Fix You (Part 2/2)

[daeseol]

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They never speak. Sehun just silently drives while Jongin stares blankly through the tinted windows. It starts to rain. Jongin snorts. Not the right time for such weather, he thinks. Totally not helpful.

Sehun turns a corner at the end of the highway and they eventually reach his condominium, steering the car as they park in front of the entrance. Jongin sees Luhan coming out of the lobby and running towards them, holding an open umbrella on one hand and an extra on the other. He greets Jongin a good evening with his usual soft smile, lips pressed together, before handing him the extra. He then rushes to Sehun so he can hold an umbrella over him.

When Luhan leans forward and kisses Sehun on the lips, Jongin clears his throat (although he admits he can’t stop himself from giddily laughing at them). “Kissing in the rain,” he says jokingly as they walk inside the building. Luhan’s cheeks turn red and Sehun laughs. “Shut up.”

The unit is not bad, wide enough for two people living in together. It’s newly refurbished, Luhan notes, when Jongin’s nose scrunches at the tiny smell of paint still lingering inside.

“You got yourself a nice flat,” Jongin comments, plopping himself comfortable on the sofa as he roams his eyes around the living area. Luhan politely excuses himself, dashing to the kitchen so he can prepare tea for the three of them.

“Luhan chose it, actually,” Sehun says proudly. He removes his coat and hangs it on the backrest of his seat before sitting on it.

“Sorry about that one. Suho, I mean,” Jongin says, a tightening sensation filling his chest. He makes a loud groan suddenly, placing both hands on his eyes before throwing his head back. “I don’t understand, Sehun. I don’t really understand.”

Sehun who is slightly shocked at Jongin’s outburst, smiles, reaching for Jongin’s thighs and tapping it gently. “You like Suho-hyung, don’t you?”

The question freezes Jongin, clenched hands still on his eyes, his lips slightly parted as he breathes through it. He’s never admitted it yet… or maybe he will now. He pulls his hands off his face and sits properly, looking at Sehun with mixed amusement, fear, and gratitude.

“How did you know?”

“Oh so you do like him.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You’re obvious.”

“Shut up.”

“Admit it.”

“No.”

“You’re jealous of Kyungsoo-ssi,” Sehun says straightforwardly that Jongin ends up with his mouth open, all set for retaliation only to remain silent, no words coming out of it. Sehun smirks. “Don’t be dumb. The way you almost bare your canines when Kyungsoo-ssi clings to Suho-hyung-and oh, don’t deny. I saw you doing it.”

Jongin remains silent. “I don’t know, Sehun. It just… I feel betrayed?”

“By Suho-hyung?”

Jongin nods. “I used to know everything about him. He’d tell me if he likes this, he hates that, he wants this, he needs that. Just, recently, everything’s just so blurry between us. I really don’t know.”

Luhan arrives seconds later carrying glasses of hot tea, carefully placing them on the center table. They all take the glasses, a moment of silence as they sip on their tea. “This is good,” Jongin tells Luhan, the latter smiling back in lieu of a thank you.

“Suho actually kissed me last night,” Jongin says too out of the blue that Sehun ends up choking on his tea, spilling a few on his lap and screaming at the hot water on his pants. Luhan panics (he mumbles something in Chinese which Kai really doesn't understand), grabbing the glass from Sehun’s hand and placing it back on the table. He then runs to the washroom to grab a towel and wipes the tea on Sehun’s mouth, arms, and lap.

“S-sorry!” Jongin exclaims. “Did I surprise you?”

“You did! Fuck you,” Sehun chokes out, still coughing although not as wildly as earlier. “He did what? Kiss you? When? Where? Why?”

Jongin then starts narrating his night out with Junmyeon which ended up with a short make-out session in a washroom. The shock on Sehun’s face (and Luhan’s, too) amuses Jongin so much that he stops in between parts with “Why are you like that?” and “Close your mouth you’re drooling!” or “Don’t act like you guys haven’t done it yet!”

“That’s… angsty,” Luhan comments as soon as Jongin ends with his narration. Sehun nods his head in agreement. Jongin blinks. “So do you understand my pain now?”

“That’s quite hot, though. What if they ended up having sex there?” Sehun asks Luhan, wiggling his brows and Luhan blushes, slapping him on the arm thrice before mumbling a “You’re kinky,” at him.

“That is not the point!” Jongin exclaims, carding his fingers on his own hair and pulling them in frustration. He then slowly emphasizes his point that people tend to be more honest when drunk; because of it, he assumed Junmyeon probably liked him, too. But then Kyungsoo happened and Jongin is now basically a ball of confusion. He scratches his head a little more before dropping his hands to his side.

Luhan blinks at him, folding the now damp towel he used to wipe on Sehun's face and pants. "Maybe you can talk to him?"

"About what?" Jongin asks.

"I don't know. Maybe about... this?" Sehun follows up. "I bet Suho-hyung doesn't want to end connections with you. You're the closest to him in the company. Best asset, on top of that. If you guys drift apart, it shall be a big loss, I suppose."

Jongin shakes his head. "No. No no no. He's dating Kyungsoo so why would I-" The clench of his heart tightens.

Sehun cuts off. "They aren't dating, though. They said."

"And I'd fall for that?"

"What if they're just friends-the other kind of friends though, you know, with benefits?"

Jongin's eyes widen and he’s so close to cringing because no he’s not imagining Junmyeon rutting with Kyungsoo on a wall or bed or-no he should stop; the images don’t even help.

“Then that means no commitment. What if he’d give you a chance?” Sehun continues, looking at Luhan who nods at him in approval.

“Stop with the false hopes please,” Jongin says in a pleading tone.

Sehun shrugs while Luhan laughs. “You guys still need to talk, though,” Sehun says. “Apologize at least, if you can’t confess.”

Jongin nods. He’ll apologize, yes definitely. But the idea of confession scares him. But, again, that would mean one issue closed. He still has to contemplate about it thoroughly and probably think of options on how to deal with the possible scenarios, that is if he ends up telling Junmyeon how he really feels. He’s kind of pessimistic so he thinks of rejection at first. He ends up crying in bed.

Although dead tired, Jongin’s body clock wakes him up at five in the morning. He needs a couple more of minutes of sleep, or maybe hours so he can pretend he still is a long time away from talking to Junmyeon; however his nose gets filled with the smell of fried rice, hotdogs, and eggs. He rolls around, pulling the blankets over his head to block the scent but it seeps through the cloth, eventually sending a loud, ugly rumble in his stomach followed by a funny ache. He grumbles in half-displeasure.

Sehun knocks on the guest room’s door (which is Jongin’s for the mean time). “Are you up? Breakfast’s ready.”

He almost nods when Sehun suddenly says “Don’t nod, if you’re nodding, because obviously I can’t see it,” so he stops halfway and yells a raspy “Yes!” back. He pushes himself off the bed and drags to open the door.

