rehab for the soul...
so im in texas now.. have been for a week. its quite interesting here. its been good time i suppose... seeing lotsa people, hanging out quite a bit, lotsa cheap beer and cheap bud. its weird though.. not really how i expected things to go. i guess i expected waaaaaaaayy too much from ep. figures huh? ya i definitely overestimated things here... i dunno.. going back to chi for a lil bit will be good.. i shoulda just stayed there for spring break. not that i woulda had a better time or anything.. but at least i wouldnt have had to deal with anything till then. like its cool here and all.. but i guess i thought people would be different.. like my parents.. and some other friends.. but eh.. what the fuck huh.. grrr i gotta get my life in order.. im never gonna be happy till i straighten myself out.. i really gotta stop smoking.... its starting to hurt me too much. im thinking about rehab for myself.. not literally.. but figuratively.. im just not sure of things that i perceive in my life as "drugs" or "addictions," so to speak... i think i might need a complete makeover, of myself that is... question at hand: should i check into a "rehab for the soul"??? and then theres the issue of boys... grrr.. boys piss me off. not cause i expect shit, but because i think one thing then another.. then another.. and do they offer me any direction.. hell no! some think im theyre whore.. which is really not cool.. and others dont even acknowledge me.. so im IN A LOSE LOSE SITUATION. it sucks.. and its frustrating cuz just when i think im done with em all.. one random badass one has to pop up.. but now i dunno.. its like i set myself up to be knocked down yet again.. why cant i just find a fucking sweet, nice guy whos consistent with me & digs me for who i am and what im about??? why why why??? if theres one thing that bothers me, its lacking consistency. but im fucked either way so why try? i guess i wont anymore.. if things are supposed to happen then i hope they will... hmm i dunno bout this hope thing either.. HOPE. i think its overrated. maybe im just bitter.. god i HOPE not. till then...