Fic: Goodbyes
Title: Goodbyes
Author: jjjjordo
Rating: PG-13
Summary: As Blaine sees Kurt off before he leaves for New York, he does a lot of thinking about the past two years.
Author's notes: Honestly, this is probably the most scattered thing I've ever written, but it's written in a completely different style than I'm used to. It's a lot more abstract, and I'm still debating whether or not I like writing in a more abstract format.
Read it on Tumblr.
Fanfiction.net.
Blaine was selfish.
He always had been, and he highly doubted that would ever change. His family had always been very well-off, hence his enrollment in Dalton Academy prior to junior year and his house and his car. He had always been charismatic, thanks to his father; people naturally liked him. He radiated a sense of warmth that just touched everyone he talked to. Within ten minutes of meeting a person, he’d have them laughing like he’d known them forever. That’s how he had gotten to the top of the food chain at Dalton in so little time and that was how he had earned the lead soloist spot in the Warblers. Blaine Anderson always got what he wanted when he barely tried, so he decided he would stop trying.
All of that changed when he met Kurt Hummel.
Sure, Kurt had fallen for Blaine, and he’d fallen for Blaine fast. It’s not that Blaine tried to lead him on to tease him, because he really didn’t Honestly, he just saw Kurt as a great friend, while Kurt saw him as a future love interest and it nearly broke his heart when he had to tell Kurt that he didn’t feel the same way about him.
That’s when Blaine learned what losing was like. Kurt had shut him out, and Blaine didn’t like it. He didn’t like the feeling he’d get in the pit of his stomach every time Kurt would look at him with an expression of indifference rather than admiration, and it killed him every time Kurt would roll his eyes at something Blaine said.
But that’s what made Blaine love him so much. He wasn’t going to grovel for Blaine’s affection or beg for his attention. It may have driven Blaine crazy at first, but, in the end, it made him work for Kurt’s friendship a whole lot harder than he was used to. In the process, he actually listened to Kurt and he realized that he felt for Kurt the same way Kurt had felt for him.
Then they’d started dating and it had been the best time of Blaine’s life. They held hands and kissed and texted each other until they fell asleep whispered secrets to each other and overall just enjoyed each other. Everyone at Dalton was accepting of them, and they were living in a honeymoon-like state that Blaine never wanted to break out of.
When Kurt told Blaine that he was transferring back to McKinley, Blaine almost told him not to. Kurt had seen the fight that had broken out when they’d gone to the benefit concert, and they had been saved by Santana that time. What if Santana wasn’t there the next time and Blaine wasn’t there to be Karofsky’s punching bag for Kurt? The bullying wasn’t going to stop, and Blaine wasn’t convinced when Kurt started chatting incessantly about the club Dave Karofsy and Santana had formed that would protect him from the bullies.
He wanted to beg Kurt to stay at Dalton with him, where not only would they be able to see each other every day, but Kurt would be safe. He wanted to promise Kurt weekends of curling up on Blaine’s bed and just talking until they fell asleep or watching Disney movies. He loved Kurt more than anything, and making him stay would be unfair. It would be limiting his opportunities and keeping him from his true friends, and that was something Blaine knew he couldn’t do to Kurt, no matter how much he wanted to.
So he let Kurt go.
It was undoubtedly the hardest thing he’d ever done. As he stood in the middle of the courtyard at McKinley, feeling like he was giving away a part of himself, he almost wished that Kurt would get bullied again. He almost wished that Kurt’s old friends would reject him and tell him to leave the school. For a moment, he wished Kurt would feel so hurt and alone that he would have to come crawling back to Dalton, where Blaine would take care of him.
But that was selfish, and the worst thing Blaine could do as a boyfriend. He was supposed to make Kurt feel loved and safe and happy, not wish for his loneliness or misery. Kurt was just as alone as he was, if not more, and his job as a boyfriend and mentor was to make sure Kurt was happy as much as possible, if not all the time. Kurt had suffered so much, and he deserved to feel appreciated by someone other than his father for once. Not that that was a bad thing, of course. Blaine admired the relationship Mr. Hummel had with Kurt. He could just tell that Kurt was tired of feeling like his father was the only person on the planet who truly appreciated him.
