Fanfic: Game Over or Continue - Chap 8
Title: "Game Over or Continue - Chap 8: 8th Level"
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA, it probably contains some OOCness and a bit of sappiness, uses Japanese words (the dictionary is at the bottom) and includes some spoilers...
Notes: Based on the idea that there can't be a Heaven on Earth but that being with your loved one helps a lot...
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo Babylon" and "X" belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...
Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensitive heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews, so please be honest but nice, okay?
Thanks: To Ruth for betaing this! Thank you a lot!
Summary: Poor, mentally unstable Subaru is convinced he's finally been killed off on Judgement Day, when he wakes up again in a hospital and discovers things went radically different from how he remembers them... And when he starts getting used to this new reality weird things start to happen that make him wonder whether it's really him who's having distorted memories or if there's something behind all this...
Seishiro was staring at the sleeping features of the only one who meant something to him. Subaru wasn’t doing well.
Each night when they went to bed Subaru would always try to sleep on the edge of the bed. Coaxing him to move more to the centre was often complicated or met with reluctance and nervousness so, more often than not, Seishiro would simply wait for Subaru to be asleep before pulling the boy against himself and into his embrace.
Subaru’s sleep was uneasy and he kept waking up at night several times, mostly due to nightmares, often waking up Seishiro as well.
It was however almost impossible to get Subaru to talk about his nightmares. In the good nights he would just jump up, sit, panting hard and generally cause Seishiro to wake up as well. Then he’d stare at his lap waiting for his breath to return normal, his eyes open wide and his fists clenched, apparently oblivious of everything else around him. He wouldn’t cry but sometimes he would shudder violently. In the bad nights Subaru would dig his nails into his skin and try to rip it away or would slam his fists on his legs as if trying to beat the pain out of himself. Seishiro would take him into his arms then, speaking to him softly in attempt to reassure him and stroking his back soothingly until Subaru would calm down and snuggle against him. He’d murmur nonsense until Subaru would fall back to sleep. He usually woke up again not much later and everything would repeat like a never ending circle.
However, in Seishiro’s opinion, the worst was when he would wake up and find that Subaru wasn’t with him anymore. He hated that, it always gave him a very unpleasant feeling even if he would usually find Subaru curled on the couch in the dark, all wrapped up in Seishiro’s coat like a scared child, empty, glazed eyes staring at… nothing really, as if Subaru were merely a doll that had been abandoned there. Seishiro had learnt it was pointless to try to talk with Subaru in those moments, since Subaru seemed to refuse to utter a single word despite Seishiro’s prodding. He merely curled up more and clung to Seishiro’s coat as if afraid Seishiro would take it away from him. So, for lack of better options, Seishiro would simply pick Subaru up and carry him back to bed. Subaru would let him do so without protests or complains, although he would continue to hug himself and cling to his coat. It would take quite a bit of coddling and cuddling before he would let go of the coat and begin clinging to Seishiro instead, often beginning to babble nonsense instead of explanations until he would finally fall back to sleep.
When, one day, amidst the babbling, Seishiro finally managed to get some sort of answer about why Subaru had this ‘fondness’ for wrapping himself up in his coat as if, to him, it was the equivalent of Linus’ security blanket, the boy mumbled something about it still holding his scent and being warm. When Seishiro had tried to explain to Subaru than the bed most surely held his scent much better since he was in it and was far warmer Subaru had replied he couldn’t stay there.
Due to Seishiro’s insistence Subaru had tried to explain why but all that the man managed to understand was that being there felt like ‘Rainbow Bridge’. Why lying in his arms in their bed felt like being on a now destroyed bridge was beyond Seishiro and Subaru hadn’t been able or willing to explain further so Seishiro had let the matter slide, at least for the time being.
In the morning Subaru wouldn’t remember most of what had happened during the night. Seishiro wasn’t sure if that was a bad thing or a blessing since Subaru refused to talk about the little he remembered.
Due to his disrupted sleeping schedule Subaru would be sleepy for most of the day and often he ended up dozing off if not outright falling asleep in the middle of it. Seishiro didn’t try to stop him from napping, actually he encouraged it, contenting himself with holding Subaru against himself in the meantime.
Despite the tiredness somehow Subaru was more rational during the day and slept better, for which he had the not exactly clear explanation that ‘no one had died in the middle of the day’.(1)
Seishiro would have liked to know what was plaguing him so, if all that distress was caused by Subaru’s messed up memory but talking about what Subaru ‘remembered’ upset Subaru even more, so he simply avoided the topic or prodded at it warily, usually without having any success.
All in all, dealing with Subaru was like dealing with a dog that had been beaten too often and now was unable to believe he would be treated with love and care. The boy would remain curled on himself for hours, careful to keep Seishiro in his eyesight but never getting too close and becoming very wary when Seishiro would stand or sit next to him although it was painfully obvious Subaru loved and needed to be hugged and held close.
Seishiro wasn’t the only one who knew of the pitiful state Subaru was in, Hokuto-chan had noticed as well and, since she desperately wanted to help him, she tried to cheer him up with a party to which she would invite only Subaru’s closest friends.
In Seishiro’s opinion it was the worst idea the girl could possibly have and for once it wasn’t merely because he hated sharing Subaru with other people. In Seishiro’s opinion, to expose Subaru, who even at his best had never been particularly extroverted, to the contact with other people when he didn’t even seem to know how to handle interacting with Seishiro and Hokuto-chan was bound to end in disaster. But although not even Subaru had liked the idea, he hadn’t been able to say no to his sister and Seishiro didn’t want to stress him further by starting an argument with Hokuto-chan about how it was clear Subaru didn’t wish to go to her party.
Mercifully at least she had organized it at her house so, if things were to get worse, Seishiro could always grab Subaru and take him back home. Among the few people invited to the party there was the Kazetsukai with his little happy family, the Kansai Bousan with his Miko, Kigai and his girlfriend and, of course, she had to invite Kamui claiming he was Subaru’s best friend, a fact Seishiro simply refused to believe. There were no connections between the little brat and his Subaru.
Reaching Hokuto-chan’s house had been a bit more complicated than usual since Subaru didn’t want to get anywhere close to the waterfront and so Seishiro had to make a long deviation to get there.
When they finally arrived Subaru was too tired and too introverted and too busy clinging to Seishiro’s hand to really pay attention to anything else. He was a pitiful sight and he knew it and Seishiro was sure that it wouldn’t do any good trying to force him to socialize while he was like that.