“Did you cry?”

Jongin’s senses suddenly wake up and he fervently shakes his head.

“You did.”

“No.”

“Your eyes are red.”

“Dust. And I drink blood.”

Sehun, knowing Jongin will never give up throwing back excuses which won’t make sense, raises his hand and smirks. “Fine. Fine. Let’s eat,” he says.

“Why do you guys wake up so early?” Jongin asks, although it sounds more of like a whine than a real question, as he continues to drag himself this time towards the dining area. He lazily pulls a chair and plops on it only to moan in slight pain because the chair isn’t cushioned.

“So what’s your plan? You’re gonna meet Junmyeon today. I saw your sched,” Sehun says. Luhan eyes him while he puts fried rice on Sehun’s plate, raising a brow and gently pinching him on the side. “Too early!” he mutters.

Jongin laughs and shakes his head. “It’s okay, Luhan. And uh, I still don’t know. Maybe apologize.”

“So not gonna explain?” Sehun follows up, taking three hotdogs, placing the two on his plate while he starts to munch the other.

“I still have to come up with that. Maybe in the shower,” Jongin answers, reaching for the bowl of rice Luhan hands him.

“Don’t drown yourself in the tub, though,” Luhan jokes.

Right after breakfast, Jongin showers (“Think but don’t slip! The tub’s a bit slippery. We did stuff there,” Sehun kids before Jongin enters the bathroom and the latter almost pukes his breakfast out). That means he should start practicing lines for his apology and the explanation that should come after it. A part of him thinks (almost trying to convince actually) that this shouldn’t be really a big deal. If he were to see it from a third person who hardly knows them, the tension would definitely mean nothing. Or… maybe he’s wrong. Because Sehun notices. And that means he’s obvious. And Junmyeon may be dense but he isn’t dumb enough to not realize it. But then what if he is unimaginably dense like that? Jongin’s head hurts and the more he tries to come up with something to say, he just ends up with sets of jumbled words and incoherent phrases that apparently do not make sense. He gives up and prays to God he’ll give him a bit of wisdom and peace of mind once he’s in front of Junmyeon.

Another round of violent churns in his stomach takes place. He runs to the toilet.

“Not gonna ask what you plan to say just because Luhan tells me I’m invading your privacy and thoughts,” Sehun says the moment he comes out of his room dressed in simple sweater and black jeans. Jongin laughs because, truth be told, he doesn’t really mind Sehun asking although he appreciates Luhan’s efforts to keep his privacy. He’s never appreciated this couple as much as he does now.

“It’s okay. Thanks,” Jongin says, smiling. “I can manage from here now,” he continues. There is a tinge of worry on both Sehun and Luhan’s faces. Jongin grins wider, and nods. “Don’t worry I’ll be fine. It’s a petty thing!”

Sehun laughs. “Just concerned.”

Jongin taps Sehun’s shoulder gently. “I thought you were kidding but you missed a tile and I didn’t clean it. Not gonna ask who owns that.”

Sehun turns red and looks at Luhan with alarmed eyes, the latter has his hand over his mouth, cheeks redder than Sehun. Jongin runs away laughing.

He manages to hail a cab at a little past six in the morning and he arrives at work in five minutes. Should this be last week, he’d definitely thank the driver a thousand times but today is a different day so he mentally curses why rush hour starts at seven. He looks at his wristwatch and tells himself to step in the office in thirty minutes although unsuccessfully when he does it in ten minutes. He facepalms.

His hands are becoming sweaty and he’s nervous. He contemplates on waiting outside but he remembers the heater is turned on an hour earlier so he decides to enter. He sits on the sofa at the reception area first, a little afraid to step in further for some reason he really can’t understand. But soon he finds himself exploring the empty stations, roaming around slowly as if searching but for nothing in particular. He never stops; walking soothes him somehow.

He jerks when there is a loud bang inside Junmyeon’s office, prompting to look at the same direction. He raises his brows. Is Suho here?

He briskly walks toward the office and when he stops right there, he can feel again this weird sensation, like he’s cold, a little trembling, a small ball of stress rolling all over his body. He tries to ignore it as he reaches for the doorknob, wrapping his fingers around it. They feel a lot colder than it should be (that or it’s his sweaty palms). When he turns it and peeks inside, he regrets not cleaning that jizz stain on the floor tiles of Sehun’s washroom which could have spared him from this: Junmyeon pressed up against Kyungsoo against the wall, their mouths on each other’s, both their jeans open and Junmyeon’s hand down Kyungsoo’s boxers. Neither of the two notices the ajar door nor Jongin. Taking it as the best opportunity to salvage himself, his eyes and probably his heart, he ducks away out of their possible sight, pulling back the door to a silent shut before leaning on the wall next to it. The clench of his chest is too tight and painful he literally gulps for air to breathe.

Good morning, Kai, he greets himself. The main entrance opens and Baekhyun appears, squeaking in surprise when he sees Jongin, his back against the wall next to Junmyeon’s door, who immediately looks at him, eyes still wide clearly showing disbelief.

“You are so early!” Baekhyun says, staring at Jongin with an amused face. “Did you see a ghost or something?” he laughs.

“Kyungsoo’s here,” Jongin tells. Baekhyun’s shock grows five times fold. He slowly puts his bag on his table but keeps his eyes locked at Jongin.

“He’s here?”

Jongin tilts his head. “You know him?”

For a split second, Baekhyun’s face shifts from shock to a tinge of panic. “Y-yes,” he answers honestly although mumbling. “W-what about him being here, though?”

“Snoggling with some touching. Suho and him,” Jongin says in an obviously disgusted tone. He sees Baekhyun’s mouth turn to a silent “Oh” before peeling his gaze off Jongin.

“You know something” Jongin follows up, the words grating in between teeth. Baekhyun flinches slightly when he notices how Jongin’s words slowly become mad.

“Why do I not know about this?” Jongin asks. There is a sudden rise in his tone; his head is too fuzzy and his insides are abnormally furious as how his emotions are that he forgets he is just separated from Junmyeon and Kyungsoo by a wooden door. The knob turns quickly and the door flings open to reveal Junmyeon, hair untidy, lips red and swollen, the first buttons of his polo popped open. Kyungsoo appears, as messy as Junmyeon is, with his pants still unbuttoned, loose unbuckled belt hanging on one side of his waist.

They probably do not expect to see Jongin with the way their faces switch from annoyance to shock. Junmyeon steps back, a hand quickly finding his exposed chest, clutching the open polo shut. Kyungsoo on the other hand gasps, eyes growing wider, holding Junmyeon’s arm tightly before shyly ducking behind him.

“K-Kai,” Junmyeon mutters, alarm noticeable in the way his voice trembles. He looks at Jongin then to Baekhyun, who shakes his head, and then back to Jongin. “Y-you didn’t say you’re gonna be early,” he continues, nervously checking on his wristwatch, clearing his throat right after. “An...hour early for our, uh, meeting.”

