Fanfic: It begins in hell - Part 1
Title: "It begins in hell - Part 1"
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU. It's unbetaed, it might look spoilerish and anyway it’s better if you’ve knowledge of the 8 episodes, it contain some Japanese words, some OOC...
Notes: I guess you can see it as a sequel of “A magic spell called ‘hope’”, a what if on how things could have gone had Battler and Sayo continued to live in that fragment.
Disclaimer:
"Umineko no naku koro ni" belong to Ryukishi07. I'm merely using his characters because I love them... especially Battler and Sayo...
Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Summary: 1986. The family conference is about to start and Battler and his newlywed wife are about to take part to it.
She sat composedly in the airport, hands on her lap and gaze downcast. Next to her Battler yawned loudly and complained AGAIN on how unfair it was they had to get up so early and that he knew beforehand they would get to Chōfu airport too soon and then they would end up waiting a lot for the plane and it was just their luck that the plane was also late and so on. She knew that, with his complaining, he was trying to keep calm, as not only he was nervous because it was six years from the last time he went on Rokken-jima, but he was also terrorized by vehicles who might shake… and the plane they were going to take was bound to shake. Normally she would try to reassure him or something but the truth was she was more nervous than him. No, terrorized would be a better word.
She had been missing from Rokken-jima by only two years, having left the cursed island short after that horrible day in which the world crumbled on her, and it had been a bizarre twist of fate what had helped her to meet Battler again, just when she believed she had reached rock bottom.
She had spent the following two years as a guest in Battler’s grandparents’ house and Battler’s grandfather had arranged for them to marry as soon as Battler had been eighteen. Short after, the old man had died and Battler had ended up returning being an Ushiromiya. And so here she was as well, with him, ready to take part to the annual family conference, not anymore as the maid Shannon, but as Ushiromiya Sayo, Ushiromiya Battler’s wife.
Well, ready wasn’t the right word if she had to be honest.
That night she had awoken from a horrible nightmare and, as her husband had held her in his arms trying to comfort her, she had been on the verge of begging him to just find an excuse and skip the family meeting. She had resisted to it though, even if only barely, so barely he too caught up on the fact she was contrary at the idea of going on Rokken-jima and had asked her if she would have preferred it if they were to call in sick or something.
Yes, she would have preferred it, she wanted it, but she refused to admit it out loud. It could lead him to question her about why she didn’t want to return and there were things she wasn’t ready yet to tell him. So she just babbled excuses about being nervous, about fearing his family’s reaction at having her, an orphaned servant, now being part of the family, about thinking she wouldn’t know what to do if Oku-sama were to scold her, if Eva-sama were to remind her of her place, if Rosa-sama were to call her a worthless furniture, if…
He had stroked her hair and had tried to reassure her about how no one would make rude remarks to his wife now, that they would have the good sense of not embarrass themselves in such way, all words she couldn’t really believe. Battler had a way too optimistic view of his family and, even if, to be honest, they were never that bad around their children she… she has seen them when the children weren’t around and…
“Just promise you won’t leave me alone,” she had asked him, snuggling against him and he has agreed, quickly and effortlessly, as if that won’t be a big deal for him. She’d spent the rest of the night in his arms, plagued by a troubled sleep, till it was time to wake up.
Battler had looked even sleepier than her when they got up, so a side of her was still wondering if she had been the one to keep him awake. Not that he’ll admit it.
And now here they were, in the airport, waiting for the rest of the family to join them and… Battler’s hand waved in her line of sight and she turned her gaze on him in confusion.
“Hum… yes?”
“I said: are you feeling well?” he asked her and it looked like he had made her that same question previously and she hadn’t even noticed.
“I… yes… I’m just a bit tired…” she assured without looking at him and felt him brushing her cheek gently. Before he could question her further though, his father interrupted them.
“Hey, Battler, how exactly did the two of you spend the night yesterday? You didn’t engage in too strenuous activities, did you?” the man asked amused, making them both flush.
“None of your business! I don’t ask you how you and Kyrie-san spend the night!” Battler protested.
“You should. I could give you some tips!” his father replied, winking.
“Not interested in the suggestions of an old man, thank you,” her husband stated in what was starting to look like one of his usual bitching with his father, one of the good ones. She had the chance to see the bad ones and she hoped she would never see them again.
“Rudolf-san,” Kyrie-san called softly but firmly. “Shouldn’t you let them be?” she asked with a smile, even if in her tone there was an edge that pushed Rudolf-san to comply quickly. She wasn’t sure what had happened between Kyrie-san and Rudolf-san after she and Battler had gotten married, only that things had changed somehow. She couldn’t complain though, as Kyrie-san had become a lot kinder with them and this had helped in more than one occasion.
She heard Battler thanking the woman, exchanging some words with her, and soon found herself sinking back in her own thoughts only to leave her own little world abruptly as Battler stood and announced he ‘would be right back’.
She tried to call him back but, before she could say the words, he was already gone. She frowned. So much for promising not to leave her alone, really.
“But are you all right, Sayo-chan? Battler-kun seemed worried,” Kyrie-san asked her, looking at her attentively.
“Ah, I… yes, thank you,” she hurried to assure, shying away from that intense gaze. Kyrie-san was a clever woman, one with whom Sayo always feared she couldn’t compete. “I’m just sleepy, that’s all.”
“So no chance I’m going to become a grandpa yet?” Rudolf-san asked her with a sigh. “Too bad.”
“No, I… I’m sorry…” she apologized feeling even more miserable as she lowered her gaze and fumbled with her fingers. She had the feeling Rudolf-san had thought Battler had been willing to marry her despite the both of them being so young only because he had made her pregnant. That, sadly, wasn’t the case.
“Rudolf-san. Give them time, can’t you see how young they are? Really, shouldn’t you have your hands full with Ange? Do you need grandchildren that badly?” Kyrie-san scolded him again.
“Well, not really, but I thought it would have been fun to see Battler having to handle a baby and all. The sleepless nights and the diapers to change and…”
“I’m sure Battler would be a wonderful father,” she found herself stating. Oh yes, he would, if only they could be blessed with children. He was so good with children and patient and playful and friendly… He claimed it was merely because he was a little child himself but… but she knew he would be a good father and to know he’ll never be and that it would all be her fault…
“I’m sure as well, Sayo-chan,” Kyrie-san agreed, resting her hand on her shoulder. Kyrie-san was probably about to add something when someone called her and she turned to the newcomer.
“I’m sorry, we’re late, Kā-san and Tō-san are about to arrive,” George-sama, Battler’s older cousin, informed them. He’d been kind with her when she still worked on Rokken-jima. Very kind. And Eva-sama hadn’t liked it. At all.
Sayo found herself bowing formally at him, like she did when she was just a servant, hating herself for how that had been ingrained on her so much she couldn’t stop doing it even now that she was no more a maid. If Battler had been there… he probably would have stopped her… but he had left her alone so…
“It’s a pleasure to see you again as well…” she began then trailed off, unsure on how to call him now.
