The person I've become.
Not alot's been goin on lately. I've still been stayin at B's house. Kickin it in the country. I just sit around, kick it with b, joey, lynsey, brent, etc. It's quite peacefull out here.
I've stuck to my word this time and stopped smoking weed. I havent smoked in the past few days, nor have I really wanted too. I've become compelled to do something with my life lately, I'm sick of being broke. Im going to Garcia Labs next week and taking a drug test to get in Maci. I've drank prolly 2 gallons of water in the past 2 days, so I'm gonna pass. I talked to my dad and told him I'm doing alright and that I'm finally getting clean. He told me he was glad, that he would get me into Maci as a permanent job. I'm so happy. This is something this loser needs, a real job, money to actually start my own life and start getting all the things I dream about. Things are looking up for the moment. Making mad money is pretty much my only real reason to be alive anymore. Paper-chasing will change from a dream to reality soon.
I miss my family... I havent spoke to anyone in my family other than my dad in the past couple months. The last time I talked to my mom was right after I got outta jail for the day, she was crying and told me that she was more than worried about me. She did tell me once a few years back she thought I might end up in jail or dead. I told her everything would be alright, that I'd call her when things were ok. That was a while ago. I feel like over time I've let my family down. I feel like a failure to them. I wish my family situation from the start would have never been so crazy, but that'd be like writing a book to explain it, extremley complicated and depressing. I miss being in Indiana for the summer or whenever and just being able to have no worries in the world, to just hang with my mom, or go to all my sisters houses, angie's in particular, just talking for hours on end all through the night just talking to her, the person I could tell anything, first person to get me drunk. I miss seeing my neices and nephews. I just feel like they're gonna look at me different now. I should have cared more about my family and less about getting high or drunk and partying. Maybe over time things could be right. We'll see.
A girl and I were arguing online today, the cold hearted bitch had enough nerve to say Im a pussy for crying when I was drunk about my sister being sick and close to dying, then said shes dead get over it and that I will burn in hell with her. Of course I was saying some mean shit to her as well but I have never heard something so foul in my life. I wanted to go up to her house and just backhand her in the face over and over and over. I couldnt believe someone I was once friends with could say something like that to me. I mean anything else she said wouldnt have botherd me, but when you disrespect me about my sister that passed away of a cancer she fought for years, the strongest person I've met, that fought to stay alive for her children everyday, is sickening. To speak of her like that your not just disrespecting me, but my sis, and my family as well. Just goes to show how fucking fake people are in this shit hole town. I feel like I can't trust anyone around here except B and joey. Some people are just so fucking ignorant it makes me sick.
She said one thing that was half true, she said that to everyone that matters in the world I'm nothing, vapors. The bitch is far less and more worthless than me but she had a point, I'm nothing really. I've done nothing with my life in the past 2 years. I used to be JJ, that skater kid. I've for the most part stopped skating in the hardcore sense, but now what am I. What have I become more than merley a loser pothead with a passion for alcohol. I dont really know what anyone thinks of me, I 2/3rd's dont give a shit, but then I wonder, am I just a joke to everyone, cause thats what it feels like. Maybe Im being hard on myself but thats my conclusion I've came too.
I wish I had a girl in my life, a good one. A beautifull mellow girl I could hang with all the time, a girl that understands me, a girl I knew wasnt going to screw me over in the long run if something got tough. But thats asking to much I think. Girls like this seem to be like finding a needle in a haystack.
Arite world, its early Friday 3:41 to be exact, and Im getting drunk a little while after I get up tomorrow to well.... drown the day out. Anyone up for some henessey?
I've stuck to my word this time and stopped smoking weed. I havent smoked in the past few days, nor have I really wanted too. I've become compelled to do something with my life lately, I'm sick of being broke. Im going to Garcia Labs next week and taking a drug test to get in Maci. I've drank prolly 2 gallons of water in the past 2 days, so I'm gonna pass. I talked to my dad and told him I'm doing alright and that I'm finally getting clean. He told me he was glad, that he would get me into Maci as a permanent job. I'm so happy. This is something this loser needs, a real job, money to actually start my own life and start getting all the things I dream about. Things are looking up for the moment. Making mad money is pretty much my only real reason to be alive anymore. Paper-chasing will change from a dream to reality soon.
I miss my family... I havent spoke to anyone in my family other than my dad in the past couple months. The last time I talked to my mom was right after I got outta jail for the day, she was crying and told me that she was more than worried about me. She did tell me once a few years back she thought I might end up in jail or dead. I told her everything would be alright, that I'd call her when things were ok. That was a while ago. I feel like over time I've let my family down. I feel like a failure to them. I wish my family situation from the start would have never been so crazy, but that'd be like writing a book to explain it, extremley complicated and depressing. I miss being in Indiana for the summer or whenever and just being able to have no worries in the world, to just hang with my mom, or go to all my sisters houses, angie's in particular, just talking for hours on end all through the night just talking to her, the person I could tell anything, first person to get me drunk. I miss seeing my neices and nephews. I just feel like they're gonna look at me different now. I should have cared more about my family and less about getting high or drunk and partying. Maybe over time things could be right. We'll see.
A girl and I were arguing online today, the cold hearted bitch had enough nerve to say Im a pussy for crying when I was drunk about my sister being sick and close to dying, then said shes dead get over it and that I will burn in hell with her. Of course I was saying some mean shit to her as well but I have never heard something so foul in my life. I wanted to go up to her house and just backhand her in the face over and over and over. I couldnt believe someone I was once friends with could say something like that to me. I mean anything else she said wouldnt have botherd me, but when you disrespect me about my sister that passed away of a cancer she fought for years, the strongest person I've met, that fought to stay alive for her children everyday, is sickening. To speak of her like that your not just disrespecting me, but my sis, and my family as well. Just goes to show how fucking fake people are in this shit hole town. I feel like I can't trust anyone around here except B and joey. Some people are just so fucking ignorant it makes me sick.
She said one thing that was half true, she said that to everyone that matters in the world I'm nothing, vapors. The bitch is far less and more worthless than me but she had a point, I'm nothing really. I've done nothing with my life in the past 2 years. I used to be JJ, that skater kid. I've for the most part stopped skating in the hardcore sense, but now what am I. What have I become more than merley a loser pothead with a passion for alcohol. I dont really know what anyone thinks of me, I 2/3rd's dont give a shit, but then I wonder, am I just a joke to everyone, cause thats what it feels like. Maybe Im being hard on myself but thats my conclusion I've came too.
I wish I had a girl in my life, a good one. A beautifull mellow girl I could hang with all the time, a girl that understands me, a girl I knew wasnt going to screw me over in the long run if something got tough. But thats asking to much I think. Girls like this seem to be like finding a needle in a haystack.
Arite world, its early Friday 3:41 to be exact, and Im getting drunk a little while after I get up tomorrow to well.... drown the day out. Anyone up for some henessey?