Question #3
What's your type?
Aside from "female", I don't really have one, much to the frustration of many would-be matchmakers. But there are some broad characteristics based on my dating history:
Aside from "female", I don't really have one, much to the frustration of many would-be matchmakers. But there are some broad characteristics based on my dating history:
- Athletically inclined/physically active/interested in personal health.
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For real, though, during much of my life I just couldn't see a future with or hold serious interest for anybody who wasn't a musician, and I had a tremendous amount of guilt about a former (non-musician) lover who wanted to marry me but about whom I didn't feel the same. (We reconnected ~13 years later and now it's All Good.)
So for years, "musician" was my type. I discovered I had a Physical Type in the most creepy manner possible: standing at a table in a bar, with my roommate (a one-time lover), a guy from my building that I had an immense crush on, and a drummer I played with periodically that I had insane sexual chemistry with but that I didn't like personally. Once I realized they were all different versions of the same thin, dishwater blonde, long-haired, musician type, and that my boyfriend was, too, I started wondering if everyone ELSE in the bar was noticing and thinking I was as creepy as I did.
Later in life I discovered that computer geeks fit my long-term intellectual/mental criteria as well as musicians do, which is nice, because musicians are largely too egotistical to have realistic long-term relationships with, until they start getting old and Less Physically Hot. (Which is actually okay for me, but 20 years ago I wasn't willing to wait for them to age out of being jerks.)
Over time, everybody I've dated has influenced my type. The First Type is exemplified pretty perfectly by James Spader in Stargate, and that's been true since childhood. The musician type mentioned above evolved from that. Since Mary, I've liked butch girls and anybody with eyes like Yoda; since Charles, I've found Asians hot (which I didn't BC); since Heather, I've been attracted to people with a Certain Kind Of Smile; since Dave, I've found my eyes wandering toward boys who can pass for Elvis; since Scotty, anybody who resembles Tom Waits in looks/style/attitude can light my fire; since Chad, I like anybody who could be a bad guy in a cheesy Hong Kong chop-socky flick; since Janet, Those Eyes And That Smirk can slay me; since Glen, I like cops & soldiers with buzz-cuts (!!!). I've always liked redheads and femmes and I don't really know where I acquired those types, but probably not with a specific person.
One thing to note is, I don't always date *within* my physical type, or none of these types could have been acquired. Really, it's the brain that gets me interested in someone; a person can pretty much look like anything and doesn't have to be physically attractive at all. The biggest thing that Gets Me is *competence*. Being really good at something is HOT.
However, now that I'm getting older, not as hot myself, and more rigid in my thinking, what has become more important to me is how one moves through the world. I'm struggling to find anything in common with people who seem to ascribe to this notion, and who use it to mean not taking responsibility for themselves, their lives, their actions, and their own growth and development. In short: staying a kid forever. I'm not a kid, and even when I was one, I didn't want to date them. It seems now that everybody wants to just focus on the fun and not the work that gets a human being through life, and those who are in the younger half of the right age group for me to date are still firmly rooted in adolescence. Unfortunately, the older half will be heading for assisted living or nursing homes soon. ;)
Um. That went on and on. I guess I have given this lots of thought. *laugh*
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