(500) Days of Blaine, Part 3/5
Author: jjjjordo
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Summary: Written for gleeatthemoviesgleeatthemovies,
Kurt Hummel of Lima, Ohio, grew up believing that he’d never truly be happy until he met his soulmate, thanks to hours of Disney movies and romantic Broadway musicals. The other boy, Blaine Anderson of Westerville, Ohio, did not share this belief. Since the disintegration of his parents’ marriage, he’d believed that love didn’t exist. Kurt meets Blaine on January 8th in a New York office building. In an instant, he will know that Blaine’s the one he’s been looking for. But before they meet, you should know up front that this is not a love story.
Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Glee or (500) Days of Summer.
Spoilers: None for Glee, but the entire plot of (500) Days of Summer is completely spoiled. Direct lines from the movie are used frequently.
Warning: Some sexual themes and mild language.
MASTERPOST CAN BE FOUND HERE.
259.
“London, 1964. Those girls knew how to dress. It’s so much different now…cheap fabrics and animal print and giant sunglasses, hoop earings, tattoos, far too much cleavage, handbags with little dogs in them, which in itself should be a crime against both fashion and humanity…” Kurt was trailing off as they sat at the bar.
He felt bad for ranting endlessly when Blaine looked completely bored, but he kind of didn’t feel bad at all. He just wanted to speak his mind. Besides, Blaine had looked bored since the moment they arrived at the bar, though it had been his suggestion to go in the first place, and it didn’t look like that was going to change anytime soon. He’d barely spoken a word to Kurt, other than what was absolutely necessary to say.
“Some people like it,” Blaine said quietly.
“I like your jacket,” Kurt commented.
“I was thinking about getting a tattoo on one of my ankles,” Blaine said, “With some song lyrics, most likely a Beatles song, but I haven’t decided yet. Maybe it’ll be one of my original songs.”
“No, don’t do it.” Kurt said quickly, shaking his head vigorously. Blaine gave him an annoyed look, and before he could say something, they were interrupted.
“Hey, handsome.” said a voice. A tall, sharp, young gentleman stepped up to the bar beside Blaine, flashing a straight, white smile at him. “How’s it going?”
“Uh, okay?” Blaine said slowly, not looking interested at all.
“Do you live around here?” asked the guy, nodding. Kurt was glaring daggers at him.
“Yeah, not too far.” Blaine said.
“I’ve never seen you here before,” the guy commented.
“You’re not too observant.” Blaine said with an eye roll.
The guy laughed. “That’s funny,” he said, “You’re funny. Let me buy you a drink. The name’s Sebastian, but you can call me anything you want.”
“No, thank you.” Blaine said politely.
“You with this guy?” Sebastian said, nodding towards Kurt, who was observing the whole thing quietly.
“Hey, I’m Kurt.” Kurt said, waving and plastering a fake smile on his face. Blaine’s boyfriend, he wanted to add on, though he said nothing of the sort.
“Whatever,” Sebastian said before turning back to Blaine, “So, come on, one drink.”
“I said no thanks.” Blaine said a little less politely.
“You’re serious,” Sebastian said, looking from Blaine to Kurt and back, “This guy?”
“Hey,” Kurt said warningly.
“Hey, don’t be rude,” Blaine said to Sebastian, “I’m flattered, but I’m not interested, so why don’t you go over there and leave us alone? Thanks.”
Sebastian just stood there, still looking smug, for a second before speaking again.
“It’s a free country,” he said like a prick. When nobody said anything, he just shook his head and walked away, but not before turning around again and saying, “I can’t believe this is your boyfriend.”
“What the hell is your problem?” Kurt yelled at the top of his lungs, attracting the attention of the whole bar. Everyone got terribly silent, and all eyes were on the two of them.
“I’m just making a valid point,” Sebastian said with that stupid smirk still on his face, “This guy right here is too good for you, and it’s obvious. I hate to break it to you, but you’ve got a serious case of the gay face, man.”
That’s when it got personal.
“That was crazy, did you see the look on his face? He’d never been so insulted in his life!” Kurt said, laughing, when they entered Blaine’s apartment later that night.
Of course, no physical injuries had come of the smackdown. Kurt had never been particularly strong, and had never been in a fight where he’d actually fought back. Sure, he’d defended himself when being bullied in high school, but those fights were a lot more one-sided, the opponent always winning. He was more of the verbal fighting type, as the entire bar had seen earlier when he and Sebastian had been fighting. They’d been nearly reduced to fighting with their fists when Blaine ended it by asking Kurt if they could leave.
“I think he really knew he was done for when I got him about his smirky little meerkat face. But in all seriousness, that was great.” Kurt continued.
“What’s the matter?” Kurt asked when he noticed that Blaine wasn’t saying anything, let alone even looking in his general direction.
“I just can’t believe you.” Blaine said quietly. All of a sudden, he seemed like such a child with his small voice.
“You can’t believe me?” Kurt said.
“Kurt,” Blaine sighed, “That wasn’t cool, you weren’t cool. You were uncool.”
“Are you mad at me?” Kurt asked. “I just screamed at an asshole I barely know for you. And, if you didn’t notice, he kind of verbally kicked my ass, too.”
“Oh, so that was for me, for my benefit?” Blaine said, raising his eyebrows.
“Of course it was!” Kurt said defensively.
“Well, next time, don’t. Because I don’t need your help.” Blaine said.
