(no subject)
It's weird. I measure myself by how good of a person I am. If I feel I'm a bad person, then I deserve to take laxatives and starve and purge.
Today I went to McDonalds to get food to b/p on. Outside was a homeless veteran who needed money to get a hotel room for the night. I got my food and pulled over and asked him how much he needed. He said he needed about 12 dollars so I went to a store and got 20 out. When I came back, he asked if I could give him a ride to the hotel. We talked about how he was a veteran and got shot and all his brothers and father died in Vietnam and he was the last alive so they pulled him out, and he was very polite and I was thinking to myself that I was so lucky to have a house and a cat and food to eat. He gave me the McDonalds gift card someone had given him because he wasn't going to be around town after today, he was going down to Texas to stay with his daughter.
I dropped him off and he told me how to get back to where I needed to go, and he kissed my hand and went inside to sleep for the first time in two days.
And then I came home and cried because sometimes I don't realize how lucky I am. I was planning on getting the food, laxatives, and then binging/purging and taking laxatives. Instead I didn't do either. I feel like I am good enough, that today I did something good, I can let myself be okay, because I am not a wholly bad person.
I'm considering going into grad school. My teacher thinks that with my interests in French, English, and Dutch/German, that if I wanted to focus on Historical Linguistics and especially the history of the english language, I'd be well prepared. He mentioned a few courses I could take in the spring to also help me out if I wanted a stronger background for when I applied to grad school.
I'm not sure how to do that though, I've only got a 2.7 GPA and I'm afraid I wouldn't get accepted.
Today I went to McDonalds to get food to b/p on. Outside was a homeless veteran who needed money to get a hotel room for the night. I got my food and pulled over and asked him how much he needed. He said he needed about 12 dollars so I went to a store and got 20 out. When I came back, he asked if I could give him a ride to the hotel. We talked about how he was a veteran and got shot and all his brothers and father died in Vietnam and he was the last alive so they pulled him out, and he was very polite and I was thinking to myself that I was so lucky to have a house and a cat and food to eat. He gave me the McDonalds gift card someone had given him because he wasn't going to be around town after today, he was going down to Texas to stay with his daughter.
I dropped him off and he told me how to get back to where I needed to go, and he kissed my hand and went inside to sleep for the first time in two days.
And then I came home and cried because sometimes I don't realize how lucky I am. I was planning on getting the food, laxatives, and then binging/purging and taking laxatives. Instead I didn't do either. I feel like I am good enough, that today I did something good, I can let myself be okay, because I am not a wholly bad person.
I'm considering going into grad school. My teacher thinks that with my interests in French, English, and Dutch/German, that if I wanted to focus on Historical Linguistics and especially the history of the english language, I'd be well prepared. He mentioned a few courses I could take in the spring to also help me out if I wanted a stronger background for when I applied to grad school.
I'm not sure how to do that though, I've only got a 2.7 GPA and I'm afraid I wouldn't get accepted.