Fanfic: Learn, Live, Hope - Chap 11
Title: "Learn, Live, Hope - Chap 11"
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA, it probably contains some OOCness, uses Japanese words and some sappiness.
Notes: This fic’s birth it’s entirely the fault of two evil girls that dropped on me a very cute, fluffy plot bunny…
Dedicated: to the two evil girls that dropped on me that plot bunny! It’s all your fault!
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo Babylon" and "X" belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...
Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensitive heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews, so please be honest but nice, okay?
Summary: Because Seishiro looks like the mentor type…
'Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.' Albert Einstein
Subaru was awoken very early in the morning by a discreet knocking at his door. He sat up, rubbing his eyes sleepily as he asked ‘who was’ and was informed by a maid, he didn’t recognize which one, his grandmother wanted to see him. He assured he would reach her as soon as possible, then moved to get up, feeling something was distinctly out of place. It just wasn’t like his grandmother to call him that early unless there was a really important reason and he couldn’t remember going to bed the day before and…
He blushed hugely remembering what he did the day before. He had a… a ‘date’… with Seishiro Sensei and then… then he had fallen asleep in the man’s arms and… and… he couldn’t really remember what had happened after but his imagination was providing him many interesting sceneries, especially about his getting undressed and in bed yesterday night. Trying to chase them away from his mind he hurried to wear something and reach his grandmother.
Discussions with his grandmother had always place in the tearoom. Subaru had skipped breakfast and had managed to make himself presentable in record time but he feared his efforts wouldn’t be enough for the old woman. They weren’t enough for Subaru. He should have been up and ready way earlier.
“I’m disappointed, Subaru-san. That was not the behaviour I would expect you to keep,” the woman said quietly as Subaru sipped his tea and, although her voice was gentle, the reproach stung Subaru more than a slap as he lowered his head in shame. “Sakurazuka-san is here to help you to study, not to help you to indulge in such… behaviour…” she went on in that same calm and gentle tone, even if there was a clear note of firmness and a disappointment that make Subaru clearly understand how low he had acted in his grandmother’s eyes.
“We… we only have dinner and later… astronomy… I mean…” he stammered. He knew his grandmother wouldn’t have approved the way they kept the astronomy lesson but… but he’d been so happy he had the chance to go out with Seishiro Sensei… and he had really meant doing nothing wrong… he only wanted… to be with the man… to have fun… to feel normal and accepted… to feel lo-… “I… I’m sorry, Obaachan…” he whimpered, realizing nothing he could say would make up for indulging, for once, in such a silly wish. He was the Sumeragi no TouShu. He had responsibilities he couldn’t avoid. Nothing else mattered. Definitely not his wishes and he knew it.
“Subaru-san, you’re very kind but Sakurazuka-san is just someone working for you. I’ve told you many times it’s improper for you to keep an excessively friendly behaviour with people below you, hadn’t I? Your position is delicate and wished by too many members of our Ichimon. You must never put it at risk…” the woman reminded him still trying to be gentle and tactful and yet acting as if Subaru was a child who just couldn’t understand how things worked and needed her guidance. Subaru couldn’t blame her, he knew he just wasn’t worth much. His grandmother paused and he wished he could curl and disappear under her gaze. He hated to disappoint her, to fail her. She had worked so hard to make him a proper TouShu and a worth heir and he kept failing her… She stared at him firmly as she resumed talking. “Which is why I want you to dismiss him and…”
“Dismiss him?” Subaru echoed in dismay, raising his head all of sudden as his heart skipped a beat at the mere prospect to send the man away. “NO! No, Obaachan, you can’t…” he began shacking his head frenetically, unable to even end the sentence. He couldn’t send the man away. Seishiro Sensei couldn’t leave. He… he… The woman frowned as she stared at her grandson still shaking his head in refusal as he looked at her pleadingly. Subaru-san had never acted like that before. Evidently the situation was worse than she had believed but maybe it could still be fixed… if only Subaru-san would listen to her…
“Subaru-san, calm down,” she replied calmly. She never had to raise her voice with Subaru-san and she would never do it. She knew the boy was too kind and sensitive and, even if it was her duty to set him straight and remind him of his duty and obligations, she always did her best to not hurt him with her reproaches. “You know this behaviour…”
“Obaachan, I’ll do everything!” Subaru-san screamed interrupting her for the first time. “Don’t make me send him away! Please! I… I’ll work harder, do everything else you want, everything! Just let him stay! He’s the first who…” Subaru trailed off, struggling to find a word to describe all that the man had done for him and failing. There were no words who could portray how much the man meant to him, how he just couldn’t let him go and this knowledge filled him with a strange sense of determination. “I won’t chase him away, Obaachan,” he said in a calmer tone. “I… If you’ll make me chase him away I’ll leave the house too.”