“You know what?” he sighed, walking over to his bedroom door, “I’m really tired, can we talk about this tomorrow?”
He stared at Kurt for a while before Kurt finally moved towards the door. He was going to leave, but he wasn’t quite finished with Blaine yet, so he whipped around. He wasn’t just going to leave this alone, he needed to find out what had been going on lately between him and Blaine.
“You know what?” he yelled, “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on, Blaine.”
“Nothing’s going on.” Blaine muttered. The look in his eyes didn’t convince Kurt, though. “We’re just…”
“What?” Kurt asked, “We’re just what?”
“Just friends.” Blaine muttered, and Kurt was done.
“No, don’t pull that with me,” he said, stomping his foot because he so badly wanted to push Blaine, wanted to kick him and shove him and hit him, but he couldn’t do that. He loved Blaine too much for that, couldn’t do that to someone he loved, especially after all that Blaine had been through. He could just yell, and yell he would. “Don’t even try to…this is not how you treat friends, Blaine. Kissing in the copy room, holding hands in Ikea, shower sex? Come on, friends my ass.”
Blaine didn’t even say a thing. He just sat there dumbly, looking at Kurt like a kicked puppy, and Kurt didn’t even want to feel sorry for him.
“I like you Kurt,” he said slowly, “I just don’t want a relationship.”
“Well, you’re not the only one who gets a say in this, I do too.” Kurt shouted, his voice cracking as he was on the verge of tears “And I say we’re a couple, God damn it.”
He stomped out the door and slammed it behind him, running out of Blaine’s apartment building and out into the cold, uncomforting darkness of the night.
Blaine showed up at his door hours later. Kurt said not a word, but waited for Blaine to go first. Kurt had said plenty. Blaine was soaking wet, as it had been raining and he’d probably walked there, but Kurt wasn’t going to invite him in until he said something that resembled an apology. He knew that made him selfish and mean, but Blaine really did owe him some kind of explanation or an apology, though he would have liked to hear both if possible.
“I shouldn’t have done that.” Blaine said in almost a whisper.
“Done what?” Kurt said. He wasn’t sure exactly what Blaine was apologizing for; the overreacting to the fight, dodging Kurt’s questions, or even insisting that they were not a couple, and that this whole thing was completely casual.
“Got mad at you.” Blaine said, pouting. “I’m sorry.”
“Look,” Kurt sighed, “We don’t have to put a label on it, that’s fine. I get it. I just need some consistency here. How do I know you’re not going to wake up in the morning and feel differently?”
Blaine stepped closer, so that their faces were only inches apart.
“I can’t give you that, Kurt.” he whispered, looking truly sorry. “Nobody can.”
Then Blaine was kissing Kurt and Kurt told himself not to give in, that Blaine was playing with his weaknesses, but his body felt the opposite way. His lips kissed Blaine back, and before he knew it, he was leading Blaine to his bed once again.
Kurt Hummel was weak.
***
“Have you ever…had a boyfriend?” Kurt asked the next morning. He and Blaine were snuggled up in bed, warm under the covers. They hadn’t done anything last night, but they’d fallen asleep in each others’ arms after hours of slow, tender kissing.
“Why do you want to know?” Blaine teased. He kissed Kurt on the nose sweetly.
“Because,” Kurt said, shrugging.
“It’s not important.” Blaine insisted, shrugging.
“It is to me.” Kurt pouted.
“Fine,” Blaine said with a sigh, sitting up. “You want to go there?”
“Yeah, I can take it.” Kurt said with a smirk.
“So…well, in high school, there was Nick.” Blaine said.
“Secret relationship with the closeted homosexual quarterback-slash-homecoming king…very small-town.” Kurt interrupted.
“No, he was an out and proud rower,” Blaine said with an adorable grin, “He was very hot.”
Kurt laughed, and Blaine continued. “For a brief time, in college, there was Wesley.”
Kurt imagined the lead guitarist and singer in a band, a real chill guy, very open about everything. He’d be the kind of guy that Blaine would get along well with.
“She was nice, but…” Blaine said, trailing off and sighing. Kurt raised his eyebrows, but said nothing.
“And then there was my semester in San Francisco, Fernando,” Blaine said. A huge smile came across his face at the thought of the name. “Also known as the Puma.”
“The Puma?” Kurt asked skeptically.
“Yeah, the Puma,” Blaine said, nodding, “Because, you know…”
Kurt just nodded slowly, biting his lip to stifle laughter. When Blaine didn’t say anything, he finally spoke.
“That’s it?” he asked.
“The ones that lasted, yeah.” Blaine confirmed.
“What happened, why didn’t they work out?” Kurt asked. He knew he was being annoyingly nosy, but if he wanted this relationship with Blaine to last at least a little longer, he really needed to know everything that had gone wrong in Blaine’s previous relationships so that he didn’t make the same mistakes. He felt manipulative for thinking that, but he really did need Blaine.
“What always happens,” Blaine said as if it were obvious, “Life.”
***
“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” Kurt said, shaking his head furiously.
They had been sitting on their picnic blanket in the middle of the park on a beautiful day. It was quite romantic, actually, and all had been going well until Blaine had suggested they do something fun, then proceeded to explain exactly what he wanted to do.
“No, it’s not. It’s awesome. Trust me. I’m serious. I’ll go first.” Blaine said. The look on his face was dead serious, though what he was about to do was exactly the opposite of that.