He remembered the time he had dragged a teenage Subaru to a Karaoke box and Hokuto-chan had managed to force her brother to try to sing a song that Subaru didn’t know. Instead of having fun trying the nervous and embarrassed boy had forced himself to do it with the stoic patience and the good effort with which he did everything and, once he had finished trying to sing it, he had mostly withdrawn into himself, pretending to be all right when he was not. He basically reduced interaction with others to a minimum level until Seishiro decided Subaru probably had enough and had took him back home where he spent three good hours trying to assure him that no, he hadn’t been a total failure and there was no need for him to keep on apologizing and no, he didn’t care at all if Hokuto-chan could sing everything and Subaru couldn’t and he hadn’t ruined Seishiro’s day at all and so on.
Back then Hokuto-chan had insisted that Subaru should try doing new things, that he should try to work on becoming more outgoing and stop worrying about failing other people’s expectations but this had always turned out to be an impossible task for Subaru. Subaru always had to try his hardest to make everyone happy and felt miserable when he failed. And that was before that mess started, when Subaru was far better at interacting with others and a lot less frail psychologically. Seishiro didn’t really want to know how he would react now, were he to believe he had failed his sister’s expectations for that party. He pulled him closer and stroked his hair reassuringly. Subaru just stared at him with that lost puppy expression of his and he seriously considered scoping him up and carrying him away but then they heard Hokuto-chan calling them and Subaru broke eye contact with Seishiro to look at his sister.
“It’ll go well, Subaru, and in case you really want to leave, just tell me and I’ll take you away,” he assured him in a quiet murmur before letting him go so that his sister could hug him, through there was no need for her, really, to hug _HIS_ Subaru. He forced a smile and tried to ignore the nagging reminder he hated to share Subaru with other people. It would be only for a short amount of time, he told himself. A short amount of time that, as Hokuto-chan pulled Subaru toward the other guests, seemed impossibly long. He sighed, eyed Subaru and hoped at least Hokuto-chan had prepared some cake for him to console himself with or really, that whole situation would soon become unbearable, not only for Subaru but for him also.
If Subaru had been the type to complain freely he would have stated outright that he hated being at that party and wanted to go back to Seishiro’s home. He had never felt like he fit among the other Ten no Ryu and had always tried to avoid them when it was possible, sure his presence would be only a bother for them, and now Hokuto-chan had thrown him right in the middle of them. He figured that would have been her style had she lived. She would have insisted he socialize with them and would have tried to pair him up with one of them, hadn’t he already been in a hopeless one sided love with Seishiro-san.
‘It’ll go well, Subaru, and in case you really want to leave, just tell me and I’ll take you away,’ Seishiro-san had told him a short time ago and he wanted to leave, he truly did, but there was still enough politeness and love for his sister in him to stop him from simply asking Seishiro-san to take him away. In the meantime everyone at the party kept trying to talk with him and he didn’t really know how to keep up those conversations since they were often talking about things he didn’t know or didn’t understand, acting as if they all were expecting him to wish to chat. He wondered if, among the things his memory had messed up, there was the fact that in his past he had been a talker. Somehow he doubted it and a side of him was extremely grateful when Kamui yelled at them all to let him be and dragged him away toward a quiet corner in the garden, although it felt unpleasant to be taken to a place away from Seishiro-san. He would have liked for Seishiro-san to come with them but, when the man moved to follow Hokuto-chan had stopped him. Subaru had no idea why, and so he found himself alone in the garden with Kamui. Come to think of it, Kamui hadn’t been very outgoing during the party either, not that Kamui had ever been very outgoing to begin with, but now… now the boy was different from how he remembered him, angrier, bitter and more depressed.
He remembered what Seishiro-san had told him, that Fuma-kun had died in the past Subaru couldn’t remember and he realized he didn’t feel like blaming Kamui for the way he was dealing with his loss or offering him empty words of support. He knew only too well what it meant to lose someone.
Kamui stared at him, studying him intensely as if expecting him to say something. Subaru stared back in silence, feeling guilty somehow. Kamui had been the closest thing he had to a friend. His life had been similar to his. Being in his presence was marginally better than being with the others. And now that the boy needed it, he had no idea how to help him. He felt even worse as he saw Kamui’s frown deepening.
“You’re different,” the boy stated in the end, as soon as he finished scrutinizing Subaru.
“I’m sorry,” Subaru apologised, feeling even more guilty than usual. Kamui was likely suffering enough from his loss, he shouldn’t be burdened further by Subaru’s ‘amnesia’. Kamui arched one of his eyebrows at his words and Subaru lowered his gaze. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember how I was before but I didn’t mean to disappoint you as well or to cause you further problems. I’m sorry,” he repeated and swallowed, feeling his mouth dry. Kamui shouldn’t be there, worrying about him. Subaru had behaved horribly toward him after Seishiro’s death, abandoning him and the Ten no Ryu to their own devices, so Kamui really shouldn’t worry about him. He should focus on his wish… if for him it was still possible to have one. Subaru’s breathing grew a bit more hurried as his mind automatically went back to the little he remembered about the events after Seishiro’s death and he clenched his fists and shook his head in a pitiful attempt to chase away the memory of that horrid, maddening pain. At least Kamui was dealing with it far better than he had been doing but considering all Kamui had been through it wasn’t surprising. Kamui was tough while Subaru was not. Also Kamui was surrounded by friends that loved him while Subaru, back then, merely had a family that might have loved him but completely failed in showing it openly, making him feel even more alone and guilty. Hokuto-chan was the one who should have survived, not him. Since she hadn’t, it should have been Seishiro-san, but no, Subaru had been the one that was left. He, the one least fit to live, the one least worthy to live, had survived while Hokuto-chan and Seishiro-san had died. It wasn’t fair.
But Seishiro-san had said nothing of this had happened, that it was just Subaru’s memory that was messed up so maybe he shouldn’t feel bad about it and yet he couldn’t help it.
“Hokuto said you remember things differently from actual events. Do you remember what we were? Our connection?” the boy asked, interrupting his dark thoughts.
“We were both Ten no Ryu,” Subaru replied automatically. Kamui frowned, looking disappointed.
“Just that?” he asked irritated.
