Fic: Trying to love again (Luhan/Xiumin)
Title: Trying to love again
Pairing(s): Xiuhan, past!Hunhan,Chanhun
Genre: Fluff, slight angst
Wordcount: 6017w
Summary: But Luhan's broken and Minseok wants to pick up the pieces, one by one. Luhan doesn't know why. But he lets him do just that.
cross posted from AFF
Luhan thinks its impossible to get over Sehun. He cried every night since the break up. Sehun's words still linger in his mind, fresh and prominent.
"You don't deserve my love."
"You try but you don't try enough. That's why I'm leaving."
His heart sank to his stomach. Luhan tried. For sehun was his everything.
It was to sehun that he lost his first kiss, his virginity. It was to sehun that he told his deepest darkest secrets to. It was to sehun that he ran to after his parents threw him out. And now that sehun doesn't love him. He had to love himself.
After the break up, the first person he looked for was Baekhyun. His best friend. He ran to him, bawling in desperation. Baekhyun took him in that day and ever since then, Luhan appreciated his friend a little more.
Luhan prefers to be cooped up in his room, staring at the alabaster walls that keep him company. Baekhyun comes in once in a while, telling him that dinner’s ready or that he’s leaving for work. Luhan feels like a free-loader and honestly it bothered him. But he brought up the matter to Baekhyun, the latter would just shrug it off.
“We’re best friends. I would do anything for you. You would do the same too right?” Baekhyun would say, smiling with mirth and sincerity. Luhan would nod but he knew deep inside, he probably wouldn’t.
After 5 months, Luhan decides its time to meet the outside world again. Baekhyun enthuses over the idea and gives him plentyful of jobs to try. Luhan smiles wearily. Luhan knew inwardly, he wasn’t ready. But he thought it was necessary to repay Baekhyun in some way and this seemed like an easy task. He volunteered to pay a small sum and Baekhyun had no qualms about it. Baekhyun tells him that its’ about time to pick himself up and go on with life. With much reluctance, Luhan does just that.
Firstly, Luhan went job hopping. Sometimes, he was a waiter, others a cashier at a grocery store but he particularly liked the job as a barista in starbucks because whipped cream. However, Luhan eventually settled on a job as a front-desk receptionist at a 4-star hotel just ten minutes away from Baekhyun’s apartment.
Luhan was joyous most of the time; Going out for ramen and soju with Baekhyun on Friday nights , good relations with his colleagues, watching his favorite drama on television. Life was good. Luhan realized that people weren’t lying when they said time heals everything.
However his eyes still tend to get glassy when he comes across something that reminds him of Sehun. He can't help it sometimes and he just spends the night crying away. He knew he was stronger than this but sometimes it helps to let it all out.
Luhan stumbles out of his shared apartment at 7 o' clock. He has errands to run but he just didn't feel like doing anything productive. Therefore, he decides that a short walk will be nice. Luhan zips up his hoodie and made his way to the town park nearby.
The cold evening pricks at his bones. Luhan inwardly curses for not wearing his coat. He stuffs his hands into his pockets, in hope for some warmth. Luhan looked up. Starlight flecked the night sky. He smiles softly at the magnificent sight. Suddenly, he heard a laugh. It was throaty and resonant. Accompanying it was a giggle. A very familiar one indeed. Luhan froze. It was the boy whom he loved to distraction. Loved. The boy he used to love.
Sehun stares at him, a little stunned, his mouth agape.
"Hey." Sehun coos, trying to meet Luhan's gaze.
Luhan offers a smile.
"It has been a while Sehun." He says, the breeze tousling his locks.
"Yeah it has. Oh by the way, this is Chanyeol, my boyfriend."
Luhan swears he heard him say "this is chanyeol, your replacement" but he shrugs the thought off.
Chanyeol smiles good-naturedly and extends his hand for a handshake.
"Hi Chanyeol, I'm-"
"Luhan. Yes I've heard about you from Sehun... It's great seeing you in person."
Luhan wonders why does Sehun even talk about him to Chanyeol.
It angers him that Sehun is doing just fine without him. It angers him that Chanyeol's so nice to him. It angers him that he's not good enough for Sehun but Chanyeol is.
"I have to go to the library for awhile, you two can have a mini catch up session over coffee or something. Call me when you're done okay? Oh and nice seeing you Luhan-sshi." Chanyeol rushes off, his book bag slipping off his shoulders, leaving an extremely awkward Sehun and Luhan.
"Wow, Chanyeol trusts you a lot huh? Even letting you have coffee with your ex-boyfriend." Luhan laughs a little to lighten the situation.
Sehun nods slowly, a thin smile spread on his lips.
"He seems like a nice guy." Luhan says again, sipping at his Americano.
"He is. He makes me really happy." Sehun replies with a huge grin. Luhan's heart breaks at the reply but he says nothing.
The atmosphere became chilly and uncomfortable. Sehun clears his throat and Luhan sat upright in his seat.
"Luhan? I've never really had the chance to apologize to you-"
"You don't have to."
"but I-"
"It isn't your fault. You only want the best for yourself. I understand Sehun. Lets just chuck the matter at the back of our heads."
Sehun wants to say something but luhan doesn't want to listen. He had to go away. Away from all the horrendous feelings. Away from Sehun. Away from Sehun that loved Chanyeol.
"I have to go now, take care of your giant boyfriend and yourself okay?" Luhan left the cafe.
He started to run. He knew nothing was chasing him but he ran and ran until his knees gave way. He was in some deserted alley across a bar. Luhan inhales sharply, trying his best to control his breathing.
Sehun's happiness only caused him sadness.
It was as if Sehun had forgotten everything they had.
It was so easy for Sehun why can't it be easy for him?
Luhan clamps his lips to quieten his cries. He rocked back and forth, convulsed with bitterness. Luhan was about to leave when he heard the scuffing of shoes on damp asphalt.
"How long have you been there?" Luhan asks, wiping his tears.
The stranger stubs out his cigarette with one step.
"Not long before you came. I always have my smoke breaks here." He says, his physique becoming more obvious as he moved out of the darkness. The street lamp casted a dim light on his face. He is cherubic but he still looks handsome at the same time.
"I've experienced really peculiar things out here but this has got to be the weirdest." He guffaws and approaches Luhan subtly. He extends a hand out and Luhan doesn't know why he took his hand.
"Come on let's go inside. Drinks are on me. What do you say?" He asks, offering a flirtatious smile. Luhan knows he probably shouldn't. Luhan knows his alcohol tolerance was beyond bad. It was terrible. But a burning throat and a bitter after-taste sounds perfect for the heartbroken.
He is a bartender at the club. His name is Minseok, Luhan finds out eventually. His name tag however said otherwise.
"My boss says its good to have an alias," Minseok pauses to take a swig of his peach vodka (From the bottle of course, the more you look like a douche, the more people would want to befriend you).
"So since he's from China and all, he made everyone get a Chinese nickname. Which explains my name tag ; Xiumin" he finishes and Luhan nods in assent.
"I'm from China too actually, I moved here when I was 10 though." Luhan attempts to keep the conversation going.
They conversed for a while talking about random things but suddenly a man came up to Minseok. He looks impassive as the burly looking man whispered into his ear.
"Hey Luhan, I have to get back to work but my shift will end soon. Wait for me please?" Minseok asked with a cute pout. How could he possibly say no to that? Luhan smiles and nods quickly. Minseok slides behind the bar and resumes his job.