“Penis.” He said in a volume barely over a whisper. He gestured towards Kurt, who hesitated for quite a while before taking his turn with great reluctance.
“Penis.” He said in the same volume Blaine had used.
“Penis.” Blaine said a little bit louder, a little higher than a normal speaking volume.
“Penis.” Kurt said in the same volume.
“Penis.” Blaine said quickly, grinning like a child.
“There’s kids around.” Kurt whispered harshly.
“There’s no kids around.” Blaine stated. Just then, three small children ran by, giggling and yelling, and Kurt gave Blaine a look.
“Penis.” He said pretty loudly.
“Penis.” Blaine yelled.
“Having fun?” Kurt asked.
“Yeah,” Blaine said with a grin.
“This is the kind of thing you did with the Puma, isn’t it?” Kurt asked.
“No, we rarely left the room.” Blaine said with a shrug. Kurt shuddered at the thought.
“PENIS!” Kurt nearly screamed. A bunch of people in the park turned to look at him then, and he made up excuses on the spot. “Sorry, turrets!” he explained with an apologetic look.
“Penis!” Blaine called out.
“She has it too,” Kurt said to some more people walking by, “PENIS!”
“PENIS!” Blaine started to yell louder than either of them had, but Kurt put his hand over his mouth and shushed him, laughing.
“Are you done?” he asked. Blaine nodded, and he took his hand off of Blaine’s mouth.
Kurt picked up the book he’d been sketching in, starting to draw a pair of Gaga-esque shoes he’d been thinking of. They sat in silence for a few moments before Blaine screamed “PENIS!” for the last time, and Kurt proceeded to tackle him.
***
191.
Kurt wasn’t really sure exactly what he was seeing. Of course, he had read the descriptions under the rather artistic photos, which told him that these were shots of different household objects when held under a microscope, but that didn’t give him any more insight as to why exactly they were considered art at all. Blaine seemed to be equally confused, but they just progressed through the gallery, nodding at equally odd sculptures, photos, and paintings.
“Very…complex.” Kurt commented as they looked at another set of blown-up black and white photographs, which looked like a series of tubes or something of the like.
“In a way, it sort of, like…says so much by saying so little.” Blaine said as they looked at a sculpture of a mass of toy cars stuck together, one being separate from the pile. Kurt wasn’t exactly sure if it had been an accident, or if someone had broken the sculpture and just not said anything.
It was after looking at what seemed to be a piece of poop for a few minutes that Kurt suggested they go to the movies instead. Blaine hadn’t hesitated more than half a second before agreeing, and they headed out of the gallery.
Kurt hadn’t wanted to see it, he really hadn’t; in fact, there was a revival showing of an old romantic French movie that he’d heard about and had wanted to drag Blaine to at that theater. However, Blaine being Blaine, he’d picked instead the least appealing movie of the century: “Vagiant: Part Vampire, Part Giant.”
It really was as hilarious as the critics had made it out to be, in its stupidity. When they weren’t laughing or attempting to drink without snorting Pepsi out of their noses and attempting to eat without choking on overly salty popcorn, Blaine and Kurt were talking, holding hands, smiling at each other the entire time.
***
314.
It wasn’t the romantic love story that he’d wanted to see months before, but it was definitely a French black and white, and at least he had that.
The story was instead of a depressed man who had lost everything he once held dear to him: his job, his friends, his money, his love. The whole time, Kurt couldn’t help but see himself in the position of the man, though he hadn’t yet lost his money or his job, and certainly not his friends. He had, though, lost the love of his life, and he surely wasn’t coming back anytime soon.
“He is broken,” the subtitles, which Kurt did not need to understand the language, read, “More than broken, he is alone. Now his only friend is grief.”
“In any case…suffering,” the subtitles read later on in the movie, “Endless suffering. The kind of suffering that never ends.”
“A shitload of suffering,” Kurt murmured under his breath, crossing his arms and sighing in discontent.
He drifted off, into what he thought was very deep thought, and he didn’t even realize until the house lights went up that he’d been sleeping. He looked around to make sure nobody had seen him dozing off, and then got up slowly, as if still sleeping.
***
321.
“Kurt?” asked as voice. Kurt looked up to see Mr. Schuester’s new (but not really new, Kurt was still getting used to not seeing Blaine around) assistant looking hesitantly expectant as she stood beside his desk.
“Yes?” Kurt asked politely.
“Mr. Schuester would like to see you in his office.” The assistant said, and Kurt nodded. He didn’t realize until he was entering Mr. Schue’s office that he still didn’t know the assistant’s name, not that he really cared, but still.
“Kurt,” Mr. Schuester said as he knocked lightly on the open door, “Have a seat.”
Kurt sat in one of the rather comfy chairs in front of the desk and sighed.
“Has something happened to you recently?” Mr. Schuester asked.
“What do you mean?” Kurt said.
“A death in the family, someone’s sick, anything like that?” Mr. Schue continued.
“No.” Kurt said plainly, shaking his head.
“Look, I don’t mean to pry, but does this have something to do with Blaine leaving?” Mr. Schuester asked after a long silence.
“Who?” Kurt asked, trying not to let his emotions give him away.
“My assistant,” Mr. Schuester answered.
“Your…um…” Kurt said, pretending to be confused.
“Kurt,” Mr. Schuester said with a sigh, “Everyone knows.”
