(no subject)
these are all poetic scramblings of my mind- butterflies.
1.
passage of stares
and lips made for cracking
open for that tiny drop of cyanide
the sting and the air cold insulated
filtered new modernized air air air
digits flustering broken housewives in
broken suburban houses and new cars in
watered lawns and rates are soaring no one can
stop it bombs are going off guns holes slit cut
hanging release she fell down the stairs and
she used to cut herself but No, she has no
insurance.
2.
she is expectant and she is disappointed
she is optimistic but she is destroyed
she looks for answers in her holy something, breaking down
textbooks until her nails bleed and break and tear her
clothes off
NOTHING WILL STOP HER
NOTHING WILL SAVE HER
[nothing will bring her back now]
he keeps his distance he keeps his hands on her
hips thighs knees
HIS FINGERS ON HER BREASTS
HIS PENIS IS ERECT
her shadow in the mirror looking for
answers in the daily newspaper
she wants a truth to hold onto
[she's holding onto air]
3.
nobody knows because they won't
find out.
casting clouds another shitty
forecast for tomorrow and next
year and me.
i can't find my reasons,
so why don't you find yours?
i can't find myself, so if you
want it so bad, you find me.
find me after you've
found you. i can't fake it, I
know. i can't hide it, i know.
so let me wallow in my own
self pity and then you can find
your own reasons your own attitude
your own life.
4.
they tear at the lightbulbs
with bleeding hands
wondering when the sun will provide
heat for our windows
eyes on the blinds
tattoos another tattoo
another bridge to conquer while
their feet find hope
in packages
on doorsteps
in the night
IN THE NIGHT.
[why is faith kept in the dark?]
no truth to greet the mouth
that smothers
the hungry heart
with nothing
but
fear
5.
another sunset creeping past the line
where the sea cuts off
and she's gripping this blanket to her throat
hoping that
by chance, she'd choke on anything
anything
except this disgusting array of salt
kept together in a pattern
formed by credit cards
and the proof stands
constant like the gleam that meets his eyes
when he glances through the steam
and it will be a forgotten moment
because he never came home
to her waiting mouth and stomach
stomach ache
these dreams become
empty emptying emptier
with each coming night
"What sleep?", she said
as she crawled onto the sinking ship
"I'm just waiting for the sun
to come up again."
6.
he'll break the boundaries
once he breaks your heart
and he'll rob you of your purity
because it fits
just don't expect the sky to
pity you or your habits
just don't expect him
to come back
because all things must end
there is an ending point
[even for your pain]
7.
Virginity.
Holding tight to former morality.
Pretend the heartache ceased five years ago-
after death.
empty.