The old woman’s eyes widened marginally in surprise then she shacked her head in dismissal of Subaru-san’s words. Surely the boy couldn’t mean it, no reason to even consider it.
“Subaru-san, please, be reasonable. What do you expect to do if you leave the Sumeragi Ichimon? Sakurazuka-san might have behaved friendly with you as long as you had paid him but once you’re money less… Which interest should he have in you? You’re merely his student. Do you realize that man had previous students and had already left them without hesitating? And I doubt he misses them… What make you think you’re different for him? What make you think you’re more than a job to him?” the woman asked and Subaru knew she was right. Seishiro Sensei had said many times all he did was what his work required and nothing more and he was sure there was nothing special in him but… but… “Subaru-san. You’re important and people might act kindly to you but that doesn’t mean they care. You’re honest in your feelings but they don’t have to be. Please, be reasonable and…”
“No,” Subaru said quietly hugging himself. “I know… I’m nothing special to Seishiro Sensei and I… I won’t burden him with my presence when I’ll leave… but I’ll leave if he leaves, Obaachan…”
“Subaru-san…”
Seishiro knew a summoning from Sumeragi-san meant nothing good. He answered to it anyway with his usual careless attitude. Nothing the woman could do would change his life.
He drank the tea she offered him, musing she should take lessons from Subaru-kun in preparing tea. The boy’s tea was decidedly better. She doesn’t beat around the bush that much this time.
“Sakurazuka-san. Your behaviour toward Subaru-san yesterday was highly inappropriate. I wish for that… ‘thing’ to never happen again,” she said calmly in a commanding tone that clearly implied she was the Sendai TouShu. Not that it impressed Seishiro but, after all, Seishiro was hard to impress. Only Subaru-kun managed to surprise him and that woman was nothing like him but, to Seishiro’s eyes, no one was like Subaru-kun.
“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about, Sumeragi-san,” Seishiro answered calmly.
“Sakurazuka-san. Subaru-san is a young and innocent child with the bad habit to trust to people too much but _we_ are both two adults. Certain… behaviours of yours… can’t be tolerated. Subaru-san has an important destiny set in front of himself and many difficulties to face and I won’t allow you to ruin everything,” she replied coldly. “Please return to spend your free time with some more… appropriate companies…”
“Subaru-kun is a teen, not a child,” Seishiro pointed out. “And anyway with whom Subaru-kun should spend his free time?” Seishiro asked raising one of his eyebrows. “The boy had no one. No friends and not even his sister whom had been send to Tokyo likely to not influence him with her despotic, not quite respectful behaviour, isn’t that true?”
“This is no concern of yours, Sakurazuka-san,” the woman replied harshly. “It’s my duty, as Subaru-san’s tutor, to think at his best interest. Subaru-san doesn’t need to waste his time with trivial things like those. I take care to arrange his life carefully, so that he’ll be introduced only to the most important people and that he’ll be engaged to the perfect person. Subaru-san needs nothing else.”
“And will this make him happy?” Seishiro asked. The woman didn’t reply immediately, gaze lowering for a moment.
