Fucking Doctors...
Friday was a crazy, but good day. I got over to Mom's about 2 hours before we were supposed to leave. Her appointment in Blue Ridge with Dr. Whaley to determine from the comparison of scans, whether or not this chemo was doing anything and whether or not she should continue treatment. This was a huge day-- a huge day in the life of a cancer patient... and a huge day in the lives of the family that have to witness the decision.
I say that it was a good day because 1) my mom, brother and I spent the day together and actually talked and laughed...2)My brother and I really bonded and communicated...3) when we got home it POURED down rain, and my mom and I sat on the carport as it came down- I rubbed her feet. It was a great moment.
I sat that is was a crazy day because, we waited in the room for the doctor for over an hour. My mom was so weak that day that she was almost in tears from having to sit up that long. Then, when the arrogant prick bastard of a doctor she's got strolls in and flips open the chart that he hasn't even bothered to look at, he turns to her and says..."Well, the scan that we had done this week isn't going to do us any good... you know why? Well, it's because we don't have anything to compare it to... Now, we can tell it's working, because we see the tumor on the chest was has....."
Amid our mutual shock at his statement, my mom interrupts him and says, "What do you mean, you don't have anything to compare it to???? You were supposed to order the scans from St.Joe, remember? You went over it with your nurse 3 times when I was here last time I got a scan because the same thing happened then."
And I'm like.... OH FUCK NO!
But he pipes up, and starts talking over my Mother. He was like Colonel Sanders with longer hair and high on crack. "Wait, wait wait now...I DID order them, and they aren't here in your chart... so I'll have you come back in a couple of weeks to review it, but I think we can see it's working...you know when I was younger, I could say I was white and 21....and what does that mean to you? (My mom just looked at him and didn't respond... she wasn't humored either.) It means that if I'm white, you can see it, and if I'm 21, I'm old enough to vote... so we can SEE that the treatment is working... and you're certainly old enough to decide if you want to keep up with the treatments, so, I'll see you in about 2 weeks."
MY BLOOD WAS BOILING!!!! Before I could open my mouth, my brother interjected.
"Excuse me Dr. Whaley, sir, I think you need to have a seat here for another minute or two, because we're not finished with this conversation. Now, tell me something-- regardless of how often it's happened, or who didn't do what...is it NOT your responsibility as the ONCOLOGIST to make sure that you have the proper reports in your patients chart before you do a consultation?"
I was like.... HOLY SHIT-FRITTERS BATMAN!
And while his tone was confrontational, and I would have used a bit more tact and finesse, I don't think my brother was out of line at all- given the track record. If it wasn't for the WONDERFUL nurses and clinic director there who are really the ones treating her, she would NOT be going back there.
Dr. Whaley, instead of at that point, admitting that he was wrong- and saying what he SHOULD have said to us when he first opened the chart-- which should have been "I don't have the reports here that I need to make a comparison- I apologize for the delay, but let me make a call and see if I can get them faxed..."--- he proceeds with..."Now wait just a damn minute... (He turns to the bug-eyed nurse who was in awe of the situation as says 'Samantha, call St. Joes and tell them to get their heads out of their asses'-- and then back to Mitch) Look, I have here the orders to get the reports that I need, and if they don't get to me, then NO-- I have no control over that."
Mitch's response was, "So, you're telling me, that as the head doctor of this practice, and as an Oncologist, you settle for having to rely on an unreliable staff? I don't think so. I think you've been hasty today in your judgement, and I think you need to get the reports that you need to get... that are going to tell us something."
The doctor's face was red with anger and in one swift movement, he rolled himself on his stool over to Mitch, got within 3 inches of his face (his knees literally were in between Mitch's, as he was sitting with his legs open.)With his hands in wild gesture just inches from Mitch's face and a voice now shouting this ridiculous comeback-- I guess he was so mad he couldn't think. "LISTEN HERE, I'VE DONE WHAT I'VE NEEDED TO DO, AND IT'S LIKE THIS--IF I AM YOUR TEACHER, AND I GIVE YOU HOMEWORK? YOU DON'T DO YOUR HOMEWORK, AND YOU FLUNK, IS THAT MY FAULT???????????????!!!!!!!!!!"
