Still Be On My Feet - Remus/Sirius, Remus/Tonks
Title: Still Be On My Feet
Pairing: Remus/Sirius, Remus/Tonks
Rating: R
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me.
Author's note: Set during Order of the Phoenix. Thanks to phineasjones for beta.
Sirius throws a glass of firewhisky at Remus' head and Remus ducks behind the door and listens to it shatter. "Leave me the fuck alone, Remus," Sirius slurs, and Remus steps inside the room again. "Sirius, I think you should stop drinking," he says, and his voice sounds empty, like he's scolding a student who didn't finish his essay. Sirius says nothing. Remus casts a reparo on the glass, siphons away the spilled whisky, and walks out of the room.
Remus remembers a time when he and Sirius would stay up late, drinking beer and playing highly competitive games of Exploding Snap, and they'd knock over the beer bottles in their frenzy to taste each other's skin. In the morning, Remus would bring Sirius toast in bed, and Sirius would kiss him on the temple. Remus thought it was the sweetest thing he would ever know.
Remus walks down the hallway and is suddenly conscious of the portrait of Mrs. Black behind him. She is quiet, but like most things in this house, she is only waiting for the right trigger to display her vileness. There are cursed silver daggers lurking in drawers, and doorknobs that burn against the flesh of his palm, and then there are the doors Sirius locks himself behind and won't come out, no matter how much Remus pleads.
The Order members start to arrive an hour later. He goes down to the kitchen to make a pot of tea. Snape is unrolling a map on the table and they share a nod. Remus answers the door for Kingsely, Mundungus, and then Moody and Tonks. Moody's eye is hidden under his bowler hat and Tonks is wearing a bright pink t-shirt with a fuzzy alligator on the front, stretched across her breasts. Her jeans have patches on the knees and she beams at Remus from under bright pink hair.
Tonks shines like electric light in this dark place, and Remus finds he can't stop looking at her. This is not the first time this has happened.
Molly and Arthur arrive a few minutes later, and Minerva steps away from the Floo with a note from Dumbledore, letting them know he may be delayed at the school by Ministry business and they should proceed without him.
"There is a Death Eater camp that has shown excessive signs of activity of late," Snape says, pointing at a corner of the map. "We plan to send a watch for their meeting on Tuesday when we anticipate important business will be discussed."
"Scared to go yourself, Snivellus?" Sirius calls out, as he joins the meeting. Remus notices Sirius' hair is askew but he shows no other signs of being as drunk as he must be. He sits next to Remus and Remus doesn't even smell the alcohol, but there are dark circles under Sirius' eyes that have been there for weeks and Remus is not sure they are ever going to go away.
"Nice of you to join us, Black," Snape says. "As useless as you may be."
Sirius starts to say something but Remus glares at him, and, to Remus' surprise, Sirius stays quiet. Eventually, Tonks spills her cup of tea onto the map, the meeting is quickly wrapped up, and Moody assigns Remus and Tonks to watch the Death Eater camp.
Remus helps Molly clean up the dishes and turns to find Tonks at his elbow, handing him a stack of plates. "How've you been, Remus?" she asks, and her eyes sparkle. She looks so genuinely happy. Remus remembers that feeling. It's been a long time since he's known it. It makes him want to hold Tonks against him, press his hands to her warm skin and see if he can feel it again.
"Fine, Tonks, thanks. You?" Remus asks, turning on the tap and rinsing the plates.
"Good. Moody's been working us hard." And then she laughs. "He's a mad one, he is," she says. "Ministry's been meddling with the Auror Division lately and Moody's been pulling us out of our regular rotations to consult with him. The man says he's retired." She laughs again, and then rests a hand on Remus' arm when she hands him the last teacup. He feels his skin tingle where her fingers were and his eyes lock with hers. He finds himself smiling and Tonks smiles back.
"I'll meet you here on Tuesday for the mission?" she asks. Remus nods, and Tonks follows everyone else out of the kitchen.
The Death Eater camp is in the moors and Remus and Tonks spend eight long hours crouched behind an outcropping of stones, straining to make out identities in the mist and to hear the spells being used from too far a distance away. There is no appearance by Voldemort, and for that, Remus is glad. They switch positions and Tonks' hand on Remus' neck burns; he hasn't realized how cold he is. "Merlin, Remus," Tonks says, unwrapping her bright pink scarf from around her neck and tying it around him.
"I'm fine, Tonks, really." Remus protests. The scarf really is warm, and it smells like her.