“It will. In the future. Subaru-san is so young! He can’t know right now what will be better for himself. Even that silly dream to became a veterinarian… How could that meagre job be compared to the one of Sumeragi no TouShu? All the Onmyouji are and will be under him, he will have to answer only to Kinjo-Heika and will serve him. How can there be a biggest honour? A biggest joy?” the woman asked, sounding as if she truly believed what she was saying. “Subaru-san is so gifted, Sakurazuka-san,” she added with quiet pride. “No one, in and out of our Ichimon can compete with him. He’ll be the greatest TouShu in the Sumeragi’s history, why should he waste his time with trivial things like studying or lazing around with some lowborn boys? Hokuto-san… she cares for Subaru-san but she’s young and she can’t understand… and her behaviour is only a source of embarrassment for Subaru-san and you know that too, Sakurazuka-san,” the woman pointed out. “To spare Subaru-san troubles I took care to have her in a place in which she can be controlled and can cause no harm.”
Seishiro shrugged. Yes, Hokuto-chan was the most embarrassing sister a boy like Subaru-kun could have but that was beyond the point. That woman was trying to tell him how to educate Subaru-kun saying she knew what was better for the boy. No one told Seishiro how to educate his pupils.
“Subaru-kun won’t manage to fit in the role you want to force on him,” he replied calmly, ignoring the glare the woman threw in his direction. “And not because he’s not talented but because he’s too shy and completely lack of self confidence. He _must_ learn to deal with people, to interact, to express himself so that no one will manage to beat him up using the fact he doesn’t want to bother others. Anyway that’s your problem, not mine. My problem is to teach to Subaru-kun to expose what he had learned from me to a perfect stranger who will test his knowledge. And I’ll do anything I’ll deem necessary to accomplish my duty toward him,” he stated and here he knew he had won the battle. That woman was too set on the importance to fulfil duties to try to encourage him to not fulfil his. Sumeragi-san didn’t reply at first and Seishiro began to stand, sure the discussion was ended.
“Sakurazuka-san,” the woman said, stopping him. “You’ll be held responsible if your ways will cause harm to my grandson,” she stated in a cold tone. Seishiro shrugged.
“Sure,” he replied dismissively. The old woman shook her head.
“Despite your look and your experience you’re still young, Sakurazuka-san. You’ve no idea what you’re getting yourself into,” she said almost mournfully and Seishiro felt annoyed. She had no need to pity him. There was no reason for him to need her pity. He was perfectly in control of his life and knew perfectly what to do with Subaru-kun. He was sure of this.
Subaru felt absolutely miserable when he had to show up for lesson that night. He wished for so many things as he walked slowly toward his room…
He wished no one had ever known he went out with Seishiro Sensei the day before…
He wished he could have remained awake so, at least, he could have given to their… lesson… a less shaming look.
He wished he wasn’t the Sumeragi no TouShu and therefore stuck into a role he didn’t like and for which he didn’t even feel fitting.
He wished he had no Onmyoudo talent.
He wished his grandmother wasn’t so strict.
He wished the whole discussion had never taken place.
He wished he were a different person so he would know how to act.
He… he couldn’t wish what had happened the day before hadn’t taken place. It had been awkward and embarrassing but it had also been the best day of his life. He had almost felt… normal. He had almost felt as if someone had cared for him not because he was the Sumeragi no TouShu but because he was Subaru. He had almost felt… as if he could hope for a normal life. A happy life.
He didn’t expect to be happy in his life. He deemed it the price to pay for his so called ‘gift’. But being with Seishiro Sensei had made him happy and, even if it wouldn’t happen ever again, he didn’t regret it one single bit.
Only… he had no idea how to tell all that to the man.
Seishiro Sensei had been kind in taking him out and now he had to… he had to…
“What’s with that gloomy face, Subaru-kun? You know you can’t concentrate on your study if your head is miles away…” the man asked even if this time there wasn’t his usual calm reproach in his tone but a quiet fondness that caused Subaru to blush for a completely different reason from the usual one.
