Now (There's No Tomorrow) Chapter 6: The Notebook
Changmin's POV
When I woke up, I was hugging a pillow, and Jaejoong wasn't there.
"Why I don't tied you at the bed, kitten?"
I couldn't remember the song he sang to me that night. But I wanted to sing a song for him. Thinking about how I felt alone, I hummed softly, pretending - just pretending - that he was the pillow.
"Close your eyes and lose the feeling that's been sinking
Close your eyes and count to three
Close your eyes rewind, I know just what you're thinking
Close your eyes and think of me "
I hugged the pillow so tight that I couldn't breathe, then I threw it away.
I couldn't say out loud that my head kept saying 'I'm fucking in love.'
I got up and went to the kitchen. Humming.
“Larger than life, niceties
"Bigger than you, more than me
I've got the Monday morning blues
And oh my God I've got the home for you.”
There was a milk bottle on the sink but I didn't drink milk yesterday. Oh, right, Jaejoong is disorganized. I guess I could live with that.
I'm just not sure if I would survive without him, though.
I stumbled on something warm and soft and what was my surprise to find a kitten lying on a crumpled shirt.
"Hey, its you Jaejoong? You decided to turn into a kitty for real? "
I bent down and picked up the small animal, there was a note under him.
"I found this little buddy on the sidewalk,
he was hungry and cold,
Then I remembered how much you like kittens
and brought him into your house.
I think you will not miss me
if ther's another kitten with you.
But if he were a human,
I could be jealous. "
K. Jaejoong
* PS. I stole a T-shirt.
If he knew that I can't have pets ...
I heard a sound coming from the front door and was on alert. What the hell .... Nobody but me has the key to this apartment.
I reached for a device under the table and grabbed a gun that was hidden there. Nobody invades the house of a murderer being disarmed.
I went to the kitchen door cautiously, and pointed the gun at the door of the living room.
"FUCK! YOOCHUN, YOU WANT TO DIE? "
He was also armed. "Good to know that you are ready to defend yourself if someone break into your house. I've told you a million times for you to move, you're living in this apartment for so long, it's not safe! Your enemies will find out and then you're screwed. "
"If you came here just to lecture me, I'll really shoot you."
But he wasn't really listening.
"What is it?" He asked.
"What?"
"What's in your hand?"
"A gun."
"I know, idiot. I'm asking what that is in your other hand. "
I hid the cat behind my back, but Yoochun came to me and saw the animal.
"Changmin! You can't have a cat! You think you can drag this little and fluffly thing around, while working? Moreover, usually the hotels don't accept pets! Why did you adopt him? "
"But it wasn't me who adopted it! It was him! "
"Who?"
"You don't understand, I HAVE to take care of him. I'm in love!"
"For the kitten?"
"Yes!"
He looked at me with a worried expression.
"Not THAT kitten!"
He probably gave up trying to understand me and sat on the couch, he looked so tired.
" Changminie , I have a job for you. Important work . "
" I told you- "
"I don't care what you told me, boy. We HAVE to do this work . "
"Why?" I don't know why I was so hesitant. Killing was no big deal. Besides, I always knew that this is not a job to quit. Not because it would be good be a killer (it wasn't), but because this is a kind of career where it is easy to lose control.
He sighed , I realized he was getting angry , but what could I do? I didn't want to kill anymore ... The only thing I want now is to take care of my life like a normal person without hotel rooms, and loaded weapons at home. I just want to take care of my two kittens.
"We are buried in that shit, my friend." He said "While we don't kill all the names that are on that fucking list, we can't get attached to anything or anyone, and that includes kittens. If our enemies find out why we care about these people will be in danger. "
I knew he was right. I sighed and sat down beside him. "Chunie, you know how many men we have to kill?"
"No, I have never seen that list. They just call me and say the next name. "
"It seems like a pretty big list."
I am not a free-lancer. This kills the charm of the work, right? Yoochun and I are slaves of this system. We kill people who are on the list. A list that our employer hired us to murder. There is no escaping it. If at the beginning we knew there would be so many sacrifices, we would be doing something different?
What would be the choice for people so desperate for money as we?
"I'm going to pee." I said and he replied something like "I don't need this kind of information."
"Changmin!" Yoochun shouted from the living room and and I found it odd that he sounded so scared.
"What?" I yelled back, but he didn't answer. "Yoochun? Yoochun?"
I washed my hands trying to listen more carefully, but there was no sound, the house was silent as a tomb.