“I’m also happy to see you and please, don’t be so formal. You’re my cousin’s wife, after all,” he told her, understanding her discomfort. He’d been always perceptive in that regard. “This makes you too my cousin,” he added without knowing that she didn’t need to marry Battler to be his cousin already. She tried her best not to let this affect her though.
“Thank you… George-san,” she replied and he nodded in approbation before they began chatting a little. Well, it was mostly George-san talking as she nodded while careful to keep on smiling, as they used to do in the past, but it was fine. Or so she told herself. Of course it couldn’t last.
“I was surprised thought when you left Rokken-jima all of sudden. I even worried something might have happened that caused you to leave in such a hurry,” he informed her in a concerned tone that seemed to suggest he wanted explanations, explanations she didn’t want to give.
“I’m sorry… nothing happened… it was just…” she began uneasily, lowering her gaze and unconsciously backing away slightly.
“Hey, you! What are you doing to my wife?” Battler’s voice cut the air abruptly. He looked a mix between angry and concerned as he rushed to her side. “Are you all right, Sayo-chan? Was he bugging you?” he asked checking her all over as if he expected he could find traces of wounds.
“Ah, y-yes, it wasn’t…” she began, stammering slightly.
“Ba… Battler-kun? Is that you?” George-san interrupted her. “You… you’ve changed quite a lot…”
“Uh? Aniki?” Battler asked finally realizing who the person that had been talking with her was. “Why were you harassing my wife?”
“I wasn’t! That’s a misunderstanding! I just…” George-san began in an embarrassed tone, flushing slightly and waving his hands in front of himself, to trail off when Battler laughed.
“Just joking, just joking. If it’s you I know you wouldn’t do anything bad. Right, Sayo-chan?” he turned to her but she could see his eyes were serious, as if, despite his words, he wanted confirmation George-san hadn’t bugged her. In a way it was nice how he would always worry for her, especially since she had been more than once the target of bullying, but she was still upset he had left her alone to fully appreciate it.
“He was only keeping me company… since you left, Battler,” she couldn’t help but point out, turning her gaze away from him with a little pout. She was startled when she felt something cold pressed against her cheek and returned to look at him.
“I thought you might feel like drinking something,” he informed her in an almost pouting tone that seemed to mimic hers as he held a can of iced tea against her cheek. “I’ve also gotten something for you to read if you’re feeling like it.”
She blinked and wondered if she should sigh or laugh. Battler was really pretty bad at understanding girls’ feelings, as usual he couldn’t figure out the only thing she wanted from him was to stay around her, but this didn’t mean he didn’t care. He wasn’t the type who would go out of his way to put ladies first and stuffs, but if Sayo were to do so much as sneeze, he would worry and fuss and pamper her the best he knew. Which sometimes could lead to disastrous results but well… it still felt good to see someone worry, to see someone care, to see someone do everything he could just for her.
“Thank you,” she ended up saying simply with a small smile as she retrieved the can from his hand and that was enough to make him turn toward her and smile back, like a child pleased because he’d been praised. Really, he was like a little kid sometimes… “Though next time before wandering off just tell me first. I was worried.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he agreed. “Though it’s not like I was going to disappear into thin air or something… even if the idea is tempting…”
“The fly will be all right, Battler-kun. If you compare the plane with the boat it’ll shake a lot less,” George-san interjected with a laugh, to which Battler hurried to reassure him that wasn’t absolutely what he had in mind, no definitely, he was absolutely calm about the flight, which was of course a lie, a pathetic one to be honest, as truth would be as clear as day as soon as he’ll have to climb on that plane… but Battler didn’t laugh of her fears so she made a point of not laughing of his own and tried to offer him a temporal escape route.
“Can you open it for me? It seems it’s too hard,” she asked, waving the can under his nose slightly. He stared at her in disbelief for a second before catching up her intentions.
“Ah, yes, sure,” he agreed but, before he could open the can, Eva-sama’s voice called out for him.
“Battler-kun? My, my, how much you’ve grown,” she commented and Sayo instinctively tensed and wished to shrink away. She knew better though.
“Eva-sa…”
“Eva Oba-san, that’s nice to see you again! You hadn’t aged a single bit!” Battler exclaimed, his voice covering hers and the fact she’d been about to call the woman ‘Eva-sama’ as she did when she was a mere servant, while his arm went around her shoulders and stopped her from bowing deep and low as she instinctively was about to do.
“Oh, you’ve grown up to be a flatterer like Rudolf, aren’t you?” the woman commented waving her fan slightly as she smiled at him indulgently. “You’d better be careful, my dear, or another woman will swoop him away from you.” The warning was aimed at her, to remind her how low she was and how easily for another it would be to steal him from her, but she knew Battler would take it as a personal insult, as he could hardly stand being compared to his unfaithful father. Battler chose to laugh though, as if those words weren’t a big deal for him even if she could feel him holding her shoulder a little tighter.
“I’m not the sort of person that gets swayed away from his wife,” he stated and despite all her insecurities she made a point of turning toward him, smiling.
“I know,” she offered resting her hand on his own and he smiled back and, for a moment, it was just as if there were only the two of them in the world before Hideyoshi-sama… Hideyoshi-san joined them.
“Eva, you shouldn’t get in the way of young love here,” he stated in his fake Kansai dialect, laughing. “Though it seems yesterday that Battler-kun was this tall,” he said motioning to a really short height, “And now here he is, this big and married with a pretty lady!”
At that point the discussion smoothed over somehow, the adults engaging in circumstantial chats of times changing, children growing and so on, mercifully leaving them out of it.
“Are we still waiting for the weather?” Battler asked as Sayo drank quietly the tea he had carried her. George-san pointed at the counter where the ‘checking weather’ sign was still present next to the departure times for the flight they were scheduled to board and she couldn’t help but think she hoped it would remain there forever. She definitely didn’t look forward returning to Rokken-jima.
“Is everything all right, Sayo-chan?” George-san asked her. “You’re a little paler…”
“My, my, George’s right, you are, my dear,” Eva-san commented before Sayo had the chance to say that everything was fine. “Can it be you were planning to surprise us with the news of a new addition to the Ushiromiya family?”
Sayo swallowed, her moth dry even if she’d just drank tea, as she felt like screaming. She knew that, during this trip, everyone would end up asking if she was pregnant over and over, after all she and Battler had married despite being so young… and there was the precedent of his father… and so it was natural to suspect…
“Eva Oba-san, really. Isn’t it a bit too early for us to think at making kids? We’re just married! Let me enjoy having my wife all for myself for some more years!” Battler replied and she felt so grateful to him she could cry as she hoped his reply would stop them from questioning her for at least some years.
“I thank you for your concern, Eva-san, but I’m just a little tired,” she replied politely instead, doing her best to keep her self-control.
“I see, I see, newlywed couples have quite busy nights!” Hideyoshi-san commented causing her and Battler to blush. “I remember the time short after my marriage!”
“Dear, I’m sure no one is interested in such stories,” Eva-san chided him and Sayo felt a guilty pleasure at enjoying how, for once, it was Eva-san the one being embarrassed.