“I’ll never say goodbye to you,” Kurt whispered in his ear as they hugged in front of what seemed like the entire body of William McKinley High School. Blaine had just poured out his feelings to Kurt in song, as usual, and if they hadn’t already, people were starting to catch that he was Kurt’s boyfriend.
He nodded, but he knew it was a lie. There were always goodbyes in life, and even they couldn’t avoid them. Of course, there were the happy goodbyes, after dates and phone conversations and the like, but there were even worse goodbyes, goodbyes Blaine didn’t want to even think of at that moment. A part of him knew what kind of painful goodbyes they’d have to say in the future, but the rest of him just ignored it and appreciated the time they had together instead.
Kurt had the time of his life when he was back at McKinley, and Blaine could tell he was in good hands. Dave and Santana were, evidently, his bodyguards of a sort. He and Rachel were on somewhat good terms, everyone else was just as friendly towards him as they had been before, and they had done a Gaga song the week he’d gotten back. Blaine was genuinely happy for him. He thought that things were going to be just fine for Kurt.
Even when Kurt invited him to junior prom, he may have voiced concerns, but he was pretty secure. He knew that the people at McKinley must have been a lot more tolerant than at his old high school, so he accepted the invitation and gladly took Kurt, in all of his kilted joy.
“Now, your 2011 McKinley High prom queen, with an overwhelming number of write in votes, is…Kurt Hummel.”
Blaine’s heart sank to his knees, and seeing Kurt break down in the hallway afterwards didn’t make him feel any better. This was not the time for “I told you so” or “this is what you get,” though. This was the time for Blaine to make his boyfriend feel special again. What he didn’t expect was Kurt’s sudden attitude turnaround. After a minute or two with Blaine in the hallway, he waltzed right back into the gym and accepted his crown proudly.
Blaine couldn’t help but grin foolishly as they swayed to “Dancing Queen.” What in the world had he done to deserve someone as strong as Kurt? He always preached courage, but it wasn’t exactly something he always had. After his experiences with bullies, he was a lot more paranoid than Kurt was.
At first, he thought it was because Kurt just trusted people blindly. Maybe he did. He seemed to assume the best in people, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing, but it definitely wasn’t a bad thing. But once Blaine got to know Kurt, he realized that he didn’t always trust people blindly. He was still slightly scared of Dave Karofsky, no matter how many times he apologized. He still flinched when he saw a slushie. But Kurt wasn’t afraid to stand up to them. He may have been scared for his life, but that wasn’t going to stop him from calling out his oppressors. He was the strongest person Blaine knew, and yet still such a dreamer. Blaine loved that, loved him, and he told him one day after he got back from Nationals in New York, only to hear it in return.
Summer came and passed, a blur of lazy kissing, watching movies, and New Directions parties, which Kurt dragged Blaine to every time as his date. Blaine wasn’t complaining, though; the McKinley High glee club was a lot more fun than the Warblers, as much as Blaine hated to admit it. He hated to admit it when he shed his Dalton blazer for the last time, and he hated to admit it even more when he walked into the choir room for his first glee club practice since his transfer.
His mother told him he was selfish for transferring for the sake of his boyfriend, but it was really quite the opposite. He hadn’t transferred because he wanted to, despite what he’d told Kurt. He definitely hadn’t transferred to protect Kurt, if the way Karofsky had almost beat him to a pulp on different occasions was any indication. He had transferred because Kurt wanted a special senior year, and Blaine wanted that for him. Sure, it was nice for him too, to be able to see the person he loved every day, but his main goal was to make Kurt happy, and he was going to do that in every way possible, even if it meant leaving behind his old friends and his star position in the Warblers. Because once he left, he was at the bottom of the food chain again.
And he really was. Being one of the only three juniors in the glee club, he was (unintentionally, of course) shoved off to the side by Mr. Schuester and the graduating members. He didn’t mind, though. Kurt was happy, so he was happy, too. This was Kurt’s year to shine, not his, and he just wanted to be there as the good supportive boyfriend.
