License Agreement for your Soul
Years ago a friend had a "Who in Hell" halloween party, where you were to come as someone in Hell. I decided to come as "Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light" from Dilbert, who attended as a courtesy. (He's not from Hell, he's from Heck.) He couldn't offer you a contract for your soul; he didn't have that franchise. But one of my gags was as License Agreement for your soul. You just had to click it. :-) I hadn't realized I still had it...
License Agreement
Heck is the leading provider of mild torment and spiritual inconvienence, which support the ethical, religious management, and prostelysing needs of the major religious communions. We are committed to continually strengthening our leadership position by being the quality standard by which all dratting and darning are measured. W are, through our customer intimacy agreements, marketing and customer service, research and development activities, is focused on providing vital correction and misdemeanour maintenence that strive to help minor sinners deal with their transgressions.
We have been serving the community for 7500 years. Our growing portfolio includes papercuts, damp newspapers, parking tickets, 404’s, slow drivers, and Windows ME. These allow amateur sinners the opportunity for feedback, to be informed of path of damnation, and evaluate forward-thinking practices.
1. License
The Mortal grants, and Heck hereby accepts, a nonexclusive, nontransferable, revocable license to use the soul, spirit, and animis contained in the Mortal on the terms and conditions set forth in this Agreement.
License, subscriptions and registration are granted for individual damnation providers or for consumers' personal use only.
License and sale for all other moral sinners must be arranged through the Third Plane of Hell
2. Termination
The Mortal may terminate this license at any time by notifying Heck in writing. Heck may at its sole discretion terminate this license at any time, with or without prior notification, in the event the Mortal fails to comply with the terms and conditions of this agreement, accepts Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Saviour or entering into a contact with a greater evil. Heck reserves the right to modify or terminate the agreement, and/or services through Heck at any time without notice to the Mortal.
3. Copyright and Restrictions
All data on file in Heck, and all documentation and sin tallies therein, is the property of Heck or its Licensors, and is protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Information received through Heck is to be used solely for individual purposes. None of the content of Heck may be reproduced, transcribed, made into lists by Elfs, translated into any language, retransmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopied, confessional, or otherwise), resold, or redistributed without the prior written consent of Heck, except that the Mortal may reproduce limited excerpts of the data for confession only, provided that each such copy contains a copyright notice as follows:
For information obtained from Heck sources:
"Copyright © 2001 by Phil, Prince of Insufficient Light. at Heck, NJ 07645. All rights reserved."
For information obtained from third-party licensors the Mortal is solely responsible for compliance with any copyright restrictions and is referred to the publication data appearing in bibliographic citations, as well as to the copyright notices appearing in the original publications.
4. Databases Maintained by Heck
While great care has been taken in organizing and presenting the material in Heck, Heck does not warrant or guarantee any of the remedial actions described, prices supplied, or punishments contained, and does not perform any independent analysis in connection with any of the sin descriptions. Heck does not assume, and expressly disclaims, any obligation to obtain and include any information other than that provided to it by God. It should be understood that by making this material available Heck is not advocating the practice of any sin described in Heck, nor is Heck responsible for mispractice and accidental damnation due to typographical error. Additional information on any sin may be obtained from the Bible.
5. Protection and Security
Heck shall take all reasonable steps to ensure that no unauthorized person shall have access to the Mortal’s Soul. Heck shall not divulge, sub-license, assign, or transfer to any third party the Mortal’s soul and spirit established during agreement. The Mortal understands that provision of the soul name will be required prior to dratting by Heck. The Mortal may choose to allow Heck’s system to set a cookie containing their soul on the Mortal's computer for convenience. A cookie is a device developed by Microsoft under subcontract from Hell and a consortium of diabolical entities.
6. Warranty Disclaimer
The Mortal recognizes that Heck is to be used only as a deterrant. It is not intended to be a substitute for the exercise of professional damnation. Dratting of the Mortal’s soul to Heck is generated not only through internal resources of Heck, but also through external consultants and third party sources. Inherent hazards of damnation may result in delays, omissions or inaccuracies in such information and punishments.
Sin is an ever-changing practice. In view of the possibility of spiritual error or changes in dogma, Mortals are advised to confirm the information in Heck through the inerrant word of God. Mortals should be aware that the universe of thartumagic knowledge is constantly growing and changing and that differences of spiritual opinion exist among authorities. They are advised to seek professional confession and absolution for any major sins, and to discuss information obtained from Heck site with their parish priest.