“Now, now, don’t say it like that, Eva Oba-san! We’re sure we’ve a lot to learn from your valuable experience, don’t we, Aniki? Hideyoshi Oji-san is surely a man who should know how to make his wife happy, differently from a certain someone else,” Battler pushed on, taking his chance to toss a jab in his father’s direction and Sayo wondered if he was taking revenge for Eva-san’s comment earlier. Maybe not, he wasn’t that sort of person but…
“Well… well…” George-san commented, his face red. “I don’t think it’s fair to pressure them to share…”
“By the way, George-kun, we’ve heard you might be the next in getting married, is that real?” Kyrie-san spoke up, switching the topic of the conversation.
“Ah… well… in truth…” George-san babbled before giving her a quick glance, looking even more nervous. Sayo knew that he had taken part to Omiai in the past, of course. They even spoke with Oyakata-sama about it. Back then it had sort of stung. George-san had been kind to her, almost as if he had interests in her, and the idea he too could leave to get engaged with someone else had hurt. Now though… it really didn’t seem to matter.
“Ne, Aniki, is it true? So, how’s she?” Battler joined into questioning.
“I… It’s nothing like that… I don’t really feel adult enough to…” George-san tried to defend himself.
“Now, George-kun, don’t be silly. If my dumbass son can get married at 18, you, who’re such a fine adult, are more than ready to start a family of your own! Unless the truth is that, despite Aneki pushing you into Omiai, in truth she can’t bear the idea to let go of her own son!” Rudolf-san commented, teasing his sister.
“Don’t be silly, Rudolf. I look forward to the moment my George will spread his wings and start a family of his own but I would never dream of pressuring him into doing so,” Eva-san countered. “Marriages are matters that have to be handled carefully, don’t you see?”
Rudolf-san and Eva-san resumed their bitching as Battler whispered in Sayo’s ear not to pay attention to what they were saying while arguing. It was probably a wise suggestion, she reasoned as she tried not to get hurt by how Eva-san had implied their choice of getting married hadn’t been handed carefully.
“I’m sorry,” George-san apologized looking straight at her. “When my mother and her siblings meet… well, it’s like they’re back to being children. Please, do not take her words as an offence.”
“Oh, no, it’s fine,” she hurried to say.
“And here we’ve Aniki playing the role of the adult instead. Though I’ve to say that you’re a much better role model than the old bastard,” Battler commented. “I wish I were like you.”
“Like me? Thank you, Battler-kun, but I’m really not that admirable. I still lack social experience, sociability and courage while you seem to have them in abundance. As well as a beautiful wife to support you, if you’ll allow me to say so,” George-san commented. Sayo blushed slightly. Battler grinned and held her a little closer.
“I’m a lucky man, aren’t I?” he commented, completely forgetting it should have been more proper to be humble and causing her to blush even more. It was in that moment that Hideyoshi-san chose to shout really loudly his greeting to the incoming Rosa-sama… Rosa-san and her daughter. Sayo swallowed. Rosa-san tended to act nice in front of others so maybe she wouldn’t be that bad to deal with. At least as long as there were people around.
She saw Rosa-san greeting her relatives, than looking at Battler in surprise, she too commenting on how big he had become… which was pretty understandable really. Six years ago Battler’s height was below average, now he was over 1m 80cm and was having troubles at finding clothes of his size.
“No way, hah-hah-haah... It’s embarrassing having to hear that every time I meet someone today...!” he commented, laughing at his aunt’s surprise.
“And… Sayo-chan, right? You look well,” Rosa-san added, looking at her and saying her name as if she was uncomfortable at calling her anything else that wasn’t Shannon-chan.
“It’s good to see you again, Rosa-san,” she said hurriedly, Battler’s hand on her shoulder stopping her again from bowing too deeply, and realizing, only after she had spoken, that she had ended up repeating what Maria-chan had been instructed to say only few minutes ago. She thought it was a good thing that Rosa-san’s attention was diverted from her by her siblings, who were scolding her for her lateness.
In the meantime Maria-chan was looking at them suspiciously. It was six years from the last time Maria-chan had seen Battler and two years from the last time he’d seen her. Sayo wondered if that suspicious glance was because she hadn’t recognized her or because she couldn’t understand why she’d been called Sayo and not Shannon.
Battler instead didn’t dwell in wondering and was already doing his best to bond with Maria-chan… with the result in few minutes they had dropped honorific, despite Rosa-san’s comment that Maria-chan should call him ‘Battler Onī-chan’ and were playing around, Battler tossing Maria-chan in the air and making her laugh after she had rewarded him with a marshmallow candy.
“Oh my, who would have said, Battler-kun, you’re good with children. When are you two having one of your own?” Rosa-san asked noticing him playing with her daughter. Sayo hugged herself, the question rubbing salt on wounds that had never healed.
“Not this year or in the year to come, that’s for sure,” Battler replied carelessly as if he had the chance to have a kid someday. Well, technically he had it. Just… not with her. “We’re just married; can’t you let us enjoy a bit of our married life? Just the two of us?” Rosa-san laughed at that, though it felt forced somehow.
“Sorry, sorry, you’re right. You should enjoy it,” she agreed but Sayo wasn’t paying her any attention anymore. She felt as if all the eyes were on her, seeing through her, seeing how her body was damaged, crippled, how she wasn’t a person but just furniture and she felt like suffocating.
“Excuse me,” she managed to whisper weakly before leaving hurriedly.
Battler followed Sayo-chan with his gaze as she walked away, but said nothing to stop her, he just put down Maria, excused himself and then went after her.
As the two left, Rosa turned toward her siblings.
“Have I said something wrong?” she asked.
“A better question would be ‘did she have an abortion or something?’ because she seems about to feel sick each time children are mentioned,” Eva commented.
“Kā-san,” George protested but Eva with just one movement of her hand hushed him.
“Nothing as such. Battler-kun said Sayo-chan started feeling sick tonight,” Kyrie-san clarified. “The fact she keeps on being asked if she’ll be a mother soon probably makes her feel pressured, which doesn’t help,” she added. She knew that the popular opinion was that, like his father had done, Battler-kun had married so early just because he had gotten Sayo-chan pregnant. She also knew that wasn’t the case. Battler-kun was different from Rudolf-san, Asumu-san having raised him well in this regard, the knowledge giving her a very bitter feeling that made her wish she could kill someone, slowly and painfully. Still she was careful not to let her emotions show.
“Oh, we weren’t really planning to make her feel pressured. I was just being concerned and Rosa was merely praising Battler-kun. Sure though they married rather early,” Eva countered with a smile, waving her fan carelessly. “As if they couldn’t wait a second longer.”
“Yes, they couldn’t really wait. Battler-kun’s grandfather didn’t have much time to live and wanted to see his grandson married. Battler-kun and Sayo-chan were both indebted to him and felt obliged to fulfil his wish. Probably, if his grandfather could have had his way, he would have also gotten to see Battler-kun as a father but he died around a month after Battler-kun’s marriage,” Kyrie explained. “Though I’ve to say my husband is being as bad as Battler-kun’s grandfather as he apparently discovered a sudden wish at having grandchildren walking around him. I don’t think pressuring them would do any good though.”