The year had been full of change for them as a couple, full of changes both large and small. They’d gotten into their first fight (over the role of Tony in West Side Story, though Kurt had eventually gotten the part and Blaine had supported him all the way), they had kissed under a mistletoe for the first time, Kurt had, to his overall annoyance and semi-disappointment, gotten his first hickey (Blaine couldn’t apologize enough for that one, but it was Kurt’s fault, after all, being so enticing), they had spent their first Valentine’s Day together as a couple, and they had both lost their virginity in March, on their one-year anniversary. They took all of those steps together, but Blaine knew that there was one step they wouldn’t be taking together, and every day that passed brought them closer to the day when Kurt would have to take that step and leave him behind.
Graduation was a blur of New Directions and red and white gowns, tears and shrieking laughter at Jacob Ben Israel streaking across the football field. As soon as the ceremony was over, Kurt was in Blaine’s arms, and they hugged each other until a puffy-eyed Burt pried them apart and reminded them of Rachel’s party he had to drive them to.
The New Directions sang together for the last time full of alcohol, though that didn’t make it any less special. In fact, singing ‘Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)’ as stupid, drunk teenagers made it even more special, in a way. It wasn’t practiced or planned, choreographed or diagrammed. It was natural and organic, and Blaine loved it. He collapsed with Kurt on a couch after, his sides hurting from laughing so hard.
“I love you, Blaine.” Kurt murmured against his lips in between sloppy kisses. He was straddling Blaine, who was lying down on the couch, and Blaine gingerly held him in place at the small of his back. People were whooping and catcalling, and Blaine was pretty sure that Tina was filming it. After a while, though, everyone got bored, though Kurt and Blaine kept kissing slowly, treasuring the moment. This could be one of the last opportunities they’d have to be at a party like this, to be so drunk and so young and so in love.
When Kurt finally fell asleep on top of Blaine, softly snoring against his neck and their legs entangled, Blaine whispered it back.
“I love you too, Kurt.”
That summer went by faster than Blaine thought possible. Every moment with Kurt was drawn out as much as possible. They went for coffee or ice cream nearly every day, and, nine times out of ten, ended up spending the night at the other’s house. Kisses weren’t desperate or rushed, but drawn out and sweet. These were the last months they’d spend together and they didn’t need to spend them like they didn’t matter.
Kurt was staying in a dorm in New York, to his annoyance (“I mean, I found the most gorgeous apartment two blocks away, but they simply won’t let me stay off-campus.”) and Blaine’s amusement. To Kurt’s joy, though, Rachel was a floor below him, so late-night sleepovers were optimal, as Kurt had demanded a single room. Of course, being Kurt, he got what he wanted.
August was when the anxiety kicked in. Kurt had Blaine over every day to help him pack up all of his belongings. Burt would leave a couple of days early in a van he’d borrowed from a friend with all of Kurt and Rachel’s stuff, with Finn and Rachel. He didn’t feel the need to be there until a few days before school started, unlike Rachel, who took the whole week before school to arrive. Rachel was going to store Kurt’s things in her dorm until he flew in a few days later. Burt, upon returning to Lima, would bring Kurt to the airport with Finn, Carole, and Blaine, so that they could say their goodbyes. The arrangement wasn’t idealistic, nor too practical, but it allowed Finn to spend time with Rachel before she started school in New York and he in Ohio, Burt to spend some quality bonding time with Finn, since he’d spent most of the summer at Rachel’s house or on vacation with her and her dads in Florida, and Kurt to spend some quality time with Blaine, even if that quality time was short.
“Hey, Kurt?” Blaine asked one day as they lie on Kurt’s bed, fingers entwined. Blaine had his head resting on Kurt’s chest, and they both stared off into space and just enjoyed the feeling of having a warm body to hold them close, even if they weren’t doing anything. It was a warm Friday morning, but neither had an idea of what they could do.
“Hmm?” Kurt hummed lazily. Blaine felt the vibrations of the hum on his chest, and he smiled at the feeling.
“Promise you won’t forget me, okay?” Blaine said softly, fighting back the urge to cry. “Promise me, okay? I know it sounds dumb, but I just need to hear it.”
“Oh, Blaine…” Kurt cooed, sitting up and taking Blaine’s face in his hands, “I’m never going to forget you, okay? New York isn’t going to change that. New York isn’t going to change anything, okay? It’ll just be a little more…difficult, that’s all. But we’re still going to be together, okay? I know we can do this.”
He pressed a slow, tender kiss to Blaine’s lips, and that’s all he needed to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that everything was going to be okay.