Honestly, all minseok wanted was a smoke break. He found it difficult to live without his daily dose of nicotine. He doesn't really know why he likes to smoke but he loves the feeling of nicotine flooding he lungs and as rings of smoke unfurl in the air, it's as if all his problems floated away with them. That's why when minseok was lighting up his second stick, he didn't expect an attractive boy to come running into the alley, crying his eyes out. Minseok usually doesn't care. He wasn't the type to divulge in other's affairs. But something about this boy with pretty silver locks, made him care. And just like that he was hooked.
***
They've been seeing each other for a few weeks now. Dinner dates to short walks in the park, Minseok is obviously trying. It sucks when everything you do is unreciprocated though. But there's just something about his smile, his eyes and his intriguing personality that pushes him to not give up. Minseok notices that it's particularly difficult to get him to laugh and smile initially, but as their friendship progresses, he does that. And boy Minseok feels as if he's won a medal for everytime he made him smile or laugh. Minseok notices again that even if he does laugh or smile, it never reaches his eyes. And that was a problem.
-
"Hey Luhan, why was the mushroom invited to the party?" Luhan's eyes squinted with thought.
"Um, i don't know." Minseok clucks his tongue and a sheepish grin splayed on his lips.
"Because he was a fungi. Get it? Fungi. Fun-guy?" Minseok guffaws while Luhan throws his candy wrapper at the older male.
"Just when are you going to stop being immature?" Luhan laughs at his stupidity.
"Until I get to see that smile of yours all the time." Minseok leans in, their faces dangerously close, hands on Luhan's waist.
Luhan's heart was pounding out of his chest. His eyelids fluttered close. He didn't want to see. No, he didn't want it to happen. He thinks that maybe if he closed his eyes, just maybe Minseok would go away. But no, that's not really what he wants.
Minseok studies his face. Beautiful eyelashes. Cute nose. And those lips. They were just pursed, as though in thought. It's as if Luhan was in deep thought about something. His eyebrows were scrunched in a frown. His breathing was slow and it matches with Minseok's.
"Gotcha." He startles the younger, jabbing the tender flesh of his ribs. Luhan gasps in pain before running after the idiot.
After minutes of pointless chasing, with heaving chests and damp hair from perspiration, they took the last train home.
Minseok doesn't mind that his hair resembles a bird's nest. Minseok doesn't mind that Luhan nearly yanked off the sleeve of the lavish shirt that he bought with his first pay. Minseok doesn't mind that Luhan nearly clawed off his entire face.
Because Luhan was smiling. And it finally reached his eyes.
-
"Okay, so what the hell did i miss?" Baekhyun enters Luhan's room with a bowl of cheetos. He was padding up to his room until he saw Luhan in his room smiling like a lunatic, eyes practically glued to his phone. Baekhyun had to make a double-take to check if it really was his best friend.
Baekhyun plonks himself onto the older's bed, staring at him. The chinese male continued tapping on his phone as if Baekhyun wasn't even there. He finally lost it, Baekhyun thinks until he spots a polaroid film on his bedside table. He settles the bowl on to the table and picks up the polaroid gently.
It's a picture of Luhan and a boy, whom Baekhyun didn't recgonise. The boy had his arm draped casually around Luhan with a cheeky grin, while the chinese male was sporting an impassive look as per normal. Baekhyun feels a nudge on his side and the older male took the polaroid from him.
"You were not supposed to see that..." Luhan thoughtlessly wedges the polaroid in between pages of his newly bought novel on the bedside table. Baekhyun scoffs and sits up to grab his bowl of cheetos.
"And why not? Sometimes I wonder if I really am your best friend you know, you don't tell me anything"
"You don't even ask."
This time Baekhyun flings a cheeto in his face and it lands in his lap. Luhan laughs a bit, before chomping on the carelessly thrown cheeto. Baekhyun was so close to throwing a punch in his face but he decided not to. They ended up spending the next couple of hours like that ; Lying in Luhan's bed, blankets pulled up to their chins, while Luhan explains how Minseok came into his life.
"So, are you going to give him a chance? He likes you so much you know." Luhan's lying on Baekhyun's lap, as he combs his fingers through his hair. Luhan shrugs.
"I don't know. We're just friends. He doesn't like me that way. Well at least I think he doesn't."
Baekhyun shoves him off his lap and glares at the confused boy. He knows Luhan is a little ditzy but he did not know that he was completely oblivious. Luhan's phone beeps for the nth time and curve forms on his lips. He should smile like this forever, Baekhyun thinks inwardly.
"How about you?" Luhan looks up from his mobile, a little flummoxed, not really understanding his question. Baekhyun searches his eyes and places his hands on his shoulders, both of them facing each other now.
"How do you feel about him?"
Luhan doesn't reply to that.
"How do I feel about him?" He ponders, feeling a little light-headed at the sudden flood of thoughts in his head.
-
Friday nights are always the busiest. Throngs of customers stream in with hopes to get laid or probably just grab a drink or two with friends. The dance floor was open and the latest club music blared through the speakers. Minseok wipes the table top clean with a damp rag, head bobbing along to the song playing.
"Hey cutie, can i have a shot of single malt scotch? and a shot of you?" some heavily inebriated girl yells and Minseok grimaces. Why do girls always throw themselves on me when I find their nether regions disgusting and unappealing? He thinks, preparing her drink. He curses inwardly as the girl calls out for him again. He turns with the shot in hand, pushing it towards her, a fake flirty grin plastered on his face.
"Thanks cutie, I'm Hyuna. And you are?" Minseok eyes the lady infront of him. Her dress was black and it showed off her impressive rack. Her cheeks were dusted pink probably due to the alcohol and the humidity of the club. Brown locks cascaded like a water fall onto her shoulders. Not bad, he thinks again. But definitely too loose for his liking. She gives off a promiscuous vibe.
"I'm not interested." Minseok smirks and leaves her standing, dumb-founded. He goes to the back (a personal space for staff) and grabs himself a glass of water, plopping himself on to the couch.
"Dude, did you just piss Hyuna off? She's throwing a bitch fit out there man!" Jongin shouts as he enters the room with a vodka in hand. Minseok shrugs and asks Jongin if he wants to go for a smoke.
"We can't and you know that." Jongin purses his lips as Minseok closes the back door. He thinks again and eventually scrambles to run after the male.
--
"I always sneak out here to smoke. I don't get why we can't smoke in the back. It's not like I would spill ashes into the martinis or anything." Minseok fishes a Dunhill from his pack and lights it up before giving one to Jongin. The other declines his offer and pulls out his own pack of Marlboro Lights.
"You know Yifan. He's the epitome of ridiculous." Jongin mumbles, slipping the cigarette into his mouth. But somehow Minseok didn't really hear that. His eyes were fixed on the ground.
"Hey, this is gonna sound awkward but...What exactly is love? and how do you know when you're in love?" Minseok questions, catching Jongin off guard. He exhales acrid smoke. Jongin sighs and shrugs.
"Love is when reality is better than your dreams. It is the desire to be with the person always; making him or her smile, laugh... And I guess you just want the person to be happy."
His mind was clouded with thoughts again. Do I love him? Minseok is confused.
--
The sky was a sombre grey, heavy rain fell from the sky, instantly ruining their plans. Luhan and Minseok planned to watch a movie and have some really nice dinner, but unfortunately, they couldn't. Luhan curses Minseok for not checking the weather forecast, while the older simply shrugs it off. The weather's a bitch, so what? There's nothing they can do about it. Both decided to crash in Minseok's apartment.