“Well, it surely didn’t do any good for Natsuhi Nē-san. She sure took a lot before she finally was able to conceive,” Rosa pointed out and again there was something bitter in her voice. Rosa hadn’t had the chance to ‘take a lot in getting pregnant’ finding herself with a child way too soon. Eva waved her fan in a dismissive manner again.
“Natsuhi Nē-san is just too frail with all her headaches and inability to conceive. I hope Sayo-chan isn’t going to follow her footsteps since she’d been trained by her,” Eva commented.
“I’m sure that’s not the case. I think she’s more like Ange, prone to get stomach aches when she’s nervous. Likely she doesn’t want to make a bad impression on her husband’s family,” Kyrie went on. “And maybe she’s a little afraid of being bullied.”
“Us bully Shannon-chan? Ops, I mean Sayo-chan? Why would she think that?” Eva laughed carelessly behind her fan.
“Really, we would never do something do mean,” Rosa assured with a smile.
“I’m sure she’s over worrying and it’s good. I’m afraid to say Battler-kun is a bit of an overprotective husband and I wouldn’t want anyone to get embarrassed. He can do crazy things when he thinks his wife is being mistreated,” Kyrie agreed nodding sagely. The other two laughed but understood the warning.
Sayo leaned on the door as she tried to stop panting. She felt like suffocating and her eyes stung. She wanted to cry but she knew better than doing it. She would still have to be presentable after she were to leave the bathroom and tears would only give her red, puffy eyes and mess up her make-up.
She sniffled and tried to stop trembling. She told herself over and over to let this sort of things slide, to just laugh over them like Battler-kun did and do not let them affect her but… her hands went to her flat belly, the belly that would never contain another life and she felt as if her lower body was pierced and torn all over again, as if the pain she had felt when she had fallen had remained printed inside her and would never leave her, a shameful mark to prove she was a subhuman who…
She pressed her hand against her mouth and almost threw up.
‘It’s all in my mind,’ she told herself panting but it didn’t really worked. She swallowed. She couldn’t remain closed in the toilet forever. She had to leave.
She washed her hands, more in an attempt to wash away her thoughts than anything else, trying not to look at the pathetic figure the mirror was showing before leaving the toilet with a sigh… and finding herself facing Battler.
“Are you all right?” he asked in a concerned tone, his expression rather serious.
“I… no… not really,” she admitted resting her forehead against his chest and feeling comfort in how his hands rested over her shoulders, holding her.
“Do you want me to take you back home? We aren’t too late to leave,” he suggested.
‘Yes, yes, yes!’ her mind screamed.
“I can do this,” she said instead. “I can do this,” she repeated and she wondered if she was trying to persuade him or herself of this.
“You don’t have to force yourself too much,” he insisted. She forced a smile.
“You want an excuse not to board that plane, don’t you?” she teased and she felt him stroking her hair gently.
“Oh, so you caught me?” he played along in a fond tone. “But really, Sayo-chan, I’m worried. Everyone is. And we can say it’s just that I don’t feel like boarding the plane if you prefer. It’s not a lie, after all. I’m really not interested into getting in that hellish, trembling thing,” he assured her.
“They aren’t worried about me,” she stated bitterly.
“Sayo-chan…”
“They aren’t. It’s fine, I don’t care about them. If you are worried for me… that’s enough for me. I’ll do it. I can do it,” she insisted. “Stop worrying.”
“… What about my plane-phobia?” he asked then in a pitiful tone but she knew that wasn’t really an issue. Sure, he was terrorized by planes and prone to make a scene once on board but this had never stopped him from boarding one. She wanted that same strength, the ability to do something despite it terrorizing her.
“You’ll do fine. It’s a short flight after all, it’ll end before you realize,” she assured him with a smile. He sighed as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder as he began leading her back.
“Yeah, sure, you all say like that but I just know it’ll feel like the longest 20 minutes in my life… assuming I’ll survive the flight and nothing horrible happens during it… they’ll better have parachutes…” he grumbled rolling his eyes, and she made a weak attempt at giggling. He sighed again. “You’re a stubborn one,” he simply commented and she attempted a smile again.
“Yes and I’ll hold your hand through all the travel, okay? So you won’t have to worry,” she offered. “And you’ll hold mine. And we’ll be fine. Okay?”
“Okay,” he agreed and he sounded like he knew she wasn’t just talking about the travel on the plane but about the whole trip on Rokken-jima.
Battler handled the boarding relatively well. Relatively well meant he kept on grumbling about the plane shaking, falling, and them not having a parachute and dying a horrible, horrible death but at least he got on the plane.
His family… they teased him about his fear as if it was a funny show. She felt disgusted by them, knowing that if this was the behaviour they would keep with a family member what could she expect they’ll say to her as she wasn’t even related to them?
“Don’t worry, Battler-kun. It won’t shake too much,” George-san said him with a big smile and, even though his words were structured to offer comfort, to her it felt as if he was trying to rub salt on his wounds. Maybe it was all in her head. Maybe she was being overly sensitive. But it upset Battler further and, by association, she ended up reminding all the times George-san had said something to her that seemed kind but that actually had hurt, like how Battler should have been happy after he left the Ushiromiya…
“He knows how bad it’ll shake. He has already boarded this one,” she ended up saying as she held Battler’s hand tighter.
“Uh? Really? When?” George-san asked in surprise.
“When he came to get me,” she informed him with some odd sense of pride. For her he had boarded the plane that freaked him out so much on his own, just because he was worried for her. She didn’t really want to think at which sort of fuss he had made on the plane once on it though, just that he had gotten on it for her and no one else, and just because he’d gotten worried for her after a short telephone call, despite not seeing her for 4 years and despite her fear he’d completely forgotten her. She believed it was something to be proud of.
JJ's Extra Notes:
This is sort of part of my fragment universe in which Sayo, after discovering the truth about herself, due to a lucky chance, moved to live in Battler’s grandparents’ home, and then, due to another series of circumstances, ends up managing to marry him as soon as they’re both of legal age for marriage.
This doesn’t mean everything is all sunshine and rainbows but that, at least, in those two years she had the chance to live in a much better environment and therefore she isn’t utterly broken as she is in Umineko.
Dictionary:
-chan: Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child
-kun: Young
-jima: Island
-sama: "Lord" or "Lady"
-san: "Mr." or "Mrs."
Aneki: "Sister" or "Older girl"
Aniki: "Brother" or "Older boy"
Kā-san: "Mother"
Oba-san: "Aunt" or "Woman"
Oji-san: "Uncle" or "Man"
Oku-sama: "Wife" or "Married lady" or "Madam"
Omiai: "Love Seeing". Formal marriage interview
Onē-chan: "Sister" or "Older girl"
Onī-chan: "Brother" or "Older boy"
Oyakata:
"Master of the house" or "Lord"
Tō-san: "Father"
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Send me your comments!