Jongin’s head is totally zeroed. His thoughts are suspended, stupefied. His chest is heavy, lungs constricted, vision slowly becoming blurry. When he looks at Kyungsoo, the other flinches as if afraid. He doesn’t understand why.

Junmyeon keeps on talking but the words hardly register to Jongin.

“I saw,” is all Jongin manages to say, prompting Junmyeon to stop talkiing. His eyes sting; its sides heavy. His lips are shaking. He looks at them one by one until his sight lands on Junmyeon with whom he locks a heavy gaze. He bites on his lips too hard he starts to taste blood in his mouth.

“I… didn’t mean it. I saw you two and…” Jongin trails off, still at loss for words. “I am sorry about yesterday by the way,” he mumbles, almost too weak to be heard. When no one speaks, he then turns around, slowly and hesitantly.

“Where are you going?” Junmyeon asks.

Jongin pretends he doesn’t hear that. The steps seem heavy but he never stops, dragging his feet until he reaches the door. He doesn’t need Junmyeon to know. Junmyeon doesn’t need to know. He himself don’t even know where he’s going.

Jongin hardly remembers when he started calling people but his ear is stinging and that means he has his phone pressed on it for quite a long time already. He looks around him, still ignoring the voice from the other line. He’s in a park; how he reached it he has no idea. The swing sways at the sweep of cold autumn breeze, its noisy rusty hinges the only sound breaking through the empty open. He holds onto the chains before sitting on one of them, pressing his feet gently on the soil and then lifting it up so he swings. The cold morning air is sharp against his eyes, burning against his skin. He closes his eyes, then he laughs. This is drama. He deserves an award, really.

“The fuck Kim Jongin if you don’t answer I’ll call the police and declare you kidnapped!”

Jongin drops his feet to the ground when Sehun’s screaming voice rings in his ear. The swing stops. “Hey.”

“Oh sweet Jesus you finally answered,” Sehun says, sighing in relief. “What’s wrong?”

Jongin inhales, hissing and tearing up when the too cold air fills his sinus, brain-freezing himself unintentionally. “God I’m so dumb. I’m going back.”

“Wait. Meeting’s over? It’s barely eight man and Suho-”

“I’m going back now.”

Sehun pauses. “Oh. Okay. We’re just here.”

“Thanks,” Jongin smiles faintly. Sehun thinks he hears a sniff from the other line. He doesn’t ask.

The doorbell rings. Sehun runs to open it and Luhan follows suit, peeking over Sehun’s shoulder when the door flings.

“Hi, sorry for bothering you two again,” Jongin greets them gleefully and Sehun blinks.

“W-we’re not doing anything in particular,” Sehun answers promptly although still unsure of how the words should sound like. Luhan mumbles an “I swear, believe us” before pulling Sehun to the side, giving way for Jongin to enter. Jongin laughs, giving them malicious looks as if doubting their answers, and he shrugs, mumbling a “Fine.” as he passes by the two. Sehun and Luhan exchange confused looks before following the other inside.

Jongin plops himself again on the wider sofa, throwing his hands in the air, then groans while stretching his limbs, eyes closed, head thrown on top of the backrest. “This is so nice. I can rest again,” he says excitedly. Then he falls silent. His tensed straightened leg muscles eventually relax, slowly pulling and flexing them back. His hands fall, palms covering his whole face.

“K-Kai,” Sehun mutters, sitting on one side of the sofa although not too close. He keeps a distance.

Jongin hears, nodding to acknowledge Sehun. Then he sniffs, his shoulder shaking. He makes sharp intakes of air and his chest rises. “Why am I…” Jongin chokes, hands still covering his face that his words sound surrounded and stifled. He pauses, breathing through his mouth, and chokes another sob. “Suho-hyung…” he trails off.

“J-Jongin,” Sehun whispers as he scoots to his friend closer. He takes Jongin’s wrist and tries to take it off his face. Jongin shakes his head. Sehun attempts once more but the other insists. “Jongin, it’s me. It’s not like I haven’t seen you cry once,” Sehun says calmly, soothing his fingers over Jongin’s hands; he smiles when they relax. When he tries it one last time, Jongin finally lets them off, Sehun’s hands gently yet tightly holding them.

“It’s okay,” he whispers again and Jongin eventually raises his head, eyes swollen, face wet with tears. He’s biting hard on his lips and they’re turning red. Sehun has to place a thumb under it, slowly pulling the skin down so the lower lip pops out of the pressing teeth, saving it from bleeding. He places one hand on Jongin’s nape and pulls him toward his chest. “You’re Jongin this time. You’re not Kai.”

Sehun taps him gently on the back of the head. Jongin’s heart finally shatters.

It’s a fact that Junmyeon has become a lot busier than the usual. They never go out as much as they used to, like when they first met, when it was just him the model and Suho the manager. But as he thinks more of it, he realizes there isn't really missing big and significant between them. They may be missing bits of pieces about each other which may be a big deal for one, may not be for the other. But in general, they aren't drifting apart as much as how Jongin seriously thinks they are. It’s just that Jongin realizes it late. He is in love, not with Suho, but with Junmyeon.

He wishes he is more to Junmyeon, which he hardly sees happening or at least the pessimist in him. Nights happen that he prays he’s not just a model to the other. Not just a tool for money, not for career. He wants to be Jongin to Junmyeon, not just Kai. Because for Jongin, Junmyeon isn't just Suho. He is more than Suho, more than the manager of his schedule, more than the boss of the office, more than the president of the company. And the more he thinks about this, the more it sinks in, the more it hurts. Because the gap between what Junmyeon looks at him and the way he looks at Junmyeon has become huge. He wants Junmyeon to fill it. He wants Junmyeon to reach for him, extend his arm, touch his face, his chest, his heart. He wants Junmyeon to make "Jongin", to complete him, as much as how Suho completes Kai.

It’s not his fault, he thinks. Or believes. It’s not part of the plan.

With the way Jongin sees it, what he prays for shall never come true. He should have expected the unexpected.

Falling in love has never been part of the plan.

"Please call him," Junmyeon orders early Wednesday morning, eyes locked on his own phone. He makes sure he's said it in his most imperative way.

"I just did ten seconds ago, sir," Baekhyun tells him, slightly annoyed. He has called him five times already and at the fourth, the line is no longer reachable. "I think he turned his phone off."

Junmyeon hisses, groaning desperately, grinding his teeth in growing fury. "The fuck is he doing?" He asks, muttering raspy words as he slams the audition papers on his desk. "Call Sehun," he quickly says. Baekhyun sighs but does it anyway, quickly dialing Sehun's phone who picks it up in seconds.

"Sehunah, is Kai there?" Baekhyun asks the moment the ringing stops.

