Untitled #19
More stuff.
I swallowed hard, looking for some sign Dan understood everything I had just told him. Anything. A nod. A smile. A finger absent mindedly tapping on the table. Hell, I would have taken a blink at this point. Through my entire story, he hadn't said anything. Not a peep. Dan just sat at the table, watching me as my mouth moved a mile a minute. I was leaning against the counter, blocking out the ickiness I felt at being in these sweaty, hot clothes. The air conditioning helped, mind you. But I was still uncomfortable.
He wasn't giving me anything to work with. Was this his way of punishing me? Or was he mentally beating himself up for being an asshole? Or trying to find a way to save face? God dammit, say something! I don't care what! Yell at me again! Tell me I'm a fucktard and you don't believe me! Just say something!
Finally, something did happen. But it wasn't what I expected.
We heard a key in the door. Metal on metal, the mechanism inside turning. The door knob twisting to bring the lock into the door. Jackie was home. Standing in the doorway, she was letting cold air out and warm air in. I could feel it. Dan didn't seem to mind. She stood there, carrying her purse and another bag as if she had stepped into the middle of a gunfight. Her eyes looked to me, trying to find an answer. Much like I had been doing to Dan. But I didn't have one for her. This situation was beyond anything a mere glance could convey.
So there we were, the three of us. Not exactly in a stare down contest, but not yukking it up either.
Dan licked his lips, blinked his eyes and swallowed. Something was coming.
"I, uh, I don't know what to say." Well, it was a start. Jackie sensed something was going on between us and quickly closed the door, dropped her bags and went right upstairs. I'd have to explain this to her, too.
"You don't have to say anything, Dan," I replied. I didn't want an apology or a long, drawn out conversation about this. We had already wasted more time than I wanted to on Carter in the last couple of days. Enough was enough.
He looked down at the table, his head bowed. There wasn't anything there for him to focus on. No newspaper or magazine, no papers or mail. Just the table.
"And you still love me...?" he asked, his voice trembling. I couldn't help but smirk. All this and he was worried if my feelings had changed.
I walked behind him and wrapped him in my arms. My cheek rested on his head-god, it was wet-and we just embraced for a long moment.
"Of course I do," I whispered. "Even when you're a jealous sweaty lump of a man." I never claimed my jokes were good or properly timed to anything.
He laughed. It was a sniffley, snot-ridden laugh, but he laughed. Finally I could stop worrying if this new found happiness was circling the drain. Finally we could get on with our night.
I let go of him and kneeled down beside the chair. I put my hand on his thigh, lightly rubbing. I needed his attention.
"Hey," I said in a low voice, as gently as I could. Dan picked his head up and looked at me. And in that moment-that one, small look-I realized I was the luckiest man in the world. Not only did this beautiful, intelligent person love me, but I loved him. I wanted to be with him. Make him as happy as he was making me.
"I need you to understand something, okay? I'm going to be working with a lot of people here, alright? And I don't want to go through this ever time you see me with someone. So I need you to trust me. Trust my judgment and I'll trust yours."
He nodded.
"Good," I said, standing up. "Now maybe we can get some food and put this crap behind us."
"Yeah...but can I take a shower first? I'm disgusting."
I bit my tongue. That comment was just wide open for a retort. But I controlled myself.
"A shower sounds like a great idea. I hope you brought clothes with you..."
Dan turned in his chair, a devilish look in his puffy eyes.
"Clothes for tonight and clothes for...tomorrow."
A massive grin spread across my face before I bent down to kiss him again.
"You have to promise me one thing."
"What's that?"
"You won't leave tomorrow morning without saying goodbye. I don't want to wake up alone."
We kissed again and the thunder boomed all around us.
No, really. Real thunder. It was raining. I guess it was that humid out.
"Would you do something with me before we go upstairs?"
"What is it?"
"Dance in the rain."
At this point, I'd do anything for Dan, so this was a given. I grabbed his hand and led him outside. People were running around, trying to find cover from the ungainly wet splotches falling from the sky. And we danced, the music playing in my head. His head resting on my shoulder, hands intertwined. We danced...