The light of the morning sun coming through the windows formed oblique shadows. There was a shadow, light and silence.
In the room I found my friend where I had left him, but he was standing, reading a little crumpled notebook.
His eyes were wide and his hands trembled a little.
"Yoochun-ah? Yoochun! What happened?"
He looked at me and I realized he was more scared than I thought at first.
"Changmin! Where'd you get this notebook?"
As I approached I realized that this was the little wrinkled and worn notebook that I found in Jaejoong's backpack
.
"Where'd you find this?" I tried to pick up the notebook but Yoochun stepped back defensively. "Chun! What's wrong with you?"
"That was almost under the couch! Changmin, how did you get this notebook? Tell me!"
I took the book and read its contents. When I understood what was written there, the only sound I could hear was the sound of my heartbeat.
Yoochun called my name, but the other words he was saying sounded like a foreign language.
In the notebook were written the names of each person I and Yoochun had murdered since last year and other names, many names. The names of those we killed were scratched, but had other names scratched - I could imagine that each of those names had been killed, and others were doomed to the same fate.
Why Jaejoong would have this book?
In front of each name, had their sins "Corruption, extortion, bribery, fraud, murder"
"This notebook belongs to him," I whispered.
In my head, the words he had said to me in the cafeteria wouldn't stop echoing 'I don’t want to play with you now, I 'm tired of all the dirt.'
What's that supposed to mean?
"This notebook belongs to whom? Changmin, what's happening?"
"I DON'T KNOW!"
-
Yoochun wouldn't let me drink anything alcoholic, although I needed it.
His arguments were:
it was too early to drink
he wanted me to be sober and lucid when I told him in detail what was happening.
.
"In details" he said.
He is my friend, my best friend. I was nt sure if he would understand my feelings, but there was no doubt that I needed to tell him all, after all, he was who I always trusted.
"I met my kitten ..."
"Kitten? This kitten?" He pointed out that the cat was on my lap.
"Not this kitten ... the other. His name is Jaejoong, and he was a stripper."
"Okay ... you met a kitten and he was a stripper."
"A human, not a real kitten, you know."
"Of course I know, Changmin, I'm not stupid."
I sighed and gently rubbed the cat's ears that was in my lap. Jaejoong was wrong in thinking that I don't miss him being with a real kitten.
"One night he was being followed and I saved his life. Afterwards he ..." Now that I think about it, a few pieces of the puzzle start falling into place. He was being chased that night - the night he touched my dick for the first time. After that, I saw him being chased him when I took him from the rain. Why in almost every situation I find him, he is being chased by someone?
Well, there was also that time when I met him in the cafeteria - maybe even our destinies were really intertwined.
"Afterwards he... what?" Yoochun pushed me.
"After that, he was being chased by other guys and I saved him again. We came here ..." Oops, Yoochun don't need to know what happened after that. I think my red cheeks are compromising enough, however.
"And what? You guys had sex!"
Okay. He already knows more than enough, right?
"Hahaha Changmin, your face is red! I'm right? Haha you fucked him!"
"Park Yoochun, I thought the issue here was serious. Stop mocking me." I hit the pillow in his face.
"Okay, I can do it another time."
Great, I know he will not forget this issue.
"This notebook was inside his backpack, but forgot to check what it was."
I omitted the part where Jaejoong had tried to kill me while I slept because I knew this 'detail' would not let Yoochun to rely on Jaejoong.
I don't know what is happening and I have no reason to trust Jae, but for some reason I want to protect him and to do that, I needed to convince Yoochun to help me.
"Chun, I'm sure there is some logical explanation for this, I know that Jaejoong has his problems, but imagining he's involved in something like this is too much for me to believe."
He sighed and said "Min, you're in love, your conception of how Jaejoong really is, may be distorted."
Does it really matter if he isn't a good person? But I can't believe all that I saw is nothing but a farce, a puppet.
Jaejoong, I need you to appear here in front of us, smiling your sweet and rare smile, calling me stupid and telling that it's all a lie.
"Please, Yoochun, you have to help me find him, I just want to protect him."
"As far as I know, Changmin, he can be worse than us."
"I wouldn't think something like that about the kitten."
"I'll help you save your kitten, he has a lot of interesting information. But I hope your good sense will prevail in the end. Dont you dare to die by his hands."
I heart was tight, but I was getting used to that feeling.
"Let's investigate, Chun. I know someone who knows him."
We left the apartment and I took the kitten with us, I need to give it a name. Any suggestions?
