Day Of Love
I was so happy when I got home and saw a bunch of flowers in my room. It instantly made me feel better and made my room smell a little bit nicer. I love my mom. I'm not sure how she even found a place in Bangkok to deliver them, that's how awesome my mother is.
Before I got them I had been a little moody about the holiday. People here were going out and having fun and everyone back home was sharing so many nice stories about days out with their boy/girl friends (whichever), while I'm here tending to a nasty wound by myself. I did have a chance to go out later in the day with some of my new friends to see a movie at Siam Paragon (the big expensive mall). We saw "The Reader" which was... intense...
The last few days I've been thinking a lot. I'm not sure how willing I am to leave in May... seems way too soon.
I know it might seem melodramatic, but I feel like I'm nearing a very big crossroads in my life.
While I'm in Thailand, I feel safe. The only decisions I really have to make here are between which beach to go to and how best to save money while there (share a room for two with 10 people? Great idea!) But when I get home I know things will be different. There's a lot about myself that I've faced since coming here. Things about my personality I do and don't like and things about the world that will change the way I see things forever.
My options are not as limitless as I once thought they were but at the same time, perhaps there are things I've been too scared to try. Sometimes we stick with things that are not good for us, not fulfilling, because we think we can't do better. Do I have the courage to try to change? I think I've been too scared to let go of somethings because I worry that I wont have any other options left. Do I have the guts to let go of the mediocre to go on a possibly long and fruitless search for the amazing? I don't know yet... I'm still not convinced that I deserve it... guess time will tell.
Later all.
Love, Coley
Before I got them I had been a little moody about the holiday. People here were going out and having fun and everyone back home was sharing so many nice stories about days out with their boy/girl friends (whichever), while I'm here tending to a nasty wound by myself. I did have a chance to go out later in the day with some of my new friends to see a movie at Siam Paragon (the big expensive mall). We saw "The Reader" which was... intense...
The last few days I've been thinking a lot. I'm not sure how willing I am to leave in May... seems way too soon.
I know it might seem melodramatic, but I feel like I'm nearing a very big crossroads in my life.
While I'm in Thailand, I feel safe. The only decisions I really have to make here are between which beach to go to and how best to save money while there (share a room for two with 10 people? Great idea!) But when I get home I know things will be different. There's a lot about myself that I've faced since coming here. Things about my personality I do and don't like and things about the world that will change the way I see things forever.
My options are not as limitless as I once thought they were but at the same time, perhaps there are things I've been too scared to try. Sometimes we stick with things that are not good for us, not fulfilling, because we think we can't do better. Do I have the courage to try to change? I think I've been too scared to let go of somethings because I worry that I wont have any other options left. Do I have the guts to let go of the mediocre to go on a possibly long and fruitless search for the amazing? I don't know yet... I'm still not convinced that I deserve it... guess time will tell.
Later all.
Love, Coley