(no subject)
Ive been so bored lately. I do all my homework, I get up in the morning and go to practice, come home and go to sleep/ or got o work, go to class, come home, eat, go to study tables, wtch my shows and got to bed. Really? Is this all my life has come to? I have a horrible addiction to Facebook and AOl. I cant get on my computer to do anything without checking either.
My roommates are fighting right now and its sad, but I try and stay out of it. I feel bad that girls can be so bitchy and act like they are still in middle school. I have one thing to say to that, grow up and become fucking independant. You are 20 years old and cant do anything by yourself, how does that make you feel? I know everyone is different, but I was independant at 14. I knew how to go to the park by my self, or go on a walk and once I was able to drive, I could go to the mall by myself or a resturant and eat there. I am comfortable with myself and I just hope tha other people can become that way too, even if it is at 20 years old.
I love my new tattoo so much. it is great and I have been getting some really good responses towards it. It always catches my eye whenever I do somehting and that is exactly why I got it on my wrist. So that I could look at it everyday. I wonder everyday what my parents will think of it, but at the same time, they knew that I was planning on getting it, so really... they might not care. They probubly dont think that I actually have the balls to go do it. but I did... and it didnt hurt at all. I think the next one that I want to get is going to stand for strength. Its something that I know I have a lot of and I wish more people had it too. I figure that if I got it, it would represent me and also show something to others.
On of the sad things that I have been thinking about lately is that fact that I dont miss Georgia. I mean, I miss my dad, and Ben, and Jenna/her family; but other than that... I dont miss anyone. I havent talked to anyone that I went to highschool with in forever and its ok. I dont feel I need to. If I ran into anyone, I would probubly love to see them and have a nice conversation, but otherwise I dont really care. And maybe that is horrible of me to say, but things are different. I am only going ot be home for christmas and only for a week at that, but the fact that I am doing other, more important things in its place, makes me happy.
I am going down to Mississippi the 17th-22nd to help rebuild all the damage from hurricane Katrina. And then i will be home and I leave again on the 31st to go down to Florida for a traning trip. The whole coaching thing is going really well for rowing. Im learning so much and having a lot of fun. But sometimes I wonder if the girls will treat me differently because I am not on their level any more. The other day I had to give Kath some bad news and she just looked at me... like I had no idea what I was saying and then she just said ok, like she was pissed off and walked away. I was just passing on a message from the head coach, but it was like it hurt her more b/c it was coming from me. I dontknow, oh well...
In other news, i really want a boyfriend I think. For the longest time, I just wanted to get laid, but now, I realize that I want a bf. I want someone that I can hangout with all the time and kiss anytime that I want and someone to hold me when its cold outside and everything. I miss that. You dont get that kind of stuff with random hook ups. Basically, I think that I have had my "college fun" being single and now I just feel slutty or used or unsatisfied. I need something more... I did get together with someone, who will remain nameless, the other night and it been a long time coming. I think everyone was just waiting for it to happen and it did. It really was great, but at the same time, I have no idea what will happen now. I have no idea what his expectaions are and I have this scary feeling that he is just going to act like nothing happened and that I will just have been used. Its the first time since I have been at college that I have actually put some sort of feelings into it, and I dont think I am going to get anything in return for it. This is why I never used to get into it, b/c that how hearts are broken. Im not in love or anything, Im not even in lust, I just care for him becaue he was a friend. I guess that why friends arnt supposed to hook up, right? This guy was different though. He was more than a friend... and now he is even more than he was... and i think that is what Im scared of... him not feeling the same way.
Arg, things are complicated, like I said... I am just not satisfied with anything right now. Boys. School. Consistancy. Predictability. Dishonesty. Everything.
Thanksgiving is going to suck, and I always look forward to it too...
My roommates are fighting right now and its sad, but I try and stay out of it. I feel bad that girls can be so bitchy and act like they are still in middle school. I have one thing to say to that, grow up and become fucking independant. You are 20 years old and cant do anything by yourself, how does that make you feel? I know everyone is different, but I was independant at 14. I knew how to go to the park by my self, or go on a walk and once I was able to drive, I could go to the mall by myself or a resturant and eat there. I am comfortable with myself and I just hope tha other people can become that way too, even if it is at 20 years old.
I love my new tattoo so much. it is great and I have been getting some really good responses towards it. It always catches my eye whenever I do somehting and that is exactly why I got it on my wrist. So that I could look at it everyday. I wonder everyday what my parents will think of it, but at the same time, they knew that I was planning on getting it, so really... they might not care. They probubly dont think that I actually have the balls to go do it. but I did... and it didnt hurt at all. I think the next one that I want to get is going to stand for strength. Its something that I know I have a lot of and I wish more people had it too. I figure that if I got it, it would represent me and also show something to others.
On of the sad things that I have been thinking about lately is that fact that I dont miss Georgia. I mean, I miss my dad, and Ben, and Jenna/her family; but other than that... I dont miss anyone. I havent talked to anyone that I went to highschool with in forever and its ok. I dont feel I need to. If I ran into anyone, I would probubly love to see them and have a nice conversation, but otherwise I dont really care. And maybe that is horrible of me to say, but things are different. I am only going ot be home for christmas and only for a week at that, but the fact that I am doing other, more important things in its place, makes me happy.
I am going down to Mississippi the 17th-22nd to help rebuild all the damage from hurricane Katrina. And then i will be home and I leave again on the 31st to go down to Florida for a traning trip. The whole coaching thing is going really well for rowing. Im learning so much and having a lot of fun. But sometimes I wonder if the girls will treat me differently because I am not on their level any more. The other day I had to give Kath some bad news and she just looked at me... like I had no idea what I was saying and then she just said ok, like she was pissed off and walked away. I was just passing on a message from the head coach, but it was like it hurt her more b/c it was coming from me. I dontknow, oh well...
In other news, i really want a boyfriend I think. For the longest time, I just wanted to get laid, but now, I realize that I want a bf. I want someone that I can hangout with all the time and kiss anytime that I want and someone to hold me when its cold outside and everything. I miss that. You dont get that kind of stuff with random hook ups. Basically, I think that I have had my "college fun" being single and now I just feel slutty or used or unsatisfied. I need something more... I did get together with someone, who will remain nameless, the other night and it been a long time coming. I think everyone was just waiting for it to happen and it did. It really was great, but at the same time, I have no idea what will happen now. I have no idea what his expectaions are and I have this scary feeling that he is just going to act like nothing happened and that I will just have been used. Its the first time since I have been at college that I have actually put some sort of feelings into it, and I dont think I am going to get anything in return for it. This is why I never used to get into it, b/c that how hearts are broken. Im not in love or anything, Im not even in lust, I just care for him becaue he was a friend. I guess that why friends arnt supposed to hook up, right? This guy was different though. He was more than a friend... and now he is even more than he was... and i think that is what Im scared of... him not feeling the same way.
Arg, things are complicated, like I said... I am just not satisfied with anything right now. Boys. School. Consistancy. Predictability. Dishonesty. Everything.
Thanksgiving is going to suck, and I always look forward to it too...