"This sweater's quite enough," she says. "The scarf was mostly for the look. Quite fetching on you," she says, and grins.
"Really, wearing pink on a mission?" he says. "Half-surprised we weren't spotted hours ago."
Tonks laughs quietly. "Concealment Charm. Really, Remus, you think I'm new at this?" And he realizes that, yes, he did think she was new at this. He knows she has an excellent reputation as an Auror, but it's just, well, she seems so young, or perhaps it's just that he feels so old.
The safe house is a room at the Leaky Cauldron, and Remus sets about stoking the fire while Tonks, dressed as a grey-haired woman wet with rain, instructs Tom the Innkeeper on what they'd like to eat. He returns moments later with pea soup, warm bread, pot roast, and tea. As soon as the door closes, Tonks drops the disguise and her hair is pink again.
"Oh, the soup smells good," Tonks says, carrying the tray to the table. She butters a roll and hands it to Remus, who finally pulls off his damp cloak and hangs it by the fire to steam, and then takes off Tonks' scarf, fingering the soft yarn as he sets it on top of his cloak.
They eat in silence, and then chat over tea. Tonks tells a story about Moody battling with a ghoul in his chimney and Remus rolls up the parchment of their mission report. Tonks casts a few wards over it and they send it with one of the Leaky's owls.
Tonks pours them more tea and they sit in front of the fire, Tonks' bright green socks stretched out in front of her and Remus' legs folded underneath him.
"I'm being serious about it, the next assignment," Remus says. "No more moors." Tonks' laugh is low and rich. Remus watches her drain her cup and then she shivers. "C'mere," Remus says, holding out his arm and Tonks settles closer to him, his arm around her shoulders. Remus' heart suddenly starts to beat faster.
Remus sips his tea, watching the fire, feelings Tonks' warmth beside him, the rise and fall of her breathing. He sets his cup down and turns back to look at her. After a moment, she senses him watching her, and meets his gaze. Remus leans down and kisses her, gently, softly, because he's not really sure why he's doing this, whatever this is. She kisses him back without hesitation, and then he's caught up in her taste, the softness of her lips, the silk and heat of her tongue meeting with his. He draws her closer to him, and she makes a pleased, needy sound and Remus kisses her harder.
He rises to a crouch, holds his hand out to her and says, "We've spent enough time on the ground, I think," he says, and her eyes flash with desire. Her fingers reach his and he pulls her up, kissing her as they back towards the bed.
Tonks takes the opportunity to climb on top of him, her hands snaking underneath his shirt, her mouth on his. He shifts and she falls between his legs, her hips against his, and he moans. They move against each other, slowly at first, then faster, harder. Remus slips his hand underneath Tonks' shirt, and he gently traces her nipple. She bucks against him, Remus growls and with one movement, she is flipped onto her back, Remus on top of her and his pulse is pounding in his throat. She is so gorgeous and he feels dizzy, caught up in her, the tea warm in his belly, the comforter soft under his hands, and this bright thing, this shining girl under his hands.
Their hands meet at his waist and Remus stills, something he thinks might be panic creeping over him. He looks at Tonks, her red lips, her flushed skin, and he feels guilt grip him so strongly he thinks he's going to faint. "I'm with Sirius," he whispers, and Tonks' mouth tightens. She looks at Remus, and Remus burns under her gaze even though her face is completely calm. She says only, "Are you?" He knows what's behind those words; the flying firewhisky glass, the locked doors, Tonks watching them fighting after one of Molly's dinners, and Remus is reluctant to admit his has asked himself this question many times before.
When Remus doesn't respond, she slides her hand across his hip, toward the bulge in his pants. Slowly, waiting for him to stop her. Her fingers curve over his hardness and he groans and pushes her back down on the bed, yanking her pants down and then his. "Tonks," he says, and he wants to think that he is helpless, but he knows it's not true. "Tonks," he cries as he pushes into her. He kisses her again, trying to forget everything but the feel of her.
Grimmauld Place is quiet when they return. They had shared breakfast downstairs at the Leaky after getting the word they were safe. They had reached for the sugar at the same time and their fingers brushed and Remus saw the spark in Tonks' eyes, remembered the warmth that spread through his chest when he woke holding her.
Sirius comes rushing in from the study and greets them warmly. Remus hasn't seen Sirius look this bright for weeks and he thinks maybe Harry is here, but Remus realizes Sirius' joy is at the photo album in his hands.