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU. It's unbetaed, it might look spoilerish and anyway it’s better if you’ve knowledge of the 8 episodes, it contain some Japanese words, some OOC...
Notes: I guess you can see it as a sequel of “A magic spell called ‘hope’”, a what if on how things could have gone had Battler and Sayo continued to live in that fragment.
Disclaimer:
"Umineko no naku koro ni" belong to Ryukishi07. I'm merely using his characters because I love them... especially Battler and Sayo...
Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Summary: 1986. The family conference is about to start and Battler and his newlywed wife are about to take part to it.
She sat composedly in the airport, hands on her lap and gaze downcast. Next to her Battler yawned loudly and complained AGAIN on how unfair it was they had to get up so early and that he knew beforehand they would get to Chōfu airport too soon and then they would end up waiting a lot for the plane and it was just their luck that the plane was also late and so on. She knew that, with his complaining, he was trying to keep calm, as not only he was nervous because it was six years from the last time he went on Rokken-jima, but he was also terrorized by vehicles who might shake… and the plane they were going to take was bound to shake. Normally she would try to reassure him or something but the truth was she was more nervous than him. No, terrorized would be a better word.
She had been missing from Rokken-jima by only two years, having left the cursed island short after that horrible day in which the world crumbled on her, and it had been a bizarre twist of fate what had helped her to meet Battler again, just when she believed she had reached rock bottom.
She had spent the following two years as a guest in Battler’s grandparents’ house and Battler’s grandfather had arranged for them to marry as soon as Battler had been eighteen. Short after, the old man had died and Battler had ended up returning being an Ushiromiya. And so here she was as well, with him, ready to take part to the annual family conference, not anymore as the maid Shannon, but as Ushiromiya Sayo, Ushiromiya Battler’s wife.
Well, ready wasn’t the right word if she had to be honest.
That night she had awoken from a horrible nightmare and, as her husband had held her in his arms trying to comfort her, she had been on the verge of begging him to just find an excuse and skip the family meeting. She had resisted to it though, even if only barely, so barely he too caught up on the fact she was contrary at the idea of going on Rokken-jima and had asked her if she would have preferred it if they were to call in sick or something.
Yes, she would have preferred it, she wanted it, but she refused to admit it out loud. It could lead him to question her about why she didn’t want to return and there were things she wasn’t ready yet to tell him. So she just babbled excuses about being nervous, about fearing his family’s reaction at having her, an orphaned servant, now being part of the family, about thinking she wouldn’t know what to do if Oku-sama were to scold her, if Eva-sama were to remind her of her place, if Rosa-sama were to call her a worthless furniture, if…
He had stroked her hair and had tried to reassure her about how no one would make rude remarks to his wife now, that they would have the good sense of not embarrass themselves in such way, all words she couldn’t really believe. Battler had a way too optimistic view of his family and, even if, to be honest, they were never that bad around their children she… she has seen them when the children weren’t around and…
“Just promise you won’t leave me alone,” she had asked him, snuggling against him and he has agreed, quickly and effortlessly, as if that won’t be a big deal for him. She’d spent the rest of the night in his arms, plagued by a troubled sleep, till it was time to wake up.
Battler had looked even sleepier than her when they got up, so a side of her was still wondering if she had been the one to keep him awake. Not that he’ll admit it.
And now here they were, in the airport, waiting for the rest of the family to join them and… Battler’s hand waved in her line of sight and she turned her gaze on him in confusion.
“Hum… yes?”
“I said: are you feeling well?” he asked her and it looked like he had made her that same question previously and she hadn’t even noticed.
“I… yes… I’m just a bit tired…” she assured without looking at him and felt him brushing her cheek gently. Before he could question her further though, his father interrupted them.
“Hey, Battler, how exactly did the two of you spend the night yesterday? You didn’t engage in too strenuous activities, did you?” the man asked amused, making them both flush.
“None of your business! I don’t ask you how you and Kyrie-san spend the night!” Battler protested.
“You should. I could give you some tips!” his father replied, winking.
“Not interested in the suggestions of an old man, thank you,” her husband stated in what was starting to look like one of his usual bitching with his father, one of the good ones. She had the chance to see the bad ones and she hoped she would never see them again.
“Rudolf-san,” Kyrie-san called softly but firmly. “Shouldn’t you let them be?” she asked with a smile, even if in her tone there was an edge that pushed Rudolf-san to comply quickly. She wasn’t sure what had happened between Kyrie-san and Rudolf-san after she and Battler had gotten married, only that things had changed somehow. She couldn’t complain though, as Kyrie-san had become a lot kinder with them and this had helped in more than one occasion.
She heard Battler thanking the woman, exchanging some words with her, and soon found herself sinking back in her own thoughts only to leave her own little world abruptly as Battler stood and announced he ‘would be right back’.
She tried to call him back but, before she could say the words, he was already gone. She frowned. So much for promising not to leave her alone, really.
“But are you all right, Sayo-chan? Battler-kun seemed worried,” Kyrie-san asked her, looking at her attentively.
“Ah, I… yes, thank you,” she hurried to assure, shying away from that intense gaze. Kyrie-san was a clever woman, one with whom Sayo always feared she couldn’t compete. “I’m just sleepy, that’s all.”
“So no chance I’m going to become a grandpa yet?” Rudolf-san asked her with a sigh. “Too bad.”
“No, I… I’m sorry…” she apologized feeling even more miserable as she lowered her gaze and fumbled with her fingers. She had the feeling Rudolf-san had thought Battler had been willing to marry her despite the both of them being so young only because he had made her pregnant. That, sadly, wasn’t the case.
“Rudolf-san. Give them time, can’t you see how young they are? Really, shouldn’t you have your hands full with Ange? Do you need grandchildren that badly?” Kyrie-san scolded him again.
“Well, not really, but I thought it would have been fun to see Battler having to handle a baby and all. The sleepless nights and the diapers to change and…”
“I’m sure Battler would be a wonderful father,” she found herself stating. Oh yes, he would, if only they could be blessed with children. He was so good with children and patient and playful and friendly… He claimed it was merely because he was a little child himself but… but she knew he would be a good father and to know he’ll never be and that it would all be her fault…
“I’m sure as well, Sayo-chan,” Kyrie-san agreed, resting her hand on her shoulder. Kyrie-san was probably about to add something when someone called her and she turned to the newcomer.
“I’m sorry, we’re late, Kā-san and Tō-san are about to arrive,” George-sama, Battler’s older cousin, informed them. He’d been kind with her when she still worked on Rokken-jima. Very kind. And Eva-sama hadn’t liked it. At all.
Sayo found herself bowing formally at him, like she did when she was just a servant, hating herself for how that had been ingrained on her so much she couldn’t stop doing it even now that she was no more a maid. If Battler had been there… he probably would have stopped her… but he had left her alone so…
“It’s a pleasure to see you again as well…” she began then trailed off, unsure on how to call him now.