“I think… we were friends… I think… you were the closest thing to a friend I had… you… you were similar to me… in a fashion…” he replied slowly. “But my memory is messed up so if we weren’t I apologize for assuming…”
At his words Kamui smiled, a smile he hadn’t seen on his face before and that he didn’t know how to interpret but probably that was because in the past he remembered Kamui never had to smile while suffering such a loss. He wondered if he should hug him, as he had done when he had gone within Kamui but wasn’t sure if he was allowed to. At least his words had made Kamui kind of happy, maybe had lessened his pain somewhat and that was what mattered, wasn’t it?
“Of course we were close, Subaru, I’m the one on which you can always count, I’m your best friend and you’re mine, never forget that,” the boy replied before taking the initiative and hugging him. Kamui had hugged him before but it had been more a ‘thank you’ hug or a ‘please, don’t die’ hug. This was different. This seemed to be much more affectionate than what he was used to from the boy, but Kamui had lost his most special person and Subaru, due to his amnesia, was mostly useless to him, so Subaru figured it was understandable if Kamui was being more affectionate than usual. He must have worried him, worried Kamui who had already enough to worry about. He didn’t deserve Kamui’s friendship especially because, while Kamui was hugging him, all he could think was that he would very much prefer if it was Seishiro-san hugging him. He felt guilty for that wish because he truly cared for Kamui but Seishiro-san… Seishiro-san would always come first. He tried to return the hug anyway, rather clumsily at that, knowing he should be the one doing the comforting and not vice versa.
However their hug was interrupted by Seishiro-san himself when he came to call Subaru, saying Hokuto-chan wanted to see him right now. Subaru broke the embrace and moved toward the house obediently, feeling a bit confused when Seishiro-san didn’t follow him but he didn’t try to question the man. Maybe he also wanted to have some quiet in the garden instead of being continuously forced to babysit him. Seishiro watched him leave and, when Subaru was out of sight, he turned to look at Kamui.
“Keep your hands off my property, boy,” he warned with that friendly smile he used for the few people he was about to kill slowly and painfully, the ones who wouldn’t be so lucky to have a peaceful death.
“You never deserved him in the first place,” the boy hissed back angrily, glaring at him with hate. “You were always making demands on him, and tried to cut him off from his family and friends. Subaru was always the one who had to do all the work to make you happy, never the other way around, and before he lost his memory he was starting to realize it, wasn’t he? Who knows, maybe he was about to dump you for good. You should feel fucking lucky he doesn’t remember what a bastard you were, how you took advantage of his kind nature and how he was finally starting to understand this!”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Seishiro stated and though his voice sounded calm he wasn’t smiling anymore.
“Aren’t you glad he lost his memory, Sakurazuka-san? In this state it should be easy for you to twist his mind all over again! You’ll ruin him again, make him your toy, make him miserable and he won’t even see it coming! I hate you! If Subaru wasn’t so crazy about you I would kill you without a second thought!” the boy yelled and ran away.
Seishiro let him go, knowing that Kamui was no threat to him and seeing no point in killing someone Subaru cared for while Subaru was upset. Maybe he would have his chance once Subaru felt better but, for now, he’d let this slide. Yet he wished he could give the brat a good spanking to teach him to respect his elders for good and to stay away from other people’s possessions. Kids these days were so rude…
He shook his head in disapproval and began walking back toward the house.
So he and Subaru had had problems before. It was their private business and he would have solved it sooner or later, Kamui shouldn’t even consider intruding. Besides it wasn’t like he would have let Subaru go. Subaru wasn’t allowed to leave him, no matter what. He would never, _never_ let Subaru go. Subaru was his and therefore bound to stay with him for the rest of his life. Subaru knew that too. It was part of their agreement, of their bet. Subaru knew better than try to break it and leave him.
Yet Subaru had almost escaped him, he had almost…
He frowned and pushed back that unpleasant memory.
It didn’t matter, in the end it hadn’t happened.
Subaru was back with him, Subaru was his, he got him back and he would never let him go again.
Never.
While Seishiro and Kamui were having their little ‘chat’ Hokuto was busy showing pictures to Subaru, assuring him that seeing them would help him recover his memory and complaining because Seishiro-chan hadn’t done it despite being the one who owned Subaru’s best pictures. Subaru stared at the photos his sister was showing him, unable to recognize himself in them. That boy that grinned happily couldn’t be him. Sure, they looked the same but… he had never been so happy and carefree, not even during the year of the bet.
He was tempted to think they had mistaken him for someone else, someone else with his same name and that looked like him somehow, only that reasoning didn’t make much sense. He might have a double who coincidentally shared his name but for this double to have doubles of all the people Subaru knew… that was a bit too much to believe. It simply wasn’t possible.
“Subaru, you’re not listening!” Hokuto-chan complained loudly, her voice cutting through his thoughts.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized automatically without much conviction. He hadn’t meant to be inattentive but really, Hokuto-chan’s tales about when the photos had been taken didn’t ring any bell to him and he wanted some time to think things over. His sister sighed and looked at him as if he was a lost cause as she finally closed the photo album. He felt pain at disappointing her again but really, the things she had been talking about, hadn’t happened to him and the more she talked about the happy life she insisted he had, the more he felt depressed and out of place, knowing his life had been anything but happy.
“How are things going between you and Sei-chan?” Hokuto-chan asked then and he knew he should have seen it coming. In the life he remembered she had always loved to pry into their relationship or lack thereof and it seems this hadn’t changed in this life.
“Seishiro-san is being gentle with me despite the fact I’m a nuisance to him,” he admitted, lowering his head.
“Well, if you want things to improve you could stop calling him ‘Seishiro-san’. And hug him sometimes. And smile. And ask him to do things for you. And have hot, sweaty sex with him all night!” she concluded cheerfully, trying his best to be supportive, never mind that all the suggestions she had made were out of Subaru’s league. He simply wasn’t able to do such things and she should have known that. Or maybe not. Maybe the Subaru she believed he was had been a daring person. Well, he would have to break the truth to her now, to inform her of how different he was from how she believed him to be.
“I’m not like that, Hokuto-chan,” he admitted. “I can’t do things like that. I just can’t.”
“Well, instead of sitting here feeling guilty and miserable, you should give it a try!” she stated stubbornly. “You should try doing something positive for a chance, not to submit and suffer in silence like you did before. Think of this as a second chance to be happy, a new start! You’ll be happy if, for once, you try to do something to get what you want and since you always wanted Sei-chan you should go and take him!”
‘You’ll be happy if, for once, you try to do something to get what you want,’ she said. What a joke, he thought. When he had tried to get what he wanted, his own demise at the hand of Seishiro-san, it had been Hokuto-chan’s spell that had stopped him from getting what he had been longing for, giving him the exact opposite. Giving him…
He closed his eyes and tried to forget the memory of Seishiro-san lying limply in his arms, his blood on his hands and the horrible, horrible knowledge he had lost him forever.