“Remind him of the audition dates!” Junmyeon yells, prompting Baekhyun to cover the mouthpiece with his hand.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Sehun asks.

“Don’t ask me what’s wrong. You know what’s wrong. Jongin hasn’t showed up for three days and boss is worried,” Baekhyun almost whispers, his hand curled around the end of his phone. “Now tell me, is Kai there?”

Sehun gasps a little and then hesitates to answer. Baekhyun notices. “No, Junmyeon isn’t going there. I promise,” he says reassuringly. “We just want to know. He’s not answering his phone. He’s not in his apartment. Well, yeah. I’m getting worried, too, just so you know,” he continues, voice anxiously dropping to a low whisper.

“Yes. He’s here,” Sehun answers. Baekhyun sighs in relief because he gets good news for Junmyeon. The model’s never appeared again, prompting them to cancel smaller appointments which thankfully aren’t really giving them a huge financial backlog (Junmyeon stresses).

The lines on Junmyeon’s forehead increase at the turn of the day. He rarely eats, a lost appetite becoming the new normal for him. He gets annoyed and bothered by the slightest things, too (like when Junmyeon ordered changing the curtains three times one Wednesday only for Baekhyun to find out he unknowingly chose Jongin’s favorite colors). He may not be a likeable boss but Baekhyun can’t stop worrying. He isn’t really dumb enough to not realize how emotions play a big part in this stress buildup (which somehow affects the whole operation of the company). If he could just print “Professionalism has no room for love drama” on a whole manila paper sheet and slam it on Junmyeon’s table, he would have done it. But then, as much as Junmyeon can be an asshole to him, Baekhyun is nice and he tries to understand everything, weighing things, looking at both sides fairly (although he rarely gets the whole stories complete), drowning himself in a pool of patience.

Baekhyun looks over his shoulder, peeking at Junmyeon who seems to still busying himself with paperworks. “Is it okay if I go there?”

“Not sure. I’m really sorry,” Sehun answers after five seconds of silence. Baekhyun understands though, nodding. “Uh, can we meet instead? I have to give you something,” he asks. There is a tinge of hesitation, Baekhyun knows which is a bit disappointing, when he only hears Sehun’s breathing.

“Sure. When though?” Sehun finally speaks. Baekhyun smiles in relief. “Later, six? Coffee shop, Seventh Street. It’ll be fast. Kai doesn’t need to know.”

“No. It’s okay,” Sehun says promptly. “See you then.”

“Thanks. See you.”

When Jongin hears three consecutive knocks on the door, he whispers “Open” although a his brain tells him it’s basically pointless especially when he has his face buried on a pillow with a blanket over his whole body. He groans because he doesn’t want to get off the bed.

“Bro, still up?” Sehun asks, knocking once more on the door. “I’m gonna enter okay?” he furthers when he realizes it isn’t locked. He sees Jongin curled to a fetal position facing the wall, covering his whole body with a blanket.

“Boy you need to get a life,” Sehun chuckles, tapping the side of the bed before comfortably sitting on it. “I got you something.”

Jongin’s shoulders make a slight jerk but he decides in split second not to turn around because he’s basically too lazy to move. “Mmm,” he grumbles.

“I met Baekhyun earlier,” Sehun says and he can feel Jongin stiffen. The latter slowly pulls the blanket off his face and turns to look at Sehun, curious. “He said you need to attend the auditions on Friday.”

“Not gonna,” Jongin says firmly, quickly, although he makes a mental count of the days. It’s Wednesday today, three days more before the auditions. “And if that’s Suho re-”

“Nope,” Sehun cuts off. “No. Well, of course Suho-hyung wants you to attend but technically it’s Baekhyun who begged.”

Jongin is silent, pushing himself up. He sees a box on Sehun’s lap, a neat yet fancy ribbon knot around it. Jongin gives it a curious glance before looking back at Sehun. “What is that?” he finally asks.

“Thought you wouldn’t ask,” Sehun chuckles. He carefully lifts the cover to show a cotton sweater in alternating imperial blue and dirty white horizontal stripes with ribbed crew neckline and cuffs. He curls his hands on the shoulder part and pulls it, gently stretching it to reveal the whole thing. Jongin slowly reaches for it, fingers rubbing the hem. He likes it, the cotton. There’s nothing really special about the style but he can’t stop himself slowly liking it mainly because he has things for blue, white, crewnecks, and stripes. Although it’s simple and common (Sehun nods in agreement when Jongin comments it aloud), he still finds it pretty, not really bad.

“Suho-hyung wants you to wear it. For the auditions,” Sehun says. It isn’t in his intentions to surprise Jongin but the latter releases his hold on the sweater and it drops on his lap.

“What? This thing?” Jongin asks, his voice rising significantly in tone and volume. He points at the sweater with an obviously irked face as if totally disgusted. He shakes his head. “Sehun, it’s an audition. I wouldn’t go there in stupid sweaters!”

“So you’re going?” Sehun asks, a little delighted and hoping. Jongin’s parted lips are frozen and he doesn’t speak. “Well, it’s just an audition,” Sehun continues. “I don’t think the designer would judge your clothes. You’re gonna use his clothes if you make it anyway, not yours.”

“Then why would he want me to wear,” Jongin looks at the sweater again. “This?”

Sehun shrugs. “Baekhyun-hyung just handed it to me. Didn’t pose any other question.”

“Smart.”

“I know. Thanks.”

There is an awkward silence as Jongin continuously stares at the sweater on his lap. Sehun watches him. “I just told you what Baekhyun-hyung told me. I’m not forcing you, just so you know,” Sehun eventually speaks, tapping Jongin’s shoulder, squeezing it gently afterwards. “If you don’t feel like seeing him yet, I guess it’s okay. Luhan will make pancakes and maple syrups for you until you feel better,” he kids.

Jongin chuckles before looking at him, smiling faintly as if in lieu of a thank you, but he doesn’t say anything.

Junmyeon comes at the office unusually early that Baekhyun always yelps in surprise, almost falling off his seat when Junmyeon suddenly opens the door and appears right before the assistant.

“Are you the new Kai or what? You guys are always scaring the shit out of me!” Baekhyun complains, a clenched fist on his chest, sighing heavily with eyes closed.

Junmyeon chuckles. “He hasn’t showed up yet, has he?” he asks, suddenly looking at the calendar. His heart drops whenever he sees the red circle ink around Friday. It’s already Thursday. He hasn’t seen Jongin for almost a week. The audition is tomorrow and if Jongin still doesn’t show up then this is going to be Junmyeon’s greatest disappointment for the year at least.

To be honest, Junmyeon truly doesn’t understand why Jongin acts this way. He thinks he’s at fault, when he and Kyungsoo got caught with their hands under each others pants. Although it doesn’t make sense, he thinks. The heavy push on his chest when he thinks he is to blame for this is horrible but whenever he rationalizes, he realizes it doesn’t make sense. He has not anything wrong. This fear then transforms to annoyance, the amount of schedule cancelled for the past week could have added a couple of more zeroes to their bank account.