“I’m sorry, Sensei, I…” he babbled lowering his head as he sat down and wished he could disappear. “I…” A finger was pressed against his lips, silencing him. Subaru looked up at the man timidly, unsure about what was going to happen.
“Before you’ll go on… I talked with your grandmother,” Seishiro informed him and saw Subaru-kun’s eyes growing huge with surprise.
“You… what?” the teen asked in a frail tone, paling. “Sensei, whatever she said I’m sorry, I…”
“Hush, Subaru-kun, I’m not finished yet,” Seishiro interrupted him returning to press his finger on Subaru-kun’s lips. They were soft, a corner of his mind noticed and he hurried to dismiss the notion. That boy was merely fifteen, for crying out loud!
Subaru flinched at the reproach and fell silent immediately, fighting down the need to apologize for having talked.
“To make it short I’m your teacher and I’ll teach you in the manner I see fit so from now on we’ll get out each Sunday and we’ll see instructive things, we’ll try to blend with people, we’ll eat something that’s not traditional Japanese cuisine and we’ll have conversations. Have you got it?” he asked. Subaru-kun looked at him nervously then nodded. “Good boy. Any problem about it?”
“I… no… I… but… Obaachan… she… you…” the teen stammered looking at Seishiro anxiously but unable to articulate further. He really needed to talk some more.
“I’ll deal with your grandmother from now on. You’re too young for this. You won’t have to worry anymore about her. She will definitely not scare me or bent me to her wills, I promise,” Seishiro assured before ruffling Subaru-kun’s hair fondly. The boy stared at him, his breathing speeding up as he was evidently trying so very hard to not start crying. “It’s okay, Subaru-kun. You’ve nothing to worry about…” Seishiro repeated.
Subaru sniffled then hurried to rub away the tears that had unwillingly began to fall. He’d been on his own for too long, held responsible for too long and now… now… He stiffened when Seishiro Sensei pulled him close and took him into his arms, then just clung to the man and felt a strange relief as he finally cried his heart out without bothering to hide his pain, to not make noises or to not been seen. He had no idea why but in the man’s arms he was safe and it was a feeling he relished.
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Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA, it probably contains some OOCness, uses Japanese words and some sappiness.
Notes: This fic’s birth it’s entirely the fault of two evil girls that dropped on me a very cute, fluffy plot bunny…
Dedicated: to the two evil girls that dropped on me that plot bunny! It’s all your fault!
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo Babylon" and "X" belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...
Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensitive heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews, so please be honest but nice, okay?
Summary: Because Seishiro looks like the mentor type…
'Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.' Albert Einstein
Subaru was awoken very early in the morning by a discreet knocking at his door. He sat up, rubbing his eyes sleepily as he asked ‘who was’ and was informed by a maid, he didn’t recognize which one, his grandmother wanted to see him. He assured he would reach her as soon as possible, then moved to get up, feeling something was distinctly out of place. It just wasn’t like his grandmother to call him that early unless there was a really important reason and he couldn’t remember going to bed the day before and…
He blushed hugely remembering what he did the day before. He had a… a ‘date’… with Seishiro Sensei and then… then he had fallen asleep in the man’s arms and… and… he couldn’t really remember what had happened after but his imagination was providing him many interesting sceneries, especially about his getting undressed and in bed yesterday night. Trying to chase them away from his mind he hurried to wear something and reach his grandmother.
Discussions with his grandmother had always place in the tearoom. Subaru had skipped breakfast and had managed to make himself presentable in record time but he feared his efforts wouldn’t be enough for the old woman. They weren’t enough for Subaru. He should have been up and ready way earlier.
“I’m disappointed, Subaru-san. That was not the behaviour I would expect you to keep,” the woman said quietly as Subaru sipped his tea and, although her voice was gentle, the reproach stung Subaru more than a slap as he lowered his head in shame. “Sakurazuka-san is here to help you to study, not to help you to indulge in such… behaviour…” she went on in that same calm and gentle tone, even if there was a clear note of firmness and a disappointment that make Subaru clearly understand how low he had acted in his grandmother’s eyes.