“How do you know? How do you know what will make me happy or not? Your bright plan to make me happy was to die and abandon me and on top of this you… you…” ‘You put a curse on Seishiro-san so that, instead of killing me, he died on me’ he desperately wanted to say but he didn’t dare. He didn’t want to give his sister ideas and he didn’t want to say out loud what had happened as if, the mere mention, could cause it to become real.
“Subaru, that never happened! You can’t hold things against me I didn’t do!” she countered, looking hurt and he had never meant to hurt her but…
“I’m not holding it against you,” he replied in a softer, gentler tone but, as soon as he said it, he realized it wasn’t true. He had tried so badly to be mad at Seishiro-san, to hate him for what he had done but he had never managed. The man didn’t care for him so, as much as it hurt Subaru, it was reasonable for him to do what he did, to hurt Subaru beyond belief because, really, Subaru’s happiness or unhappiness didn’t matter to him at all. But Hokuto-chan… she had always said she cared for him and he had always trusted her and in her caring for him… she had turned his life into a living hell. She hadn’t respected his decision to stay Within and wait for Seishiro-san to kill him, she had forced him to come out of that state, she had forced him to snap out of it because, to her, it was better if he were awake to face the full force of his own pain as well as the guilt of her own demise and his own loneliness than if he were within merely dealing with a smaller and numbed version of it. Because to her it was better if he lived as the murderer of the one he loved the most than if he were to finally die as he so longed for. In truth it hadn’t been better at all, it had been horrible and Subaru had been driven almost to insanity by the pain all this caused him. He could feel it again, feel the horrible knowledge Seishiro-san didn’t love him at all, that his sister was dead because of him, that he had murdered the man he loved, that…
“Subaru! Subaru, what’s wrong?” a familiar voice asked him as strong arms were wrapped protectively around him, pulling him against a warm, familiar body and only then did he realize he was crying, his arms wrapped around his body as he rocked slightly on himself.
“Sei… Seishiro-san?” he called trying to brush away his tears with his sleeve a bit more violently then necessary, trying to regain his self control. He didn’t want to look weak, not in front of Seishiro-san and yet, of late, he could do nothing but look weak, he was such a failure, he… Strong hands stopped him then took his face in them and raised it gently.
“I’m here, Subaru. What’s wrong?” the man asked so very gently it made Subaru long to cry even more.
“Don’t die. Kill me if it pleases you, kill everyone else but don’t die…” Subaru whimpered. “I don’t mind dying as long as you stay alive. I can’t bear the idea of you dying…” he admitted and sobbed, unable to hold back his tears.
Seishiro-san hugged him tightly again, allowing him to cry freely on his shoulder and to bury his head against it to hide his tears.
“No one is dead and no one will die, Subaru. I’ll always stay with you. Didn’t I tell you this already?” the man reminded him but Subaru ignored his reply and just clung to him.
Seishiro sighed as he rubbed Subaru’s back soothingly then informed Hokuto-chan he was taking Subaru back home before beginning to pull him away.
Hokuto stared numbly at her brother as he left with Sei-chan. She had only wanted to help him but of late it seemed whatever she did to help him turned out to be a disaster. She knew Subaru couldn’t be happy the way he was now, so it was logical for her to suggest he try to change as sure as she was Sei-chan wouldn’t have minded if Subaru were to be a little more affectionate. She didn’t understand how Subaru might want to cling to that way of living that wasn’t really his, to memories that weren’t true and that were hurting him so as if it was his duty to bear that pain and he couldn’t share it with anyone else.
Yet Subaru had always been like that. When he had accepted the role of Sumeragi no Toushu despite not wanting it, not liking the work and wishing to be something completely different, he had stubbornly done his duty without discussion and without asking for anyone’s help, no matter how bad he felt afterward and how hard it was for him. He had refused to disappoint their grandmother or let others get into trouble and so he had always been doing all he could to make the other happy, never caring about himself or how he felt.
The only thing over which he had fought uncaring of how others would feel was Sakurazuka Seishiro. He had always clung to him almost jealously, as if he had made it the mission of his life to protect him and to make him happy, nearly always giving in to all the man’s wishes, ready to sacrifice everything else for him, and, even if Hokuto had been happy her brother had someone he loved and cared for, she had the nagging suspicion Sei-chan’s love for Subaru wasn’t even half as deep as Subaru feeling for him.
Sei-chan was like a well-mannered yet spoiled child. Absolutely adorable and charming and, in the same way, capable of that type of cruelty children performed effortlessly and with so much innocence.
It didn’t help Subaru never complained about him. She knew that, had the man done something to her brother, Subaru loved him too much to do something other than forgive him or take the responsibility for it.
So, while one side of her wanted Subaru to be happy with Sei-chan, she wasn’t sure that was possible and that scared her more than she dared to admit.
Sei-chan was selfishly possessive when it came down to everything he believed he owned.
Like some children, he preferred to destroy a toy than give it to another kid, even if he had already cast said toy aside by a long time.
Hokuto however would never let him destroy Subaru. Never.
To be continued...
JJ's Notes:
1. Seishiro probably died in the late evening or night. In the OAV it looks like Hokuto died during night time as well. In the manga it doesn’t look that late but it seems as if the sky is darkening as if it was around sunset (or maybe that’s just my impression). From here Subaru’s declaration that people don’t die during the middle of the day.
JJ's Extra Notes:
Okay, so this chapter got changed quite a bit from his demo version. Oh, the plot is still more or less the same but… well, now I hope it will transmit the characters’ feelings much better. Also, finally the other surviving dragons show up and yes, I know, they don’t do much but Subaru isn’t ready yet to deal with all of them, sorry. Handling Kamui was already rather difficult for him but Kamui’s kind of special to him, the little over possessive twin brother he never had in Tokyo Babylon…
And yes, Kamui and Seishiro don’t get along but I take it no one is surprised by that…
Dictionary:
-chan: Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child
-san: "Mr." or "Mrs."
Chi no Ryu: Dragon of Earth
Onmyoudo: "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature
Onmyoujutsu: "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells
Sakurazukamori: "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan
Sumeragi no TouShu: Sumeragi’s Head
Ten no Ryu: Dragon of Heaven
TouShu: "Accepted Master". Family Head
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This is also available at Fanfiction.net
You can also read the demo version of this fic here.