But as they stood in the airport mere days later, it was hard to imagine that everything was going to be okay. In fact, it was nearly impossible. A world without Kurt was always something Blaine could never grasp, something he could never envision once he and Kurt had started dating. Now that a world without Kurt was his reality, he wasn’t sure if he could ever go back to feeling normal again. He’d have to go a whole year sitting alone at the Lima Bean before school every day because he was too depressed to break the routine. When school was over, there was no promise of a movie on Kurt’s couch afterwards. Instead, there would be the promise of his mother at home waiting for him with brochures from colleges as far away from New York as possible.
Kurt finished saying goodbye to Carole and Finn, then Burt. He had tears in his eyes and his hug with Burt lasted longer than usual. Burt whispered something in his ear, and he just nodded and bit his lip to hold back a sob. Then, he turned to Blaine, and his breath hitched, as did Blaine’s.
This, standing before him, was his boyfriend. Blaine wanted nothing more but to hold on to him and never let him go, but he knew he couldn’t. All he could do was throw his arms around Kurt’s waist and whisper “I love you,” over and over in his ear, trying to hold back the tears that ran down his cheeks and dripped slowly onto Kurt’s shirt.
Kurt pulled away to take a good look at him, and Blaine’s heart broke at the tears he was shedding and the pained smile on his face.
“Hey, don’t cry,” he said soothingly, putting a hand on Kurt’s cheek, “This isn’t the end, Kurt. This is only the beginning.” It sounded like he was trying to convince himself rather than Kurt, though.
“Blaine, I just don’t want to lose you…maybe I should stay here in Lima.” Kurt said, shaking his head. Before he could say anything else, Blaine cut him off.
“Kurt Hummel,” he said sternly, like a parent scolding a child, “You are not staying in Lima. There is nothing here for you Kurt, and you know that. I know that. Everyone knows that. You’d just be setting yourself up for failure if you stayed here, a life of bagging groceries and coming home to your parents and high school boyfriend. And a life you don’t want. Kurt, I can wait. I looked forever for you, I think I can wait a little to be with you for the rest of my life. You need to live your dreams, though. Don’t worry, when the time is right, I’ll join you and we can live them together. But for now, you have Rachel to live them with, and I know you guys will make the best out of the situation. Yeah, I’m going to miss you, Kurt. I’m going to miss you more than you can imagine. But you know what? That will make it all the more special when I see you again.”
“How did you get so smart?” Kurt said with a bitter chuckle.
“I have a boyfriend who taught me everything I know.” Blaine said with a shrug and a goofy grin.
Kurt pulled him in for one last hug, to the apparent annoyance of Burt and Finn, and Carole’s delight.
“Bye, Blaine.” He whispered in Blaine’s hear before kissing fully.
They dragged out the kiss, though they were in the middle of an airport, for Christ’s sake, and there were plenty of people staring at them. Neither boy cared, though. Nothing mattered at that moment but the two of them, and concentrating as hard as they could on the moment, because it was all they would have until Thanksgiving, when Kurt would come home for a short amount of time before leaving again.
As Kurt pulled away from the final kiss, the final embrace before the start of his new life, Blaine started thinking. And he was still thinking when Kurt disappeared into the airport to go through security and make his way to his gate. He kept thinking through the silent car ride back to his house, and when he was sitting alone in his room, texting Artie but otherwise bored out of his mind, he reached a conclusion.
Blaine had always been slightly annoyed at the “every person’s life is like a path” analogy. He found it annoying and repetitive. He’d never really thought about how real it was, though. Sure, everyone had their own path, but paths do cross, and, while some may cross for good, they sometimes split off or break apart. Blaine and Kurt’s paths had crossed, and, though he hadn’t realized it at the time, they were going to be one for a long time. However, now that Kurt was moving off to college, their paths separated a little. However, as long as the paths stayed close, there was a possibility that they were going to be one again, and Blaine knew that the chances of that were high. Kurt’s path and his path were destined to be one, and, while there may have been (and probably would be in the future) bumps and blocks, they were going to overcome those challenges, Blaine just knew it.
All he knew was that senior year was going to be totally awesome, even if he couldn’t spend every day with Kurt, because every day that went by would bring him a step closer to New York and the rest of his life.