“We… we only have dinner and later… astronomy… I mean…” he stammered. He knew his grandmother wouldn’t have approved the way they kept the astronomy lesson but… but he’d been so happy he had the chance to go out with Seishiro Sensei… and he had really meant doing nothing wrong… he only wanted… to be with the man… to have fun… to feel normal and accepted… to feel lo-… “I… I’m sorry, Obaachan…” he whimpered, realizing nothing he could say would make up for indulging, for once, in such a silly wish. He was the Sumeragi no TouShu. He had responsibilities he couldn’t avoid. Nothing else mattered. Definitely not his wishes and he knew it.
“Subaru-san, you’re very kind but Sakurazuka-san is just someone working for you. I’ve told you many times it’s improper for you to keep an excessively friendly behaviour with people below you, hadn’t I? Your position is delicate and wished by too many members of our Ichimon. You must never put it at risk…” the woman reminded him still trying to be gentle and tactful and yet acting as if Subaru was a child who just couldn’t understand how things worked and needed her guidance. Subaru couldn’t blame her, he knew he just wasn’t worth much. His grandmother paused and he wished he could curl and disappear under her gaze. He hated to disappoint her, to fail her. She had worked so hard to make him a proper TouShu and a worth heir and he kept failing her… She stared at him firmly as she resumed talking. “Which is why I want you to dismiss him and…”
“Dismiss him?” Subaru echoed in dismay, raising his head all of sudden as his heart skipped a beat at the mere prospect to send the man away. “NO! No, Obaachan, you can’t…” he began shacking his head frenetically, unable to even end the sentence. He couldn’t send the man away. Seishiro Sensei couldn’t leave. He… he… The woman frowned as she stared at her grandson still shaking his head in refusal as he looked at her pleadingly. Subaru-san had never acted like that before. Evidently the situation was worse than she had believed but maybe it could still be fixed… if only Subaru-san would listen to her…
“Subaru-san, calm down,” she replied calmly. She never had to raise her voice with Subaru-san and she would never do it. She knew the boy was too kind and sensitive and, even if it was her duty to set him straight and remind him of his duty and obligations, she always did her best to not hurt him with her reproaches. “You know this behaviour…”
“Obaachan, I’ll do everything!” Subaru-san screamed interrupting her for the first time. “Don’t make me send him away! Please! I… I’ll work harder, do everything else you want, everything! Just let him stay! He’s the first who…” Subaru trailed off, struggling to find a word to describe all that the man had done for him and failing. There were no words who could portray how much the man meant to him, how he just couldn’t let him go and this knowledge filled him with a strange sense of determination. “I won’t chase him away, Obaachan,” he said in a calmer tone. “I… If you’ll make me chase him away I’ll leave the house too.”
The old woman’s eyes widened marginally in surprise then she shacked her head in dismissal of Subaru-san’s words. Surely the boy couldn’t mean it, no reason to even consider it.
“Subaru-san, please, be reasonable. What do you expect to do if you leave the Sumeragi Ichimon? Sakurazuka-san might have behaved friendly with you as long as you had paid him but once you’re money less… Which interest should he have in you? You’re merely his student. Do you realize that man had previous students and had already left them without hesitating? And I doubt he misses them… What make you think you’re different for him? What make you think you’re more than a job to him?” the woman asked and Subaru knew she was right. Seishiro Sensei had said many times all he did was what his work required and nothing more and he was sure there was nothing special in him but… but… “Subaru-san. You’re important and people might act kindly to you but that doesn’t mean they care. You’re honest in your feelings but they don’t have to be. Please, be reasonable and…”
“No,” Subaru said quietly hugging himself. “I know… I’m nothing special to Seishiro Sensei and I… I won’t burden him with my presence when I’ll leave… but I’ll leave if he leaves, Obaachan…”
“Subaru-san…”
Seishiro knew a summoning from Sumeragi-san meant nothing good. He answered to it anyway with his usual careless attitude. Nothing the woman could do would change his life.