Plastic cups filled with soju and two boxes of chinese take-out were neatly placed on the table. Minseok chortles at something the host says on television. Luhan couldn't help but gaze at him endearingly, warmness emanating his chest. A clap of thunder has him cowering under his blanket (it was Minseok's technically). Luhan really hates thunder and lightning. As a child he always envisioned them as giant spears branching out from the sky, trying to take his life. His eyes dart over to Minseok who was currently chugging down his plastic cup of soju,eyes still focused on the show, looking completely unruffled by the booming thunder and almost deadly flashes of lightning. Luhan sighs. He hates the rain. It makes him feel sad. It makes him miss his parents. It makes him homesick. He hates that sinking feeling in his gut. Sehun used to cuddle him everytime it rains; two bodies huddled close, relying on shared body heat, peppering kisses down the column of each other's neck. But none of that can happen now. His mind flickers with images of Sehun cuddling Chanyeol; long gangly limbs and a roomy chest. They actually look good together. Almost perfect. Almost. Unknowingly, tears start to roll down his cheeks and Luhan hates himself for doing this. He's so fragile it's stupid. His hands struggle to wipe away all the tears, sobbing quietly. He hides underneath the blanket. The last thing he needed was-
"Hey, are you okay?" -concern.
Minseok looks at him with wary eyes. Gently, he cups his cheeks in his palms. Luhan starts to sob even more. There's just a vast emptiness in his heart. He remembers the time when he used to lock himself up; restricted by invisible steel bars, hurt and definitely torn. He had no one besides Baekhyun. Now there's Minseok and he just doesn't want to feel alone anymore but he doesn't want to let Minseok in either.
"Tell me. Please. I don't want to do anything but take care of you." Minseok sighs into his hair, arms wrapped almost protectively around the chinese boy. They stay like that for a while, basking in each other's presence. Luhan starts to stir in his arms and Minseok lets him go. He didn't want Luhan to be uncomfortable or anything. Instead of leaving, Luhan nuzzles into his neck.
"His name was Sehun. He was my first everything. On the day you found me in the alley, I was crying because of him. He left me for a while then. About 5 months? But I couldn't let him go. The rain used to be our little thing. It all just reminded me of him and I feel so stupid for crying over him because he already has someone else and I-" Luhan never really continued after that because the tears just kept on falling. Minseok just holds him since he doesn't understand half of the things he says through muffled cries. But he is certain that he never wants Luhan to feel like this. Seeing Luhan so shattered and broken made him want to cry himself. It was painful to watch.Luhan snored lightly after a while and a curve formed on Minseok's lips. Poor boy. He must've been so tired. He switched off the television and pulled the blanket. The rain outside dwindled to a light pitter patter. They ended up falling asleep on the small couch, Luhan in Minseok's arms and the older boy went to sleep with a certain contentment in his heart.
--
It has been days since Luhan confided in Minseok about his bittersweet past with Sehun. Luhan wasn't sure whether it was the right thing to do but he feels so much better. It's like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, those steel bars, they were gone. His feelings for the cherubic boy are growing at hypersonic speed. He has been countlessly told off by Baekhyun about his goofy grin during dinner. Apparently he threatened to box the smile off Luhan's face because he was creeping him out. Luhan promptly stopped after that. After all, who wants to get punched by an experienced, well-trained and sassy Hapkido prodigy. Definitely not Luhan.
A knock on his bedroom door startles him and Luhan snaps out of his daze.
"Come in. The door's unlocked." He yells too lazy to even get out of his bed. He expects Baekhyun to come in with his mail or something like that but no. It was Sehun.
"Luhan I need your help. Please." He says with doleful eyes and a wracked voice. He eyes were red and puffy from crying and perhaps fatigue. Sehun started to cry. And Luhan doesn't really know what to do. So he hugs the boy. Hugging him felt wrong. It was a little familiar but it was mostly foreign. His touch. His breathing. His shampoo. Nothing was familiar anymore.
"So Chanyeol just left like that?" Luhan questions him after his explanation. Sehun sniffles and nods.
"He figured that since I didn't want to meet his parents... He thought that I didn't love him. He thought that I was treating our relationship lightly. How can he assume such things? Doesn't he know how much I love him this is so stupid." Sehun starts to sob lightly and Luhan pats his back.
"But why don't you want to meet his parents though? I would be really cross if you wouldn't want to meet my parents too. Well except that my parents didn't really approve of us didn't they? But that really isn't the point right now. Why don't you want to meet them?"
"Chanyeol's family has a good background. Everyone is highly educated. They'll surely disapprove of me. I have no future. Me and Chanyeol, we... we have no future together. I don't know why I keep trying." Sehun wipes his cheeks and Luhan nods, trying to get a grasp of the situation.
"You try because there's just a feeling, deep inside your heart, that tells you that there is a chance. That feeling tells you that it will work out. So, it will work out okay?" Luhan smiles, trying to comfort his ex-lover. He had to admit it was a little weird but he feels okay with it. Sehun smiles and mutters a soft thank you. They sit comfortably on Luhan's bed. Apparently, Baekhyun let Sehun in and quickly left to run some errands. Luhan decides to cook something for two and pops into the kitchen. He struggles to grab the ramen off the top shelf but he can't reach, as per normal. Well it wasn't his fault that he was really short or anything. He tiptoes and sighs in frustration when he still couldn't reach it. He mentally curses and tries to jump but suddenly there were hands on his waist, carrying him up. He flushes at the familiar touch but quickly grabs the ramen.
"Still can't reach the top shelf? What's new?" Sehun mutters into his ear and laughs. Well Luhan doesn't think it is funny at all. Especially when Sehun's grip on his waist stayed. He turned and was shocked. Sehun pressed his lips onto his and eventhough it was supposed to be familiar and normal, everything felt so wrong.
He hears the front door opening and a really startled "oh".
Luhan literally shoves Sehun off. His eyes doubled in size when he sees Minseok standing at the front door. He's struggling to say something, lips quivering almost conveying a message. Instead, he darts out of Luhan's sight. He slaps Sehun in the face, anger surging his veins.
"What the fuck was that for? We're not together anymore so those things aren't exactly normal you fucking shit." Luhan seethes, smoke pouring out of his ears. Sehun shrugs, adding on to Luhan's anger.
"Just checking. It seemed like a spur of the moment thing and I thought I still have feelings for you. Well... I sure have thought wrong. " Sehun mutters mindlessly. Luhan was close to stabbing him in the face and then hurling him into a river. But he doesn't really have time for that. Instead, Luhan gathers Sehun's belongings and throws him out of the house.
Sehun seems puzzled. Luhan purses his lips before telling Sehun to talk to Chanyeol again. The younger boy scratches his head. Still a little confused.
"Yah, just fuck off and solve your shit okay. Because I really have stuff to take care of." With that he slams the door on the younger.
--
He's not sure what to feel. Sad? Angry? Disappointed? Perhaps Jealous?
Minseok's sitting on his bed, jabbing his cigarette almost violently into the ashtray. That's the fifth stick in the past two hours. The familiar message tone rings again and this time Minseok decides to put it on silent.
"What can he possibly want now? To explain? Psh, there's nothing to explain anyway." He murmurs to himself, already lighting up his sixth stick.
--
It has been two weeks. Two sickly and horrible weeks. Luhan tried to contact Minseok, he even went to his workplace and his home but Minseok just didn't want to see him.
"This is so fucking unfair. I can't even explain myself." Luhan stabs the tomato on his plate and Baekhyun chides at him for playing with his food. Sehun came over around two days after the incident, thanking Luhan profusely for the advice and even bought chocolate to make up for kissing him that day. Luhan threatens to throw him into the river if something like that ever happens again but he forgave him. But it's not as if chocolate would suffice and bring Minseok back into his life. Luhan's afraid. He doesn't want to lose Minseok. The weirdest part of it all is that he isn't longing for Sehun anymore. He's better now. He doesn't even blame Sehun for fucking shit up with Minseok. He's unusually calm about it. To be honest, it bothers him a lot. His sudden yet drastic characteristic change.
