...too rare to die
If you were to compare me to myself just one year ago at this time, you would find a whole different person. Just one year ago on this date exactly was the start of a few months of depression. i had just spent the past 6 months training and working my ass for something that, was gone in a blink of an eye. i went from running the race of my life in one week, to having trouble walking up the stairs from my room the next. this was devastating to me.
In all honestly i am not sure what i believe in. i don’t know if its fait, or god, or even gods. what ever it is, sometimes i feel like the higher powers are mocking me at times.
just like me breaking my ankle at the end of the cross country season, through out my life i have found that just when things seem to be getting to an all time level of... well good (for lack of a better word) fait, or god, or gods, or fuck, maybe just luck, seems to always find a way to ruin whatever i have, by taking things away from me just when they seems to be almost perfect.
This leads me to my point, this is my biggest fear right now. that someone or something is going to take what means the most, what makes me the happiest, and what makes me feel a way that nothing else ever has, away from me in the blink of an eye. i fear that i wont get another chance to just lay in bed and look at that one person that makes everything better, and just smile. Or that i wont have another chance to watch tv and eat cookies and milk with that person. although i truly believe that there is really nothing to worry about, its hard not to have these fears. i just don’t want to lose the best thing i’ve ever had.
i have found treasure, its the best treasure i could imagine, and just like the pirates i’ve berried my treasure, so that no one else could have it, because i want the treasure for myself, however i couldn’t leave it there very long.... because well she said the sand was starting to itch, but you get the point.
JJ
In all honestly i am not sure what i believe in. i don’t know if its fait, or god, or even gods. what ever it is, sometimes i feel like the higher powers are mocking me at times.
just like me breaking my ankle at the end of the cross country season, through out my life i have found that just when things seem to be getting to an all time level of... well good (for lack of a better word) fait, or god, or gods, or fuck, maybe just luck, seems to always find a way to ruin whatever i have, by taking things away from me just when they seems to be almost perfect.
This leads me to my point, this is my biggest fear right now. that someone or something is going to take what means the most, what makes me the happiest, and what makes me feel a way that nothing else ever has, away from me in the blink of an eye. i fear that i wont get another chance to just lay in bed and look at that one person that makes everything better, and just smile. Or that i wont have another chance to watch tv and eat cookies and milk with that person. although i truly believe that there is really nothing to worry about, its hard not to have these fears. i just don’t want to lose the best thing i’ve ever had.
i have found treasure, its the best treasure i could imagine, and just like the pirates i’ve berried my treasure, so that no one else could have it, because i want the treasure for myself, however i couldn’t leave it there very long.... because well she said the sand was starting to itch, but you get the point.
JJ