"Go, look," Tonks says. "I'll make the tea." Remus and Sirius sit at the kitchen table, bent over the pictures, and Remus is so caught up in Sirius' enthusiasm that he forgets Tonks is there until she sets teacups in front of them. She kisses Sirius on the cheek, says, "Good to see you, cousin," and then touches Remus' shoulder briefly and says, "See you later, both of you," and takes off, before Remus can say anything.
He sends Tonks an owl the next day, asking her if she'll meet him for dinner at the pub. She shakes off a shower of raindrops as she takes off her cloak and hangs it on the hook beside their table. She's wearing a turquoise corduroy shirt that looks incredibly soft to the touch. Remus reaches out and brushes his fingers along the collar.
"Tonks," Remus says, halfway through his plate of fish and chips and Tonks stops him with her hand on his.
"Don't tell me we can't do this," Tonks says.
"It's complicated."
"Because of Sirius?" Tonks asks, but it isn't really a question.
"Sometimes he's fine, and we're fine and..." Remus stops at the crushed expression on Tonks' face. "And sometimes it's like I don't know him, but I think if I just wait...." He trails off.
"Go to him, Remus," Tonks says, and she sounds sadder than he has ever heard her. "Just be prepared for it to hurt." Remus feels the bottom fall out from under him. "Because I know this isn't how he was, Remus, but this is who he is now. And you just have to be prepared to bleed."
She gets up, suddenly, grabs her cloak and disappears out the door. Remus stares down at his plate and it's not until he gets up to go that he notices that she's left her scarf. He wraps it around his neck and heads out into the cold.
Sirius is asleep by the fire when he returns, the photo album open in his lap. The firelight casts long shadows over Sirius' face and the deep lines around his mouth and eyes are momentarily erased. Remus slips the album out of Sirius' limp hands, and flips through the pages, and then sets it down on the mantle. Sirius wakes when Remus drapes a blanket over him.
"Come up to bed," Remus says. Sirius unfolds out of the chair and stumbles toward him.
"Remus?" Sirius rubs his eyes. "Why're you wearing a pink scarf, mate?"
Remus finds that he doesn't have an answer.
Sirius' fingers trace the scarf. "Looks rather fetching on you," he says, and then his fingers are on Remus' jaw. Remus closes his eyes and steps into Sirius' embrace.
Pairing: Remus/Sirius, Remus/Tonks
Rating: R
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me.
Author's note: Set during Order of the Phoenix. Thanks to phineasjones for beta.
Sirius throws a glass of firewhisky at Remus' head and Remus ducks behind the door and listens to it shatter. "Leave me the fuck alone, Remus," Sirius slurs, and Remus steps inside the room again. "Sirius, I think you should stop drinking," he says, and his voice sounds empty, like he's scolding a student who didn't finish his essay. Sirius says nothing. Remus casts a reparo on the glass, siphons away the spilled whisky, and walks out of the room.
Remus remembers a time when he and Sirius would stay up late, drinking beer and playing highly competitive games of Exploding Snap, and they'd knock over the beer bottles in their frenzy to taste each other's skin. In the morning, Remus would bring Sirius toast in bed, and Sirius would kiss him on the temple. Remus thought it was the sweetest thing he would ever know.
Remus walks down the hallway and is suddenly conscious of the portrait of Mrs. Black behind him. She is quiet, but like most things in this house, she is only waiting for the right trigger to display her vileness. There are cursed silver daggers lurking in drawers, and doorknobs that burn against the flesh of his palm, and then there are the doors Sirius locks himself behind and won't come out, no matter how much Remus pleads.
The Order members start to arrive an hour later. He goes down to the kitchen to make a pot of tea. Snape is unrolling a map on the table and they share a nod. Remus answers the door for Kingsely, Mundungus, and then Moody and Tonks. Moody's eye is hidden under his bowler hat and Tonks is wearing a bright pink t-shirt with a fuzzy alligator on the front, stretched across her breasts. Her jeans have patches on the knees and she beams at Remus from under bright pink hair.
Tonks shines like electric light in this dark place, and Remus finds he can't stop looking at her. This is not the first time this has happened.
Molly and Arthur arrive a few minutes later, and Minerva steps away from the Floo with a note from Dumbledore, letting them know he may be delayed at the school by Ministry business and they should proceed without him.
"There is a Death Eater camp that has shown excessive signs of activity of late," Snape says, pointing at a corner of the map. "We plan to send a watch for their meeting on Tuesday when we anticipate important business will be discussed."