His phone rings and he scrambles to answer it.
"M-minseok?" He holds his breath.
"Dude, what the hell? It's me. Sehun. Anyway do you want to go out or something? Chanyeol wants to meet you properly."
Luhan was crestfallen.
"Gee, um. No sorry. I have chores and stuff to do. Tell Chanyeol next time? I'm really sorry." He murmurs into the phone.
He hears Sehun sigh on the other side.
"It's alright. Hey, if you need someone to talk to. I'm here. We're friends now. Take care." and with that Sehun hung up, leaving Luhan in tears.
"I fucking need you Minseok..." he cries into his palms.
--
"Is this place any good though"
"Yah! Are you doubting my taste or something? Of course it is!"
"Tsk whatever just hurry up!"
The bickering couple went into the bar. Sehun slips a protective arm around Chanyeol's waist, as older women flocked around his dashing boyfriend. He frowns when Chanyeol greets one of them with a bow. She ruffles his hair and then proceeds to ruffle Sehun's but he quickly cowers behind his boyfriend. She murmurs something along the lines of "aish so unfriendly" and "a cold one". Sehun couldn't care less, fixing his boyfriend's hair. Chanyeol kisses his forehead affectionately and there were coos from the bunch of older women. Sehun giggles and drags him to the direction of the bar.
A handsome and tanned-skin boy stood there, wiping the marble countertop. A pretty smile graces his lips when Chanyeol greets him with a handshake. Sehun isn't sure what to do so he grins good-naturedly.
"Hey Jongin, get me the usual please and... a beer for you?" Chanyeol asks and Sehun nods. Jongin smiles and proceeds to prepare the drinks. They sit at the stools waiting for their drinks. Sehun lies his head on Chanyeol's and the older slips an arm around the boy.
"Yah... is anything bothering you?" He asks, stroking at the light pink locks of his boyfriend's hair.
Sehun shakes his head and avoid Chanyeol's gaze.
"Don't lie to me. What's wrong... Is it me? Did I do something?" Chanyeol grabs Sehun's face with both of his hands.
"It's Luhan... I feel really bad for fucking shit up that day. I'm really good for nothing right?"
Chanyeol shakes his head sternly, palms still framing Sehun's face.
"People fuck up on a daily basis. It's not entirely your fault okay? You can't keep beating yourself up like that."
Sehun merely nods and Chanyeol gives him a reassuring but brief peck on the lips.
--
"Hey, you know my best friend Chanyeol? He came with his boyfriend, do you want to meet them?" Jongin asks a very unoccupied Minseok who's lying on the couch of the staff lounge. He stands up slowly following Jongin back to the bar. He sees a familiar boy there and it makes him rage. It's the boy he saw Luhan with. And the worse part is that he's kissing another man.
Screw all sense, he thinks as he marches up to the couple at the bar.
"Yah! What do you think you're doing? He fucking loves you and cares for you and you're out with another man? You worthless cunt!" Minseok sees red and lunges for Sehun's throat. Jongin steps in to pull him away but he fails and was pushed aside rather roughly.
"Excuse me. I think you've got the wrong guy." Chanyeol strained, heavily incensed by the false accusation made by some random stranger.
Sehun struggles in Minseok's grasp, emitting a few grunts and whines from being manhandled so roughly.
"Wait! I can explain!" His words turned into cries of agony when Minseok lunged a well-aimed punch into his stomach.
Chanyeol was furious, a prominent vein protruded at his neck. He shoves the petite boy who was maltreating his boyfriend. Minseok falls, head hitting the countertop with a hollow thud. He passed out.
--
Minseok wakes up to a dull pain at the back of his head. He realizes he's in the staff lounge. Curious eyes look over him and he instantly sits up. It's that boy. Behind him another man, the one that pushed him, glowered at him.
"You..." he start, an accusing finger pointing towards the boy seated next to him.
"Yes me." The boy meets his gaze.
"Why are you cheating on Luhan?"
"I'm Luhan's ex. I am not cheating on him. Yes, you walked in on us kissing but it was a mistake. I was just kissing him to test whether I still have feelings for him. Turns out no... So next time before you lunge for someone's throat, please make sure you get the facts right."
A tinge of pink crept on Minseok's cheeks. He nods subtly and murmured a quick apology to both of them.
Oh god. The things he gets involved in because of Luhan. He's losing himself. The words "cool, calm and collected" are no longer fit to describe him. He sighs, rubbing his temples.
The couple leave eventually, leaving him alone in the staff lounge to collect his thoughts. Jongin walks in with a smug look on his face.
"Rough fall just now, big guy." He settles a cup of water on the table. Minseok playfully punches his arm.
"Shut up Jongin. I've fucked up. I don't think I can get him back. God, i'm so stupid." He mumbles into his palms.
Jongin harrumphs before loosening his tie.
"Fucking shit up, it's a normal thing. We do that all the time. But it's your decision to salvage what you've crushed or to simply move on without it." With a friendly pat on Minseok's back, he turns and leaves the room.
Minseok is waist deep in thought. Is Luhan worth rescuing?
--
Luhan's awakened by the shrill ringing of his phone. He rubs his eyes sleepily before stumbling into the dark living room for his phone. The default ringtone starts to annoy him but then he manages to find his phone (not before banging his pinky toe on the coffee table). He looks at the caller i.d and instantly answers the call. He inhales a shaky breath.
"H-hello..."
"I'm at a payphone. Trying to call home." a voice sings on the other end, the english lyrics laced with korean accent.
"Wh-" Luhan tries but gets interrupted again.
"All of my change I spent on you."
"Are you drunk or someth-" he asks.
"Where have the times gone? Baby it's so wrong. Where are the plans we've made for two?" Luhan gives up, face-palming himself.
"If happy ever after did exist, I would still be holding you like this." The voice continues. Luhan has to admit, the boy sure can sing. A knock on the door has his heart racing. He slowly gets up to open it.
Minseok stood there.
"And all these fairytales are full of shit." He sings into the phone he's holding in his left hand.
"One more fucking love song and I'll be sick." He sighs the last line, eyes looking directly into Luhan's. With that the phone call ends. Luhan folds his arms.
"What's going on Minseok?" Luhan asks, voice a little hoarse.
MInseok shakes his head and looks at his shoes.
"I'm sorry." he mutters, moving a step closer to face Luhan. Gently, he cups his face in his palms. He could visibly see his eyebags from lack of sleep and maybe crying. His lips were quivering as though he was about to break down anytime soon.
Luhan wants to go back inside and close the door on the little fucker that caused him much pain and suffering for the past two weeks. He wants to punch him in the face maybe forcefully rip his arm off, but then Luhan realizes something. He wants to demolish Minseok as much as he wants to love him. He wants to make him cry but then he also wants to wipe his tears for him. Luhan is fucking confused.
The distance between the two boys closed. Minseok places a soft kiss onto Luhan's lips experimentally. The chinese male does absolutely nothing but he didn't push him away either. Minseok pulls back to admire Luhan's visage. Eyes closed. Lips moist. Eyebrows still furrowed in thought. His soft breathing. Minseok loved every single thing about him.
"Luhan, I-" Minseok wants to say something but Luhan's tugging at his collar lapels.
"Just shut up and kiss me." Now that's something Minseok can do.
After the longest lip lock ever, Luhan pulls back and rests his forehead on Minseok's.
"I love you." He whispers.