Like no one else had ever danced before
I can't explain what happened on that floor
But the music played
We held each other close
And we danced
Yeah, we danced
I swallowed hard, looking for some sign Dan understood everything I had just told him. Anything. A nod. A smile. A finger absent mindedly tapping on the table. Hell, I would have taken a blink at this point. Through my entire story, he hadn't said anything. Not a peep. Dan just sat at the table, watching me as my mouth moved a mile a minute. I was leaning against the counter, blocking out the ickiness I felt at being in these sweaty, hot clothes. The air conditioning helped, mind you. But I was still uncomfortable.
He wasn't giving me anything to work with. Was this his way of punishing me? Or was he mentally beating himself up for being an asshole? Or trying to find a way to save face? God dammit, say something! I don't care what! Yell at me again! Tell me I'm a fucktard and you don't believe me! Just say something!
Finally, something did happen. But it wasn't what I expected.
We heard a key in the door. Metal on metal, the mechanism inside turning. The door knob twisting to bring the lock into the door. Jackie was home. Standing in the doorway, she was letting cold air out and warm air in. I could feel it. Dan didn't seem to mind. She stood there, carrying her purse and another bag as if she had stepped into the middle of a gunfight. Her eyes looked to me, trying to find an answer. Much like I had been doing to Dan. But I didn't have one for her. This situation was beyond anything a mere glance could convey.
So there we were, the three of us. Not exactly in a stare down contest, but not yukking it up either.
Dan licked his lips, blinked his eyes and swallowed. Something was coming.
"I, uh, I don't know what to say." Well, it was a start. Jackie sensed something was going on between us and quickly closed the door, dropped her bags and went right upstairs. I'd have to explain this to her, too.
"You don't have to say anything, Dan," I replied. I didn't want an apology or a long, drawn out conversation about this. We had already wasted more time than I wanted to on Carter in the last couple of days. Enough was enough.
He looked down at the table, his head bowed. There wasn't anything there for him to focus on. No newspaper or magazine, no papers or mail. Just the table.
"And you still love me...?" he asked, his voice trembling. I couldn't help but smirk. All this and he was worried if my feelings had changed.
I walked behind him and wrapped him in my arms. My cheek rested on his head-god, it was wet-and we just embraced for a long moment.
"Of course I do," I whispered. "Even when you're a jealous sweaty lump of a man." I never claimed my jokes were good or properly timed to anything.
He laughed. It was a sniffley, snot-ridden laugh, but he laughed. Finally I could stop worrying if this new found happiness was circling the drain. Finally we could get on with our night.
I let go of him and kneeled down beside the chair. I put my hand on his thigh, lightly rubbing. I needed his attention.
"Hey," I said in a low voice, as gently as I could. Dan picked his head up and looked at me. And in that moment-that one, small look-I realized I was the luckiest man in the world. Not only did this beautiful, intelligent person love me, but I loved him. I wanted to be with him. Make him as happy as he was making me.
"I need you to understand something, okay? I'm going to be working with a lot of people here, alright? And I don't want to go through this ever time you see me with someone. So I need you to trust me. Trust my judgment and I'll trust yours."
He nodded.
"Good," I said, standing up. "Now maybe we can get some food and put this crap behind us."
"Yeah...but can I take a shower first? I'm disgusting."
I bit my tongue. That comment was just wide open for a retort. But I controlled myself.
"A shower sounds like a great idea. I hope you brought clothes with you..."
Dan turned in his chair, a devilish look in his puffy eyes.
"Clothes for tonight and clothes for...tomorrow."
A massive grin spread across my face before I bent down to kiss him again.
"You have to promise me one thing."
"What's that?"
"You won't leave tomorrow morning without saying goodbye. I don't want to wake up alone."
We kissed again and the thunder boomed all around us.
No, really. Real thunder. It was raining. I guess it was that humid out.
"Would you do something with me before we go upstairs?"
"What is it?"
"Dance in the rain."
At this point, I'd do anything for Dan, so this was a given. I grabbed his hand and led him outside. People were running around, trying to find cover from the ungainly wet splotches falling from the sky. And we danced, the music playing in my head. His head resting on my shoulder, hands intertwined. We danced...
Like no one else had ever danced before
I can't explain what happened on that floor
But the music played
We held each other close
And we danced
Yeah, we danced