“Never mind,” he said when Kurt didn’t respond, “The reason I’m asking is: lately, your work performance has been…a little off.”
“I’m not following.” Kurt said.
“Okay, um…” Mr. Schuester said, picking up a card Kurt had designed from a small stack of cards on his desk and opening it up to read it, “Here’s something that you wrote last week: ‘Roses are red, violets are blue…Fuck you, whore.’ Now, most people shopping for Valentine’s day-”
“Mr. Schue, are you firing me?” Kurt interrupted.
“No, no,” Mr. Schuester insisted, “Relax, Kurt. You’re one of the good ones.”
“I’m sorry, things have been a little…difficult.” Kurt apologized.
“That’s okay,” Mr. Schuester said, “I completely understand that. I’m just saying that perhaps…you could channel those energies into something like this.”
He handed Kurt a different stack of greeting cards.
“Funerals and sympathy,” Kurt commented with a slightly offended nod.
“Misery,” Mr. Schuester said, “Sadness, loss of faith, no reason to live…This is perfect for you.”
“Uh…” Kurt said, trying to search for words.
“Good,” Mr. Schuester continued, taking that as an affirmative, “Now, back to work you go.”
“Thanks.” Kurt said with a fake smile as he got up and left the office.
On his way out, he saw it sitting on the table right outside of Mr. Schuester’s office.
I Love Us, the card read. Kurt sneered and threw it down before stomping away.
***
167.
“Hey! Don’t you have, like, 20 cards to write by Friday?” Finn asked as Kurt breezed by, absolutely floating on air.
“Nope, I finished ‘em already!” Kurt said with a satisfied grin.
“All 20? Well, can you help me? I’ve run out of ways to say ‘Congrats.’” Finn said, holding up a pad of paper, “I’ve got ‘good job,’ ‘well done,’ and ‘way to go.’ That’s it.”
“How about: ‘Every day you make me proud. But, today, you get a card.’” Kurt suggested.
“Kurt, that’s awesome!” Finn said.
“I know.” Kurt said before whipping around and heading towards his cubicle.
“We’ve been stuck on this for an hour,” Santana complained. She and a lot of the other women were working on Valentine’s Day cards, and they had simply run out of gooey phrases and cutesy poems to include in the cards.
“How about…” Kurt trailed off, racking his brain for any cheesy phrase he’d seen or come up with before that they could use for a card. He looked over at Blaine, who was standing over a cubicle outside of Santana’s office and helping Tina, a coworker, with something. His eyes met Kurt’s and he smiled with a little wave before returning to his work.
“I love us,” Kurt said, a ghost of a smile forming on his lips. The ladies in Santana’s office gushed and made sounds of approval. Kurt just stared at Blaine lovingly.
***
322.
“I hate Blaine.” Kurt grumbled. He was sitting with Sam in his apartment, having a drink, and even thinking about Blaine was making him sick. So he talked about it.
“I hate his crooked teeth,” he continued, “I hate his stupid gelled hair. I hate his ugly ankles. I hate that disgusting vein that sticks out on his arm, and I hate the way he smacks his lips before he talks. I hate the way he sounds when he laughs.”
Sam just sighed and took a long swig of his beer.
***
345.
“So, I normally don’t do blind dates, but Sam spoke very highly of you.” Jeff, Kurt’s date that Sam had hooked him up with, said, “They said you write greeting cards; that’s so interesting! I wanted to write; I actually majored in English in college, but what are you gonna do with that degree? I went to Brown, where did you go?”
“Jeff, Kurt said with a heavy sigh, “Listen, it’s great to meet you, and you’re a very attractive guy, but I just want to say upfront that this isn’t…this isn’t going to go anywhere.”
“Oh,” Jeff said, face falling.
“I liked this guy,” Kurt slurred later on in the middle of what was once he and Blaine’s favorite diner, “I mean, I loved him. What’d he do? He took a giant…shit on my face, literally.”
“Literally?” Jeff asked, eyes widening.
“Not literally,” Kurt snapped, “That’s disgusting, Jesus. What’s the matter with you?”
He took a swig of his drink before continuing. “The point is: I’m messed up, I really am. On one hand, I want to forget him, on the other hand…I know he’s the only person in the entire universe who will make me happy.”
“Do you ever think back on all of the times you have with somebody, and you just replay it in your head over and over again, and you look for those first signs of trouble?” Kurt said. “There’s two options, really: either he’s an evil, emotionless, miserable human being, or…he’s a robot. That would explain a lot, actually…”
“Can I ask you a question?” Jeff interrupted. He looked pretty pissed.
“Yeah,” Kurt said.
“He never cheated on you?” Jeff asked.
“No, never.” Kurt answered.
“Did he ever take advantage of you in any way?” Jeff continued.
Kurt had to think a while before answering that one, but eventually said, “No, not really.”
“And he told you upfront that he didn’t want a boyfriend?” Jeff asked slowly, though it sounded like more of a statement than a question to Kurt.
“Yeah.” Kurt responded just as slowly.
Jeff just looked at him for a while, and the corners of Kurt’s mouth turned upwards until he was full-on grinning.
“I’ve got an idea.” He said.