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA, it probably contains some OOCness and a bit of sappiness, uses Japanese words (the dictionary is at the bottom) and includes some spoilers...
Notes: Based on the idea that there can't be a Heaven on Earth but that being with your loved one helps a lot...
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo Babylon" and "X" belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...
Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensitive heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews, so please be honest but nice, okay?
Thanks: To Ruth for betaing this! Thank you a lot!
Summary: Poor, mentally unstable Subaru is convinced he's finally been killed off on Judgement Day, when he wakes up again in a hospital and discovers things went radically different from how he remembers them... And when he starts getting used to this new reality weird things start to happen that make him wonder whether it's really him who's having distorted memories or if there's something behind all this...
Seishiro was staring at the sleeping features of the only one who meant something to him. Subaru wasn’t doing well.
Each night when they went to bed Subaru would always try to sleep on the edge of the bed. Coaxing him to move more to the centre was often complicated or met with reluctance and nervousness so, more often than not, Seishiro would simply wait for Subaru to be asleep before pulling the boy against himself and into his embrace.
Subaru’s sleep was uneasy and he kept waking up at night several times, mostly due to nightmares, often waking up Seishiro as well.
It was however almost impossible to get Subaru to talk about his nightmares. In the good nights he would just jump up, sit, panting hard and generally cause Seishiro to wake up as well. Then he’d stare at his lap waiting for his breath to return normal, his eyes open wide and his fists clenched, apparently oblivious of everything else around him. He wouldn’t cry but sometimes he would shudder violently. In the bad nights Subaru would dig his nails into his skin and try to rip it away or would slam his fists on his legs as if trying to beat the pain out of himself. Seishiro would take him into his arms then, speaking to him softly in attempt to reassure him and stroking his back soothingly until Subaru would calm down and snuggle against him. He’d murmur nonsense until Subaru would fall back to sleep. He usually woke up again not much later and everything would repeat like a never ending circle.
However, in Seishiro’s opinion, the worst was when he would wake up and find that Subaru wasn’t with him anymore. He hated that, it always gave him a very unpleasant feeling even if he would usually find Subaru curled on the couch in the dark, all wrapped up in Seishiro’s coat like a scared child, empty, glazed eyes staring at… nothing really, as if Subaru were merely a doll that had been abandoned there. Seishiro had learnt it was pointless to try to talk with Subaru in those moments, since Subaru seemed to refuse to utter a single word despite Seishiro’s prodding. He merely curled up more and clung to Seishiro’s coat as if afraid Seishiro would take it away from him. So, for lack of better options, Seishiro would simply pick Subaru up and carry him back to bed. Subaru would let him do so without protests or complains, although he would continue to hug himself and cling to his coat. It would take quite a bit of coddling and cuddling before he would let go of the coat and begin clinging to Seishiro instead, often beginning to babble nonsense instead of explanations until he would finally fall back to sleep.
When, one day, amidst the babbling, Seishiro finally managed to get some sort of answer about why Subaru had this ‘fondness’ for wrapping himself up in his coat as if, to him, it was the equivalent of Linus’ security blanket, the boy mumbled something about it still holding his scent and being warm. When Seishiro had tried to explain to Subaru than the bed most surely held his scent much better since he was in it and was far warmer Subaru had replied he couldn’t stay there.
Due to Seishiro’s insistence Subaru had tried to explain why but all that the man managed to understand was that being there felt like ‘Rainbow Bridge’. Why lying in his arms in their bed felt like being on a now destroyed bridge was beyond Seishiro and Subaru hadn’t been able or willing to explain further so Seishiro had let the matter slide, at least for the time being.
In the morning Subaru wouldn’t remember most of what had happened during the night. Seishiro wasn’t sure if that was a bad thing or a blessing since Subaru refused to talk about the little he remembered.
Due to his disrupted sleeping schedule Subaru would be sleepy for most of the day and often he ended up dozing off if not outright falling asleep in the middle of it. Seishiro didn’t try to stop him from napping, actually he encouraged it, contenting himself with holding Subaru against himself in the meantime.
Despite the tiredness somehow Subaru was more rational during the day and slept better, for which he had the not exactly clear explanation that ‘no one had died in the middle of the day’.(1)
Seishiro would have liked to know what was plaguing him so, if all that distress was caused by Subaru’s messed up memory but talking about what Subaru ‘remembered’ upset Subaru even more, so he simply avoided the topic or prodded at it warily, usually without having any success.
All in all, dealing with Subaru was like dealing with a dog that had been beaten too often and now was unable to believe he would be treated with love and care. The boy would remain curled on himself for hours, careful to keep Seishiro in his eyesight but never getting too close and becoming very wary when Seishiro would stand or sit next to him although it was painfully obvious Subaru loved and needed to be hugged and held close.
Seishiro wasn’t the only one who knew of the pitiful state Subaru was in, Hokuto-chan had noticed as well and, since she desperately wanted to help him, she tried to cheer him up with a party to which she would invite only Subaru’s closest friends.
In Seishiro’s opinion it was the worst idea the girl could possibly have and for once it wasn’t merely because he hated sharing Subaru with other people. In Seishiro’s opinion, to expose Subaru, who even at his best had never been particularly extroverted, to the contact with other people when he didn’t even seem to know how to handle interacting with Seishiro and Hokuto-chan was bound to end in disaster. But although not even Subaru had liked the idea, he hadn’t been able to say no to his sister and Seishiro didn’t want to stress him further by starting an argument with Hokuto-chan about how it was clear Subaru didn’t wish to go to her party.
Mercifully at least she had organized it at her house so, if things were to get worse, Seishiro could always grab Subaru and take him back home. Among the few people invited to the party there was the Kazetsukai with his little happy family, the Kansai Bousan with his Miko, Kigai and his girlfriend and, of course, she had to invite Kamui claiming he was Subaru’s best friend, a fact Seishiro simply refused to believe. There were no connections between the little brat and his Subaru.
Reaching Hokuto-chan’s house had been a bit more complicated than usual since Subaru didn’t want to get anywhere close to the waterfront and so Seishiro had to make a long deviation to get there.
When they finally arrived Subaru was too tired and too introverted and too busy clinging to Seishiro’s hand to really pay attention to anything else. He was a pitiful sight and he knew it and Seishiro was sure that it wouldn’t do any good trying to force him to socialize while he was like that.
