On in-person fannishness
Or, more thoughts brought up by this weekend's MoCCA fest.
I've never been interested in meeting famous people. I always figured it was because I don't really have anything to say to them beyond "Hey, I like your work" which they hear 37,000 times a day anyway. Since I was in advertising, I was in a lot of situations where I was able to meet famous people, and with one exception, I never did. And in terms of the industry, often my money vote-the purchase of something or other-is more valuable than some postcard or some random thing I might have said in a meet and greet. I don't think there's anything wrong with meeting famous people, certainly-it doesn't skeeve me out. It more makes me vaguely uncomfortable in a why-am-I-here sort of way.
I realized this weekend, though, that this isn't really about fame, but about being "backstage" if that makes any sense. My BFF, C____, has been in rock bands since we were 16, and I would go to see them whenever I could, especially once I moved to New York (he's in Boston). Now, I knew his bandmates, and often went out with them before the show, or helped load in or load out, and yet, being backstage after a show sometimes made me very uncomfortable. After all, I wasn't a girlfriend, nor a fan, nor a fellow musician in the scene; I was just some friend of the drummer. I hate going backstage; it seems like an odd thing to do, to try to talk to someone when they have so many other people pulling at them. Not a convenient time! I'd much rather go to my friend's thing and then call or send an email later that says, you were great!
And now that I have friends who have book signings, I feel the same way. I'm very conflicted about attending. I don't like having my copies of books my friends have written signed because it seems sort of odd-though I do always buy copies of the books, of course. Often signings are followed by industry-type dinners which of course I wouldn't attend, which adds up to not actually seeing my friend at all when I do go to the signing-standing in the line seems like a weird thing to do, and I don't want to interrupt the industry networking by saying hello.
How does that translate to MoCCA? Well, three ways. First, a friend of mine from college had a reading at MoCCA last year. I hadn't seen him in a few years, but even though he was there I felt that I shouldn't approach him, either at the reading or the signing later, because I didn't want to get in the way of people who were fans of the book. And so, I didn't end up catching up with my old friend.
This weekend I had two reactions. I saw people I know at their tables-like goraina and yaytime-but I was shy about going up to their table because I was getting in the way, I felt, of what they were there to do: sell stuff, and network. Besides, I'm in-town anyway. But at another table, where I wanted to buy a poster from someone I don't know, I ended up leaving empty handed because at the three times I went to the table the artist was talking to someone they clearly knew, who had a name tag and everything, and I didn't want to interrupt. I would stand and wait, and they didn't acknowledge me, and I felt odd, so I walked away, and didn't end up buying anything at all.
It reminds me, in a way, of why I stopped talking about my social life on this LJ. As many of you know, I've been in fandoms where I was close friends with someone well known-close in that, hey let's go to a movie, having dinner a few times a week sort of way. And it felt sort of gross to talk about that on my LJ, because so many people want to claim personal connections that they clearly don't have, or make their connections seem more than they are, or even make much of a rather slim connection even if there's no exaggeration involved. How could I prove that so-and-so wasn't at my house? What was the difference between my talking about a weekend spent with a friend and someone else being a starfucker? And do I want to be known as "that girl who knows that writer"?
I think what I've ended up saying here is, I don't feel comfortable interacting with people in a way that doesn't seem organic, or that approaches being a fan when I think of myself as a friend. I don't want to participate in other people's industry events (which is how I increasingly think of MoCCA, which may be unfair) partially because I don't want to feel like I'm in the way of important networking. Also, I feel like I'm saying, "hey! I am now claiming a personal connection, which makes me feel special!" which is probably why I stopped talking about internet-famous friends in my LJ-after all, how is saying, "she's my friend" any different than saying "I am an important fan for reals" when you're talking about someone like that?
So no, I don't want to meet Ryan Seacrest. I don't have anything to say to him, and he certainly doesn't have anything to say to me, or anything he wants to hear from me, so I really don't get the point. Heck, I barely want to meet historians whom I admire, and that actually is my industry!
And if you're a friend who has a thing-a writer with a signing or reading, an artist with a table, a musician or theater person with a show-don't be surprised if I say to you later that I attended but didn't approach you, didn't stand in the line or go backstage. It just doesn't feel like my place.