He kind of blacked out after the first few drinks at the Mill. He vaguely remembered going up to sing something, though he didn’t really remember what, just that it was a bitter love-we-used-to-have type of song that expressed his feelings perfectly. He vaguely remembered Jeff leaving without explanation other than a disgusted look on his face.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Kurt/Blaine
Summary: Written for gleeatthemoviesgleeatthemovies,
Kurt Hummel of Lima, Ohio, grew up believing that he’d never truly be happy until he met his soulmate, thanks to hours of Disney movies and romantic Broadway musicals. The other boy, Blaine Anderson of Westerville, Ohio, did not share this belief. Since the disintegration of his parents’ marriage, he’d believed that love didn’t exist. Kurt meets Blaine on January 8th in a New York office building. In an instant, he will know that Blaine’s the one he’s been looking for. But before they meet, you should know up front that this is not a love story.
Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Glee or (500) Days of Summer.
Spoilers: None for Glee, but the entire plot of (500) Days of Summer is completely spoiled. Direct lines from the movie are used frequently.
Warning: Some sexual themes and mild language.
MASTERPOST CAN BE FOUND HERE.
259.
“London, 1964. Those girls knew how to dress. It’s so much different now…cheap fabrics and animal print and giant sunglasses, hoop earings, tattoos, far too much cleavage, handbags with little dogs in them, which in itself should be a crime against both fashion and humanity…” Kurt was trailing off as they sat at the bar.
He felt bad for ranting endlessly when Blaine looked completely bored, but he kind of didn’t feel bad at all. He just wanted to speak his mind. Besides, Blaine had looked bored since the moment they arrived at the bar, though it had been his suggestion to go in the first place, and it didn’t look like that was going to change anytime soon. He’d barely spoken a word to Kurt, other than what was absolutely necessary to say.
“Some people like it,” Blaine said quietly.
“I like your jacket,” Kurt commented.
“I was thinking about getting a tattoo on one of my ankles,” Blaine said, “With some song lyrics, most likely a Beatles song, but I haven’t decided yet. Maybe it’ll be one of my original songs.”
“No, don’t do it.” Kurt said quickly, shaking his head vigorously. Blaine gave him an annoyed look, and before he could say something, they were interrupted.
“Hey, handsome.” said a voice. A tall, sharp, young gentleman stepped up to the bar beside Blaine, flashing a straight, white smile at him. “How’s it going?”
“Uh, okay?” Blaine said slowly, not looking interested at all.
“Do you live around here?” asked the guy, nodding. Kurt was glaring daggers at him.
“Yeah, not too far.” Blaine said.
“I’ve never seen you here before,” the guy commented.
“You’re not too observant.” Blaine said with an eye roll.
The guy laughed. “That’s funny,” he said, “You’re funny. Let me buy you a drink. The name’s Sebastian, but you can call me anything you want.”
“No, thank you.” Blaine said politely.
“You with this guy?” Sebastian said, nodding towards Kurt, who was observing the whole thing quietly.
“Hey, I’m Kurt.” Kurt said, waving and plastering a fake smile on his face. Blaine’s boyfriend, he wanted to add on, though he said nothing of the sort.
“Whatever,” Sebastian said before turning back to Blaine, “So, come on, one drink.”
“I said no thanks.” Blaine said a little less politely.
“You’re serious,” Sebastian said, looking from Blaine to Kurt and back, “This guy?”
“Hey,” Kurt said warningly.
“Hey, don’t be rude,” Blaine said to Sebastian, “I’m flattered, but I’m not interested, so why don’t you go over there and leave us alone? Thanks.”
Sebastian just stood there, still looking smug, for a second before speaking again.
“It’s a free country,” he said like a prick. When nobody said anything, he just shook his head and walked away, but not before turning around again and saying, “I can’t believe this is your boyfriend.”
“What the hell is your problem?” Kurt yelled at the top of his lungs, attracting the attention of the whole bar. Everyone got terribly silent, and all eyes were on the two of them.
“I’m just making a valid point,” Sebastian said with that stupid smirk still on his face, “This guy right here is too good for you, and it’s obvious. I hate to break it to you, but you’ve got a serious case of the gay face, man.”
That’s when it got personal.
“That was crazy, did you see the look on his face? He’d never been so insulted in his life!” Kurt said, laughing, when they entered Blaine’s apartment later that night.
Of course, no physical injuries had come of the smackdown. Kurt had never been particularly strong, and had never been in a fight where he’d actually fought back. Sure, he’d defended himself when being bullied in high school, but those fights were a lot more one-sided, the opponent always winning. He was more of the verbal fighting type, as the entire bar had seen earlier when he and Sebastian had been fighting. They’d been nearly reduced to fighting with their fists when Blaine ended it by asking Kurt if they could leave.
“I think he really knew he was done for when I got him about his smirky little meerkat face. But in all seriousness, that was great.” Kurt continued.
“What’s the matter?” Kurt asked when he noticed that Blaine wasn’t saying anything, let alone even looking in his general direction.
“I just can’t believe you.” Blaine said quietly. All of a sudden, he seemed like such a child with his small voice.
“You can’t believe me?” Kurt said.
“Kurt,” Blaine sighed, “That wasn’t cool, you weren’t cool. You were uncool.”
“Are you mad at me?” Kurt asked. “I just screamed at an asshole I barely know for you. And, if you didn’t notice, he kind of verbally kicked my ass, too.”
“Oh, so that was for me, for my benefit?” Blaine said, raising his eyebrows.
“Of course it was!” Kurt said defensively.
“Well, next time, don’t. Because I don’t need your help.” Blaine said.