Author: jjjjordo
Rating: PG-13
Summary: As Blaine sees Kurt off before he leaves for New York, he does a lot of thinking about the past two years.
Author's notes: Honestly, this is probably the most scattered thing I've ever written, but it's written in a completely different style than I'm used to. It's a lot more abstract, and I'm still debating whether or not I like writing in a more abstract format.
Read it on Tumblr.
Fanfiction.net.
Blaine was selfish.
He always had been, and he highly doubted that would ever change. His family had always been very well-off, hence his enrollment in Dalton Academy prior to junior year and his house and his car. He had always been charismatic, thanks to his father; people naturally liked him. He radiated a sense of warmth that just touched everyone he talked to. Within ten minutes of meeting a person, he’d have them laughing like he’d known them forever. That’s how he had gotten to the top of the food chain at Dalton in so little time and that was how he had earned the lead soloist spot in the Warblers. Blaine Anderson always got what he wanted when he barely tried, so he decided he would stop trying.
All of that changed when he met Kurt Hummel.
Sure, Kurt had fallen for Blaine, and he’d fallen for Blaine fast. It’s not that Blaine tried to lead him on to tease him, because he really didn’t Honestly, he just saw Kurt as a great friend, while Kurt saw him as a future love interest and it nearly broke his heart when he had to tell Kurt that he didn’t feel the same way about him.
That’s when Blaine learned what losing was like. Kurt had shut him out, and Blaine didn’t like it. He didn’t like the feeling he’d get in the pit of his stomach every time Kurt would look at him with an expression of indifference rather than admiration, and it killed him every time Kurt would roll his eyes at something Blaine said.
But that’s what made Blaine love him so much. He wasn’t going to grovel for Blaine’s affection or beg for his attention. It may have driven Blaine crazy at first, but, in the end, it made him work for Kurt’s friendship a whole lot harder than he was used to. In the process, he actually listened to Kurt and he realized that he felt for Kurt the same way Kurt had felt for him.
Then they’d started dating and it had been the best time of Blaine’s life. They held hands and kissed and texted each other until they fell asleep whispered secrets to each other and overall just enjoyed each other. Everyone at Dalton was accepting of them, and they were living in a honeymoon-like state that Blaine never wanted to break out of.
When Kurt told Blaine that he was transferring back to McKinley, Blaine almost told him not to. Kurt had seen the fight that had broken out when they’d gone to the benefit concert, and they had been saved by Santana that time. What if Santana wasn’t there the next time and Blaine wasn’t there to be Karofsky’s punching bag for Kurt? The bullying wasn’t going to stop, and Blaine wasn’t convinced when Kurt started chatting incessantly about the club Dave Karofsy and Santana had formed that would protect him from the bullies.
He wanted to beg Kurt to stay at Dalton with him, where not only would they be able to see each other every day, but Kurt would be safe. He wanted to promise Kurt weekends of curling up on Blaine’s bed and just talking until they fell asleep or watching Disney movies. He loved Kurt more than anything, and making him stay would be unfair. It would be limiting his opportunities and keeping him from his true friends, and that was something Blaine knew he couldn’t do to Kurt, no matter how much he wanted to.
So he let Kurt go.
It was undoubtedly the hardest thing he’d ever done. As he stood in the middle of the courtyard at McKinley, feeling like he was giving away a part of himself, he almost wished that Kurt would get bullied again. He almost wished that Kurt’s old friends would reject him and tell him to leave the school. For a moment, he wished Kurt would feel so hurt and alone that he would have to come crawling back to Dalton, where Blaine would take care of him.
But that was selfish, and the worst thing Blaine could do as a boyfriend. He was supposed to make Kurt feel loved and safe and happy, not wish for his loneliness or misery. Kurt was just as alone as he was, if not more, and his job as a boyfriend and mentor was to make sure Kurt was happy as much as possible, if not all the time. Kurt had suffered so much, and he deserved to feel appreciated by someone other than his father for once. Not that that was a bad thing, of course. Blaine admired the relationship Mr. Hummel had with Kurt. He could just tell that Kurt was tired of feeling like his father was the only person on the planet who truly appreciated him.