License Agreement
Heck is the leading provider of mild torment and spiritual inconvienence, which support the ethical, religious management, and prostelysing needs of the major religious communions. We are committed to continually strengthening our leadership position by being the quality standard by which all dratting and darning are measured. W are, through our customer intimacy agreements, marketing and customer service, research and development activities, is focused on providing vital correction and misdemeanour maintenence that strive to help minor sinners deal with their transgressions.
We have been serving the community for 7500 years. Our growing portfolio includes papercuts, damp newspapers, parking tickets, 404’s, slow drivers, and Windows ME. These allow amateur sinners the opportunity for feedback, to be informed of path of damnation, and evaluate forward-thinking practices.
1. License
The Mortal grants, and Heck hereby accepts, a nonexclusive, nontransferable, revocable license to use the soul, spirit, and animis contained in the Mortal on the terms and conditions set forth in this Agreement.
License, subscriptions and registration are granted for individual damnation providers or for consumers' personal use only.
License and sale for all other moral sinners must be arranged through the Third Plane of Hell
2. Termination
The Mortal may terminate this license at any time by notifying Heck in writing. Heck may at its sole discretion terminate this license at any time, with or without prior notification, in the event the Mortal fails to comply with the terms and conditions of this agreement, accepts Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Saviour or entering into a contact with a greater evil. Heck reserves the right to modify or terminate the agreement, and/or services through Heck at any time without notice to the Mortal.
3. Copyright and Restrictions
All data on file in Heck, and all documentation and sin tallies therein, is the property of Heck or its Licensors, and is protected by copyright and other intellectual property laws. Information received through Heck is to be used solely for individual purposes. None of the content of Heck may be reproduced, transcribed, made into lists by Elfs, translated into any language, retransmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopied, confessional, or otherwise), resold, or redistributed without the prior written consent of Heck, except that the Mortal may reproduce limited excerpts of the data for confession only, provided that each such copy contains a copyright notice as follows:
For information obtained from Heck sources:
"Copyright © 2001 by Phil, Prince of Insufficient Light. at Heck, NJ 07645. All rights reserved."
For information obtained from third-party licensors the Mortal is solely responsible for compliance with any copyright restrictions and is referred to the publication data appearing in bibliographic citations, as well as to the copyright notices appearing in the original publications.
4. Databases Maintained by Heck
While great care has been taken in organizing and presenting the material in Heck, Heck does not warrant or guarantee any of the remedial actions described, prices supplied, or punishments contained, and does not perform any independent analysis in connection with any of the sin descriptions. Heck does not assume, and expressly disclaims, any obligation to obtain and include any information other than that provided to it by God. It should be understood that by making this material available Heck is not advocating the practice of any sin described in Heck, nor is Heck responsible for mispractice and accidental damnation due to typographical error. Additional information on any sin may be obtained from the Bible.
5. Protection and Security
Heck shall take all reasonable steps to ensure that no unauthorized person shall have access to the Mortal’s Soul. Heck shall not divulge, sub-license, assign, or transfer to any third party the Mortal’s soul and spirit established during agreement. The Mortal understands that provision of the soul name will be required prior to dratting by Heck. The Mortal may choose to allow Heck’s system to set a cookie containing their soul on the Mortal's computer for convenience. A cookie is a device developed by Microsoft under subcontract from Hell and a consortium of diabolical entities.
6. Warranty Disclaimer
The Mortal recognizes that Heck is to be used only as a deterrant. It is not intended to be a substitute for the exercise of professional damnation. Dratting of the Mortal’s soul to Heck is generated not only through internal resources of Heck, but also through external consultants and third party sources. Inherent hazards of damnation may result in delays, omissions or inaccuracies in such information and punishments.
Sin is an ever-changing practice. In view of the possibility of spiritual error or changes in dogma, Mortals are advised to confirm the information in Heck through the inerrant word of God. Mortals should be aware that the universe of thartumagic knowledge is constantly growing and changing and that differences of spiritual opinion exist among authorities. They are advised to seek professional confession and absolution for any major sins, and to discuss information obtained from Heck site with their parish priest.