He remembered the time he had dragged a teenage Subaru to a Karaoke box and Hokuto-chan had managed to force her brother to try to sing a song that Subaru didn’t know. Instead of having fun trying the nervous and embarrassed boy had forced himself to do it with the stoic patience and the good effort with which he did everything and, once he had finished trying to sing it, he had mostly withdrawn into himself, pretending to be all right when he was not. He basically reduced interaction with others to a minimum level until Seishiro decided Subaru probably had enough and had took him back home where he spent three good hours trying to assure him that no, he hadn’t been a total failure and there was no need for him to keep on apologizing and no, he didn’t care at all if Hokuto-chan could sing everything and Subaru couldn’t and he hadn’t ruined Seishiro’s day at all and so on.
Back then Hokuto-chan had insisted that Subaru should try doing new things, that he should try to work on becoming more outgoing and stop worrying about failing other people’s expectations but this had always turned out to be an impossible task for Subaru. Subaru always had to try his hardest to make everyone happy and felt miserable when he failed. And that was before that mess started, when Subaru was far better at interacting with others and a lot less frail psychologically. Seishiro didn’t really want to know how he would react now, were he to believe he had failed his sister’s expectations for that party. He pulled him closer and stroked his hair reassuringly. Subaru just stared at him with that lost puppy expression of his and he seriously considered scoping him up and carrying him away but then they heard Hokuto-chan calling them and Subaru broke eye contact with Seishiro to look at his sister.
“It’ll go well, Subaru, and in case you really want to leave, just tell me and I’ll take you away,” he assured him in a quiet murmur before letting him go so that his sister could hug him, through there was no need for her, really, to hug _HIS_ Subaru. He forced a smile and tried to ignore the nagging reminder he hated to share Subaru with other people. It would be only for a short amount of time, he told himself. A short amount of time that, as Hokuto-chan pulled Subaru toward the other guests, seemed impossibly long. He sighed, eyed Subaru and hoped at least Hokuto-chan had prepared some cake for him to console himself with or really, that whole situation would soon become unbearable, not only for Subaru but for him also.
If Subaru had been the type to complain freely he would have stated outright that he hated being at that party and wanted to go back to Seishiro’s home. He had never felt like he fit among the other Ten no Ryu and had always tried to avoid them when it was possible, sure his presence would be only a bother for them, and now Hokuto-chan had thrown him right in the middle of them. He figured that would have been her style had she lived. She would have insisted he socialize with them and would have tried to pair him up with one of them, hadn’t he already been in a hopeless one sided love with Seishiro-san.
‘It’ll go well, Subaru, and in case you really want to leave, just tell me and I’ll take you away,’ Seishiro-san had told him a short time ago and he wanted to leave, he truly did, but there was still enough politeness and love for his sister in him to stop him from simply asking Seishiro-san to take him away. In the meantime everyone at the party kept trying to talk with him and he didn’t really know how to keep up those conversations since they were often talking about things he didn’t know or didn’t understand, acting as if they all were expecting him to wish to chat. He wondered if, among the things his memory had messed up, there was the fact that in his past he had been a talker. Somehow he doubted it and a side of him was extremely grateful when Kamui yelled at them all to let him be and dragged him away toward a quiet corner in the garden, although it felt unpleasant to be taken to a place away from Seishiro-san. He would have liked for Seishiro-san to come with them but, when the man moved to follow Hokuto-chan had stopped him. Subaru had no idea why, and so he found himself alone in the garden with Kamui. Come to think of it, Kamui hadn’t been very outgoing during the party either, not that Kamui had ever been very outgoing to begin with, but now… now the boy was different from how he remembered him, angrier, bitter and more depressed.
He remembered what Seishiro-san had told him, that Fuma-kun had died in the past Subaru couldn’t remember and he realized he didn’t feel like blaming Kamui for the way he was dealing with his loss or offering him empty words of support. He knew only too well what it meant to lose someone.
Kamui stared at him, studying him intensely as if expecting him to say something. Subaru stared back in silence, feeling guilty somehow. Kamui had been the closest thing he had to a friend. His life had been similar to his. Being in his presence was marginally better than being with the others. And now that the boy needed it, he had no idea how to help him. He felt even worse as he saw Kamui’s frown deepening.
“You’re different,” the boy stated in the end, as soon as he finished scrutinizing Subaru.
“I’m sorry,” Subaru apologised, feeling even more guilty than usual. Kamui was likely suffering enough from his loss, he shouldn’t be burdened further by Subaru’s ‘amnesia’. Kamui arched one of his eyebrows at his words and Subaru lowered his gaze. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember how I was before but I didn’t mean to disappoint you as well or to cause you further problems. I’m sorry,” he repeated and swallowed, feeling his mouth dry. Kamui shouldn’t be there, worrying about him. Subaru had behaved horribly toward him after Seishiro’s death, abandoning him and the Ten no Ryu to their own devices, so Kamui really shouldn’t worry about him. He should focus on his wish… if for him it was still possible to have one. Subaru’s breathing grew a bit more hurried as his mind automatically went back to the little he remembered about the events after Seishiro’s death and he clenched his fists and shook his head in a pitiful attempt to chase away the memory of that horrid, maddening pain. At least Kamui was dealing with it far better than he had been doing but considering all Kamui had been through it wasn’t surprising. Kamui was tough while Subaru was not. Also Kamui was surrounded by friends that loved him while Subaru, back then, merely had a family that might have loved him but completely failed in showing it openly, making him feel even more alone and guilty. Hokuto-chan was the one who should have survived, not him. Since she hadn’t, it should have been Seishiro-san, but no, Subaru had been the one that was left. He, the one least fit to live, the one least worthy to live, had survived while Hokuto-chan and Seishiro-san had died. It wasn’t fair.
But Seishiro-san had said nothing of this had happened, that it was just Subaru’s memory that was messed up so maybe he shouldn’t feel bad about it and yet he couldn’t help it.
“Hokuto said you remember things differently from actual events. Do you remember what we were? Our connection?” the boy asked, interrupting his dark thoughts.
“We were both Ten no Ryu,” Subaru replied automatically. Kamui frowned, looking disappointed.
“Just that?” he asked irritated.
“I think… we were friends… I think… you were the closest thing to a friend I had… you… you were similar to me… in a fashion…” he replied slowly. “But my memory is messed up so if we weren’t I apologize for assuming…”
At his words Kamui smiled, a smile he hadn’t seen on his face before and that he didn’t know how to interpret but probably that was because in the past he remembered Kamui never had to smile while suffering such a loss. He wondered if he should hug him, as he had done when he had gone within Kamui but wasn’t sure if he was allowed to. At least his words had made Kamui kind of happy, maybe had lessened his pain somewhat and that was what mattered, wasn’t it?