“I’ll never say goodbye to you,” Kurt whispered in his ear as they hugged in front of what seemed like the entire body of William McKinley High School. Blaine had just poured out his feelings to Kurt in song, as usual, and if they hadn’t already, people were starting to catch that he was Kurt’s boyfriend.
He nodded, but he knew it was a lie. There were always goodbyes in life, and even they couldn’t avoid them. Of course, there were the happy goodbyes, after dates and phone conversations and the like, but there were even worse goodbyes, goodbyes Blaine didn’t want to even think of at that moment. A part of him knew what kind of painful goodbyes they’d have to say in the future, but the rest of him just ignored it and appreciated the time they had together instead.
Kurt had the time of his life when he was back at McKinley, and Blaine could tell he was in good hands. Dave and Santana were, evidently, his bodyguards of a sort. He and Rachel were on somewhat good terms, everyone else was just as friendly towards him as they had been before, and they had done a Gaga song the week he’d gotten back. Blaine was genuinely happy for him. He thought that things were going to be just fine for Kurt.
Even when Kurt invited him to junior prom, he may have voiced concerns, but he was pretty secure. He knew that the people at McKinley must have been a lot more tolerant than at his old high school, so he accepted the invitation and gladly took Kurt, in all of his kilted joy.
“Now, your 2011 McKinley High prom queen, with an overwhelming number of write in votes, is…Kurt Hummel.”
Blaine’s heart sank to his knees, and seeing Kurt break down in the hallway afterwards didn’t make him feel any better. This was not the time for “I told you so” or “this is what you get,” though. This was the time for Blaine to make his boyfriend feel special again. What he didn’t expect was Kurt’s sudden attitude turnaround. After a minute or two with Blaine in the hallway, he waltzed right back into the gym and accepted his crown proudly.
Blaine couldn’t help but grin foolishly as they swayed to “Dancing Queen.” What in the world had he done to deserve someone as strong as Kurt? He always preached courage, but it wasn’t exactly something he always had. After his experiences with bullies, he was a lot more paranoid than Kurt was.
At first, he thought it was because Kurt just trusted people blindly. Maybe he did. He seemed to assume the best in people, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing, but it definitely wasn’t a bad thing. But once Blaine got to know Kurt, he realized that he didn’t always trust people blindly. He was still slightly scared of Dave Karofsky, no matter how many times he apologized. He still flinched when he saw a slushie. But Kurt wasn’t afraid to stand up to them. He may have been scared for his life, but that wasn’t going to stop him from calling out his oppressors. He was the strongest person Blaine knew, and yet still such a dreamer. Blaine loved that, loved him, and he told him one day after he got back from Nationals in New York, only to hear it in return.
Summer came and passed, a blur of lazy kissing, watching movies, and New Directions parties, which Kurt dragged Blaine to every time as his date. Blaine wasn’t complaining, though; the McKinley High glee club was a lot more fun than the Warblers, as much as Blaine hated to admit it. He hated to admit it when he shed his Dalton blazer for the last time, and he hated to admit it even more when he walked into the choir room for his first glee club practice since his transfer.
His mother told him he was selfish for transferring for the sake of his boyfriend, but it was really quite the opposite. He hadn’t transferred because he wanted to, despite what he’d told Kurt. He definitely hadn’t transferred to protect Kurt, if the way Karofsky had almost beat him to a pulp on different occasions was any indication. He had transferred because Kurt wanted a special senior year, and Blaine wanted that for him. Sure, it was nice for him too, to be able to see the person he loved every day, but his main goal was to make Kurt happy, and he was going to do that in every way possible, even if it meant leaving behind his old friends and his star position in the Warblers. Because once he left, he was at the bottom of the food chain again.
And he really was. Being one of the only three juniors in the glee club, he was (unintentionally, of course) shoved off to the side by Mr. Schuester and the graduating members. He didn’t mind, though. Kurt was happy, so he was happy, too. This was Kurt’s year to shine, not his, and he just wanted to be there as the good supportive boyfriend.