And there was about a 5 second period of time there, where I thought we'd be visiting my brother from the Ellijay jail for manslaughter-- but evidently, the doctor sensed that too, because just as quickly as he rolled himself over-- he rolled himself back to the chart and started flipping papers again. Mitch is a pretty damn big guy, and even if he wasn't, that's a Man-thing--- you don't get in another Man's face like that. You just don't. I applaud Mitch for not decking him. The look on his face spoke that he was definitely holding back.
At that point, I broke the momentary, very uncomfortable silence.
"Dr. Whaley, I hope that you can understand where we are coming from here..."
He starts to interrupt me and talking over me.... and I just lowered my head and closed my eyes until he shut up. I looked at him, and I said " I would appreciate it if you would let me speak to you instead of you talking over me. Now, I want this conversation to turn away from the blame-game that it has turned into, and let's put the focus back on my mother, who is the reason that we are here. As you can see, this is very hard on her, and hard on all of us... and this was a day where she was supposed to find out essentially, whether she's going to continue treatment or not-- and I hope that you can appreciate the anticipation of this day. I hope that you can understand that while we can see that the treament is working on a musculo-skeletal level, we can't SEE how it's working on a visceral level. We are not satisfied with going on what we can visually see, which is why we had the scan done in the first place. If the scans aren't necessary, then why are you having them ordered? Furthermore, we aren't going to come back in two weeks to find out. We're going to find out today, no matter what it takes. She's not going to spend another 2 weeks in anxiety hell wondering if any of this that she is suffering through is doing any good. Now, I can read the PDR and statistics about what we can expect about the disease at this stage, but I don't want that quantitative information... I want the quantitative information that pertains to HER. I realize that you are not GOD, as we have been told numerous time that "only GOD knows..." but you are a Doctor, and I want to know what scientific evidence you have that supports your recommendation that she continue treatment."
The Doctor said, "I understand that, and that's why I ordered the reports to be ordered." He was going back to that whole thing again. Instead of just GETTING THE FUCKING REPORTS, he still wanted to argue about it. My mother then started to say something, and he says, "Honey.. no... no... you let them handle this discussion, they aren't the ones breathing straight oxygen and taking pain meds." OMG.... I cannot believe he allowed something so disrespectful to come out of his mouth. My brother got up and left the room because he would have KILLED that man. He got on the phone with my aunt, and together they had the reports sent from the hospital while I finished up talking to the "doctor."
I basically said, "Sir, my comments here have not been made in the spirit of confrontation, but I hope you can put yourself in our shoes. I meant no disrespect to you, and I will assume that you intended no disrespect toward my mother or my family. So, moving on...." He agreed, and said, "I will go check on something, and I'll be back in a few moments."
It took my brother getting the reports sent over. Why did ANY of that have to happen?????? It was so ridiculous and uncalled-for. The doctor was NOT a professional in my opinion, AT ALL... and he better be glad his staff that he wanted to blame for everything has done such a wonderful job of building his stellar reputation- because without it, I don't care HOW long he's been in practice, he's a piss-poor excuse of a doctor.
They came to get my mother for another blood builder injection, and Mitch and I went to the car, to smoke and then to McDonalds in the 30 minutes we had.
I could go on with other details, but in a nutshell, when the information got back, the doctor didn't come back to talk to us. He instead had the clinic director come back and talk to us. The good news was that the cancer hadn't progressed any since the last scan. The bad news is, that they told my mother it was up to her at this point, whether she can handle any more chemo--that she needed to put her quality of life over her quantity of life.
For the first time ever, this past week, I've heard my mother say, "I'm so sick of being sick. I don't know how much more of this I want to go through." So, they told her she could take a two week break to give her a rest, and that she should start back and take it until she can't take it anymore. They advised her that if she came off it it, there would be no way to predict how much time she would have. They said that at this stage, some patients have lasted 6-9 months, and some have lasted 2 weeks once they end treatment.
I think since Friday, she's decided to start again and go for the gusto. She's just not ready to throw in the towel, and I admire her strength. I do hope however, that she decides to stop before it kills her. I hope that she will have an ending that closes with being able to do some of the things she wishes she could right now, and not feeling so lousy.