“Of course we were close, Subaru, I’m the one on which you can always count, I’m your best friend and you’re mine, never forget that,” the boy replied before taking the initiative and hugging him. Kamui had hugged him before but it had been more a ‘thank you’ hug or a ‘please, don’t die’ hug. This was different. This seemed to be much more affectionate than what he was used to from the boy, but Kamui had lost his most special person and Subaru, due to his amnesia, was mostly useless to him, so Subaru figured it was understandable if Kamui was being more affectionate than usual. He must have worried him, worried Kamui who had already enough to worry about. He didn’t deserve Kamui’s friendship especially because, while Kamui was hugging him, all he could think was that he would very much prefer if it was Seishiro-san hugging him. He felt guilty for that wish because he truly cared for Kamui but Seishiro-san… Seishiro-san would always come first. He tried to return the hug anyway, rather clumsily at that, knowing he should be the one doing the comforting and not vice versa.
However their hug was interrupted by Seishiro-san himself when he came to call Subaru, saying Hokuto-chan wanted to see him right now. Subaru broke the embrace and moved toward the house obediently, feeling a bit confused when Seishiro-san didn’t follow him but he didn’t try to question the man. Maybe he also wanted to have some quiet in the garden instead of being continuously forced to babysit him. Seishiro watched him leave and, when Subaru was out of sight, he turned to look at Kamui.
“Keep your hands off my property, boy,” he warned with that friendly smile he used for the few people he was about to kill slowly and painfully, the ones who wouldn’t be so lucky to have a peaceful death.
“You never deserved him in the first place,” the boy hissed back angrily, glaring at him with hate. “You were always making demands on him, and tried to cut him off from his family and friends. Subaru was always the one who had to do all the work to make you happy, never the other way around, and before he lost his memory he was starting to realize it, wasn’t he? Who knows, maybe he was about to dump you for good. You should feel fucking lucky he doesn’t remember what a bastard you were, how you took advantage of his kind nature and how he was finally starting to understand this!”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Seishiro stated and though his voice sounded calm he wasn’t smiling anymore.
“Aren’t you glad he lost his memory, Sakurazuka-san? In this state it should be easy for you to twist his mind all over again! You’ll ruin him again, make him your toy, make him miserable and he won’t even see it coming! I hate you! If Subaru wasn’t so crazy about you I would kill you without a second thought!” the boy yelled and ran away.
Seishiro let him go, knowing that Kamui was no threat to him and seeing no point in killing someone Subaru cared for while Subaru was upset. Maybe he would have his chance once Subaru felt better but, for now, he’d let this slide. Yet he wished he could give the brat a good spanking to teach him to respect his elders for good and to stay away from other people’s possessions. Kids these days were so rude…
He shook his head in disapproval and began walking back toward the house.
So he and Subaru had had problems before. It was their private business and he would have solved it sooner or later, Kamui shouldn’t even consider intruding. Besides it wasn’t like he would have let Subaru go. Subaru wasn’t allowed to leave him, no matter what. He would never, _never_ let Subaru go. Subaru was his and therefore bound to stay with him for the rest of his life. Subaru knew that too. It was part of their agreement, of their bet. Subaru knew better than try to break it and leave him.
Yet Subaru had almost escaped him, he had almost…
He frowned and pushed back that unpleasant memory.
It didn’t matter, in the end it hadn’t happened.
Subaru was back with him, Subaru was his, he got him back and he would never let him go again.
Never.
While Seishiro and Kamui were having their little ‘chat’ Hokuto was busy showing pictures to Subaru, assuring him that seeing them would help him recover his memory and complaining because Seishiro-chan hadn’t done it despite being the one who owned Subaru’s best pictures. Subaru stared at the photos his sister was showing him, unable to recognize himself in them. That boy that grinned happily couldn’t be him. Sure, they looked the same but… he had never been so happy and carefree, not even during the year of the bet.
He was tempted to think they had mistaken him for someone else, someone else with his same name and that looked like him somehow, only that reasoning didn’t make much sense. He might have a double who coincidentally shared his name but for this double to have doubles of all the people Subaru knew… that was a bit too much to believe. It simply wasn’t possible.
“Subaru, you’re not listening!” Hokuto-chan complained loudly, her voice cutting through his thoughts.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized automatically without much conviction. He hadn’t meant to be inattentive but really, Hokuto-chan’s tales about when the photos had been taken didn’t ring any bell to him and he wanted some time to think things over. His sister sighed and looked at him as if he was a lost cause as she finally closed the photo album. He felt pain at disappointing her again but really, the things she had been talking about, hadn’t happened to him and the more she talked about the happy life she insisted he had, the more he felt depressed and out of place, knowing his life had been anything but happy.
“How are things going between you and Sei-chan?” Hokuto-chan asked then and he knew he should have seen it coming. In the life he remembered she had always loved to pry into their relationship or lack thereof and it seems this hadn’t changed in this life.
“Seishiro-san is being gentle with me despite the fact I’m a nuisance to him,” he admitted, lowering his head.
“Well, if you want things to improve you could stop calling him ‘Seishiro-san’. And hug him sometimes. And smile. And ask him to do things for you. And have hot, sweaty sex with him all night!” she concluded cheerfully, trying his best to be supportive, never mind that all the suggestions she had made were out of Subaru’s league. He simply wasn’t able to do such things and she should have known that. Or maybe not. Maybe the Subaru she believed he was had been a daring person. Well, he would have to break the truth to her now, to inform her of how different he was from how she believed him to be.
“I’m not like that, Hokuto-chan,” he admitted. “I can’t do things like that. I just can’t.”
“Well, instead of sitting here feeling guilty and miserable, you should give it a try!” she stated stubbornly. “You should try doing something positive for a chance, not to submit and suffer in silence like you did before. Think of this as a second chance to be happy, a new start! You’ll be happy if, for once, you try to do something to get what you want and since you always wanted Sei-chan you should go and take him!”
‘You’ll be happy if, for once, you try to do something to get what you want,’ she said. What a joke, he thought. When he had tried to get what he wanted, his own demise at the hand of Seishiro-san, it had been Hokuto-chan’s spell that had stopped him from getting what he had been longing for, giving him the exact opposite. Giving him…
He closed his eyes and tried to forget the memory of Seishiro-san lying limply in his arms, his blood on his hands and the horrible, horrible knowledge he had lost him forever.