For the first time, he doesn’t understand Jongin.

Baekhyun knocks on the door and slowly pushes it. “Sir?”

Junmyeon looks at him and nods, gesturing that it’s fine to get inside. Baekhyun does promptly, gently closing the door. “Do you want something to dri-”

“Did Kai call you yet?”

Junmyeon cuts him off, looking at Baekhyun worriedly. Baekhyun notices and it may not show but he is totally surprised at how Junmyeon looks so disappointed, troubled, and stressed emotions mixed in his eyes.

“I met with Sehun last night. Gave him the box for Kai,” Baekhyun answers.

“Thanks,” Junmyeon mumbles and he eventually falls silent. Baekhyun fidgets, unsure if it’s the right time to ask if his boss wants a cup of coffee when he thinks a tea would probably help him calm down.

“Uh, about Kai, sir,” Baekhyun begins, his words slightly shaking. Junmyeon looks at him quickly at the mention of Kai. “I… You are not giving up on him, are you?”

Baekhyun then feels a chill down his spine when Junmyeon’s initially wide eyes narrows. “I mean…” he trails off.

“Of course I won’t. Why would I?” Junmyeon answers calmly, to Baekhyun’s surprise.

“That’s good to hear,” Baekhyun says. “He’s sad, I think.”

Junmyeon nods as if in agreement. “I think so, too,” he says before heaving a sigh, leaning to the backrest of his chair, arms crossed on his chest. “I don’t understand him, though.”

“Maybe you will soon. He needs help, maybe your help, I don’t know,” Baekhyun says, smiling faintly at Junmyeon. The latter looks at him, confused, lips parted as if about to say something but closes it eventually, nodding to himself. “Do you want a cup of tea? I think you had enough of caffeine in your system,” Baekhyun continues.

“Yeah. I guess it’s numbing some of my senses. Thanks,” Junmyeon kids, chuckling to himself almost silently. “Peppermint, please.”

Baekhyun nods. Maybe, your heart, too, he thinks. He never says it aloud.

Baekhyun comes running to Junmyeon’s office fifteen minutes before five, a wide relieved smile etched on his tensed face, his right hand tightly holding his phone, rushing to the table before shoving the screen to Junmyeon’s face. “He’s going tomorrow!” he exclaims excitedly.

Junmyeon’s glare on the phone eases, brows relaxing and lips slowly peeling to a smile. “Great,” he mutters. Baekhyun thinks Junmyeon feels more than great.

It’s quarter before nine and at the lobby of the studio, Junmyeon fidgets, fumbling with his phone. For five seconds he sits on the sofa then he stands up, walks down the aisle back and forth before sitting back. He dials Jongin’s number, hoping the “The subscriber cannot be reached” will end and that he’ll pick the line up.

The door opens and the sound of chimes startles Junmyeon. He looks at him and he sees Kyungsoo, shaking the wet umbrella before putting it on the racks.

“Hey,” Junmyeon greets, raising a hand. Kyungsoo looks at him with his perennially wide eyes. Junmyeon giggles, still finding his half-spacy half-mortified face still adorable. Kyungsoo smiles fondly, walking towards Junmyeon and leaning to place a kiss on his cheeks. Junmyeon freezes.

“How are you?” Kyungsoo asks before looking around him. “Where’s… the, uh, model?” he asks, slightly lowering his tone.

Junmyeon sighs. “Not here yet. But he’s coming,” he says a little dejectedly, his heart pounding in tension against his ribcage when he realizes they only got ten minutes left. The door opens and the chimes clank loudly it surprises both of them.

“Kai!” Junmyeon exclaims, extremely delighted at the sight of Jongin entering. He runs toward him, engulfing him in a tight hug. Jongin doesn’t say anything.

“The fuck are you doing! You scared me! I tell you I wouldn’t forgive you if we miss this chance!” Junmyeon yells, although jokingly, laughing all by himself after his words. He carries on with how red his eyes are, how hollow his cheeks have become, how darker the circles around his eyes turned. No matter how funny the remarks are, Jongin remains silent, shifting his eyes from Junmyeon then to Kyungsoo behind him. When he notices it, Junmyeon clears his throat, sensing awkwardness. He checks on Jongin’s moss green jacket and black shirt inside. “You didn’t wear…”

“I’m going in for registration,” Jongin murmurs, bowing his head to both of them.

“You didn’t wear the sweater,” Junmyeon says quickly, completing his sentence. Jongin pauses, fingers wrapped around the doorknob.

“I don’t like it,” Jongin says, too blankly for a straightforward answer. He doesn’t wait for Junmyeon’s reaction, pushing the door as soon as he turns the knob. He disappears.

The silence is deafening and the only thing Junmyeon “hears” is the never-ending He doesn’t make sense running through his head. It stops when his lips involuntarily part, words unintentionally spilling off his mouth.

“I… I am sorry,” Kyungsoo says.

Junmyeon looks at him, a lot more dejected today. “Don’t be.”

For the first time since he’s met Jongin, Junmyeon feels rejected.

There are still around twenty models inside and although the place is spacious for a studio, it still looks crowded. Number 23, Jongin looks at the circular cardboard pasted on a paper band wrapped around his right wrist. The audition is a catwalk, which basically explains the quick rollcall of the contestants.

It’s a small sea of people in front, Jongin sees, as he looks from behind a makeshift stage with a red carpet laid out a couple of meters, extending until it stops before a long table, a panel of four people, the judges, Jongin realizes. He inhales a generous amount of air, keeps it in for a second before exhaling. He’s nervous.

“If you see them, ignore,” he reminds himself. Sehun told this earlier when he ninja-ed a phone call earlier at the washroom, telling the other that he’s seen Junmyeon and Kyungsoo together yet again. He peeks from beind the woodboard and he sees Junmyeon. He doesn’t seem as relaxed as he usually is during auditions, Jongin notices and for a split second he worries. It quickly dissolves though when he sees Kyungsoo walk towards him, place a hand over his shoulder and whisper something to Junmyeon’s ear. The other nods, smiling faintly before bringing his eyes back to the catwalk.

The swirls of Jongin’s stomach begin, slightly agitating him that he grows more restless. Junmyeon sees him and there is a mixture of surprise and panic when their eyes meet. He sees Junmyeon smile, mouthing a “fighting!” at him. Jongin nods back in acknowledgment, smiling faintly before hiding back behind the wooden board.

“Twenty two!” somebody calls from outside their line and the person before Jongin moves. His heartbeat races. He begins to panic. He jumps in his place though when soon his number is called. He wonders why it seems so fast, like twenty two just walked for three seconds and he’s done. He protests but only in his head. His feet moves on their own, dragging himself to the center of the catwalk.