A/N: This is unedited! Please ignore mistakes!
When I woke up, I was hugging a pillow, and Jaejoong wasn't there.
"Why I don't tied you at the bed, kitten?"
I couldn't remember the song he sang to me that night. But I wanted to sing a song for him. Thinking about how I felt alone, I hummed softly, pretending - just pretending - that he was the pillow.
"Close your eyes and lose the feeling that's been sinking
Close your eyes and count to three
Close your eyes rewind, I know just what you're thinking
Close your eyes and think of me "
I hugged the pillow so tight that I couldn't breathe, then I threw it away.
I couldn't say out loud that my head kept saying 'I'm fucking in love.'
I got up and went to the kitchen. Humming.
“Larger than life, niceties
"Bigger than you, more than me
I've got the Monday morning blues
And oh my God I've got the home for you.”
There was a milk bottle on the sink but I didn't drink milk yesterday. Oh, right, Jaejoong is disorganized. I guess I could live with that.
I'm just not sure if I would survive without him, though.
I stumbled on something warm and soft and what was my surprise to find a kitten lying on a crumpled shirt.
"Hey, its you Jaejoong? You decided to turn into a kitty for real? "
I bent down and picked up the small animal, there was a note under him.
"I found this little buddy on the sidewalk,
he was hungry and cold,
Then I remembered how much you like kittens
and brought him into your house.
I think you will not miss me
if ther's another kitten with you.
But if he were a human,
I could be jealous. "
K. Jaejoong
* PS. I stole a T-shirt.
If he knew that I can't have pets ...
I heard a sound coming from the front door and was on alert. What the hell .... Nobody but me has the key to this apartment.
I reached for a device under the table and grabbed a gun that was hidden there. Nobody invades the house of a murderer being disarmed.
I went to the kitchen door cautiously, and pointed the gun at the door of the living room.
"FUCK! YOOCHUN, YOU WANT TO DIE? "
He was also armed. "Good to know that you are ready to defend yourself if someone break into your house. I've told you a million times for you to move, you're living in this apartment for so long, it's not safe! Your enemies will find out and then you're screwed. "
"If you came here just to lecture me, I'll really shoot you."
But he wasn't really listening.
"What is it?" He asked.
"What?"
"What's in your hand?"
"A gun."
"I know, idiot. I'm asking what that is in your other hand. "
I hid the cat behind my back, but Yoochun came to me and saw the animal.
"Changmin! You can't have a cat! You think you can drag this little and fluffly thing around, while working? Moreover, usually the hotels don't accept pets! Why did you adopt him? "
"But it wasn't me who adopted it! It was him! "
"Who?"
"You don't understand, I HAVE to take care of him. I'm in love!"
"For the kitten?"
"Yes!"
He looked at me with a worried expression.
"Not THAT kitten!"
He probably gave up trying to understand me and sat on the couch, he looked so tired.
" Changminie , I have a job for you. Important work . "
" I told you- "
"I don't care what you told me, boy. We HAVE to do this work . "
"Why?" I don't know why I was so hesitant. Killing was no big deal. Besides, I always knew that this is not a job to quit. Not because it would be good be a killer (it wasn't), but because this is a kind of career where it is easy to lose control.
He sighed , I realized he was getting angry , but what could I do? I didn't want to kill anymore ... The only thing I want now is to take care of my life like a normal person without hotel rooms, and loaded weapons at home. I just want to take care of my two kittens.
"We are buried in that shit, my friend." He said "While we don't kill all the names that are on that fucking list, we can't get attached to anything or anyone, and that includes kittens. If our enemies find out why we care about these people will be in danger. "
I knew he was right. I sighed and sat down beside him. "Chunie, you know how many men we have to kill?"
"No, I have never seen that list. They just call me and say the next name. "
"It seems like a pretty big list."
I am not a free-lancer. This kills the charm of the work, right? Yoochun and I are slaves of this system. We kill people who are on the list. A list that our employer hired us to murder. There is no escaping it. If at the beginning we knew there would be so many sacrifices, we would be doing something different?
What would be the choice for people so desperate for money as we?
"I'm going to pee." I said and he replied something like "I don't need this kind of information."
"Changmin!" Yoochun shouted from the living room and and I found it odd that he sounded so scared.
"What?" I yelled back, but he didn't answer. "Yoochun? Yoochun?"
I washed my hands trying to listen more carefully, but there was no sound, the house was silent as a tomb.
The light of the morning sun coming through the windows formed oblique shadows. There was a shadow, light and silence.