The year had been full of change for them as a couple, full of changes both large and small. They’d gotten into their first fight (over the role of Tony in West Side Story, though Kurt had eventually gotten the part and Blaine had supported him all the way), they had kissed under a mistletoe for the first time, Kurt had, to his overall annoyance and semi-disappointment, gotten his first hickey (Blaine couldn’t apologize enough for that one, but it was Kurt’s fault, after all, being so enticing), they had spent their first Valentine’s Day together as a couple, and they had both lost their virginity in March, on their one-year anniversary. They took all of those steps together, but Blaine knew that there was one step they wouldn’t be taking together, and every day that passed brought them closer to the day when Kurt would have to take that step and leave him behind.
Graduation was a blur of New Directions and red and white gowns, tears and shrieking laughter at Jacob Ben Israel streaking across the football field. As soon as the ceremony was over, Kurt was in Blaine’s arms, and they hugged each other until a puffy-eyed Burt pried them apart and reminded them of Rachel’s party he had to drive them to.
The New Directions sang together for the last time full of alcohol, though that didn’t make it any less special. In fact, singing ‘Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)’ as stupid, drunk teenagers made it even more special, in a way. It wasn’t practiced or planned, choreographed or diagrammed. It was natural and organic, and Blaine loved it. He collapsed with Kurt on a couch after, his sides hurting from laughing so hard.
“I love you, Blaine.” Kurt murmured against his lips in between sloppy kisses. He was straddling Blaine, who was lying down on the couch, and Blaine gingerly held him in place at the small of his back. People were whooping and catcalling, and Blaine was pretty sure that Tina was filming it. After a while, though, everyone got bored, though Kurt and Blaine kept kissing slowly, treasuring the moment. This could be one of the last opportunities they’d have to be at a party like this, to be so drunk and so young and so in love.
When Kurt finally fell asleep on top of Blaine, softly snoring against his neck and their legs entangled, Blaine whispered it back.
“I love you too, Kurt.”
That summer went by faster than Blaine thought possible. Every moment with Kurt was drawn out as much as possible. They went for coffee or ice cream nearly every day, and, nine times out of ten, ended up spending the night at the other’s house. Kisses weren’t desperate or rushed, but drawn out and sweet. These were the last months they’d spend together and they didn’t need to spend them like they didn’t matter.
Kurt was staying in a dorm in New York, to his annoyance (“I mean, I found the most gorgeous apartment two blocks away, but they simply won’t let me stay off-campus.”) and Blaine’s amusement. To Kurt’s joy, though, Rachel was a floor below him, so late-night sleepovers were optimal, as Kurt had demanded a single room. Of course, being Kurt, he got what he wanted.
August was when the anxiety kicked in. Kurt had Blaine over every day to help him pack up all of his belongings. Burt would leave a couple of days early in a van he’d borrowed from a friend with all of Kurt and Rachel’s stuff, with Finn and Rachel. He didn’t feel the need to be there until a few days before school started, unlike Rachel, who took the whole week before school to arrive. Rachel was going to store Kurt’s things in her dorm until he flew in a few days later. Burt, upon returning to Lima, would bring Kurt to the airport with Finn, Carole, and Blaine, so that they could say their goodbyes. The arrangement wasn’t idealistic, nor too practical, but it allowed Finn to spend time with Rachel before she started school in New York and he in Ohio, Burt to spend some quality bonding time with Finn, since he’d spent most of the summer at Rachel’s house or on vacation with her and her dads in Florida, and Kurt to spend some quality time with Blaine, even if that quality time was short.
“Hey, Kurt?” Blaine asked one day as they lie on Kurt’s bed, fingers entwined. Blaine had his head resting on Kurt’s chest, and they both stared off into space and just enjoyed the feeling of having a warm body to hold them close, even if they weren’t doing anything. It was a warm Friday morning, but neither had an idea of what they could do.
“Hmm?” Kurt hummed lazily. Blaine felt the vibrations of the hum on his chest, and he smiled at the feeling.
“Promise you won’t forget me, okay?” Blaine said softly, fighting back the urge to cry. “Promise me, okay? I know it sounds dumb, but I just need to hear it.”
“Oh, Blaine…” Kurt cooed, sitting up and taking Blaine’s face in his hands, “I’m never going to forget you, okay? New York isn’t going to change that. New York isn’t going to change anything, okay? It’ll just be a little more…difficult, that’s all. But we’re still going to be together, okay? I know we can do this.”
He pressed a slow, tender kiss to Blaine’s lips, and that’s all he needed to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that everything was going to be okay.