I've never been interested in meeting famous people. I always figured it was because I don't really have anything to say to them beyond "Hey, I like your work" which they hear 37,000 times a day anyway. Since I was in advertising, I was in a lot of situations where I was able to meet famous people, and with one exception, I never did. And in terms of the industry, often my money vote-the purchase of something or other-is more valuable than some postcard or some random thing I might have said in a meet and greet. I don't think there's anything wrong with meeting famous people, certainly-it doesn't skeeve me out. It more makes me vaguely uncomfortable in a why-am-I-here sort of way.
I realized this weekend, though, that this isn't really about fame, but about being "backstage" if that makes any sense. My BFF, C____, has been in rock bands since we were 16, and I would go to see them whenever I could, especially once I moved to New York (he's in Boston). Now, I knew his bandmates, and often went out with them before the show, or helped load in or load out, and yet, being backstage after a show sometimes made me very uncomfortable. After all, I wasn't a girlfriend, nor a fan, nor a fellow musician in the scene; I was just some friend of the drummer. I hate going backstage; it seems like an odd thing to do, to try to talk to someone when they have so many other people pulling at them. Not a convenient time! I'd much rather go to my friend's thing and then call or send an email later that says, you were great!
And now that I have friends who have book signings, I feel the same way. I'm very conflicted about attending. I don't like having my copies of books my friends have written signed because it seems sort of odd-though I do always buy copies of the books, of course. Often signings are followed by industry-type dinners which of course I wouldn't attend, which adds up to not actually seeing my friend at all when I do go to the signing-standing in the line seems like a weird thing to do, and I don't want to interrupt the industry networking by saying hello.
How does that translate to MoCCA? Well, three ways. First, a friend of mine from college had a reading at MoCCA last year. I hadn't seen him in a few years, but even though he was there I felt that I shouldn't approach him, either at the reading or the signing later, because I didn't want to get in the way of people who were fans of the book. And so, I didn't end up catching up with my old friend.
This weekend I had two reactions. I saw people I know at their tables-like goraina and yaytime-but I was shy about going up to their table because I was getting in the way, I felt, of what they were there to do: sell stuff, and network. Besides, I'm in-town anyway. But at another table, where I wanted to buy a poster from someone I don't know, I ended up leaving empty handed because at the three times I went to the table the artist was talking to someone they clearly knew, who had a name tag and everything, and I didn't want to interrupt. I would stand and wait, and they didn't acknowledge me, and I felt odd, so I walked away, and didn't end up buying anything at all.
It reminds me, in a way, of why I stopped talking about my social life on this LJ. As many of you know, I've been in fandoms where I was close friends with someone well known-close in that, hey let's go to a movie, having dinner a few times a week sort of way. And it felt sort of gross to talk about that on my LJ, because so many people want to claim personal connections that they clearly don't have, or make their connections seem more than they are, or even make much of a rather slim connection even if there's no exaggeration involved. How could I prove that so-and-so wasn't at my house? What was the difference between my talking about a weekend spent with a friend and someone else being a starfucker? And do I want to be known as "that girl who knows that writer"?
I think what I've ended up saying here is, I don't feel comfortable interacting with people in a way that doesn't seem organic, or that approaches being a fan when I think of myself as a friend. I don't want to participate in other people's industry events (which is how I increasingly think of MoCCA, which may be unfair) partially because I don't want to feel like I'm in the way of important networking. Also, I feel like I'm saying, "hey! I am now claiming a personal connection, which makes me feel special!" which is probably why I stopped talking about internet-famous friends in my LJ-after all, how is saying, "she's my friend" any different than saying "I am an important fan for reals" when you're talking about someone like that?
So no, I don't want to meet Ryan Seacrest. I don't have anything to say to him, and he certainly doesn't have anything to say to me, or anything he wants to hear from me, so I really don't get the point. Heck, I barely want to meet historians whom I admire, and that actually is my industry!
And if you're a friend who has a thing-a writer with a signing or reading, an artist with a table, a musician or theater person with a show-don't be surprised if I say to you later that I attended but didn't approach you, didn't stand in the line or go backstage. It just doesn't feel like my place.