How precious did that Grace appear, the hour I first believed...
Title Track: "Amazing Grace" by Sufjan Stevens. Hmmmm...
This may not make sense. It's not my best narrative.
It's been an interesting few weeks, I suppose. Which is what leads me here...up at 3:00 in the morning, listening to "This Modern Love" by Bloc Party and contemplating.
I've had a rough year. I don't say that to garner pity or to trigger a response. I just say it to say it. To set the scene, I guess. I've had a really bad year thus far in a couple of ways. It's not just because of inconveniences or pains, but doubts... Questioning myself, which is my number one pass time, recently. But, like I said, that's not the reason I posted this. This isn't the point. It's background noise.
The point is I got baptized today.
I don't know if anyone thinks it's a big deal, but for someone who believes but was never happy enough with a church home to actually do it, it's a very big deal.
I've been going to church for the last couple of months at a place called The Journey. The pastor out there, Matt, came into Office Depot and...I dunno. Honestly, it just felt like God working.
I desire to see signs and guidance in everything, but rarely feel like it's actually there. But here in the last few months, I've felt it in my life. Only problem is that I'm reaching a point were I'm feeling it running out a bit. But that's the thing. I'm not afraid of it. It's just a stop gap for a bit. I've got so much going on in the next couple of weeks that it's just a matter of staying afloat until the next bit of guidance comes down the pike.
I suppose the point is that I'm preparing to not have a bad year from this point out. I truly think that this will turn things around.
And, don't get me wrong. I'm still Jacob. I still say "fuck" and make crass jokes at people's expense. I'm still the same guy. I just...for lack of a better term, feel closer to God, which is something that I desperately needed in my life this year.
So...here it is...
In 2005, I rode a lot of roller coasters and hung around with a lot of cool toys and cool people, but for the most part, it bit.
In 2006, a relationship ended and a new one began, but basically I just maintained the status quo, which isn't good. I can't trust the status quo. Plus, it ended on a tragic note that continues to reverberate today.
We're in 2007 now, and a big chunk of my past just disappeared a few weeks ago. My friends are spread out too thin and I'm spending more and more time in Murray thinking about why I don't want to be there.
But there's the rub again. I sit down to think about the bad shit that's happened this year, and I can't come up with the minutiae. I can only come up with the big picture stuff. So let's set that shit aside.
I'm refocused and rededicated. I've got friends, family, a comedic partner and a girlfriend backing me up. I've got a new monologue that I'm about to hone sharp. I've got a project that I can throw myself in to. I've got a subtle role in a movie that I've actually pretty excited about. I've got the will. I just need to find the way.
Credit due to Sharon. Welcome to my year of the fabulous.
Chances are, if you're reading this, I still love you more than I can really express to you. Now...let's see if I follow through on my little manifesto... Any gamblers in the audience?
This may not make sense. It's not my best narrative.
It's been an interesting few weeks, I suppose. Which is what leads me here...up at 3:00 in the morning, listening to "This Modern Love" by Bloc Party and contemplating.
I've had a rough year. I don't say that to garner pity or to trigger a response. I just say it to say it. To set the scene, I guess. I've had a really bad year thus far in a couple of ways. It's not just because of inconveniences or pains, but doubts... Questioning myself, which is my number one pass time, recently. But, like I said, that's not the reason I posted this. This isn't the point. It's background noise.
The point is I got baptized today.
I don't know if anyone thinks it's a big deal, but for someone who believes but was never happy enough with a church home to actually do it, it's a very big deal.
I've been going to church for the last couple of months at a place called The Journey. The pastor out there, Matt, came into Office Depot and...I dunno. Honestly, it just felt like God working.
I desire to see signs and guidance in everything, but rarely feel like it's actually there. But here in the last few months, I've felt it in my life. Only problem is that I'm reaching a point were I'm feeling it running out a bit. But that's the thing. I'm not afraid of it. It's just a stop gap for a bit. I've got so much going on in the next couple of weeks that it's just a matter of staying afloat until the next bit of guidance comes down the pike.
I suppose the point is that I'm preparing to not have a bad year from this point out. I truly think that this will turn things around.
And, don't get me wrong. I'm still Jacob. I still say "fuck" and make crass jokes at people's expense. I'm still the same guy. I just...for lack of a better term, feel closer to God, which is something that I desperately needed in my life this year.
So...here it is...
In 2005, I rode a lot of roller coasters and hung around with a lot of cool toys and cool people, but for the most part, it bit.
In 2006, a relationship ended and a new one began, but basically I just maintained the status quo, which isn't good. I can't trust the status quo. Plus, it ended on a tragic note that continues to reverberate today.
We're in 2007 now, and a big chunk of my past just disappeared a few weeks ago. My friends are spread out too thin and I'm spending more and more time in Murray thinking about why I don't want to be there.
But there's the rub again. I sit down to think about the bad shit that's happened this year, and I can't come up with the minutiae. I can only come up with the big picture stuff. So let's set that shit aside.
I'm refocused and rededicated. I've got friends, family, a comedic partner and a girlfriend backing me up. I've got a new monologue that I'm about to hone sharp. I've got a project that I can throw myself in to. I've got a subtle role in a movie that I've actually pretty excited about. I've got the will. I just need to find the way.
Credit due to Sharon. Welcome to my year of the fabulous.
Chances are, if you're reading this, I still love you more than I can really express to you. Now...let's see if I follow through on my little manifesto... Any gamblers in the audience?