Lights and eyes of the people around him seem heavy. The spotlights are initially blinding but he quickly adjusts. His knees shake and his legs are wobbly. Then his brain is empty, slowly becoming fuzzy. He quickly scans the small crowd and finds Junmyeon, eyes wide and lips parted in apparent confusion. There is a tinge of fear in his face and Jongin feels his chest clench, heavy and unpleasant.

Jongin hears nothing. He sees one of the judges speak. That must be the question. Maybe he’s asking for the introduction, or for him to start the walk but he is as confused as everyone else is. He doesn’t understand why he’s frozen all of a sudden; he’s done this before and there’s no reason for him to be scared. And that makes it more confusing-because he isn’t scared.

He should speak. He should walk forward. But it never happens. Jongin has one foot stepped back. The next second he has the other foot moving and he makes one last glimpse of the crowd: Kyungsoo has one hand over his mouth. Junmyeon has one foot stepped forward, shaking his head. He sees the judges, appalled.

Then he runs. He ignores the shock of the other models as he pass by them. He pushes the door, grabbing his umbrella and rushes into the rain. When he sees the first cab, he hails it.

“Kai!”

Somebody calls as soon as the cab stops in front of him. Junmyeon-hyung, Jongin recognizes the voice.

“Kai, where are you-”

Jongin refuses to listen. He gets inside, sits, and tells the driver Sehun’s apartment very quickly. His hands are trembling, breathing erratic. His eyes land on the rear-view mirror and sees Junmyeon running towards the cab. Kyungsoo follows suit but they stop as soon as the car starts moving.

He buries his face on his palms. He totally has no idea why he’s doing this. He’s not scared, he is sure about that. There must be a reason but he really doesn’t know. He can’t figure it out.

The image of Junmyeon and Kyungsoo fades in the mirror, totally disappearing when they turn an avenue.

Why?

“What the hell is happening to you?” Sehun exclaims in the living room, back bent forward, face close to a seated Jongin. Luhan clings to him, holding him by the shoulder, trying to calm him down but to no avail.

“I don’t know! Don’t yell at me because I myself don’t even know!” Jongin yells back.

“Wow,” Sehun chuckles sarcastically. “I’m worried okay, you know that. But please, this is your career! And Suho-hyung’s name is also at stake! What are you planning to do, ruin both of yourselves because of-”

“I don’t know Sehun! I don’t know! How many times do I have to tell you I don’t even understand myself!”

The side of Jongin’s eyes are shaking. It stings and he feels his heart tighten. “We’re not even into some committed relationship and I’m acting like he’s cheated on me. I don’t understand this. Why am I like this?”

Luhan sits on his side, gently rubbing his back. “Enough,” he says calmly.

“Get your shit together, Jongin,” Sehun says coldly, annoyed. Luhan scolds him but he turns his back against them, stomping his way to their room.

Jongin pulls his knees to his chest and rests his head on it. If there is one thing he is so sure about right now, it’s the fact that his emotions make him senseless. Everything doesn’t make sense and he wants to put an end to this.

“I’ll talk to Sehun,” Luhan tells Jongin. “It’s okay-”

“No it isn’t,” Jongin interrupts although he speaks in a calmer tone. “And he’s right, I guess. Get my shit together,” he repeats, smiling faintly at Luhan.

Luhan smiles back and Jongin appreciates the sincerity in his emotions. He feels Luhan’s hand squeeze his shoulder gently. “Emotions can destroy you if you’re weak. You’re not weak. I know that,” he says.

Jongin blinks and then he chuckles. “Thank you.”

They say the more you bottle up emotions, the more likely it will explode. Jongin chuckles and decides he’s exhibition number one.

He spends the whole night rationalizing his actions earlier that day. He rolls on the bed from one side to another, spends at least fifteen minutes thinking before rolling again to the other side until he’s tired fixing the blanket strangling his whole body making it a little harder for him to breathe. It's two in the morning and he still hardly finds the will to sleep. Four hours since he began looking for reason (maybe reasons) why he suddenly walked out of the auditions and he still got zero. Maybe it's Junmyeon, maybe it's Kyungsoo, maybe it's him.

Or maybe it's the irrational part of being in love, actions that do not need an explanation, or perhaps no explanation at all. Just some stupid things you do just because your mind is empty and your heart is full-happy or in pain, it doesn't matter.

He gets off the bed and takes the box Sehun handed him, taking the sweater and stretching it before him. He stares at it and decides to try it on. He looks himself at the mirror. Blue. White. He really likes it, if he is going to be at least honest. The cotton is comfortable and it’s warm. For some reason, he feels good in it. He walks back to the bed with the sweater on. As soon as he drops, he curls.

Shame fills Jongin's guts, clutching on the blanket tighter, covering himself fully. He groans because he is so embarrassed-to himself, to the people around him, and to Junmyeon. He closes his eyes and attempts to shut the conscience up in his head. The last thought that comes is the idea of him talking to Junmyeon. He never manages to dwell on it though because he eventually dozes off.

"Hey, Jongin. Wake up," Sehun shakes Jongin gently, as if too scared to wake him up. Jongin's eyes slowly open but he doesn't move, feigning sleep in his awakened state.

"Still asleep?"

Jongin wonders if Sehun got sore throat or choked on hydrogen peroxide or had an overnight vocal cord transplant because his voice suddenly changed. He still doesn't move, waiting for Sehun to speak again.

"You're awake, you're fooling nobody," the voice continues and Jongin goes rigid when he finally realizes the voice belongs not to Sehun.

"I'll leave you two then," Sehun mutters quietly. Jongin feels his voice moving farther away from his bed and he takes it as his queue to turn around, remove the blanket off his head and sit.

“Don’t!” Jongin yells but his eyes don’t meet Sehun. He sees Junmyeon looking at him with a half-amused half-surprised expression. Sehun laughs and he leaves immediately, closing the door before Jongin can react again.

Jongin’s fingers curl on the hem of the blanket, pulling it so it covers half of his body. He doesn’t look at Junmyeon who remains silent, staring at him intently. He is so bothered by it and he is drowned in a sudden desire to melt, become a pile of goo, the mattress absorbing him in his liquid state. He’s thought of talking to Junmyeon but he isn’t really wishing it would be the next morning. If this is Sehun’s plan, Jongin swears he’ll definitely kill him in front of everyone as soon as he gets away from this.

“Hey,” Junmyeon begins and Jongin flinches. “Hey, are you okay?”

Jongin shakes his head, promptly answering nonverbally. For a split second, their eyes meet and the unexplainable weird sensation from his stomach up to his chest begins and Jongin shuts his eyes because it’s a little painful.

Junmyeon sighs but he remains silent, peeling his gaze off Jongin and stares at the ceiling as if in deep thinking. It’s too awkward so Jongin, despite how fidgety he is, decides to break it. “Why are you here?”

It surprises Junmyeon, quickly turning to Jongin.

