this is probably the mellowest i've been for a while
i think my annual depression is setting in. every year around october/november i get super depressed. in the past theres always been a guy or something to bail me out though. this year i'll just have to see.
i hate having to admit how codependent i am. if i'm not dating i think theres something wrong with me. even when i'm dating i'm usually not happy. i know i should be secure with myself before sharing myself with someone else, but its just not happening yet. i feel like i'm on the dating game or something but not by choice. theres 3 "eligible bachelors" to "choose from". technically i dont have to date, but i'm so sexually starved and affection-needy its driving me insane.
bachelor number one is a sophomore at SLOHS. he loves his music with an almost unhealthy passion and has a flair for linguistics. perhaps a little high strung, but has been known to suddenly open up with an out-of-the-blue comment. i've liked him since last april. somehow i think he might actually not think so low of me anymore, but that may just be because hes gotten used to me.
bachelor number two is a senior at Mission HS. i used to go to elementary school with him and hadnt seen him since 3rd grade until i somehow ran into him during the SATIIs in june. exceptionally weird since we both got placed in the same room at rightetti, when thats a 45 min drive for either of us. now we run into each other near weekly in chance encounters. flirting occurs, but nothing more. dont have his phone number or anything, but that may change.
bachelor number three is a junior at SLOHS. shockingly similar interests and tastes. seems cute and cuddly, and has a great sense of humor. but doesnt seem to have a huge interest. did in the beginning, but during a party game i mentioned my affections for bachelor number one, and he seems to be put off.
alas, minor inconveniences with all three. i guess some things just arent meant to be.
schools going ok. this trimester is almost painfully slow work-wise. i have a lot of extracurricular stuff, but the days are almost a joke.
bands a lot of fun. i think i'm getting less liked at work. i'm pitching now.
thats about it. i just had one major lonely bitch to get out.
i hate having to admit how codependent i am. if i'm not dating i think theres something wrong with me. even when i'm dating i'm usually not happy. i know i should be secure with myself before sharing myself with someone else, but its just not happening yet. i feel like i'm on the dating game or something but not by choice. theres 3 "eligible bachelors" to "choose from". technically i dont have to date, but i'm so sexually starved and affection-needy its driving me insane.
bachelor number one is a sophomore at SLOHS. he loves his music with an almost unhealthy passion and has a flair for linguistics. perhaps a little high strung, but has been known to suddenly open up with an out-of-the-blue comment. i've liked him since last april. somehow i think he might actually not think so low of me anymore, but that may just be because hes gotten used to me.
bachelor number two is a senior at Mission HS. i used to go to elementary school with him and hadnt seen him since 3rd grade until i somehow ran into him during the SATIIs in june. exceptionally weird since we both got placed in the same room at rightetti, when thats a 45 min drive for either of us. now we run into each other near weekly in chance encounters. flirting occurs, but nothing more. dont have his phone number or anything, but that may change.
bachelor number three is a junior at SLOHS. shockingly similar interests and tastes. seems cute and cuddly, and has a great sense of humor. but doesnt seem to have a huge interest. did in the beginning, but during a party game i mentioned my affections for bachelor number one, and he seems to be put off.
alas, minor inconveniences with all three. i guess some things just arent meant to be.
schools going ok. this trimester is almost painfully slow work-wise. i have a lot of extracurricular stuff, but the days are almost a joke.
bands a lot of fun. i think i'm getting less liked at work. i'm pitching now.
thats about it. i just had one major lonely bitch to get out.