He drank the tea she offered him, musing she should take lessons from Subaru-kun in preparing tea. The boy’s tea was decidedly better. She doesn’t beat around the bush that much this time.
“Sakurazuka-san. Your behaviour toward Subaru-san yesterday was highly inappropriate. I wish for that… ‘thing’ to never happen again,” she said calmly in a commanding tone that clearly implied she was the Sendai TouShu. Not that it impressed Seishiro but, after all, Seishiro was hard to impress. Only Subaru-kun managed to surprise him and that woman was nothing like him but, to Seishiro’s eyes, no one was like Subaru-kun.
“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about, Sumeragi-san,” Seishiro answered calmly.
“Sakurazuka-san. Subaru-san is a young and innocent child with the bad habit to trust to people too much but _we_ are both two adults. Certain… behaviours of yours… can’t be tolerated. Subaru-san has an important destiny set in front of himself and many difficulties to face and I won’t allow you to ruin everything,” she replied coldly. “Please return to spend your free time with some more… appropriate companies…”
“Subaru-kun is a teen, not a child,” Seishiro pointed out. “And anyway with whom Subaru-kun should spend his free time?” Seishiro asked raising one of his eyebrows. “The boy had no one. No friends and not even his sister whom had been send to Tokyo likely to not influence him with her despotic, not quite respectful behaviour, isn’t that true?”
“This is no concern of yours, Sakurazuka-san,” the woman replied harshly. “It’s my duty, as Subaru-san’s tutor, to think at his best interest. Subaru-san doesn’t need to waste his time with trivial things like those. I take care to arrange his life carefully, so that he’ll be introduced only to the most important people and that he’ll be engaged to the perfect person. Subaru-san needs nothing else.”
“And will this make him happy?” Seishiro asked. The woman didn’t reply immediately, gaze lowering for a moment.
“It will. In the future. Subaru-san is so young! He can’t know right now what will be better for himself. Even that silly dream to became a veterinarian… How could that meagre job be compared to the one of Sumeragi no TouShu? All the Onmyouji are and will be under him, he will have to answer only to Kinjo-Heika and will serve him. How can there be a biggest honour? A biggest joy?” the woman asked, sounding as if she truly believed what she was saying. “Subaru-san is so gifted, Sakurazuka-san,” she added with quiet pride. “No one, in and out of our Ichimon can compete with him. He’ll be the greatest TouShu in the Sumeragi’s history, why should he waste his time with trivial things like studying or lazing around with some lowborn boys? Hokuto-san… she cares for Subaru-san but she’s young and she can’t understand… and her behaviour is only a source of embarrassment for Subaru-san and you know that too, Sakurazuka-san,” the woman pointed out. “To spare Subaru-san troubles I took care to have her in a place in which she can be controlled and can cause no harm.”
Seishiro shrugged. Yes, Hokuto-chan was the most embarrassing sister a boy like Subaru-kun could have but that was beyond the point. That woman was trying to tell him how to educate Subaru-kun saying she knew what was better for the boy. No one told Seishiro how to educate his pupils.
“Subaru-kun won’t manage to fit in the role you want to force on him,” he replied calmly, ignoring the glare the woman threw in his direction. “And not because he’s not talented but because he’s too shy and completely lack of self confidence. He _must_ learn to deal with people, to interact, to express himself so that no one will manage to beat him up using the fact he doesn’t want to bother others. Anyway that’s your problem, not mine. My problem is to teach to Subaru-kun to expose what he had learned from me to a perfect stranger who will test his knowledge. And I’ll do anything I’ll deem necessary to accomplish my duty toward him,” he stated and here he knew he had won the battle. That woman was too set on the importance to fulfil duties to try to encourage him to not fulfil his. Sumeragi-san didn’t reply at first and Seishiro began to stand, sure the discussion was ended.
“Sakurazuka-san,” the woman said, stopping him. “You’ll be held responsible if your ways will cause harm to my grandson,” she stated in a cold tone. Seishiro shrugged.
