Happy Belated Birthday, Trish
A biography of the famed Trish Kelly:
She came into this world a leader, a naked leader. Trish Kelly of 329 Wilson was known around the nursery as a heartbreaker. Every time the nurses carted Trish around, babies would cry. They couldn’t touch her, and they knew it. It was in the nursery she made her first gay friend. His name was Jonathan Delmonte and he was the only boy who chose to wear the pink bracelet instead of the more customary blue one for boys. He later explained how it “played off the color of the walls and just dazzled your eyes. It was fierce!” From there, she (Trish, not Jake) went on to become a hero for the homosexual community.
At the age of 5, the Lady of the Lake started reading and fifteen days later at the age of 5 and a half, she finished War and Peace. Three months later, at the age of 8 months, Trish went on to become the youngest female to win the Daytona 500. This hyper-growth was dubbed Trish Syndrome and later afflicted her younger brother, James. The younger’s epic novel A Portrait of the Artist as a Very Young Man was published while he was still in the womb.
Despite some low points in her life, she was the negotiator that convinced O.J. Simpson not to kill himself, TK’s accomplishments far outweigh those deficiencies. With the voice of an angel, Trish, or as her friends fittingly call her, Cherubim, is known for hitting notes so high that glass shatters, reforms, only to shatter again.
No stickler for charity, Patrice donates so much time and money to the underprivileged, she makes Mother Teresa look Jewish. In 1975, she decided to take on a slightly less humble venture. Patricia Trish the Dish started putting her pants on two legs at a time, and has not looked back since. We’re talking about a girl so sassy that after the doctor slapped her, she snapped her fingers in “z” formation, and spoke her first words, “Oh no you didn’t”. She promptly smacked the doctor back, a debilitating blow that knocked the doctor unconscious. She wiped herself off, conducted the rest of the post-nascency procedure, and said simply, “Bitch.”
She married the only man whose sperm was so holy, so great, you need capital letters when referring to Him. Trish and her husband Jesus live happily in New York City with their three children.
As far as female importance to the existence of the human race goes, Trish ranks far above mere peons like Joan of Arc, and even beats out "Titan of the World" Janet Reno. The only competition, it seems, comes from Mary, yeah, that Mary. Bad news for the Hail Mary Full of Grace though, theologian Nancy Davis of the Washington University in Saint Lewis says, "That harlot ain't got nothing on Trish."
She came into this world a leader, a naked leader. Trish Kelly of 329 Wilson was known around the nursery as a heartbreaker. Every time the nurses carted Trish around, babies would cry. They couldn’t touch her, and they knew it. It was in the nursery she made her first gay friend. His name was Jonathan Delmonte and he was the only boy who chose to wear the pink bracelet instead of the more customary blue one for boys. He later explained how it “played off the color of the walls and just dazzled your eyes. It was fierce!” From there, she (Trish, not Jake) went on to become a hero for the homosexual community.
At the age of 5, the Lady of the Lake started reading and fifteen days later at the age of 5 and a half, she finished War and Peace. Three months later, at the age of 8 months, Trish went on to become the youngest female to win the Daytona 500. This hyper-growth was dubbed Trish Syndrome and later afflicted her younger brother, James. The younger’s epic novel A Portrait of the Artist as a Very Young Man was published while he was still in the womb.
Despite some low points in her life, she was the negotiator that convinced O.J. Simpson not to kill himself, TK’s accomplishments far outweigh those deficiencies. With the voice of an angel, Trish, or as her friends fittingly call her, Cherubim, is known for hitting notes so high that glass shatters, reforms, only to shatter again.
No stickler for charity, Patrice donates so much time and money to the underprivileged, she makes Mother Teresa look Jewish. In 1975, she decided to take on a slightly less humble venture. Patricia Trish the Dish started putting her pants on two legs at a time, and has not looked back since. We’re talking about a girl so sassy that after the doctor slapped her, she snapped her fingers in “z” formation, and spoke her first words, “Oh no you didn’t”. She promptly smacked the doctor back, a debilitating blow that knocked the doctor unconscious. She wiped herself off, conducted the rest of the post-nascency procedure, and said simply, “Bitch.”
She married the only man whose sperm was so holy, so great, you need capital letters when referring to Him. Trish and her husband Jesus live happily in New York City with their three children.
As far as female importance to the existence of the human race goes, Trish ranks far above mere peons like Joan of Arc, and even beats out "Titan of the World" Janet Reno. The only competition, it seems, comes from Mary, yeah, that Mary. Bad news for the Hail Mary Full of Grace though, theologian Nancy Davis of the Washington University in Saint Lewis says, "That harlot ain't got nothing on Trish."