And the road keeps going
Once again, tonight has given me the opportunity to ask why I came back to Morgantown. I ask this particular question on this particular night because I'm sitting at home. alone. on halloween. when my "friends" are out on the town having fun. I say "friends" because are they really? What is the definition of friend anyways? Is anyone really ever truly a friend? I'm wondering because the people I think are my friends, didn't bother to ask me if I wanted to do anything tonight. Nope. For some reason, I get left out of the plan-making step for weekends. By my "friends". Which brings me back to why I came back to Morgantown. The answer is pretty simple. I had "friends" here, and was missing that in my life the year I took off. I didn't do anything because I didn't know anyone back in virginia. So I figured, Morgantown would be good for me. I know people there. I can slip back into where I was in undergrad and be alright. Well I thought the same thing when I moved back to Oxford during high school, that I could fit back into my old place with my friends. But what happened was that they had changed, and I had changed, in two different ways. Well I'm starting to think that in many ways, that this has happened here as well. While I was gone, the people I had considered friends changed, and I had changed as well. And again, in two different ways. Which then in turn, leaves me out in the cold on the weekends. And, while I'm friends with the people in my grad class, they all have their own lives. Boyfriends, girlfriends, and groups of friends from undergrad because they didn't leave for a year.
I came back here, because I already knew people. I had a level of comfort, which translates to comfort. I didn't have to face, going to a new university, having to meet new people, deal with a new program with new faculty. I had all of those already taken care of. So I guess you could say I came back here because I was scared. Scared of all those things I just mentioned. I'm terrified of having to move somewhere that I don't know anyone. I just don't think I'm very good at making friends. Hell, it took me 3 years to make any lasting friendships in morgantown. And some of those aren't even there anymore for one reason or another. Mostly because I've probably fucked them up some way or another. It usually is my fault. I just don't function very well right off in new places, unless I'm drunk...jk. I've actually created a checklist for myself for when I get out of grad school and move to my first job. Well not really a checklist, but a directive. I've sat at home far too long in my young life and feel I've missed too many opportunities, in all facets of my life. Case and point, the girl that I think I'm perfect for, is dating a schlepp. And I mean a schlepp. He's got one of those dorky-ass pencil moustaches. As soon as I saw him, I thought, oh, you're dredging the sewers if you're going with this fuck. But I digress. The directive I have, is to join the local golf course that I like, join a gym, and join atleast one class (cooking, dancing, or something). And hell, maybe even see a therapist or something, God knows I could use one it seems.
I think sometimes that coming here was the worst thing for me to do. While I'm in the best research program in communication studies in the country, I'm floundering in my life socially. I should have gone to another college, and while getting my master's, also worked on my social skills, because it seems I'm doing myself a disservice by being here. Because it seems that when I graduated and left, it made it impossible for me to really come back.
I came back here, because I already knew people. I had a level of comfort, which translates to comfort. I didn't have to face, going to a new university, having to meet new people, deal with a new program with new faculty. I had all of those already taken care of. So I guess you could say I came back here because I was scared. Scared of all those things I just mentioned. I'm terrified of having to move somewhere that I don't know anyone. I just don't think I'm very good at making friends. Hell, it took me 3 years to make any lasting friendships in morgantown. And some of those aren't even there anymore for one reason or another. Mostly because I've probably fucked them up some way or another. It usually is my fault. I just don't function very well right off in new places, unless I'm drunk...jk. I've actually created a checklist for myself for when I get out of grad school and move to my first job. Well not really a checklist, but a directive. I've sat at home far too long in my young life and feel I've missed too many opportunities, in all facets of my life. Case and point, the girl that I think I'm perfect for, is dating a schlepp. And I mean a schlepp. He's got one of those dorky-ass pencil moustaches. As soon as I saw him, I thought, oh, you're dredging the sewers if you're going with this fuck. But I digress. The directive I have, is to join the local golf course that I like, join a gym, and join atleast one class (cooking, dancing, or something). And hell, maybe even see a therapist or something, God knows I could use one it seems.
I think sometimes that coming here was the worst thing for me to do. While I'm in the best research program in communication studies in the country, I'm floundering in my life socially. I should have gone to another college, and while getting my master's, also worked on my social skills, because it seems I'm doing myself a disservice by being here. Because it seems that when I graduated and left, it made it impossible for me to really come back.