"I love you. I love you. I love you." Luhan hugs him tightly, it hurts.
Pairing(s): Xiuhan, past!Hunhan,Chanhun
Genre: Fluff, slight angst
Wordcount: 6017w
Summary: But Luhan's broken and Minseok wants to pick up the pieces, one by one. Luhan doesn't know why. But he lets him do just that.
cross posted from AFF
Luhan thinks its impossible to get over Sehun. He cried every night since the break up. Sehun's words still linger in his mind, fresh and prominent.
"You don't deserve my love."
"You try but you don't try enough. That's why I'm leaving."
His heart sank to his stomach. Luhan tried. For sehun was his everything.
It was to sehun that he lost his first kiss, his virginity. It was to sehun that he told his deepest darkest secrets to. It was to sehun that he ran to after his parents threw him out. And now that sehun doesn't love him. He had to love himself.
After the break up, the first person he looked for was Baekhyun. His best friend. He ran to him, bawling in desperation. Baekhyun took him in that day and ever since then, Luhan appreciated his friend a little more.
Luhan prefers to be cooped up in his room, staring at the alabaster walls that keep him company. Baekhyun comes in once in a while, telling him that dinner’s ready or that he’s leaving for work. Luhan feels like a free-loader and honestly it bothered him. But he brought up the matter to Baekhyun, the latter would just shrug it off.
“We’re best friends. I would do anything for you. You would do the same too right?” Baekhyun would say, smiling with mirth and sincerity. Luhan would nod but he knew deep inside, he probably wouldn’t.
After 5 months, Luhan decides its time to meet the outside world again. Baekhyun enthuses over the idea and gives him plentyful of jobs to try. Luhan smiles wearily. Luhan knew inwardly, he wasn’t ready. But he thought it was necessary to repay Baekhyun in some way and this seemed like an easy task. He volunteered to pay a small sum and Baekhyun had no qualms about it. Baekhyun tells him that its’ about time to pick himself up and go on with life. With much reluctance, Luhan does just that.
Firstly, Luhan went job hopping. Sometimes, he was a waiter, others a cashier at a grocery store but he particularly liked the job as a barista in starbucks because whipped cream. However, Luhan eventually settled on a job as a front-desk receptionist at a 4-star hotel just ten minutes away from Baekhyun’s apartment.
Luhan was joyous most of the time; Going out for ramen and soju with Baekhyun on Friday nights , good relations with his colleagues, watching his favorite drama on television. Life was good. Luhan realized that people weren’t lying when they said time heals everything.
However his eyes still tend to get glassy when he comes across something that reminds him of Sehun. He can't help it sometimes and he just spends the night crying away. He knew he was stronger than this but sometimes it helps to let it all out.
Luhan stumbles out of his shared apartment at 7 o' clock. He has errands to run but he just didn't feel like doing anything productive. Therefore, he decides that a short walk will be nice. Luhan zips up his hoodie and made his way to the town park nearby.
The cold evening pricks at his bones. Luhan inwardly curses for not wearing his coat. He stuffs his hands into his pockets, in hope for some warmth. Luhan looked up. Starlight flecked the night sky. He smiles softly at the magnificent sight. Suddenly, he heard a laugh. It was throaty and resonant. Accompanying it was a giggle. A very familiar one indeed. Luhan froze. It was the boy whom he loved to distraction. Loved. The boy he used to love.
Sehun stares at him, a little stunned, his mouth agape.
"Hey." Sehun coos, trying to meet Luhan's gaze.
Luhan offers a smile.
"It has been a while Sehun." He says, the breeze tousling his locks.
"Yeah it has. Oh by the way, this is Chanyeol, my boyfriend."
Luhan swears he heard him say "this is chanyeol, your replacement" but he shrugs the thought off.
Chanyeol smiles good-naturedly and extends his hand for a handshake.
"Hi Chanyeol, I'm-"
"Luhan. Yes I've heard about you from Sehun... It's great seeing you in person."
Luhan wonders why does Sehun even talk about him to Chanyeol.
It angers him that Sehun is doing just fine without him. It angers him that Chanyeol's so nice to him. It angers him that he's not good enough for Sehun but Chanyeol is.
"I have to go to the library for awhile, you two can have a mini catch up session over coffee or something. Call me when you're done okay? Oh and nice seeing you Luhan-sshi." Chanyeol rushes off, his book bag slipping off his shoulders, leaving an extremely awkward Sehun and Luhan.
"Wow, Chanyeol trusts you a lot huh? Even letting you have coffee with your ex-boyfriend." Luhan laughs a little to lighten the situation.
Sehun nods slowly, a thin smile spread on his lips.
"He seems like a nice guy." Luhan says again, sipping at his Americano.
"He is. He makes me really happy." Sehun replies with a huge grin. Luhan's heart breaks at the reply but he says nothing.
The atmosphere became chilly and uncomfortable. Sehun clears his throat and Luhan sat upright in his seat.
"Luhan? I've never really had the chance to apologize to you-"
"You don't have to."
"but I-"
"It isn't your fault. You only want the best for yourself. I understand Sehun. Lets just chuck the matter at the back of our heads."
Sehun wants to say something but luhan doesn't want to listen. He had to go away. Away from all the horrendous feelings. Away from Sehun. Away from Sehun that loved Chanyeol.
"I have to go now, take care of your giant boyfriend and yourself okay?" Luhan left the cafe.
He started to run. He knew nothing was chasing him but he ran and ran until his knees gave way. He was in some deserted alley across a bar. Luhan inhales sharply, trying his best to control his breathing.
Sehun's happiness only caused him sadness.
It was as if Sehun had forgotten everything they had.
It was so easy for Sehun why can't it be easy for him?
Luhan clamps his lips to quieten his cries. He rocked back and forth, convulsed with bitterness. Luhan was about to leave when he heard the scuffing of shoes on damp asphalt.
"How long have you been there?" Luhan asks, wiping his tears.
The stranger stubs out his cigarette with one step.
"Not long before you came. I always have my smoke breaks here." He says, his physique becoming more obvious as he moved out of the darkness. The street lamp casted a dim light on his face. He is cherubic but he still looks handsome at the same time.
"I've experienced really peculiar things out here but this has got to be the weirdest." He guffaws and approaches Luhan subtly. He extends a hand out and Luhan doesn't know why he took his hand.
"Come on let's go inside. Drinks are on me. What do you say?" He asks, offering a flirtatious smile. Luhan knows he probably shouldn't. Luhan knows his alcohol tolerance was beyond bad. It was terrible. But a burning throat and a bitter after-taste sounds perfect for the heartbroken.
He is a bartender at the club. His name is Minseok, Luhan finds out eventually. His name tag however said otherwise.
"My boss says its good to have an alias," Minseok pauses to take a swig of his peach vodka (From the bottle of course, the more you look like a douche, the more people would want to befriend you).
"So since he's from China and all, he made everyone get a Chinese nickname. Which explains my name tag ; Xiumin" he finishes and Luhan nods in assent.
"I'm from China too actually, I moved here when I was 10 though." Luhan attempts to keep the conversation going.
They conversed for a while talking about random things but suddenly a man came up to Minseok. He looks impassive as the burly looking man whispered into his ear.
"Hey Luhan, I have to get back to work but my shift will end soon. Wait for me please?" Minseok asked with a cute pout. How could he possibly say no to that? Luhan smiles and nods quickly. Minseok slides behind the bar and resumes his job.
