(no subject)
My life is finally going where I wanted it to head... Im not nearly where I want to be, but I am on the path that will get me there. I dont have any job prospects just yet, and am still struggling with money, but I am what feels like being happy.
I know saying this will hurt someone I still do care about immensely and endlessly... but I have found someone that I've been spending quite an extrodinary amount of time lately with. I like her a lot, I refuse to let my feelings get ahead of me. I dont want anything major at all. I just want someone to cuddle with, spend my ever dwindling free time with, and not have to get shit on for it.
I wish I didn't have to deal with all the shit around this, and I dont understand why I can't just have one normal relationship. This will probably be the most normal one to date. No internet involved, she's close by, and Im not letting my feelings run away with me. The problem is, she's one of my assistant managers at work, and well... associates and management aren't supposed to have outside of work relationships... We've been hiding it for weeks now and no one is the wiser. There are 2 people at work who know other than her and I... but that's only because they were at a party we all held, and they saw how we've been.
Last night, was fucking amazing, no doubt. I picked Carmen up at about 1:30pm, and drove her out to the house. Once we got here, we decided to shave off all my hair, so now I have no more mohawk. *shrug* All well... now to figure out my next hair creation. I made her some pasta and while we ate that we watched Dr Phil together. Then it came time for us to head on over to the bowling alley, as it was my bowling night. I have to say, I really dig this girl... She talked so much shit to us while we were bowling, and all the guys on the team played along, and didn't seem to get offended by it at all, and talked shit right back at her. How fucking great is that...
On a side note, we are still in 12th place after winning 5 of 7 points last week, and we won another 5 of 7 points last night. Eventually we're not going to be so low in the standings... That would be nice.
So after bowling, we hung out with my cousin Dave and the other guys on the team at Dave's apartment. We watched a few Eminem videos and were laughing our asses off, but Carmen and I decided we wanted to go back to my house and drink a li'l bit. So we get back, and popped open a few beers and we agreed to watch the Hot Chick.
Some other stuff happened which isn't really important, but was a lot of fun... and then we passed out on my bed until about 6am, half awake, decided it was time to take her home.
I know deep in my heart I do love Nadia, and always will... but I am really starting to like Carmen, I dont know if its because all of the petty needs I have are being met (none of which is sexual in nature mind you) or if it's a genuine feeling, but all I know is she's making me pretty happy. I do not say these things to cause harm to anyone who may read this, but I know if I dont write this down, I'll feel like I've never had moments of happiness in my life, and will likely forget that at one point in time I was happy (also counting the day I escaped with Nadia and spent the day at the river, shhh dont tell Joe).
I know saying this will hurt someone I still do care about immensely and endlessly... but I have found someone that I've been spending quite an extrodinary amount of time lately with. I like her a lot, I refuse to let my feelings get ahead of me. I dont want anything major at all. I just want someone to cuddle with, spend my ever dwindling free time with, and not have to get shit on for it.
I wish I didn't have to deal with all the shit around this, and I dont understand why I can't just have one normal relationship. This will probably be the most normal one to date. No internet involved, she's close by, and Im not letting my feelings run away with me. The problem is, she's one of my assistant managers at work, and well... associates and management aren't supposed to have outside of work relationships... We've been hiding it for weeks now and no one is the wiser. There are 2 people at work who know other than her and I... but that's only because they were at a party we all held, and they saw how we've been.
Last night, was fucking amazing, no doubt. I picked Carmen up at about 1:30pm, and drove her out to the house. Once we got here, we decided to shave off all my hair, so now I have no more mohawk. *shrug* All well... now to figure out my next hair creation. I made her some pasta and while we ate that we watched Dr Phil together. Then it came time for us to head on over to the bowling alley, as it was my bowling night. I have to say, I really dig this girl... She talked so much shit to us while we were bowling, and all the guys on the team played along, and didn't seem to get offended by it at all, and talked shit right back at her. How fucking great is that...
On a side note, we are still in 12th place after winning 5 of 7 points last week, and we won another 5 of 7 points last night. Eventually we're not going to be so low in the standings... That would be nice.
So after bowling, we hung out with my cousin Dave and the other guys on the team at Dave's apartment. We watched a few Eminem videos and were laughing our asses off, but Carmen and I decided we wanted to go back to my house and drink a li'l bit. So we get back, and popped open a few beers and we agreed to watch the Hot Chick.
Some other stuff happened which isn't really important, but was a lot of fun... and then we passed out on my bed until about 6am, half awake, decided it was time to take her home.
I know deep in my heart I do love Nadia, and always will... but I am really starting to like Carmen, I dont know if its because all of the petty needs I have are being met (none of which is sexual in nature mind you) or if it's a genuine feeling, but all I know is she's making me pretty happy. I do not say these things to cause harm to anyone who may read this, but I know if I dont write this down, I'll feel like I've never had moments of happiness in my life, and will likely forget that at one point in time I was happy (also counting the day I escaped with Nadia and spent the day at the river, shhh dont tell Joe).