"Scared to go yourself, Snivellus?" Sirius calls out, as he joins the meeting. Remus notices Sirius' hair is askew but he shows no other signs of being as drunk as he must be. He sits next to Remus and Remus doesn't even smell the alcohol, but there are dark circles under Sirius' eyes that have been there for weeks and Remus is not sure they are ever going to go away.
"Nice of you to join us, Black," Snape says. "As useless as you may be."
Sirius starts to say something but Remus glares at him, and, to Remus' surprise, Sirius stays quiet. Eventually, Tonks spills her cup of tea onto the map, the meeting is quickly wrapped up, and Moody assigns Remus and Tonks to watch the Death Eater camp.
Remus helps Molly clean up the dishes and turns to find Tonks at his elbow, handing him a stack of plates. "How've you been, Remus?" she asks, and her eyes sparkle. She looks so genuinely happy. Remus remembers that feeling. It's been a long time since he's known it. It makes him want to hold Tonks against him, press his hands to her warm skin and see if he can feel it again.
"Fine, Tonks, thanks. You?" Remus asks, turning on the tap and rinsing the plates.
"Good. Moody's been working us hard." And then she laughs. "He's a mad one, he is," she says. "Ministry's been meddling with the Auror Division lately and Moody's been pulling us out of our regular rotations to consult with him. The man says he's retired." She laughs again, and then rests a hand on Remus' arm when she hands him the last teacup. He feels his skin tingle where her fingers were and his eyes lock with hers. He finds himself smiling and Tonks smiles back.
"I'll meet you here on Tuesday for the mission?" she asks. Remus nods, and Tonks follows everyone else out of the kitchen.
The Death Eater camp is in the moors and Remus and Tonks spend eight long hours crouched behind an outcropping of stones, straining to make out identities in the mist and to hear the spells being used from too far a distance away. There is no appearance by Voldemort, and for that, Remus is glad. They switch positions and Tonks' hand on Remus' neck burns; he hasn't realized how cold he is. "Merlin, Remus," Tonks says, unwrapping her bright pink scarf from around her neck and tying it around him.
"I'm fine, Tonks, really." Remus protests. The scarf really is warm, and it smells like her.
"This sweater's quite enough," she says. "The scarf was mostly for the look. Quite fetching on you," she says, and grins.
"Really, wearing pink on a mission?" he says. "Half-surprised we weren't spotted hours ago."
Tonks laughs quietly. "Concealment Charm. Really, Remus, you think I'm new at this?" And he realizes that, yes, he did think she was new at this. He knows she has an excellent reputation as an Auror, but it's just, well, she seems so young, or perhaps it's just that he feels so old.
The safe house is a room at the Leaky Cauldron, and Remus sets about stoking the fire while Tonks, dressed as a grey-haired woman wet with rain, instructs Tom the Innkeeper on what they'd like to eat. He returns moments later with pea soup, warm bread, pot roast, and tea. As soon as the door closes, Tonks drops the disguise and her hair is pink again.
"Oh, the soup smells good," Tonks says, carrying the tray to the table. She butters a roll and hands it to Remus, who finally pulls off his damp cloak and hangs it by the fire to steam, and then takes off Tonks' scarf, fingering the soft yarn as he sets it on top of his cloak.
They eat in silence, and then chat over tea. Tonks tells a story about Moody battling with a ghoul in his chimney and Remus rolls up the parchment of their mission report. Tonks casts a few wards over it and they send it with one of the Leaky's owls.
Tonks pours them more tea and they sit in front of the fire, Tonks' bright green socks stretched out in front of her and Remus' legs folded underneath him.
"I'm being serious about it, the next assignment," Remus says. "No more moors." Tonks' laugh is low and rich. Remus watches her drain her cup and then she shivers. "C'mere," Remus says, holding out his arm and Tonks settles closer to him, his arm around her shoulders. Remus' heart suddenly starts to beat faster.
Remus sips his tea, watching the fire, feelings Tonks' warmth beside him, the rise and fall of her breathing. He sets his cup down and turns back to look at her. After a moment, she senses him watching her, and meets his gaze. Remus leans down and kisses her, gently, softly, because he's not really sure why he's doing this, whatever this is. She kisses him back without hesitation, and then he's caught up in her taste, the softness of her lips, the silk and heat of her tongue meeting with his. He draws her closer to him, and she makes a pleased, needy sound and Remus kisses her harder.