“You know what?” he sighed, walking over to his bedroom door, “I’m really tired, can we talk about this tomorrow?”
He stared at Kurt for a while before Kurt finally moved towards the door. He was going to leave, but he wasn’t quite finished with Blaine yet, so he whipped around. He wasn’t just going to leave this alone, he needed to find out what had been going on lately between him and Blaine.
“You know what?” he yelled, “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on, Blaine.”
“Nothing’s going on.” Blaine muttered. The look in his eyes didn’t convince Kurt, though. “We’re just…”
“What?” Kurt asked, “We’re just what?”
“Just friends.” Blaine muttered, and Kurt was done.
“No, don’t pull that with me,” he said, stomping his foot because he so badly wanted to push Blaine, wanted to kick him and shove him and hit him, but he couldn’t do that. He loved Blaine too much for that, couldn’t do that to someone he loved, especially after all that Blaine had been through. He could just yell, and yell he would. “Don’t even try to…this is not how you treat friends, Blaine. Kissing in the copy room, holding hands in Ikea, shower sex? Come on, friends my ass.”
Blaine didn’t even say a thing. He just sat there dumbly, looking at Kurt like a kicked puppy, and Kurt didn’t even want to feel sorry for him.
“I like you Kurt,” he said slowly, “I just don’t want a relationship.”
“Well, you’re not the only one who gets a say in this, I do too.” Kurt shouted, his voice cracking as he was on the verge of tears “And I say we’re a couple, God damn it.”
He stomped out the door and slammed it behind him, running out of Blaine’s apartment building and out into the cold, uncomforting darkness of the night.
Blaine showed up at his door hours later. Kurt said not a word, but waited for Blaine to go first. Kurt had said plenty. Blaine was soaking wet, as it had been raining and he’d probably walked there, but Kurt wasn’t going to invite him in until he said something that resembled an apology. He knew that made him selfish and mean, but Blaine really did owe him some kind of explanation or an apology, though he would have liked to hear both if possible.
“I shouldn’t have done that.” Blaine said in almost a whisper.
“Done what?” Kurt said. He wasn’t sure exactly what Blaine was apologizing for; the overreacting to the fight, dodging Kurt’s questions, or even insisting that they were not a couple, and that this whole thing was completely casual.
“Got mad at you.” Blaine said, pouting. “I’m sorry.”
“Look,” Kurt sighed, “We don’t have to put a label on it, that’s fine. I get it. I just need some consistency here. How do I know you’re not going to wake up in the morning and feel differently?”
Blaine stepped closer, so that their faces were only inches apart.
“I can’t give you that, Kurt.” he whispered, looking truly sorry. “Nobody can.”
Then Blaine was kissing Kurt and Kurt told himself not to give in, that Blaine was playing with his weaknesses, but his body felt the opposite way. His lips kissed Blaine back, and before he knew it, he was leading Blaine to his bed once again.
Kurt Hummel was weak.
***
“Have you ever…had a boyfriend?” Kurt asked the next morning. He and Blaine were snuggled up in bed, warm under the covers. They hadn’t done anything last night, but they’d fallen asleep in each others’ arms after hours of slow, tender kissing.
“Why do you want to know?” Blaine teased. He kissed Kurt on the nose sweetly.
“Because,” Kurt said, shrugging.
“It’s not important.” Blaine insisted, shrugging.
“It is to me.” Kurt pouted.
“Fine,” Blaine said with a sigh, sitting up. “You want to go there?”
“Yeah, I can take it.” Kurt said with a smirk.
“So…well, in high school, there was Nick.” Blaine said.
“Secret relationship with the closeted homosexual quarterback-slash-homecoming king…very small-town.” Kurt interrupted.
“No, he was an out and proud rower,” Blaine said with an adorable grin, “He was very hot.”
Kurt laughed, and Blaine continued. “For a brief time, in college, there was Wesley.”
Kurt imagined the lead guitarist and singer in a band, a real chill guy, very open about everything. He’d be the kind of guy that Blaine would get along well with.
“She was nice, but…” Blaine said, trailing off and sighing. Kurt raised his eyebrows, but said nothing.
“And then there was my semester in San Francisco, Fernando,” Blaine said. A huge smile came across his face at the thought of the name. “Also known as the Puma.”
“The Puma?” Kurt asked skeptically.
“Yeah, the Puma,” Blaine said, nodding, “Because, you know…”
Kurt just nodded slowly, biting his lip to stifle laughter. When Blaine didn’t say anything, he finally spoke.
“That’s it?” he asked.
“The ones that lasted, yeah.” Blaine confirmed.
“What happened, why didn’t they work out?” Kurt asked. He knew he was being annoyingly nosy, but if he wanted this relationship with Blaine to last at least a little longer, he really needed to know everything that had gone wrong in Blaine’s previous relationships so that he didn’t make the same mistakes. He felt manipulative for thinking that, but he really did need Blaine.
“What always happens,” Blaine said as if it were obvious, “Life.”
***
“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” Kurt said, shaking his head furiously.
They had been sitting on their picnic blanket in the middle of the park on a beautiful day. It was quite romantic, actually, and all had been going well until Blaine had suggested they do something fun, then proceeded to explain exactly what he wanted to do.
“No, it’s not. It’s awesome. Trust me. I’m serious. I’ll go first.” Blaine said. The look on his face was dead serious, though what he was about to do was exactly the opposite of that.