Honestly, all minseok wanted was a smoke break. He found it difficult to live without his daily dose of nicotine. He doesn't really know why he likes to smoke but he loves the feeling of nicotine flooding he lungs and as rings of smoke unfurl in the air, it's as if all his problems floated away with them. That's why when minseok was lighting up his second stick, he didn't expect an attractive boy to come running into the alley, crying his eyes out. Minseok usually doesn't care. He wasn't the type to divulge in other's affairs. But something about this boy with pretty silver locks, made him care. And just like that he was hooked.
***
They've been seeing each other for a few weeks now. Dinner dates to short walks in the park, Minseok is obviously trying. It sucks when everything you do is unreciprocated though. But there's just something about his smile, his eyes and his intriguing personality that pushes him to not give up. Minseok notices that it's particularly difficult to get him to laugh and smile initially, but as their friendship progresses, he does that. And boy Minseok feels as if he's won a medal for everytime he made him smile or laugh. Minseok notices again that even if he does laugh or smile, it never reaches his eyes. And that was a problem.
-
"Hey Luhan, why was the mushroom invited to the party?" Luhan's eyes squinted with thought.
"Um, i don't know." Minseok clucks his tongue and a sheepish grin splayed on his lips.
"Because he was a fungi. Get it? Fungi. Fun-guy?" Minseok guffaws while Luhan throws his candy wrapper at the older male.
"Just when are you going to stop being immature?" Luhan laughs at his stupidity.
"Until I get to see that smile of yours all the time." Minseok leans in, their faces dangerously close, hands on Luhan's waist.
Luhan's heart was pounding out of his chest. His eyelids fluttered close. He didn't want to see. No, he didn't want it to happen. He thinks that maybe if he closed his eyes, just maybe Minseok would go away. But no, that's not really what he wants.
Minseok studies his face. Beautiful eyelashes. Cute nose. And those lips. They were just pursed, as though in thought. It's as if Luhan was in deep thought about something. His eyebrows were scrunched in a frown. His breathing was slow and it matches with Minseok's.
"Gotcha." He startles the younger, jabbing the tender flesh of his ribs. Luhan gasps in pain before running after the idiot.
After minutes of pointless chasing, with heaving chests and damp hair from perspiration, they took the last train home.
Minseok doesn't mind that his hair resembles a bird's nest. Minseok doesn't mind that Luhan nearly yanked off the sleeve of the lavish shirt that he bought with his first pay. Minseok doesn't mind that Luhan nearly clawed off his entire face.
Because Luhan was smiling. And it finally reached his eyes.
-
"Okay, so what the hell did i miss?" Baekhyun enters Luhan's room with a bowl of cheetos. He was padding up to his room until he saw Luhan in his room smiling like a lunatic, eyes practically glued to his phone. Baekhyun had to make a double-take to check if it really was his best friend.
Baekhyun plonks himself onto the older's bed, staring at him. The chinese male continued tapping on his phone as if Baekhyun wasn't even there. He finally lost it, Baekhyun thinks until he spots a polaroid film on his bedside table. He settles the bowl on to the table and picks up the polaroid gently.
It's a picture of Luhan and a boy, whom Baekhyun didn't recgonise. The boy had his arm draped casually around Luhan with a cheeky grin, while the chinese male was sporting an impassive look as per normal. Baekhyun feels a nudge on his side and the older male took the polaroid from him.
"You were not supposed to see that..." Luhan thoughtlessly wedges the polaroid in between pages of his newly bought novel on the bedside table. Baekhyun scoffs and sits up to grab his bowl of cheetos.
"And why not? Sometimes I wonder if I really am your best friend you know, you don't tell me anything"
"You don't even ask."
This time Baekhyun flings a cheeto in his face and it lands in his lap. Luhan laughs a bit, before chomping on the carelessly thrown cheeto. Baekhyun was so close to throwing a punch in his face but he decided not to. They ended up spending the next couple of hours like that ; Lying in Luhan's bed, blankets pulled up to their chins, while Luhan explains how Minseok came into his life.
"So, are you going to give him a chance? He likes you so much you know." Luhan's lying on Baekhyun's lap, as he combs his fingers through his hair. Luhan shrugs.
"I don't know. We're just friends. He doesn't like me that way. Well at least I think he doesn't."
Baekhyun shoves him off his lap and glares at the confused boy. He knows Luhan is a little ditzy but he did not know that he was completely oblivious. Luhan's phone beeps for the nth time and curve forms on his lips. He should smile like this forever, Baekhyun thinks inwardly.
"How about you?" Luhan looks up from his mobile, a little flummoxed, not really understanding his question. Baekhyun searches his eyes and places his hands on his shoulders, both of them facing each other now.
"How do you feel about him?"
Luhan doesn't reply to that.
"How do I feel about him?" He ponders, feeling a little light-headed at the sudden flood of thoughts in his head.
-
Friday nights are always the busiest. Throngs of customers stream in with hopes to get laid or probably just grab a drink or two with friends. The dance floor was open and the latest club music blared through the speakers. Minseok wipes the table top clean with a damp rag, head bobbing along to the song playing.
"Hey cutie, can i have a shot of single malt scotch? and a shot of you?" some heavily inebriated girl yells and Minseok grimaces. Why do girls always throw themselves on me when I find their nether regions disgusting and unappealing? He thinks, preparing her drink. He curses inwardly as the girl calls out for him again. He turns with the shot in hand, pushing it towards her, a fake flirty grin plastered on his face.
"Thanks cutie, I'm Hyuna. And you are?" Minseok eyes the lady infront of him. Her dress was black and it showed off her impressive rack. Her cheeks were dusted pink probably due to the alcohol and the humidity of the club. Brown locks cascaded like a water fall onto her shoulders. Not bad, he thinks again. But definitely too loose for his liking. She gives off a promiscuous vibe.
"I'm not interested." Minseok smirks and leaves her standing, dumb-founded. He goes to the back (a personal space for staff) and grabs himself a glass of water, plopping himself on to the couch.
"Dude, did you just piss Hyuna off? She's throwing a bitch fit out there man!" Jongin shouts as he enters the room with a vodka in hand. Minseok shrugs and asks Jongin if he wants to go for a smoke.
"We can't and you know that." Jongin purses his lips as Minseok closes the back door. He thinks again and eventually scrambles to run after the male.
--
"I always sneak out here to smoke. I don't get why we can't smoke in the back. It's not like I would spill ashes into the martinis or anything." Minseok fishes a Dunhill from his pack and lights it up before giving one to Jongin. The other declines his offer and pulls out his own pack of Marlboro Lights.
"You know Yifan. He's the epitome of ridiculous." Jongin mumbles, slipping the cigarette into his mouth. But somehow Minseok didn't really hear that. His eyes were fixed on the ground.
"Hey, this is gonna sound awkward but...What exactly is love? and how do you know when you're in love?" Minseok questions, catching Jongin off guard. He exhales acrid smoke. Jongin sighs and shrugs.
"Love is when reality is better than your dreams. It is the desire to be with the person always; making him or her smile, laugh... And I guess you just want the person to be happy."
His mind was clouded with thoughts again. Do I love him? Minseok is confused.
--
The sky was a sombre grey, heavy rain fell from the sky, instantly ruining their plans. Luhan and Minseok planned to watch a movie and have some really nice dinner, but unfortunately, they couldn't. Luhan curses Minseok for not checking the weather forecast, while the older simply shrugs it off. The weather's a bitch, so what? There's nothing they can do about it. Both decided to crash in Minseok's apartment.