“When did you start moving in here? Third party to Sehun and Luhan?” Junmyeon asks instead in a very menacing tone.

“Why are you here?” Jongin repeats louder, a little annoyed.

Junmyeon jolts and then heaves a sigh. “I have a few questions but first, I’m sorry,” he says.

Jongin is stunned; his brain is hardly working right now and his emotions is basically in turmoil. Waking up to Junmyeon’s face isn’t really how he wants his morning to start, more so a Junmyeon apologizing to him because…

“Why?”

“I don’t know. You’re mad at me. You never show up in the office since weeks ago? I know I did something, maybe bad, although I actually do not know what it is,” Junmyeon explains.

“Not bad. Not good either. Do you want to know?” Jongin follows up as soon as the other finishes his sentence. He can feel the tension and the sudden fear in Junmyeon’s face. There is a tinge of feeling of success when the brows of Junmyeon crease to uneasiness. When he sighs, Jongin then feels guilty all of a sudden.

“Tell me,” Junmyeon mumbles but the hesitant tone is so perceptible. Still, Jongin ignores and he opens his mouth.

“You kissed me.”

Junmyeon’s eyes widen, his shoulder stiffening as he straightens his body. He raises a brow and his lips part in apparent shock. He whispers a “What?” but Jongin seems to not hear it when it comes out as a heavy breathing instead of a voice.

“You kissed me one night. The next day you got your hands around somebody else’s dick. Then you come to me today telling me you’re sorry?” Jongin begins with a high tone, voice shaking.

“I kissed you?”

“You kissed me. You were drunk weeks ago when we had a night out. You pulled me. You kissed me, your tongue inside my mouth. You were hard!”

“I asked you if I did something weird but you never told me!”

“That’s why I’m telling you now! We almost had sex-we could have if I didn’t stop you. I don’t know. I don’t know why you did it. I thought… I thought… I don’t know. Then Kyungsoo. I saw you and Kyungsoo. I was confused! I am confused, hyung! I just…” Jongin doesn’t finish, unable to flesh out more words as he stops with a sob, eyes stinging, tears starting to flow on his cheeks.

“What do you mean?” Junmyeon asks after seconds of silence, totally stunned and confused as well.

“Why are you doing this? Why? Why can’t you figure it out?” Jongin cries, choking his words.

“Kyungsoo...” Junmyeon mumbles.

Jongin freezes.

“I am not sure if you’ll be comfortable hearing this but,” Junmyeon says in a surprisingly calm way. He is slightly shaking, Jongin notices, when his fingers begin playing the hem of his shirt. He jerks his leg nervously. “Kyungsoo…”

“If you’re dating I’d understand. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be reacting this way. I’m not even your-”

“No!” Junmyeon interrupts, shaking his head. “No. We’re not like that. We’re just friends…” he trails off. He closes his eyes for a second before he continues. “With benefits, if we can put it that way.”

Jongin isn’t sure how he’s supposed to react to this. He’s somehow expecting the scenario, and although Sehun brought the possibility up once before, he still isn’t prepared to know it, to hear it straight from Junmyeon. He may feel a little happy about it but he still feels weird and funny and slightly mad about it.

“I am jealous,” Jongin wipes his eyes with the sleeves of his sweater. He sniffs. “Of Kyungsoo.”

Junmyeon is flabbergasted. He doesn’t completely understand but he suddenly finds himself smiling. Soon he’s laughing.

“Wow you fucker,” Jongin mumbles in the most hurtful and extremely annoyed way possible.

“You’re jealous,” Junmyeon repeats while his laughter slowly dies down. He chuckles one last time before a serious expression wipes the smile off his face.

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re always sorry,” Jongin says. “If that’s you breaking me again, you better get the fuck out-”

“No. I’m sorry because I was afraid,” Junmyeon says. “I… was afraid that if I entertain whatever you feel about me, I’d ruin everything. I’m not dumb and dense, okay. I know you like me.”

Jongin suddenly feels embarrassed. The red of his cheeks and the desire to disappear grows stronger. “I’m not perfect,” Junmyeon carries on. “I’m still a small person-don’t take it literally I’m gonna punch you-in the industry and if I ruin things between us, it might mean I have ruined my career as well.”

This time, Junmyeon doesn’t look away and when Jongin doesn’t, too, he feels a lot grateful. He wants the other to see the honesty in what he says. Jongin doesn’t speak, he simply listens.

“I think I made the wrong move. I’ve pushed back my feelings as well, probably thrown it to my subconscious until I almost forgot about it. I was obsessed with work, with the company. It was partly good, but I was selfish. I forgot about us being, uh, normal people? You know, emotions,” Junmyeon says slowly, his words completely displaying disappointment to himself. He then leans, extending his arms to reach for Jongin’s hands. The younger doesn’t move though, letting Junmyeon’s fingers touch the backside of his hand. “And I hope me being here would fix what is broken between us. It isn’t late yet, I guess.”

“Please get to the point,” Jongin suddenly interrupts.

Junmyeon laughs. “What I mean is… what if I should stop looking at you as Kai and maybe see you as Jongin from now on?”

Jongin thinks he is going to burst. The swirls of his stomach is growing terrible at a fast pace. One more push and he’ll definitely have to run to the toilet. He secretly pinches himself on the thigh, biting on his lips when the pain quickly travels to almost every part of his body. He isn’t dreaming. This is real.

“But Kyungsoo-?” he subconsciously blurts out.

“Stop worrying about him. We just fuck. Nothing else,” Junmyeon says.

“I don’t understand,” Jongin’s eyes are wide and he shakes his head.

Junmyeon stands up, shakes off his slippers and steps on the bed. Jongin, not expecting the other the climb up the bed, backs off until his back touches the cold wall. He shivers. Junmyeon crawls fast until their faces are close, close enough to feel each other’s breath on their faces.

“Maybe I should give it a try. Maybe we could…”

Junmyeon leans really fast and Jongin gasps. He doesn’t have enough time to properly react because in a jiffy, Junmyeon has his lips planted on Jongin’s, eyes closed, both hands holding the other’s cheeks.

Jongin, on the other hand, isn’t sure whether he should remain stiff, lips not moving, eyes wide open in utter astonishment and disbelief. But when Junmyeon’s fingers slowly caress his cheeks, he decides he should give in. The kiss is chaste and for the first time, he feels how sweet it is to be kissed by Junmyeon. He melts into it, his arms moving to hold Junmyeon’s arms, sliding it down so his hands touch the other’s fingers. Junmyeon smiles in between the kiss when he feels their hands touch and he pulls away slowly. “So…”

“Are you kidding me right now?”

“No?”

“I don’t really understand-”

“If you think I’m gonna kiss you again, sorry I am not falling for that,” Junmyeon whispers with a grin on his face. He jokingly but gently taps Jongin’s cheeks and giggles.

