Ranting and Raving
Whether or not people have noticed I have been very unhappy lately and I couldnt begin to tell you why because there could be a number or reasons for it and each one of them is more plausible than the next and I can not even being to comprehend the ramifications of my actions anymore...I just spout off now about the most stupid insignificant things now...I can remember back to a time when I didnt do that, a time when I was happy with my life the way it was and I loved all the people around me and then I totally f***ed it all up and ever since then things have not been the same and I dont know why ....
I have anger management issues, im very impatient, I yell, I scream, I am getting to the point where I am annoyed with myself and certain situations in my life...certain situations that I can not even begin to know how to rectify them or even if they can be rectified at this point in time because knowing my luck and how my life has been going they probably cant be fixed and I will be left to wonder why and have regrets for the rest of my life....which is not something that people like to have on their shoulders but i guesss it happens to the best of us...
But getting back to the getting upset part i think that happens for a lot of reason....lets see....I think that i expect too much from people sometimes. Maybe my standards or expectations are set to high and when people dont deliever aka. call me back, break plans, hate me for so totally ridculous reason, i get mad because i know that even though i would think about doing that to people that i never would and even if i did i would feel to gulity about it in the end and just say yah thats ok fine...So i guess the problem is 50/50 I let people walk all over me when they were wrong in the first place...I dont know if that makes any sense but its what i got....
I dotn know it just seems that no matter how hard I try in a certain situation I just cant fix the problem...I mean lets say there is a person who you havent talked to in a long while for some unknown reason and you think you guys hate each other...what do you say to them....I mean where do you even begin to start a conversation...yah there could be a million things you wanna say to this person but you dont know if you can say them anymore and you dont even know where to start....you think ok im gonna talk to them and you psych yourself up for it and you are totally ready and you know what to say and then when you see them you just totally cant handle it and say to your self okay turning around and walking the other way because i definately can not handle what i thought i could...I have no idea if what I just said makes any sense what so ever but yah...
I dont know sometimes it seems it would just be better if I moved out To Las Vegas or the west coast because chances are the problems im having now wont follow me there and i know that i will be better off and not better off at the same time...I would be better off because I could start all over again from scratch but not better off because I would miss all my friends and my family and all the things that i used to do here and all the stuff i love doing while i am here...I dont know ...I still have two years and hopefully the amazing things that i want to happen in these last two years will happen...If I could go back about 4 years I would do a lot of things different....because foresight is s great thing...lets us see the mistakes that we have made and maybe learn from them so we dont repeat them again in the future....
Ok i think i have said toooooooooo much already...tata for now...
I have anger management issues, im very impatient, I yell, I scream, I am getting to the point where I am annoyed with myself and certain situations in my life...certain situations that I can not even begin to know how to rectify them or even if they can be rectified at this point in time because knowing my luck and how my life has been going they probably cant be fixed and I will be left to wonder why and have regrets for the rest of my life....which is not something that people like to have on their shoulders but i guesss it happens to the best of us...
But getting back to the getting upset part i think that happens for a lot of reason....lets see....I think that i expect too much from people sometimes. Maybe my standards or expectations are set to high and when people dont deliever aka. call me back, break plans, hate me for so totally ridculous reason, i get mad because i know that even though i would think about doing that to people that i never would and even if i did i would feel to gulity about it in the end and just say yah thats ok fine...So i guess the problem is 50/50 I let people walk all over me when they were wrong in the first place...I dont know if that makes any sense but its what i got....
I dotn know it just seems that no matter how hard I try in a certain situation I just cant fix the problem...I mean lets say there is a person who you havent talked to in a long while for some unknown reason and you think you guys hate each other...what do you say to them....I mean where do you even begin to start a conversation...yah there could be a million things you wanna say to this person but you dont know if you can say them anymore and you dont even know where to start....you think ok im gonna talk to them and you psych yourself up for it and you are totally ready and you know what to say and then when you see them you just totally cant handle it and say to your self okay turning around and walking the other way because i definately can not handle what i thought i could...I have no idea if what I just said makes any sense what so ever but yah...
I dont know sometimes it seems it would just be better if I moved out To Las Vegas or the west coast because chances are the problems im having now wont follow me there and i know that i will be better off and not better off at the same time...I would be better off because I could start all over again from scratch but not better off because I would miss all my friends and my family and all the things that i used to do here and all the stuff i love doing while i am here...I dont know ...I still have two years and hopefully the amazing things that i want to happen in these last two years will happen...If I could go back about 4 years I would do a lot of things different....because foresight is s great thing...lets us see the mistakes that we have made and maybe learn from them so we dont repeat them again in the future....
Ok i think i have said toooooooooo much already...tata for now...