In the room I found my friend where I had left him, but he was standing, reading a little crumpled notebook.
His eyes were wide and his hands trembled a little.
"Yoochun-ah? Yoochun! What happened?"
He looked at me and I realized he was more scared than I thought at first.
"Changmin! Where'd you get this notebook?"
As I approached I realized that this was the little wrinkled and worn notebook that I found in Jaejoong's backpack
.
"Where'd you find this?" I tried to pick up the notebook but Yoochun stepped back defensively. "Chun! What's wrong with you?"
"That was almost under the couch! Changmin, how did you get this notebook? Tell me!"
I took the book and read its contents. When I understood what was written there, the only sound I could hear was the sound of my heartbeat.
Yoochun called my name, but the other words he was saying sounded like a foreign language.
In the notebook were written the names of each person I and Yoochun had murdered since last year and other names, many names. The names of those we killed were scratched, but had other names scratched - I could imagine that each of those names had been killed, and others were doomed to the same fate.
Why Jaejoong would have this book?
In front of each name, had their sins "Corruption, extortion, bribery, fraud, murder"
"This notebook belongs to him," I whispered.
In my head, the words he had said to me in the cafeteria wouldn't stop echoing 'I don’t want to play with you now, I 'm tired of all the dirt.'
What's that supposed to mean?
"This notebook belongs to whom? Changmin, what's happening?"
"I DON'T KNOW!"
-
Yoochun wouldn't let me drink anything alcoholic, although I needed it.
His arguments were:
it was too early to drink
he wanted me to be sober and lucid when I told him in detail what was happening.
.
"In details" he said.
He is my friend, my best friend. I was nt sure if he would understand my feelings, but there was no doubt that I needed to tell him all, after all, he was who I always trusted.
"I met my kitten ..."
"Kitten? This kitten?" He pointed out that the cat was on my lap.
"Not this kitten ... the other. His name is Jaejoong, and he was a stripper."
"Okay ... you met a kitten and he was a stripper."
"A human, not a real kitten, you know."
"Of course I know, Changmin, I'm not stupid."
I sighed and gently rubbed the cat's ears that was in my lap. Jaejoong was wrong in thinking that I don't miss him being with a real kitten.
"One night he was being followed and I saved his life. Afterwards he ..." Now that I think about it, a few pieces of the puzzle start falling into place. He was being chased that night - the night he touched my dick for the first time. After that, I saw him being chased him when I took him from the rain. Why in almost every situation I find him, he is being chased by someone?
Well, there was also that time when I met him in the cafeteria - maybe even our destinies were really intertwined.
"Afterwards he... what?" Yoochun pushed me.
"After that, he was being chased by other guys and I saved him again. We came here ..." Oops, Yoochun don't need to know what happened after that. I think my red cheeks are compromising enough, however.
"And what? You guys had sex!"
Okay. He already knows more than enough, right?
"Hahaha Changmin, your face is red! I'm right? Haha you fucked him!"
"Park Yoochun, I thought the issue here was serious. Stop mocking me." I hit the pillow in his face.
"Okay, I can do it another time."
Great, I know he will not forget this issue.
"This notebook was inside his backpack, but forgot to check what it was."
I omitted the part where Jaejoong had tried to kill me while I slept because I knew this 'detail' would not let Yoochun to rely on Jaejoong.
I don't know what is happening and I have no reason to trust Jae, but for some reason I want to protect him and to do that, I needed to convince Yoochun to help me.
"Chun, I'm sure there is some logical explanation for this, I know that Jaejoong has his problems, but imagining he's involved in something like this is too much for me to believe."
He sighed and said "Min, you're in love, your conception of how Jaejoong really is, may be distorted."
Does it really matter if he isn't a good person? But I can't believe all that I saw is nothing but a farce, a puppet.
Jaejoong, I need you to appear here in front of us, smiling your sweet and rare smile, calling me stupid and telling that it's all a lie.
"Please, Yoochun, you have to help me find him, I just want to protect him."
"As far as I know, Changmin, he can be worse than us."
"I wouldn't think something like that about the kitten."
"I'll help you save your kitten, he has a lot of interesting information. But I hope your good sense will prevail in the end. Dont you dare to die by his hands."
I heart was tight, but I was getting used to that feeling.
"Let's investigate, Chun. I know someone who knows him."
We left the apartment and I took the kitten with us, I need to give it a name. Any suggestions?
A/N: This is unedited! Please ignore mistakes!