He rises to a crouch, holds his hand out to her and says, "We've spent enough time on the ground, I think," he says, and her eyes flash with desire. Her fingers reach his and he pulls her up, kissing her as they back towards the bed.
Tonks takes the opportunity to climb on top of him, her hands snaking underneath his shirt, her mouth on his. He shifts and she falls between his legs, her hips against his, and he moans. They move against each other, slowly at first, then faster, harder. Remus slips his hand underneath Tonks' shirt, and he gently traces her nipple. She bucks against him, Remus growls and with one movement, she is flipped onto her back, Remus on top of her and his pulse is pounding in his throat. She is so gorgeous and he feels dizzy, caught up in her, the tea warm in his belly, the comforter soft under his hands, and this bright thing, this shining girl under his hands.
Their hands meet at his waist and Remus stills, something he thinks might be panic creeping over him. He looks at Tonks, her red lips, her flushed skin, and he feels guilt grip him so strongly he thinks he's going to faint. "I'm with Sirius," he whispers, and Tonks' mouth tightens. She looks at Remus, and Remus burns under her gaze even though her face is completely calm. She says only, "Are you?" He knows what's behind those words; the flying firewhisky glass, the locked doors, Tonks watching them fighting after one of Molly's dinners, and Remus is reluctant to admit his has asked himself this question many times before.
When Remus doesn't respond, she slides her hand across his hip, toward the bulge in his pants. Slowly, waiting for him to stop her. Her fingers curve over his hardness and he groans and pushes her back down on the bed, yanking her pants down and then his. "Tonks," he says, and he wants to think that he is helpless, but he knows it's not true. "Tonks," he cries as he pushes into her. He kisses her again, trying to forget everything but the feel of her.
Grimmauld Place is quiet when they return. They had shared breakfast downstairs at the Leaky after getting the word they were safe. They had reached for the sugar at the same time and their fingers brushed and Remus saw the spark in Tonks' eyes, remembered the warmth that spread through his chest when he woke holding her.
Sirius comes rushing in from the study and greets them warmly. Remus hasn't seen Sirius look this bright for weeks and he thinks maybe Harry is here, but Remus realizes Sirius' joy is at the photo album in his hands.
"Go, look," Tonks says. "I'll make the tea." Remus and Sirius sit at the kitchen table, bent over the pictures, and Remus is so caught up in Sirius' enthusiasm that he forgets Tonks is there until she sets teacups in front of them. She kisses Sirius on the cheek, says, "Good to see you, cousin," and then touches Remus' shoulder briefly and says, "See you later, both of you," and takes off, before Remus can say anything.
He sends Tonks an owl the next day, asking her if she'll meet him for dinner at the pub. She shakes off a shower of raindrops as she takes off her cloak and hangs it on the hook beside their table. She's wearing a turquoise corduroy shirt that looks incredibly soft to the touch. Remus reaches out and brushes his fingers along the collar.
"Tonks," Remus says, halfway through his plate of fish and chips and Tonks stops him with her hand on his.
"Don't tell me we can't do this," Tonks says.
"It's complicated."
"Because of Sirius?" Tonks asks, but it isn't really a question.
"Sometimes he's fine, and we're fine and..." Remus stops at the crushed expression on Tonks' face. "And sometimes it's like I don't know him, but I think if I just wait...." He trails off.
"Go to him, Remus," Tonks says, and she sounds sadder than he has ever heard her. "Just be prepared for it to hurt." Remus feels the bottom fall out from under him. "Because I know this isn't how he was, Remus, but this is who he is now. And you just have to be prepared to bleed."
She gets up, suddenly, grabs her cloak and disappears out the door. Remus stares down at his plate and it's not until he gets up to go that he notices that she's left her scarf. He wraps it around his neck and heads out into the cold.
Sirius is asleep by the fire when he returns, the photo album open in his lap. The firelight casts long shadows over Sirius' face and the deep lines around his mouth and eyes are momentarily erased. Remus slips the album out of Sirius' limp hands, and flips through the pages, and then sets it down on the mantle. Sirius wakes when Remus drapes a blanket over him.
"Come up to bed," Remus says. Sirius unfolds out of the chair and stumbles toward him.
"Remus?" Sirius rubs his eyes. "Why're you wearing a pink scarf, mate?"
Remus finds that he doesn't have an answer.
Sirius' fingers trace the scarf. "Looks rather fetching on you," he says, and then his fingers are on Remus' jaw. Remus closes his eyes and steps into Sirius' embrace.