fandom has let me to write narratives of my own, and in doing that I've become much more aware of what turns me on and what doesn't.
The sad thing is, in coming into HP for the reasons I did (mysteries! coming-of-age!) I've gained friends--wonderful friends!--who pretty much have the opposite narrative priorities that I do. And I've spent a lot of time (because I'm fairly ridiculous, among other reasons) feeling really badly about that, as some of you know. I want to like the same things my friends do! Particularly because so many of my friends speak so disparagingly about the things I like that I don't really try to recommend things to them anymore. I've tried sort of forcing myself to watch a variety of things for the company--Heroes most notably--and looking for little side things that I might like. But I think that the lesson I learned from the spring of 2007 is That Way Lies Madness, or at least, a deep sort of dissatisfaction that I've been struggling with as though it was a personal failing.
But you know, it isn't. I'm not a bad geek girl for not liking science fiction television very much. I'm not a bad geek girl for liking reality television, or sitcoms. I'm not a bad geek girl for liking a well-written romance. My liking established relationships is not actually a sign of emotional immaturity on my part. My dislike of dark angsty stories, and of villains, doesn't mean I'm a wimp. Ideas aren't enough to get me through a story--I have to be emotionally engaged with the characters in some way--but that doesn't mean that I'm an idiot.
And I'm saying these things as a kind of mantra, and as a hope that some of you like these other things too, like Anne's House O'Dreams and How I Met Your Mother and American Idol and 30s romantic comedies and Little Miss Sunshine and will care if I talk about them. I'm tired of feeling like I don't like things; I want to like things! I'm tired of saying to people who are exhorting me to watch a show or read a book that I'd rather not, because that makes me feel sad. I'm tired of people putting down the things that I like to read and watch, because that also makes me feel sad. I'm a positive person and I want to be positive about the things that I like! And I'm going to try much harder to do that moving forward, which means posting about things whether I think anyone else likes them.
But don't worry, Z. I'll watch season two of BSG if it kills me!