“I’m also happy to see you and please, don’t be so formal. You’re my cousin’s wife, after all,” he told her, understanding her discomfort. He’d been always perceptive in that regard. “This makes you too my cousin,” he added without knowing that she didn’t need to marry Battler to be his cousin already. She tried her best not to let this affect her though.
“Thank you… George-san,” she replied and he nodded in approbation before they began chatting a little. Well, it was mostly George-san talking as she nodded while careful to keep on smiling, as they used to do in the past, but it was fine. Or so she told herself. Of course it couldn’t last.
“I was surprised thought when you left Rokken-jima all of sudden. I even worried something might have happened that caused you to leave in such a hurry,” he informed her in a concerned tone that seemed to suggest he wanted explanations, explanations she didn’t want to give.
“I’m sorry… nothing happened… it was just…” she began uneasily, lowering her gaze and unconsciously backing away slightly.
“Hey, you! What are you doing to my wife?” Battler’s voice cut the air abruptly. He looked a mix between angry and concerned as he rushed to her side. “Are you all right, Sayo-chan? Was he bugging you?” he asked checking her all over as if he expected he could find traces of wounds.
“Ah, y-yes, it wasn’t…” she began, stammering slightly.
“Ba… Battler-kun? Is that you?” George-san interrupted her. “You… you’ve changed quite a lot…”
“Uh? Aniki?” Battler asked finally realizing who the person that had been talking with her was. “Why were you harassing my wife?”
“I wasn’t! That’s a misunderstanding! I just…” George-san began in an embarrassed tone, flushing slightly and waving his hands in front of himself, to trail off when Battler laughed.
“Just joking, just joking. If it’s you I know you wouldn’t do anything bad. Right, Sayo-chan?” he turned to her but she could see his eyes were serious, as if, despite his words, he wanted confirmation George-san hadn’t bugged her. In a way it was nice how he would always worry for her, especially since she had been more than once the target of bullying, but she was still upset he had left her alone to fully appreciate it.
“He was only keeping me company… since you left, Battler,” she couldn’t help but point out, turning her gaze away from him with a little pout. She was startled when she felt something cold pressed against her cheek and returned to look at him.
“I thought you might feel like drinking something,” he informed her in an almost pouting tone that seemed to mimic hers as he held a can of iced tea against her cheek. “I’ve also gotten something for you to read if you’re feeling like it.”
She blinked and wondered if she should sigh or laugh. Battler was really pretty bad at understanding girls’ feelings, as usual he couldn’t figure out the only thing she wanted from him was to stay around her, but this didn’t mean he didn’t care. He wasn’t the type who would go out of his way to put ladies first and stuffs, but if Sayo were to do so much as sneeze, he would worry and fuss and pamper her the best he knew. Which sometimes could lead to disastrous results but well… it still felt good to see someone worry, to see someone care, to see someone do everything he could just for her.
“Thank you,” she ended up saying simply with a small smile as she retrieved the can from his hand and that was enough to make him turn toward her and smile back, like a child pleased because he’d been praised. Really, he was like a little kid sometimes… “Though next time before wandering off just tell me first. I was worried.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he agreed. “Though it’s not like I was going to disappear into thin air or something… even if the idea is tempting…”
“The fly will be all right, Battler-kun. If you compare the plane with the boat it’ll shake a lot less,” George-san interjected with a laugh, to which Battler hurried to reassure him that wasn’t absolutely what he had in mind, no definitely, he was absolutely calm about the flight, which was of course a lie, a pathetic one to be honest, as truth would be as clear as day as soon as he’ll have to climb on that plane… but Battler didn’t laugh of her fears so she made a point of not laughing of his own and tried to offer him a temporal escape route.
“Can you open it for me? It seems it’s too hard,” she asked, waving the can under his nose slightly. He stared at her in disbelief for a second before catching up her intentions.
“Ah, yes, sure,” he agreed but, before he could open the can, Eva-sama’s voice called out for him.
“Battler-kun? My, my, how much you’ve grown,” she commented and Sayo instinctively tensed and wished to shrink away. She knew better though.
“Eva-sa…”
“Eva Oba-san, that’s nice to see you again! You hadn’t aged a single bit!” Battler exclaimed, his voice covering hers and the fact she’d been about to call the woman ‘Eva-sama’ as she did when she was a mere servant, while his arm went around her shoulders and stopped her from bowing deep and low as she instinctively was about to do.
“Oh, you’ve grown up to be a flatterer like Rudolf, aren’t you?” the woman commented waving her fan slightly as she smiled at him indulgently. “You’d better be careful, my dear, or another woman will swoop him away from you.” The warning was aimed at her, to remind her how low she was and how easily for another it would be to steal him from her, but she knew Battler would take it as a personal insult, as he could hardly stand being compared to his unfaithful father. Battler chose to laugh though, as if those words weren’t a big deal for him even if she could feel him holding her shoulder a little tighter.
“I’m not the sort of person that gets swayed away from his wife,” he stated and despite all her insecurities she made a point of turning toward him, smiling.
“I know,” she offered resting her hand on his own and he smiled back and, for a moment, it was just as if there were only the two of them in the world before Hideyoshi-sama… Hideyoshi-san joined them.
“Eva, you shouldn’t get in the way of young love here,” he stated in his fake Kansai dialect, laughing. “Though it seems yesterday that Battler-kun was this tall,” he said motioning to a really short height, “And now here he is, this big and married with a pretty lady!”
At that point the discussion smoothed over somehow, the adults engaging in circumstantial chats of times changing, children growing and so on, mercifully leaving them out of it.
“Are we still waiting for the weather?” Battler asked as Sayo drank quietly the tea he had carried her. George-san pointed at the counter where the ‘checking weather’ sign was still present next to the departure times for the flight they were scheduled to board and she couldn’t help but think she hoped it would remain there forever. She definitely didn’t look forward returning to Rokken-jima.
“Is everything all right, Sayo-chan?” George-san asked her. “You’re a little paler…”
“My, my, George’s right, you are, my dear,” Eva-san commented before Sayo had the chance to say that everything was fine. “Can it be you were planning to surprise us with the news of a new addition to the Ushiromiya family?”
Sayo swallowed, her moth dry even if she’d just drank tea, as she felt like screaming. She knew that, during this trip, everyone would end up asking if she was pregnant over and over, after all she and Battler had married despite being so young… and there was the precedent of his father… and so it was natural to suspect…
“Eva Oba-san, really. Isn’t it a bit too early for us to think at making kids? We’re just married! Let me enjoy having my wife all for myself for some more years!” Battler replied and she felt so grateful to him she could cry as she hoped his reply would stop them from questioning her for at least some years.
“I thank you for your concern, Eva-san, but I’m just a little tired,” she replied politely instead, doing her best to keep her self-control.
“I see, I see, newlywed couples have quite busy nights!” Hideyoshi-san commented causing her and Battler to blush. “I remember the time short after my marriage!”
“Dear, I’m sure no one is interested in such stories,” Eva-san chided him and Sayo felt a guilty pleasure at enjoying how, for once, it was Eva-san the one being embarrassed.