“Penis.” He said in a volume barely over a whisper. He gestured towards Kurt, who hesitated for quite a while before taking his turn with great reluctance.
“Penis.” He said in the same volume Blaine had used.
“Penis.” Blaine said a little bit louder, a little higher than a normal speaking volume.
“Penis.” Kurt said in the same volume.
“Penis.” Blaine said quickly, grinning like a child.
“There’s kids around.” Kurt whispered harshly.
“There’s no kids around.” Blaine stated. Just then, three small children ran by, giggling and yelling, and Kurt gave Blaine a look.
“Penis.” He said pretty loudly.
“Penis.” Blaine yelled.
“Having fun?” Kurt asked.
“Yeah,” Blaine said with a grin.
“This is the kind of thing you did with the Puma, isn’t it?” Kurt asked.
“No, we rarely left the room.” Blaine said with a shrug. Kurt shuddered at the thought.
“PENIS!” Kurt nearly screamed. A bunch of people in the park turned to look at him then, and he made up excuses on the spot. “Sorry, turrets!” he explained with an apologetic look.
“Penis!” Blaine called out.
“She has it too,” Kurt said to some more people walking by, “PENIS!”
“PENIS!” Blaine started to yell louder than either of them had, but Kurt put his hand over his mouth and shushed him, laughing.
“Are you done?” he asked. Blaine nodded, and he took his hand off of Blaine’s mouth.
Kurt picked up the book he’d been sketching in, starting to draw a pair of Gaga-esque shoes he’d been thinking of. They sat in silence for a few moments before Blaine screamed “PENIS!” for the last time, and Kurt proceeded to tackle him.
***
191.
Kurt wasn’t really sure exactly what he was seeing. Of course, he had read the descriptions under the rather artistic photos, which told him that these were shots of different household objects when held under a microscope, but that didn’t give him any more insight as to why exactly they were considered art at all. Blaine seemed to be equally confused, but they just progressed through the gallery, nodding at equally odd sculptures, photos, and paintings.
“Very…complex.” Kurt commented as they looked at another set of blown-up black and white photographs, which looked like a series of tubes or something of the like.
“In a way, it sort of, like…says so much by saying so little.” Blaine said as they looked at a sculpture of a mass of toy cars stuck together, one being separate from the pile. Kurt wasn’t exactly sure if it had been an accident, or if someone had broken the sculpture and just not said anything.
It was after looking at what seemed to be a piece of poop for a few minutes that Kurt suggested they go to the movies instead. Blaine hadn’t hesitated more than half a second before agreeing, and they headed out of the gallery.
Kurt hadn’t wanted to see it, he really hadn’t; in fact, there was a revival showing of an old romantic French movie that he’d heard about and had wanted to drag Blaine to at that theater. However, Blaine being Blaine, he’d picked instead the least appealing movie of the century: “Vagiant: Part Vampire, Part Giant.”
It really was as hilarious as the critics had made it out to be, in its stupidity. When they weren’t laughing or attempting to drink without snorting Pepsi out of their noses and attempting to eat without choking on overly salty popcorn, Blaine and Kurt were talking, holding hands, smiling at each other the entire time.
***
314.
It wasn’t the romantic love story that he’d wanted to see months before, but it was definitely a French black and white, and at least he had that.
The story was instead of a depressed man who had lost everything he once held dear to him: his job, his friends, his money, his love. The whole time, Kurt couldn’t help but see himself in the position of the man, though he hadn’t yet lost his money or his job, and certainly not his friends. He had, though, lost the love of his life, and he surely wasn’t coming back anytime soon.
“He is broken,” the subtitles, which Kurt did not need to understand the language, read, “More than broken, he is alone. Now his only friend is grief.”
“In any case…suffering,” the subtitles read later on in the movie, “Endless suffering. The kind of suffering that never ends.”
“A shitload of suffering,” Kurt murmured under his breath, crossing his arms and sighing in discontent.
He drifted off, into what he thought was very deep thought, and he didn’t even realize until the house lights went up that he’d been sleeping. He looked around to make sure nobody had seen him dozing off, and then got up slowly, as if still sleeping.
***
321.
“Kurt?” asked as voice. Kurt looked up to see Mr. Schuester’s new (but not really new, Kurt was still getting used to not seeing Blaine around) assistant looking hesitantly expectant as she stood beside his desk.
“Yes?” Kurt asked politely.
“Mr. Schuester would like to see you in his office.” The assistant said, and Kurt nodded. He didn’t realize until he was entering Mr. Schue’s office that he still didn’t know the assistant’s name, not that he really cared, but still.
“Kurt,” Mr. Schuester said as he knocked lightly on the open door, “Have a seat.”
Kurt sat in one of the rather comfy chairs in front of the desk and sighed.
“Has something happened to you recently?” Mr. Schuester asked.
“What do you mean?” Kurt said.
“A death in the family, someone’s sick, anything like that?” Mr. Schue continued.
“No.” Kurt said plainly, shaking his head.
“Look, I don’t mean to pry, but does this have something to do with Blaine leaving?” Mr. Schuester asked after a long silence.
“Who?” Kurt asked, trying not to let his emotions give him away.
“My assistant,” Mr. Schuester answered.
“Your…um…” Kurt said, pretending to be confused.
“Kurt,” Mr. Schuester said with a sigh, “Everyone knows.”