Plastic cups filled with soju and two boxes of chinese take-out were neatly placed on the table. Minseok chortles at something the host says on television. Luhan couldn't help but gaze at him endearingly, warmness emanating his chest. A clap of thunder has him cowering under his blanket (it was Minseok's technically). Luhan really hates thunder and lightning. As a child he always envisioned them as giant spears branching out from the sky, trying to take his life. His eyes dart over to Minseok who was currently chugging down his plastic cup of soju,eyes still focused on the show, looking completely unruffled by the booming thunder and almost deadly flashes of lightning. Luhan sighs. He hates the rain. It makes him feel sad. It makes him miss his parents. It makes him homesick. He hates that sinking feeling in his gut. Sehun used to cuddle him everytime it rains; two bodies huddled close, relying on shared body heat, peppering kisses down the column of each other's neck. But none of that can happen now. His mind flickers with images of Sehun cuddling Chanyeol; long gangly limbs and a roomy chest. They actually look good together. Almost perfect. Almost. Unknowingly, tears start to roll down his cheeks and Luhan hates himself for doing this. He's so fragile it's stupid. His hands struggle to wipe away all the tears, sobbing quietly. He hides underneath the blanket. The last thing he needed was-
"Hey, are you okay?" -concern.
Minseok looks at him with wary eyes. Gently, he cups his cheeks in his palms. Luhan starts to sob even more. There's just a vast emptiness in his heart. He remembers the time when he used to lock himself up; restricted by invisible steel bars, hurt and definitely torn. He had no one besides Baekhyun. Now there's Minseok and he just doesn't want to feel alone anymore but he doesn't want to let Minseok in either.
"Tell me. Please. I don't want to do anything but take care of you." Minseok sighs into his hair, arms wrapped almost protectively around the chinese boy. They stay like that for a while, basking in each other's presence. Luhan starts to stir in his arms and Minseok lets him go. He didn't want Luhan to be uncomfortable or anything. Instead of leaving, Luhan nuzzles into his neck.
"His name was Sehun. He was my first everything. On the day you found me in the alley, I was crying because of him. He left me for a while then. About 5 months? But I couldn't let him go. The rain used to be our little thing. It all just reminded me of him and I feel so stupid for crying over him because he already has someone else and I-" Luhan never really continued after that because the tears just kept on falling. Minseok just holds him since he doesn't understand half of the things he says through muffled cries. But he is certain that he never wants Luhan to feel like this. Seeing Luhan so shattered and broken made him want to cry himself. It was painful to watch.Luhan snored lightly after a while and a curve formed on Minseok's lips. Poor boy. He must've been so tired. He switched off the television and pulled the blanket. The rain outside dwindled to a light pitter patter. They ended up falling asleep on the small couch, Luhan in Minseok's arms and the older boy went to sleep with a certain contentment in his heart.
--
It has been days since Luhan confided in Minseok about his bittersweet past with Sehun. Luhan wasn't sure whether it was the right thing to do but he feels so much better. It's like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, those steel bars, they were gone. His feelings for the cherubic boy are growing at hypersonic speed. He has been countlessly told off by Baekhyun about his goofy grin during dinner. Apparently he threatened to box the smile off Luhan's face because he was creeping him out. Luhan promptly stopped after that. After all, who wants to get punched by an experienced, well-trained and sassy Hapkido prodigy. Definitely not Luhan.
A knock on his bedroom door startles him and Luhan snaps out of his daze.
"Come in. The door's unlocked." He yells too lazy to even get out of his bed. He expects Baekhyun to come in with his mail or something like that but no. It was Sehun.
"Luhan I need your help. Please." He says with doleful eyes and a wracked voice. He eyes were red and puffy from crying and perhaps fatigue. Sehun started to cry. And Luhan doesn't really know what to do. So he hugs the boy. Hugging him felt wrong. It was a little familiar but it was mostly foreign. His touch. His breathing. His shampoo. Nothing was familiar anymore.
"So Chanyeol just left like that?" Luhan questions him after his explanation. Sehun sniffles and nods.
"He figured that since I didn't want to meet his parents... He thought that I didn't love him. He thought that I was treating our relationship lightly. How can he assume such things? Doesn't he know how much I love him this is so stupid." Sehun starts to sob lightly and Luhan pats his back.
"But why don't you want to meet his parents though? I would be really cross if you wouldn't want to meet my parents too. Well except that my parents didn't really approve of us didn't they? But that really isn't the point right now. Why don't you want to meet them?"
"Chanyeol's family has a good background. Everyone is highly educated. They'll surely disapprove of me. I have no future. Me and Chanyeol, we... we have no future together. I don't know why I keep trying." Sehun wipes his cheeks and Luhan nods, trying to get a grasp of the situation.
"You try because there's just a feeling, deep inside your heart, that tells you that there is a chance. That feeling tells you that it will work out. So, it will work out okay?" Luhan smiles, trying to comfort his ex-lover. He had to admit it was a little weird but he feels okay with it. Sehun smiles and mutters a soft thank you. They sit comfortably on Luhan's bed. Apparently, Baekhyun let Sehun in and quickly left to run some errands. Luhan decides to cook something for two and pops into the kitchen. He struggles to grab the ramen off the top shelf but he can't reach, as per normal. Well it wasn't his fault that he was really short or anything. He tiptoes and sighs in frustration when he still couldn't reach it. He mentally curses and tries to jump but suddenly there were hands on his waist, carrying him up. He flushes at the familiar touch but quickly grabs the ramen.
"Still can't reach the top shelf? What's new?" Sehun mutters into his ear and laughs. Well Luhan doesn't think it is funny at all. Especially when Sehun's grip on his waist stayed. He turned and was shocked. Sehun pressed his lips onto his and eventhough it was supposed to be familiar and normal, everything felt so wrong.
He hears the front door opening and a really startled "oh".
Luhan literally shoves Sehun off. His eyes doubled in size when he sees Minseok standing at the front door. He's struggling to say something, lips quivering almost conveying a message. Instead, he darts out of Luhan's sight. He slaps Sehun in the face, anger surging his veins.
"What the fuck was that for? We're not together anymore so those things aren't exactly normal you fucking shit." Luhan seethes, smoke pouring out of his ears. Sehun shrugs, adding on to Luhan's anger.
"Just checking. It seemed like a spur of the moment thing and I thought I still have feelings for you. Well... I sure have thought wrong. " Sehun mutters mindlessly. Luhan was close to stabbing him in the face and then hurling him into a river. But he doesn't really have time for that. Instead, Luhan gathers Sehun's belongings and throws him out of the house.
Sehun seems puzzled. Luhan purses his lips before telling Sehun to talk to Chanyeol again. The younger boy scratches his head. Still a little confused.
"Yah, just fuck off and solve your shit okay. Because I really have stuff to take care of." With that he slams the door on the younger.
--
He's not sure what to feel. Sad? Angry? Disappointed? Perhaps Jealous?
Minseok's sitting on his bed, jabbing his cigarette almost violently into the ashtray. That's the fifth stick in the past two hours. The familiar message tone rings again and this time Minseok decides to put it on silent.
"What can he possibly want now? To explain? Psh, there's nothing to explain anyway." He murmurs to himself, already lighting up his sixth stick.
--
It has been two weeks. Two sickly and horrible weeks. Luhan tried to contact Minseok, he even went to his workplace and his home but Minseok just didn't want to see him.
"This is so fucking unfair. I can't even explain myself." Luhan stabs the tomato on his plate and Baekhyun chides at him for playing with his food. Sehun came over around two days after the incident, thanking Luhan profusely for the advice and even bought chocolate to make up for kissing him that day. Luhan threatens to throw him into the river if something like that ever happens again but he forgave him. But it's not as if chocolate would suffice and bring Minseok back into his life. Luhan's afraid. He doesn't want to lose Minseok. The weirdest part of it all is that he isn't longing for Sehun anymore. He's better now. He doesn't even blame Sehun for fucking shit up with Minseok. He's unusually calm about it. To be honest, it bothers him a lot. His sudden yet drastic characteristic change.