“Now, now, don’t say it like that, Eva Oba-san! We’re sure we’ve a lot to learn from your valuable experience, don’t we, Aniki? Hideyoshi Oji-san is surely a man who should know how to make his wife happy, differently from a certain someone else,” Battler pushed on, taking his chance to toss a jab in his father’s direction and Sayo wondered if he was taking revenge for Eva-san’s comment earlier. Maybe not, he wasn’t that sort of person but…
“Well… well…” George-san commented, his face red. “I don’t think it’s fair to pressure them to share…”
“By the way, George-kun, we’ve heard you might be the next in getting married, is that real?” Kyrie-san spoke up, switching the topic of the conversation.
“Ah… well… in truth…” George-san babbled before giving her a quick glance, looking even more nervous. Sayo knew that he had taken part to Omiai in the past, of course. They even spoke with Oyakata-sama about it. Back then it had sort of stung. George-san had been kind to her, almost as if he had interests in her, and the idea he too could leave to get engaged with someone else had hurt. Now though… it really didn’t seem to matter.
“Ne, Aniki, is it true? So, how’s she?” Battler joined into questioning.
“I… It’s nothing like that… I don’t really feel adult enough to…” George-san tried to defend himself.
“Now, George-kun, don’t be silly. If my dumbass son can get married at 18, you, who’re such a fine adult, are more than ready to start a family of your own! Unless the truth is that, despite Aneki pushing you into Omiai, in truth she can’t bear the idea to let go of her own son!” Rudolf-san commented, teasing his sister.
“Don’t be silly, Rudolf. I look forward to the moment my George will spread his wings and start a family of his own but I would never dream of pressuring him into doing so,” Eva-san countered. “Marriages are matters that have to be handled carefully, don’t you see?”
Rudolf-san and Eva-san resumed their bitching as Battler whispered in Sayo’s ear not to pay attention to what they were saying while arguing. It was probably a wise suggestion, she reasoned as she tried not to get hurt by how Eva-san had implied their choice of getting married hadn’t been handed carefully.
“I’m sorry,” George-san apologized looking straight at her. “When my mother and her siblings meet… well, it’s like they’re back to being children. Please, do not take her words as an offence.”
“Oh, no, it’s fine,” she hurried to say.
“And here we’ve Aniki playing the role of the adult instead. Though I’ve to say that you’re a much better role model than the old bastard,” Battler commented. “I wish I were like you.”
“Like me? Thank you, Battler-kun, but I’m really not that admirable. I still lack social experience, sociability and courage while you seem to have them in abundance. As well as a beautiful wife to support you, if you’ll allow me to say so,” George-san commented. Sayo blushed slightly. Battler grinned and held her a little closer.
“I’m a lucky man, aren’t I?” he commented, completely forgetting it should have been more proper to be humble and causing her to blush even more. It was in that moment that Hideyoshi-san chose to shout really loudly his greeting to the incoming Rosa-sama… Rosa-san and her daughter. Sayo swallowed. Rosa-san tended to act nice in front of others so maybe she wouldn’t be that bad to deal with. At least as long as there were people around.
She saw Rosa-san greeting her relatives, than looking at Battler in surprise, she too commenting on how big he had become… which was pretty understandable really. Six years ago Battler’s height was below average, now he was over 1m 80cm and was having troubles at finding clothes of his size.
“No way, hah-hah-haah... It’s embarrassing having to hear that every time I meet someone today...!” he commented, laughing at his aunt’s surprise.
“And… Sayo-chan, right? You look well,” Rosa-san added, looking at her and saying her name as if she was uncomfortable at calling her anything else that wasn’t Shannon-chan.
“It’s good to see you again, Rosa-san,” she said hurriedly, Battler’s hand on her shoulder stopping her again from bowing too deeply, and realizing, only after she had spoken, that she had ended up repeating what Maria-chan had been instructed to say only few minutes ago. She thought it was a good thing that Rosa-san’s attention was diverted from her by her siblings, who were scolding her for her lateness.
In the meantime Maria-chan was looking at them suspiciously. It was six years from the last time Maria-chan had seen Battler and two years from the last time he’d seen her. Sayo wondered if that suspicious glance was because she hadn’t recognized her or because she couldn’t understand why she’d been called Sayo and not Shannon.
Battler instead didn’t dwell in wondering and was already doing his best to bond with Maria-chan… with the result in few minutes they had dropped honorific, despite Rosa-san’s comment that Maria-chan should call him ‘Battler Onī-chan’ and were playing around, Battler tossing Maria-chan in the air and making her laugh after she had rewarded him with a marshmallow candy.
“Oh my, who would have said, Battler-kun, you’re good with children. When are you two having one of your own?” Rosa-san asked noticing him playing with her daughter. Sayo hugged herself, the question rubbing salt on wounds that had never healed.
“Not this year or in the year to come, that’s for sure,” Battler replied carelessly as if he had the chance to have a kid someday. Well, technically he had it. Just… not with her. “We’re just married; can’t you let us enjoy a bit of our married life? Just the two of us?” Rosa-san laughed at that, though it felt forced somehow.
“Sorry, sorry, you’re right. You should enjoy it,” she agreed but Sayo wasn’t paying her any attention anymore. She felt as if all the eyes were on her, seeing through her, seeing how her body was damaged, crippled, how she wasn’t a person but just furniture and she felt like suffocating.
“Excuse me,” she managed to whisper weakly before leaving hurriedly.
Battler followed Sayo-chan with his gaze as she walked away, but said nothing to stop her, he just put down Maria, excused himself and then went after her.
As the two left, Rosa turned toward her siblings.
“Have I said something wrong?” she asked.
“A better question would be ‘did she have an abortion or something?’ because she seems about to feel sick each time children are mentioned,” Eva commented.
“Kā-san,” George protested but Eva with just one movement of her hand hushed him.
“Nothing as such. Battler-kun said Sayo-chan started feeling sick tonight,” Kyrie-san clarified. “The fact she keeps on being asked if she’ll be a mother soon probably makes her feel pressured, which doesn’t help,” she added. She knew that the popular opinion was that, like his father had done, Battler-kun had married so early just because he had gotten Sayo-chan pregnant. She also knew that wasn’t the case. Battler-kun was different from Rudolf-san, Asumu-san having raised him well in this regard, the knowledge giving her a very bitter feeling that made her wish she could kill someone, slowly and painfully. Still she was careful not to let her emotions show.
“Oh, we weren’t really planning to make her feel pressured. I was just being concerned and Rosa was merely praising Battler-kun. Sure though they married rather early,” Eva countered with a smile, waving her fan carelessly. “As if they couldn’t wait a second longer.”
“Yes, they couldn’t really wait. Battler-kun’s grandfather didn’t have much time to live and wanted to see his grandson married. Battler-kun and Sayo-chan were both indebted to him and felt obliged to fulfil his wish. Probably, if his grandfather could have had his way, he would have also gotten to see Battler-kun as a father but he died around a month after Battler-kun’s marriage,” Kyrie explained. “Though I’ve to say my husband is being as bad as Battler-kun’s grandfather as he apparently discovered a sudden wish at having grandchildren walking around him. I don’t think pressuring them would do any good though.”