“Never mind,” he said when Kurt didn’t respond, “The reason I’m asking is: lately, your work performance has been…a little off.”
“I’m not following.” Kurt said.
“Okay, um…” Mr. Schuester said, picking up a card Kurt had designed from a small stack of cards on his desk and opening it up to read it, “Here’s something that you wrote last week: ‘Roses are red, violets are blue…Fuck you, whore.’ Now, most people shopping for Valentine’s day-”
“Mr. Schue, are you firing me?” Kurt interrupted.
“No, no,” Mr. Schuester insisted, “Relax, Kurt. You’re one of the good ones.”
“I’m sorry, things have been a little…difficult.” Kurt apologized.
“That’s okay,” Mr. Schuester said, “I completely understand that. I’m just saying that perhaps…you could channel those energies into something like this.”
He handed Kurt a different stack of greeting cards.
“Funerals and sympathy,” Kurt commented with a slightly offended nod.
“Misery,” Mr. Schuester said, “Sadness, loss of faith, no reason to live…This is perfect for you.”
“Uh…” Kurt said, trying to search for words.
“Good,” Mr. Schuester continued, taking that as an affirmative, “Now, back to work you go.”
“Thanks.” Kurt said with a fake smile as he got up and left the office.
On his way out, he saw it sitting on the table right outside of Mr. Schuester’s office.
I Love Us, the card read. Kurt sneered and threw it down before stomping away.
***
167.
“Hey! Don’t you have, like, 20 cards to write by Friday?” Finn asked as Kurt breezed by, absolutely floating on air.
“Nope, I finished ‘em already!” Kurt said with a satisfied grin.
“All 20? Well, can you help me? I’ve run out of ways to say ‘Congrats.’” Finn said, holding up a pad of paper, “I’ve got ‘good job,’ ‘well done,’ and ‘way to go.’ That’s it.”
“How about: ‘Every day you make me proud. But, today, you get a card.’” Kurt suggested.
“Kurt, that’s awesome!” Finn said.
“I know.” Kurt said before whipping around and heading towards his cubicle.
“We’ve been stuck on this for an hour,” Santana complained. She and a lot of the other women were working on Valentine’s Day cards, and they had simply run out of gooey phrases and cutesy poems to include in the cards.
“How about…” Kurt trailed off, racking his brain for any cheesy phrase he’d seen or come up with before that they could use for a card. He looked over at Blaine, who was standing over a cubicle outside of Santana’s office and helping Tina, a coworker, with something. His eyes met Kurt’s and he smiled with a little wave before returning to his work.
“I love us,” Kurt said, a ghost of a smile forming on his lips. The ladies in Santana’s office gushed and made sounds of approval. Kurt just stared at Blaine lovingly.
***
322.
“I hate Blaine.” Kurt grumbled. He was sitting with Sam in his apartment, having a drink, and even thinking about Blaine was making him sick. So he talked about it.
“I hate his crooked teeth,” he continued, “I hate his stupid gelled hair. I hate his ugly ankles. I hate that disgusting vein that sticks out on his arm, and I hate the way he smacks his lips before he talks. I hate the way he sounds when he laughs.”
Sam just sighed and took a long swig of his beer.
***
345.
“So, I normally don’t do blind dates, but Sam spoke very highly of you.” Jeff, Kurt’s date that Sam had hooked him up with, said, “They said you write greeting cards; that’s so interesting! I wanted to write; I actually majored in English in college, but what are you gonna do with that degree? I went to Brown, where did you go?”
“Jeff, Kurt said with a heavy sigh, “Listen, it’s great to meet you, and you’re a very attractive guy, but I just want to say upfront that this isn’t…this isn’t going to go anywhere.”
“Oh,” Jeff said, face falling.
“I liked this guy,” Kurt slurred later on in the middle of what was once he and Blaine’s favorite diner, “I mean, I loved him. What’d he do? He took a giant…shit on my face, literally.”
“Literally?” Jeff asked, eyes widening.
“Not literally,” Kurt snapped, “That’s disgusting, Jesus. What’s the matter with you?”
He took a swig of his drink before continuing. “The point is: I’m messed up, I really am. On one hand, I want to forget him, on the other hand…I know he’s the only person in the entire universe who will make me happy.”
“Do you ever think back on all of the times you have with somebody, and you just replay it in your head over and over again, and you look for those first signs of trouble?” Kurt said. “There’s two options, really: either he’s an evil, emotionless, miserable human being, or…he’s a robot. That would explain a lot, actually…”
“Can I ask you a question?” Jeff interrupted. He looked pretty pissed.
“Yeah,” Kurt said.
“He never cheated on you?” Jeff asked.
“No, never.” Kurt answered.
“Did he ever take advantage of you in any way?” Jeff continued.
Kurt had to think a while before answering that one, but eventually said, “No, not really.”
“And he told you upfront that he didn’t want a boyfriend?” Jeff asked slowly, though it sounded like more of a statement than a question to Kurt.
“Yeah.” Kurt responded just as slowly.
Jeff just looked at him for a while, and the corners of Kurt’s mouth turned upwards until he was full-on grinning.
“I’ve got an idea.” He said.
He kind of blacked out after the first few drinks at the Mill. He vaguely remembered going up to sing something, though he didn’t really remember what, just that it was a bitter love-we-used-to-have type of song that expressed his feelings perfectly. He vaguely remembered Jeff leaving without explanation other than a disgusted look on his face.