“Sure,” he replied dismissively. The old woman shook her head.
“Despite your look and your experience you’re still young, Sakurazuka-san. You’ve no idea what you’re getting yourself into,” she said almost mournfully and Seishiro felt annoyed. She had no need to pity him. There was no reason for him to need her pity. He was perfectly in control of his life and knew perfectly what to do with Subaru-kun. He was sure of this.
Subaru felt absolutely miserable when he had to show up for lesson that night. He wished for so many things as he walked slowly toward his room…
He wished no one had ever known he went out with Seishiro Sensei the day before…
He wished he could have remained awake so, at least, he could have given to their… lesson… a less shaming look.
He wished he wasn’t the Sumeragi no TouShu and therefore stuck into a role he didn’t like and for which he didn’t even feel fitting.
He wished he had no Onmyoudo talent.
He wished his grandmother wasn’t so strict.
He wished the whole discussion had never taken place.
He wished he were a different person so he would know how to act.
He… he couldn’t wish what had happened the day before hadn’t taken place. It had been awkward and embarrassing but it had also been the best day of his life. He had almost felt… normal. He had almost felt as if someone had cared for him not because he was the Sumeragi no TouShu but because he was Subaru. He had almost felt… as if he could hope for a normal life. A happy life.
He didn’t expect to be happy in his life. He deemed it the price to pay for his so called ‘gift’. But being with Seishiro Sensei had made him happy and, even if it wouldn’t happen ever again, he didn’t regret it one single bit.
Only… he had no idea how to tell all that to the man.
Seishiro Sensei had been kind in taking him out and now he had to… he had to…
“What’s with that gloomy face, Subaru-kun? You know you can’t concentrate on your study if your head is miles away…” the man asked even if this time there wasn’t his usual calm reproach in his tone but a quiet fondness that caused Subaru to blush for a completely different reason from the usual one.
“I’m sorry, Sensei, I…” he babbled lowering his head as he sat down and wished he could disappear. “I…” A finger was pressed against his lips, silencing him. Subaru looked up at the man timidly, unsure about what was going to happen.
“Before you’ll go on… I talked with your grandmother,” Seishiro informed him and saw Subaru-kun’s eyes growing huge with surprise.
“You… what?” the teen asked in a frail tone, paling. “Sensei, whatever she said I’m sorry, I…”
“Hush, Subaru-kun, I’m not finished yet,” Seishiro interrupted him returning to press his finger on Subaru-kun’s lips. They were soft, a corner of his mind noticed and he hurried to dismiss the notion. That boy was merely fifteen, for crying out loud!
Subaru flinched at the reproach and fell silent immediately, fighting down the need to apologize for having talked.
“To make it short I’m your teacher and I’ll teach you in the manner I see fit so from now on we’ll get out each Sunday and we’ll see instructive things, we’ll try to blend with people, we’ll eat something that’s not traditional Japanese cuisine and we’ll have conversations. Have you got it?” he asked. Subaru-kun looked at him nervously then nodded. “Good boy. Any problem about it?”
“I… no… I… but… Obaachan… she… you…” the teen stammered looking at Seishiro anxiously but unable to articulate further. He really needed to talk some more.
“I’ll deal with your grandmother from now on. You’re too young for this. You won’t have to worry anymore about her. She will definitely not scare me or bent me to her wills, I promise,” Seishiro assured before ruffling Subaru-kun’s hair fondly. The boy stared at him, his breathing speeding up as he was evidently trying so very hard to not start crying. “It’s okay, Subaru-kun. You’ve nothing to worry about…” Seishiro repeated.
Subaru sniffled then hurried to rub away the tears that had unwillingly began to fall. He’d been on his own for too long, held responsible for too long and now… now… He stiffened when Seishiro Sensei pulled him close and took him into his arms, then just clung to the man and felt a strange relief as he finally cried his heart out without bothering to hide his pain, to not make noises or to not been seen. He had no idea why but in the man’s arms he was safe and it was a feeling he relished.
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