“Well, it surely didn’t do any good for Natsuhi Nē-san. She sure took a lot before she finally was able to conceive,” Rosa pointed out and again there was something bitter in her voice. Rosa hadn’t had the chance to ‘take a lot in getting pregnant’ finding herself with a child way too soon. Eva waved her fan in a dismissive manner again.
“Natsuhi Nē-san is just too frail with all her headaches and inability to conceive. I hope Sayo-chan isn’t going to follow her footsteps since she’d been trained by her,” Eva commented.
“I’m sure that’s not the case. I think she’s more like Ange, prone to get stomach aches when she’s nervous. Likely she doesn’t want to make a bad impression on her husband’s family,” Kyrie went on. “And maybe she’s a little afraid of being bullied.”
“Us bully Shannon-chan? Ops, I mean Sayo-chan? Why would she think that?” Eva laughed carelessly behind her fan.
“Really, we would never do something do mean,” Rosa assured with a smile.
“I’m sure she’s over worrying and it’s good. I’m afraid to say Battler-kun is a bit of an overprotective husband and I wouldn’t want anyone to get embarrassed. He can do crazy things when he thinks his wife is being mistreated,” Kyrie agreed nodding sagely. The other two laughed but understood the warning.
Sayo leaned on the door as she tried to stop panting. She felt like suffocating and her eyes stung. She wanted to cry but she knew better than doing it. She would still have to be presentable after she were to leave the bathroom and tears would only give her red, puffy eyes and mess up her make-up.
She sniffled and tried to stop trembling. She told herself over and over to let this sort of things slide, to just laugh over them like Battler-kun did and do not let them affect her but… her hands went to her flat belly, the belly that would never contain another life and she felt as if her lower body was pierced and torn all over again, as if the pain she had felt when she had fallen had remained printed inside her and would never leave her, a shameful mark to prove she was a subhuman who…
She pressed her hand against her mouth and almost threw up.
‘It’s all in my mind,’ she told herself panting but it didn’t really worked. She swallowed. She couldn’t remain closed in the toilet forever. She had to leave.
She washed her hands, more in an attempt to wash away her thoughts than anything else, trying not to look at the pathetic figure the mirror was showing before leaving the toilet with a sigh… and finding herself facing Battler.
“Are you all right?” he asked in a concerned tone, his expression rather serious.
“I… no… not really,” she admitted resting her forehead against his chest and feeling comfort in how his hands rested over her shoulders, holding her.
“Do you want me to take you back home? We aren’t too late to leave,” he suggested.
‘Yes, yes, yes!’ her mind screamed.
“I can do this,” she said instead. “I can do this,” she repeated and she wondered if she was trying to persuade him or herself of this.
“You don’t have to force yourself too much,” he insisted. She forced a smile.
“You want an excuse not to board that plane, don’t you?” she teased and she felt him stroking her hair gently.
“Oh, so you caught me?” he played along in a fond tone. “But really, Sayo-chan, I’m worried. Everyone is. And we can say it’s just that I don’t feel like boarding the plane if you prefer. It’s not a lie, after all. I’m really not interested into getting in that hellish, trembling thing,” he assured her.
“They aren’t worried about me,” she stated bitterly.
“Sayo-chan…”
“They aren’t. It’s fine, I don’t care about them. If you are worried for me… that’s enough for me. I’ll do it. I can do it,” she insisted. “Stop worrying.”
“… What about my plane-phobia?” he asked then in a pitiful tone but she knew that wasn’t really an issue. Sure, he was terrorized by planes and prone to make a scene once on board but this had never stopped him from boarding one. She wanted that same strength, the ability to do something despite it terrorizing her.
“You’ll do fine. It’s a short flight after all, it’ll end before you realize,” she assured him with a smile. He sighed as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder as he began leading her back.
“Yeah, sure, you all say like that but I just know it’ll feel like the longest 20 minutes in my life… assuming I’ll survive the flight and nothing horrible happens during it… they’ll better have parachutes…” he grumbled rolling his eyes, and she made a weak attempt at giggling. He sighed again. “You’re a stubborn one,” he simply commented and she attempted a smile again.
“Yes and I’ll hold your hand through all the travel, okay? So you won’t have to worry,” she offered. “And you’ll hold mine. And we’ll be fine. Okay?”
“Okay,” he agreed and he sounded like he knew she wasn’t just talking about the travel on the plane but about the whole trip on Rokken-jima.
Battler handled the boarding relatively well. Relatively well meant he kept on grumbling about the plane shaking, falling, and them not having a parachute and dying a horrible, horrible death but at least he got on the plane.
His family… they teased him about his fear as if it was a funny show. She felt disgusted by them, knowing that if this was the behaviour they would keep with a family member what could she expect they’ll say to her as she wasn’t even related to them?
“Don’t worry, Battler-kun. It won’t shake too much,” George-san said him with a big smile and, even though his words were structured to offer comfort, to her it felt as if he was trying to rub salt on his wounds. Maybe it was all in her head. Maybe she was being overly sensitive. But it upset Battler further and, by association, she ended up reminding all the times George-san had said something to her that seemed kind but that actually had hurt, like how Battler should have been happy after he left the Ushiromiya…
“He knows how bad it’ll shake. He has already boarded this one,” she ended up saying as she held Battler’s hand tighter.
“Uh? Really? When?” George-san asked in surprise.
“When he came to get me,” she informed him with some odd sense of pride. For her he had boarded the plane that freaked him out so much on his own, just because he was worried for her. She didn’t really want to think at which sort of fuss he had made on the plane once on it though, just that he had gotten on it for her and no one else, and just because he’d gotten worried for her after a short telephone call, despite not seeing her for 4 years and despite her fear he’d completely forgotten her. She believed it was something to be proud of.
JJ's Extra Notes:
This is sort of part of my fragment universe in which Sayo, after discovering the truth about herself, due to a lucky chance, moved to live in Battler’s grandparents’ home, and then, due to another series of circumstances, ends up managing to marry him as soon as they’re both of legal age for marriage.
This doesn’t mean everything is all sunshine and rainbows but that, at least, in those two years she had the chance to live in a much better environment and therefore she isn’t utterly broken as she is in Umineko.
Dictionary:
-chan: Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child
-kun: Young
-jima: Island
-sama: "Lord" or "Lady"
-san: "Mr." or "Mrs."
Aneki: "Sister" or "Older girl"
Aniki: "Brother" or "Older boy"
Kā-san: "Mother"
Oba-san: "Aunt" or "Woman"
Oji-san: "Uncle" or "Man"
Oku-sama: "Wife" or "Married lady" or "Madam"
Omiai: "Love Seeing". Formal marriage interview
Onē-chan: "Sister" or "Older girl"
Onī-chan: "Brother" or "Older boy"
Oyakata:
"Master of the house" or "Lord"
Tō-san: "Father"
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