Getting back into the game, one step at a time
I haven't dated much in the last few years; whole lot of reasons, but "fear" would have to top the list. My one recent brush with the whole concept was last summer (2006, not 2007) -- I rather quickly fell in love with a guy I'd dated a little bit in Boston; it ended badly. He was commitment phobic/narcissistic/generally clueless and extremely strange. The sad part is that he has high ideals and means well, and he probably has no idea that he treats people like trash, but -- well, he does. I did a lot of reading about Men Who Act Like Lunatics and the Women Who Put Up With Them; the bottom line seemed to be that women who stick around for this kind of thing generally have their own fears of getting into a committed relationship. Hmm. Almost 46 and still single; nah, I couldn't be afraid of commitment. :)
Anyway, after this episode of Bizarro in Boston came to an abrupt and rocky end, I nevertheless felt deeply, sincerely grateful to Mr. Clueless, because he'd done me a great service: he'd pulled me out of my shell and gotten me back into feeling willing and able to date. I felt full of hope and determined to just sign right up for online dating services like match.com or e-harmony. I got my friend to take pictures of me. And then, full of confidence and determination -- I didn't do anything. Not that I'm afraid or anything, it was just, uh... well...
But last week I finally signed up for Match.com -- it helped that they enticed me with a super low price. And then just for grins, I filled out the personality profile questionnaire on e-harmony. I have to say, eharmony is clever. As soon as they match you with someone, they inform that person that they should come and look at your profile. And here's the thing I wanted to share: in the last 2 days, I've gotten something like 10 requests to communicate with men whose profiles matched mine. And I haven't even put my picture up yet (can't find the darn disk my friend made). I have to actually *pay* for e-harmony to reply to anyone (this is how they're clever about roping people in), but I probably will. Even though the first match I looked at was a guy whose Most Recent Book Read was Sean Hannity's _Deliver Us From Evil_. It got better after that.
But the thing I wanted to mention is that for someone my age who's still single and has been out of the game, it can be a little scary, because there's a whole lot of conventional wisdom that all the 40-something men just want to find women 20 years younger. That's what we always hear -- that if you're a woman over 40, you've missed the boat, nobody will give you a second look. Well, my age is not hidden on this site, and here all these guys my age are e-mailing me. On one level I had a feeling the conventional wisdom was a bit out of date; I've even read recently that sociologists have found that there's been a cultural change, and that while some guys are definitely out looking for "younger," a lot more middle-aged men nowadays are more likely to want someone they can talk to than the stereotypical 100%-wrinkle-free 20-something chick. But it's almost as if the actual facts on the ground for 40-something people are just at odds with what we see and hear from certain segments of the media -- as if we were inhabiting a different reality, almost; I feel that way not just about this one example but about a lot of things about being in my mid-40s. I also have to mention that back when I *was* the wrinkle-free 20-something chick, I dated a fair number of men in their 40s, so I know something about the type that *does* have his heart set on finding a much younger woman -- and all I can say is, the younger women are welcome to 'em. :)
Anyway, that's me, dipping my toes in the water. Now I need to get up the nerve to *answer* some of these guys. :)
Anyway, after this episode of Bizarro in Boston came to an abrupt and rocky end, I nevertheless felt deeply, sincerely grateful to Mr. Clueless, because he'd done me a great service: he'd pulled me out of my shell and gotten me back into feeling willing and able to date. I felt full of hope and determined to just sign right up for online dating services like match.com or e-harmony. I got my friend to take pictures of me. And then, full of confidence and determination -- I didn't do anything. Not that I'm afraid or anything, it was just, uh... well...
But last week I finally signed up for Match.com -- it helped that they enticed me with a super low price. And then just for grins, I filled out the personality profile questionnaire on e-harmony. I have to say, eharmony is clever. As soon as they match you with someone, they inform that person that they should come and look at your profile. And here's the thing I wanted to share: in the last 2 days, I've gotten something like 10 requests to communicate with men whose profiles matched mine. And I haven't even put my picture up yet (can't find the darn disk my friend made). I have to actually *pay* for e-harmony to reply to anyone (this is how they're clever about roping people in), but I probably will. Even though the first match I looked at was a guy whose Most Recent Book Read was Sean Hannity's _Deliver Us From Evil_. It got better after that.
But the thing I wanted to mention is that for someone my age who's still single and has been out of the game, it can be a little scary, because there's a whole lot of conventional wisdom that all the 40-something men just want to find women 20 years younger. That's what we always hear -- that if you're a woman over 40, you've missed the boat, nobody will give you a second look. Well, my age is not hidden on this site, and here all these guys my age are e-mailing me. On one level I had a feeling the conventional wisdom was a bit out of date; I've even read recently that sociologists have found that there's been a cultural change, and that while some guys are definitely out looking for "younger," a lot more middle-aged men nowadays are more likely to want someone they can talk to than the stereotypical 100%-wrinkle-free 20-something chick. But it's almost as if the actual facts on the ground for 40-something people are just at odds with what we see and hear from certain segments of the media -- as if we were inhabiting a different reality, almost; I feel that way not just about this one example but about a lot of things about being in my mid-40s. I also have to mention that back when I *was* the wrinkle-free 20-something chick, I dated a fair number of men in their 40s, so I know something about the type that *does* have his heart set on finding a much younger woman -- and all I can say is, the younger women are welcome to 'em. :)
Anyway, that's me, dipping my toes in the water. Now I need to get up the nerve to *answer* some of these guys. :)