“That’s not what I mean!” Jongin yells, pouting. “It’s just… fine, I’m sorry, too.”

Junmyeon makes a short rising hum in lieu of a “Why?” and Jongin takes it as a queue to explain. “Yesterday. I… walked out of the auditions. I don’t know why. It’s true, I really don’t know. I was feeling bad all of a sudden, not the I’m gonna puke off type but it felt similarly horrible. Maybe because…”

“Hush. Let’s not talk about it,” Junmyeon cuts immediately. Jongin nods, deciding he shouldn’t bother himself thinking of reasons why he has done it. He may not establish exactly why but he guesses it doesn’t really matter now because the root cause is settled. It should stop being a big deal now.

Junmyeon pulls Jongin closer to him, arms over his shoulder. “You’re wearing the sweater.”

Jongin has almost forgotten about it. He remembers putting it on last night. “Ah. Yes. Baekhyun-hyung gave it.”

“Well technically he did. But this,” Junmyeon says, poking Jongin’s chest. “Is from me.”

Jongin gives him a disbelieving look.

“It’s… my first design. Drew it months before we first met. Decided to have it done months ago but never told it to anyone,” Junmyeon narrates, checking on Jongin’s arms covered in blue and white alternating stripes of the sweater’s sleeves. “It’s simple. But I like it. And you like the colors so I thought it’d be a good peace offering. Although at that time I was confused okay,” he continues and laughs.

Jongin chuckles. “I’m sorry.”

“We had enough sorry’s today,” Junmyeon says.

“Want something new?” Jongin asks, taking Junmyeon’s hand and intertwines it with his. The other looks at him, wondering. “What?”

Jongin smiles fondly at Junmyeon. “A confession?”

“A confession like what?”

“Junmyeon-hyung,” he says. He smiles wider when Junmyeon flusters upon hearing his name from Jongin’s mouth. “I love you.”

Junmyeon smiles and it isn’t until now that Jongin realizes he’s missed seeing this kind of smile. It’s sweet, warm, and genuine. He feels his heart be full, warm, and everything seems clear, bright. “I hope I somehow fixed whatever there is to be fixed?”

Jongin snorts and smiles back. “Yeah. Fixed me.”

Junmyeon laughs, ruffling Jongin’s hair. They remain silent for a couple of minutes, holding each other’s hands until Junmyeon decides to break it. “You said you’re jealous,” he teases, poking Jongin’s cheeks. “Why?”

Jongin flinches and the heat around him grows ten times fold. “Jealous in it’s purest sense!” He says defensively. “He just gets to hold your hand and…”

“Do things?”

“Hyung!” Jongin exclaims, so flustered that he buries his face in his hands.

Junmyeon laughs heartily as if enjoying the younger’s embarrassed state. He leans, putting his mouth near Jongin’s ear and the latter’s shoulders quiver. “I’m over Kyungsoo so…” Junmyeon says, placing his hand on Jongin’s thigh, rubbing it slowly.

“H-hyung,” Jongin mumbles breathily, taking in air before exhaling loudly. His fingers are shaking and his body is shivering. “Don’t you think this isn’t the right place to-aaah!”

Jongin closes his eyes when he is suddenly pushed back to the bed. He’s thankful his head hits the pillow and not the wooden board. When he opens his eyes, he gasps because Junmyeon’s lips are on his again, this time aggressively kissing him, fingers slowly carding through his hair. For a moment, he is reminded of the kiss he had at the washroom weeks ago but then he realizes this time it’s different. He eventually gives in, parting his mouth to let Junmyeon’s tongue to enter, sweeping in his mouth slowly.

“You said you wouldn’t kiss me,” Jongin says when they break for air.

“Can’t help it,” Junmyeon says and presses their lips together again. His hands slither under Jongin’s shirt beneath the sweater and Jongin reflexively moans into the other’s mouth, slightly arching his back as the fingers travel up his body. They hear a muffled call from beyond the door but they ignore it. “We’re busy,” Junmyeon mumbles in between the kiss and Jongin chuckles. His hands move to Junmyeon’s back until one reaches the nape, holding it there so he’s guiding the other in the kiss.

“Lunch guys! Are you done yet or,” Sehun announces albeit carefully after one last knock. He turns the knob.

“Oh shit! Sorry!” Sehun yelps and slams the door shut, leaning on it as soon as the knob clicks. “Why are you guys like this! This is my house!”

Junmyeon pushes himself off Jongin and they both groan in utter disappointment. Jongin sits, fixing his hair and pulling the sweater down as Junmyeon scoots to the edge of the bed, taking the slippers lent to him. “I guess you’re right. Not the appropriate place,” Junmyeon kids, wiping his lips with a hand.

“Cockblock,” Jongin grunts but he can’t stop himself from smiling and eventually chuckling. Both of them knows Sehun is peeking again when the door slowly creaks open. “Uh, lunch time. Are you…”

“Done. Sorry,” Junmyeon answers as he fixes his clothes.

Sehun shakes his head. “How dare you desecrate my room!” he yells, pointing at the bed where they are on, scowling and then literally facepalming. “I don’t get you guys. For days you were like the greatest enemies, or at least in Jongin’s perspective,” he kids, wiggling his brows but shifts back to a scandalized expression “And then I see you now making out! Had I not interrupted, you two would have probably got each other’s dicks in your mouth!” Sehun continues and he shudders because the mental image almost had him gag in his own saliva.

Jongin laughs loudly. “Please! You’ve probably desecrated almost every part of your house! If we had it all the way it would be nothing new!”

“A-at least it’s ours and not yours!” Sehun retorts, a sudden wave of pink tainting his cheeks. He grunts once more. “But I suppose you two are okay now?”

Both Junmyeon and Jongin nod, looking at each other in the eye. And then there is a snap at the back of Jongin’s head which sends him suddenly crawling to the edge of the bed. “You planned to bring hyung here didn’t you? Oh Sehun, I swear to-”

“I went here on my own,” Junmyeon tells Jongin, cutting him off of his (feigned) fury. He holds the younger’s shoulder to stop him from hurling himself towards Sehun who then sticks his tongue out, mocking Jongin.

“Lunch is ready, I think I’ve said that thrice already,” Sehun says, opening the door wider, tilting his head in a silent order for the two to get their asses off the bed. He begins to walk, leaving the door open.

Junmyeon obediently stands up and pulls Jongin’s arms until he’s standing up as well, the latter clinging onto his arms as they walk. “Your unit is empty,” Junmyeon says. Jongin looks at him, wondering and when he blinks innocently, Junmyeon pulls him closer. “Can we have it all night? Just us?” he asks, whispering.

Jongin stiffens and he feels another rush of heat in his body. He unintentionally nudges Junmyeon which sends the other to a quick flinch, biting on his lower lip, muffling an excited giggle.

“I hate you,” Jongin says.

“No you don’t.”