His phone rings and he scrambles to answer it.
"M-minseok?" He holds his breath.
"Dude, what the hell? It's me. Sehun. Anyway do you want to go out or something? Chanyeol wants to meet you properly."
Luhan was crestfallen.
"Gee, um. No sorry. I have chores and stuff to do. Tell Chanyeol next time? I'm really sorry." He murmurs into the phone.
He hears Sehun sigh on the other side.
"It's alright. Hey, if you need someone to talk to. I'm here. We're friends now. Take care." and with that Sehun hung up, leaving Luhan in tears.
"I fucking need you Minseok..." he cries into his palms.
--
"Is this place any good though"
"Yah! Are you doubting my taste or something? Of course it is!"
"Tsk whatever just hurry up!"
The bickering couple went into the bar. Sehun slips a protective arm around Chanyeol's waist, as older women flocked around his dashing boyfriend. He frowns when Chanyeol greets one of them with a bow. She ruffles his hair and then proceeds to ruffle Sehun's but he quickly cowers behind his boyfriend. She murmurs something along the lines of "aish so unfriendly" and "a cold one". Sehun couldn't care less, fixing his boyfriend's hair. Chanyeol kisses his forehead affectionately and there were coos from the bunch of older women. Sehun giggles and drags him to the direction of the bar.
A handsome and tanned-skin boy stood there, wiping the marble countertop. A pretty smile graces his lips when Chanyeol greets him with a handshake. Sehun isn't sure what to do so he grins good-naturedly.
"Hey Jongin, get me the usual please and... a beer for you?" Chanyeol asks and Sehun nods. Jongin smiles and proceeds to prepare the drinks. They sit at the stools waiting for their drinks. Sehun lies his head on Chanyeol's and the older slips an arm around the boy.
"Yah... is anything bothering you?" He asks, stroking at the light pink locks of his boyfriend's hair.
Sehun shakes his head and avoid Chanyeol's gaze.
"Don't lie to me. What's wrong... Is it me? Did I do something?" Chanyeol grabs Sehun's face with both of his hands.
"It's Luhan... I feel really bad for fucking shit up that day. I'm really good for nothing right?"
Chanyeol shakes his head sternly, palms still framing Sehun's face.
"People fuck up on a daily basis. It's not entirely your fault okay? You can't keep beating yourself up like that."
Sehun merely nods and Chanyeol gives him a reassuring but brief peck on the lips.
--
"Hey, you know my best friend Chanyeol? He came with his boyfriend, do you want to meet them?" Jongin asks a very unoccupied Minseok who's lying on the couch of the staff lounge. He stands up slowly following Jongin back to the bar. He sees a familiar boy there and it makes him rage. It's the boy he saw Luhan with. And the worse part is that he's kissing another man.
Screw all sense, he thinks as he marches up to the couple at the bar.
"Yah! What do you think you're doing? He fucking loves you and cares for you and you're out with another man? You worthless cunt!" Minseok sees red and lunges for Sehun's throat. Jongin steps in to pull him away but he fails and was pushed aside rather roughly.
"Excuse me. I think you've got the wrong guy." Chanyeol strained, heavily incensed by the false accusation made by some random stranger.
Sehun struggles in Minseok's grasp, emitting a few grunts and whines from being manhandled so roughly.
"Wait! I can explain!" His words turned into cries of agony when Minseok lunged a well-aimed punch into his stomach.
Chanyeol was furious, a prominent vein protruded at his neck. He shoves the petite boy who was maltreating his boyfriend. Minseok falls, head hitting the countertop with a hollow thud. He passed out.
--
Minseok wakes up to a dull pain at the back of his head. He realizes he's in the staff lounge. Curious eyes look over him and he instantly sits up. It's that boy. Behind him another man, the one that pushed him, glowered at him.
"You..." he start, an accusing finger pointing towards the boy seated next to him.
"Yes me." The boy meets his gaze.
"Why are you cheating on Luhan?"
"I'm Luhan's ex. I am not cheating on him. Yes, you walked in on us kissing but it was a mistake. I was just kissing him to test whether I still have feelings for him. Turns out no... So next time before you lunge for someone's throat, please make sure you get the facts right."
A tinge of pink crept on Minseok's cheeks. He nods subtly and murmured a quick apology to both of them.
Oh god. The things he gets involved in because of Luhan. He's losing himself. The words "cool, calm and collected" are no longer fit to describe him. He sighs, rubbing his temples.
The couple leave eventually, leaving him alone in the staff lounge to collect his thoughts. Jongin walks in with a smug look on his face.
"Rough fall just now, big guy." He settles a cup of water on the table. Minseok playfully punches his arm.
"Shut up Jongin. I've fucked up. I don't think I can get him back. God, i'm so stupid." He mumbles into his palms.
Jongin harrumphs before loosening his tie.
"Fucking shit up, it's a normal thing. We do that all the time. But it's your decision to salvage what you've crushed or to simply move on without it." With a friendly pat on Minseok's back, he turns and leaves the room.
Minseok is waist deep in thought. Is Luhan worth rescuing?
--
Luhan's awakened by the shrill ringing of his phone. He rubs his eyes sleepily before stumbling into the dark living room for his phone. The default ringtone starts to annoy him but then he manages to find his phone (not before banging his pinky toe on the coffee table). He looks at the caller i.d and instantly answers the call. He inhales a shaky breath.
"H-hello..."
"I'm at a payphone. Trying to call home." a voice sings on the other end, the english lyrics laced with korean accent.
"Wh-" Luhan tries but gets interrupted again.
"All of my change I spent on you."
"Are you drunk or someth-" he asks.
"Where have the times gone? Baby it's so wrong. Where are the plans we've made for two?" Luhan gives up, face-palming himself.
"If happy ever after did exist, I would still be holding you like this." The voice continues. Luhan has to admit, the boy sure can sing. A knock on the door has his heart racing. He slowly gets up to open it.
Minseok stood there.
"And all these fairytales are full of shit." He sings into the phone he's holding in his left hand.
"One more fucking love song and I'll be sick." He sighs the last line, eyes looking directly into Luhan's. With that the phone call ends. Luhan folds his arms.
"What's going on Minseok?" Luhan asks, voice a little hoarse.
MInseok shakes his head and looks at his shoes.
"I'm sorry." he mutters, moving a step closer to face Luhan. Gently, he cups his face in his palms. He could visibly see his eyebags from lack of sleep and maybe crying. His lips were quivering as though he was about to break down anytime soon.
Luhan wants to go back inside and close the door on the little fucker that caused him much pain and suffering for the past two weeks. He wants to punch him in the face maybe forcefully rip his arm off, but then Luhan realizes something. He wants to demolish Minseok as much as he wants to love him. He wants to make him cry but then he also wants to wipe his tears for him. Luhan is fucking confused.
The distance between the two boys closed. Minseok places a soft kiss onto Luhan's lips experimentally. The chinese male does absolutely nothing but he didn't push him away either. Minseok pulls back to admire Luhan's visage. Eyes closed. Lips moist. Eyebrows still furrowed in thought. His soft breathing. Minseok loved every single thing about him.
"Luhan, I-" Minseok wants to say something but Luhan's tugging at his collar lapels.
"Just shut up and kiss me." Now that's something Minseok can do.
After the longest lip lock ever, Luhan pulls back and rests his forehead on Minseok's.
"I love you." He whispers.
"I love you. I love you. I love you." Luhan hugs him tightly, it hurts.