(no subject)
I don't often get real here anymore, not for a long time, but when you have something pressing on you like a stone iron and you can't think to work and you are past the point of distraction you have to sometimes just get it down and put it out there, naked, to be seen, for real. So, not that there is really much to say about it, and I doubt I really WILL say much ABOUT it, but you tend to believe things don't change around you, that you never lose anything completely, and I am a firm believer that you really don't, despite perception. Still, things and people and places do go away and it's all a part of it, no revelation there. I have coped and dealt with the passing of time, people, eras, appearances, capability, trust, myself and others and I have always prided myself on my capability to process it all, to accept the all encompassing meaning and oneness of it all. But I won't lie to you. When the call comes out of the not so clear and thunder laden sky that one of your oldest dearest friends is dying, it takes your breath and shakes your core.
I stood in front of a pet store with my son last when my wife called and told me they had called and my friend had stage 4 melanoma which had invaded pretty much her entire body. Auto pilot. Move. Keep going. "What's wrong, dad?" " Nothing.... hold on. I'll tell you in a minute. Where's the fish food. Okay, let's go. What do you want from Wendy's. It's cool. No, my good friend has cancer and is dying. I know. I just want to get home and to the phone. Let's get dinner so we can get home. Thanks, buddy. No, dad's okay. I know I seem wierd right now, just bear with me. Thank you, pal." My son is astounding in his emapthy.
So, calls to the oldest friends. Tears. Regret for letting the time go by. Longing for those familiar faces. Promises. and all of this amidst the storm of my father-in-law, in bed, starting his first rounds of chemotherapy. When it rains it pours and it has rained a lot recently, both literally and figuratively. But what can you do but dig in and wait it out and hope to dance in the warm steam that follows any summer downpour.
Life is really simple. That is what I always remember. It is so very base. And here we are with those we keep around us living it and supporting each other when it gets hard feeling. And that is the whole world and everything else just sits on the perimeter like white noise. The rest just fades away.
My friends and family, who, incidentaly are my friends, are beautiful. To watch any one of us fall is pure agony. It hurts more than anything else in the world. I have hope and the same positive spin I always do, but I don't care to end it that way today. My friend is dying and that's all there is.
I stood in front of a pet store with my son last when my wife called and told me they had called and my friend had stage 4 melanoma which had invaded pretty much her entire body. Auto pilot. Move. Keep going. "What's wrong, dad?" " Nothing.... hold on. I'll tell you in a minute. Where's the fish food. Okay, let's go. What do you want from Wendy's. It's cool. No, my good friend has cancer and is dying. I know. I just want to get home and to the phone. Let's get dinner so we can get home. Thanks, buddy. No, dad's okay. I know I seem wierd right now, just bear with me. Thank you, pal." My son is astounding in his emapthy.
So, calls to the oldest friends. Tears. Regret for letting the time go by. Longing for those familiar faces. Promises. and all of this amidst the storm of my father-in-law, in bed, starting his first rounds of chemotherapy. When it rains it pours and it has rained a lot recently, both literally and figuratively. But what can you do but dig in and wait it out and hope to dance in the warm steam that follows any summer downpour.
Life is really simple. That is what I always remember. It is so very base. And here we are with those we keep around us living it and supporting each other when it gets hard feeling. And that is the whole world and everything else just sits on the perimeter like white noise. The rest just fades away.
My friends and family, who, incidentaly are my friends, are beautiful. To watch any one of us fall is pure agony. It hurts more than anything else in the world. I have hope and the same positive spin I always do, but I don't care to end it that way today. My friend is dying and that's all there is.