“How do you know? How do you know what will make me happy or not? Your bright plan to make me happy was to die and abandon me and on top of this you… you…” ‘You put a curse on Seishiro-san so that, instead of killing me, he died on me’ he desperately wanted to say but he didn’t dare. He didn’t want to give his sister ideas and he didn’t want to say out loud what had happened as if, the mere mention, could cause it to become real.
“Subaru, that never happened! You can’t hold things against me I didn’t do!” she countered, looking hurt and he had never meant to hurt her but…
“I’m not holding it against you,” he replied in a softer, gentler tone but, as soon as he said it, he realized it wasn’t true. He had tried so badly to be mad at Seishiro-san, to hate him for what he had done but he had never managed. The man didn’t care for him so, as much as it hurt Subaru, it was reasonable for him to do what he did, to hurt Subaru beyond belief because, really, Subaru’s happiness or unhappiness didn’t matter to him at all. But Hokuto-chan… she had always said she cared for him and he had always trusted her and in her caring for him… she had turned his life into a living hell. She hadn’t respected his decision to stay Within and wait for Seishiro-san to kill him, she had forced him to come out of that state, she had forced him to snap out of it because, to her, it was better if he were awake to face the full force of his own pain as well as the guilt of her own demise and his own loneliness than if he were within merely dealing with a smaller and numbed version of it. Because to her it was better if he lived as the murderer of the one he loved the most than if he were to finally die as he so longed for. In truth it hadn’t been better at all, it had been horrible and Subaru had been driven almost to insanity by the pain all this caused him. He could feel it again, feel the horrible knowledge Seishiro-san didn’t love him at all, that his sister was dead because of him, that he had murdered the man he loved, that…
“Subaru! Subaru, what’s wrong?” a familiar voice asked him as strong arms were wrapped protectively around him, pulling him against a warm, familiar body and only then did he realize he was crying, his arms wrapped around his body as he rocked slightly on himself.
“Sei… Seishiro-san?” he called trying to brush away his tears with his sleeve a bit more violently then necessary, trying to regain his self control. He didn’t want to look weak, not in front of Seishiro-san and yet, of late, he could do nothing but look weak, he was such a failure, he… Strong hands stopped him then took his face in them and raised it gently.
“I’m here, Subaru. What’s wrong?” the man asked so very gently it made Subaru long to cry even more.
“Don’t die. Kill me if it pleases you, kill everyone else but don’t die…” Subaru whimpered. “I don’t mind dying as long as you stay alive. I can’t bear the idea of you dying…” he admitted and sobbed, unable to hold back his tears.
Seishiro-san hugged him tightly again, allowing him to cry freely on his shoulder and to bury his head against it to hide his tears.
“No one is dead and no one will die, Subaru. I’ll always stay with you. Didn’t I tell you this already?” the man reminded him but Subaru ignored his reply and just clung to him.
Seishiro sighed as he rubbed Subaru’s back soothingly then informed Hokuto-chan he was taking Subaru back home before beginning to pull him away.
Hokuto stared numbly at her brother as he left with Sei-chan. She had only wanted to help him but of late it seemed whatever she did to help him turned out to be a disaster. She knew Subaru couldn’t be happy the way he was now, so it was logical for her to suggest he try to change as sure as she was Sei-chan wouldn’t have minded if Subaru were to be a little more affectionate. She didn’t understand how Subaru might want to cling to that way of living that wasn’t really his, to memories that weren’t true and that were hurting him so as if it was his duty to bear that pain and he couldn’t share it with anyone else.
Yet Subaru had always been like that. When he had accepted the role of Sumeragi no Toushu despite not wanting it, not liking the work and wishing to be something completely different, he had stubbornly done his duty without discussion and without asking for anyone’s help, no matter how bad he felt afterward and how hard it was for him. He had refused to disappoint their grandmother or let others get into trouble and so he had always been doing all he could to make the other happy, never caring about himself or how he felt.
The only thing over which he had fought uncaring of how others would feel was Sakurazuka Seishiro. He had always clung to him almost jealously, as if he had made it the mission of his life to protect him and to make him happy, nearly always giving in to all the man’s wishes, ready to sacrifice everything else for him, and, even if Hokuto had been happy her brother had someone he loved and cared for, she had the nagging suspicion Sei-chan’s love for Subaru wasn’t even half as deep as Subaru feeling for him.
Sei-chan was like a well-mannered yet spoiled child. Absolutely adorable and charming and, in the same way, capable of that type of cruelty children performed effortlessly and with so much innocence.
It didn’t help Subaru never complained about him. She knew that, had the man done something to her brother, Subaru loved him too much to do something other than forgive him or take the responsibility for it.
So, while one side of her wanted Subaru to be happy with Sei-chan, she wasn’t sure that was possible and that scared her more than she dared to admit.
Sei-chan was selfishly possessive when it came down to everything he believed he owned.
Like some children, he preferred to destroy a toy than give it to another kid, even if he had already cast said toy aside by a long time.
Hokuto however would never let him destroy Subaru. Never.
To be continued...
JJ's Notes:
1. Seishiro probably died in the late evening or night. In the OAV it looks like Hokuto died during night time as well. In the manga it doesn’t look that late but it seems as if the sky is darkening as if it was around sunset (or maybe that’s just my impression). From here Subaru’s declaration that people don’t die during the middle of the day.
JJ's Extra Notes:
Okay, so this chapter got changed quite a bit from his demo version. Oh, the plot is still more or less the same but… well, now I hope it will transmit the characters’ feelings much better. Also, finally the other surviving dragons show up and yes, I know, they don’t do much but Subaru isn’t ready yet to deal with all of them, sorry. Handling Kamui was already rather difficult for him but Kamui’s kind of special to him, the little over possessive twin brother he never had in Tokyo Babylon…
And yes, Kamui and Seishiro don’t get along but I take it no one is surprised by that…
Dictionary:
-chan: Name ending used to express affection and familiarity or to talk with a child
-san: "Mr." or "Mrs."
Chi no Ryu: Dragon of Earth
Onmyoudo: "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based upon the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature
Onmyoujutsu: "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells
Sakurazukamori: "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill who threatens Japan
Sumeragi no TouShu: Sumeragi’s Head
Ten no Ryu: Dragon of Heaven
TouShu: "Accepted Master". Family Head
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You can also read the demo version of this fic here.