just passing through.....

[jkingfish]

I tell you... my mind shifts so quickly I have a hard time keeping up with myself. It's dizzying. Truly. There are things about me that I can not for the life of me figure out the appeal from one moment to the next. It's this at once and that at the other. I am the butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker all rolled into one. It's from where my feeling of mediocrity is steeped. Jack of all trades and all that rot. It's just funny to me, the masks, but not masks. It's who I am. Honestly. I think others see it differently. Phases? Fleeting obsessions? But they aren't and that is what is is slightly frustrating. Something that wasn't there the day before is in force the next but remains from there on. Nothing ever really goes away. The attic might be full but it is visited with regularity. But I have a hard time getting a handle on it. It's better with age. I do recognize this. It's a thing I really value about myself, in all actuality. I wouldn't trade it. Sure, I wish I was more accomplished at certain ideals that have crossed my fancy and lacking the dedication to just one thing prohibits my profundancy at them, but vast and varied interests, I think, really define me as a person. I suppose. Who knows. I am a collector, a librarian. I find the greatest pleasure in posessing things, people, ideas, notions, dreams, tangibilities and then sorting them and putting them on shelves and dusting them off and staring intently at them and finding the strange uniqueness in it all and gasping in awe at everything that is not me. It is not envy but admiration of that which is bold and honest and beautiful because of it. Do you know how many ugly things are absolutely stunningly gorgeous?! I have an affinity for grotesque exteriors. Especially when they have strong foundation, clever structure, unexpected charm, hidden treasure. To look where others do not is to find granuals of the undiscovered.

[...which upon re-read seems obvious. ah, well, you try to be profound...]