(no subject)
I hate having insomnia.
Well, maybe i don't have insomnia, but i have an incredibaly hard time falling asleep.
The worst thing is that when i lie awake in bed, i think about all the things i regret.
LIke right now, i'm thinking about Swedes and how much of an asshole i was.
I had alsways told myself and lived by the code of not being what i saw all around me. Guys being peices of shit to thier girlfriends.
And what did i go and do? i went off and shacked up with one of her closer friends, one of her friends she grew up down the street from.
What did i get from it? a family sedan.
What did i lose? a lot. I lost a lot of time, money, and credability to myself as being a good person.
I sometimes imagine what would have transpired if i had stayed with swedes, and brought her down to mass instead of katelyn.
I wish that i had dated Katelyn in college and dated Swedes when i was in mass, working and trying to build something out of my life. During college swedes stood by me even when i sometimes didn't want to stand by her. She supported my leaving for Mass. She supported me going AWAY from her. I can't imagine how much support she would have given me if we had a life together where i needed someone to come home to.
It makes me really think about how things would be right now, i bet i'd be in bed right now, one arm around her, thinking about deals i want to close. Instead, i'm sitting at my computer thinking about how i have to get up in 6 hours for work.
That girl loved me, and i took it all for granted.
Sometimes i really question my morals.
And my principles.
Well, maybe i don't have insomnia, but i have an incredibaly hard time falling asleep.
The worst thing is that when i lie awake in bed, i think about all the things i regret.
LIke right now, i'm thinking about Swedes and how much of an asshole i was.
I had alsways told myself and lived by the code of not being what i saw all around me. Guys being peices of shit to thier girlfriends.
And what did i go and do? i went off and shacked up with one of her closer friends, one of her friends she grew up down the street from.
What did i get from it? a family sedan.
What did i lose? a lot. I lost a lot of time, money, and credability to myself as being a good person.
I sometimes imagine what would have transpired if i had stayed with swedes, and brought her down to mass instead of katelyn.
I wish that i had dated Katelyn in college and dated Swedes when i was in mass, working and trying to build something out of my life. During college swedes stood by me even when i sometimes didn't want to stand by her. She supported my leaving for Mass. She supported me going AWAY from her. I can't imagine how much support she would have given me if we had a life together where i needed someone to come home to.
It makes me really think about how things would be right now, i bet i'd be in bed right now, one arm around her, thinking about deals i want to close. Instead, i'm sitting at my computer thinking about how i have to get up in 6 hours for work.
That girl loved me, and i took it all for granted.
Sometimes i really question my morals.
And my principles.