But as they stood in the airport mere days later, it was hard to imagine that everything was going to be okay. In fact, it was nearly impossible. A world without Kurt was always something Blaine could never grasp, something he could never envision once he and Kurt had started dating. Now that a world without Kurt was his reality, he wasn’t sure if he could ever go back to feeling normal again. He’d have to go a whole year sitting alone at the Lima Bean before school every day because he was too depressed to break the routine. When school was over, there was no promise of a movie on Kurt’s couch afterwards. Instead, there would be the promise of his mother at home waiting for him with brochures from colleges as far away from New York as possible.
Kurt finished saying goodbye to Carole and Finn, then Burt. He had tears in his eyes and his hug with Burt lasted longer than usual. Burt whispered something in his ear, and he just nodded and bit his lip to hold back a sob. Then, he turned to Blaine, and his breath hitched, as did Blaine’s.
This, standing before him, was his boyfriend. Blaine wanted nothing more but to hold on to him and never let him go, but he knew he couldn’t. All he could do was throw his arms around Kurt’s waist and whisper “I love you,” over and over in his ear, trying to hold back the tears that ran down his cheeks and dripped slowly onto Kurt’s shirt.
Kurt pulled away to take a good look at him, and Blaine’s heart broke at the tears he was shedding and the pained smile on his face.
“Hey, don’t cry,” he said soothingly, putting a hand on Kurt’s cheek, “This isn’t the end, Kurt. This is only the beginning.” It sounded like he was trying to convince himself rather than Kurt, though.
“Blaine, I just don’t want to lose you…maybe I should stay here in Lima.” Kurt said, shaking his head. Before he could say anything else, Blaine cut him off.
“Kurt Hummel,” he said sternly, like a parent scolding a child, “You are not staying in Lima. There is nothing here for you Kurt, and you know that. I know that. Everyone knows that. You’d just be setting yourself up for failure if you stayed here, a life of bagging groceries and coming home to your parents and high school boyfriend. And a life you don’t want. Kurt, I can wait. I looked forever for you, I think I can wait a little to be with you for the rest of my life. You need to live your dreams, though. Don’t worry, when the time is right, I’ll join you and we can live them together. But for now, you have Rachel to live them with, and I know you guys will make the best out of the situation. Yeah, I’m going to miss you, Kurt. I’m going to miss you more than you can imagine. But you know what? That will make it all the more special when I see you again.”
“How did you get so smart?” Kurt said with a bitter chuckle.
“I have a boyfriend who taught me everything I know.” Blaine said with a shrug and a goofy grin.
Kurt pulled him in for one last hug, to the apparent annoyance of Burt and Finn, and Carole’s delight.
“Bye, Blaine.” He whispered in Blaine’s hear before kissing fully.
They dragged out the kiss, though they were in the middle of an airport, for Christ’s sake, and there were plenty of people staring at them. Neither boy cared, though. Nothing mattered at that moment but the two of them, and concentrating as hard as they could on the moment, because it was all they would have until Thanksgiving, when Kurt would come home for a short amount of time before leaving again.
As Kurt pulled away from the final kiss, the final embrace before the start of his new life, Blaine started thinking. And he was still thinking when Kurt disappeared into the airport to go through security and make his way to his gate. He kept thinking through the silent car ride back to his house, and when he was sitting alone in his room, texting Artie but otherwise bored out of his mind, he reached a conclusion.
Blaine had always been slightly annoyed at the “every person’s life is like a path” analogy. He found it annoying and repetitive. He’d never really thought about how real it was, though. Sure, everyone had their own path, but paths do cross, and, while some may cross for good, they sometimes split off or break apart. Blaine and Kurt’s paths had crossed, and, though he hadn’t realized it at the time, they were going to be one for a long time. However, now that Kurt was moving off to college, their paths separated a little. However, as long as the paths stayed close, there was a possibility that they were going to be one again, and Blaine knew that the chances of that were high. Kurt’s path and his path were destined to be one, and, while there may have been (and probably would be in the future) bumps and blocks, they were going to overcome those challenges, Blaine just knew it.
All he knew was that senior year was going to be totally awesome, even if he couldn’t spend every day with Kurt, because every day that went by would bring him a step closer to New York and the rest of his life.