Anyway, time will tell...
I say that it was a good day because 1) my mom, brother and I spent the day together and actually talked and laughed...2)My brother and I really bonded and communicated...3) when we got home it POURED down rain, and my mom and I sat on the carport as it came down- I rubbed her feet. It was a great moment.
I sat that is was a crazy day because, we waited in the room for the doctor for over an hour. My mom was so weak that day that she was almost in tears from having to sit up that long. Then, when the arrogant prick bastard of a doctor she's got strolls in and flips open the chart that he hasn't even bothered to look at, he turns to her and says..."Well, the scan that we had done this week isn't going to do us any good... you know why? Well, it's because we don't have anything to compare it to... Now, we can tell it's working, because we see the tumor on the chest was has....."
Amid our mutual shock at his statement, my mom interrupts him and says, "What do you mean, you don't have anything to compare it to???? You were supposed to order the scans from St.Joe, remember? You went over it with your nurse 3 times when I was here last time I got a scan because the same thing happened then."
And I'm like.... OH FUCK NO!
But he pipes up, and starts talking over my Mother. He was like Colonel Sanders with longer hair and high on crack. "Wait, wait wait now...I DID order them, and they aren't here in your chart... so I'll have you come back in a couple of weeks to review it, but I think we can see it's working...you know when I was younger, I could say I was white and 21....and what does that mean to you? (My mom just looked at him and didn't respond... she wasn't humored either.) It means that if I'm white, you can see it, and if I'm 21, I'm old enough to vote... so we can SEE that the treatment is working... and you're certainly old enough to decide if you want to keep up with the treatments, so, I'll see you in about 2 weeks."
MY BLOOD WAS BOILING!!!! Before I could open my mouth, my brother interjected.
"Excuse me Dr. Whaley, sir, I think you need to have a seat here for another minute or two, because we're not finished with this conversation. Now, tell me something-- regardless of how often it's happened, or who didn't do what...is it NOT your responsibility as the ONCOLOGIST to make sure that you have the proper reports in your patients chart before you do a consultation?"
I was like.... HOLY SHIT-FRITTERS BATMAN!
And while his tone was confrontational, and I would have used a bit more tact and finesse, I don't think my brother was out of line at all- given the track record. If it wasn't for the WONDERFUL nurses and clinic director there who are really the ones treating her, she would NOT be going back there.
Dr. Whaley, instead of at that point, admitting that he was wrong- and saying what he SHOULD have said to us when he first opened the chart-- which should have been "I don't have the reports here that I need to make a comparison- I apologize for the delay, but let me make a call and see if I can get them faxed..."--- he proceeds with..."Now wait just a damn minute... (He turns to the bug-eyed nurse who was in awe of the situation as says 'Samantha, call St. Joes and tell them to get their heads out of their asses'-- and then back to Mitch) Look, I have here the orders to get the reports that I need, and if they don't get to me, then NO-- I have no control over that."
Mitch's response was, "So, you're telling me, that as the head doctor of this practice, and as an Oncologist, you settle for having to rely on an unreliable staff? I don't think so. I think you've been hasty today in your judgement, and I think you need to get the reports that you need to get... that are going to tell us something."
The doctor's face was red with anger and in one swift movement, he rolled himself on his stool over to Mitch, got within 3 inches of his face (his knees literally were in between Mitch's, as he was sitting with his legs open.)With his hands in wild gesture just inches from Mitch's face and a voice now shouting this ridiculous comeback-- I guess he was so mad he couldn't think. "LISTEN HERE, I'VE DONE WHAT I'VE NEEDED TO DO, AND IT'S LIKE THIS--IF I AM YOUR TEACHER, AND I GIVE YOU HOMEWORK? YOU DON'T DO YOUR HOMEWORK, AND YOU FLUNK, IS THAT MY FAULT???????????????!!!!!!!!!!"
And there was about a 5 second period of time there, where I thought we'd be visiting my brother from the Ellijay jail for manslaughter-- but evidently, the doctor sensed that too, because just as quickly as he rolled himself over-- he rolled himself back to the chart and started flipping papers again. Mitch is a pretty damn big guy, and even if he wasn't, that's a Man-thing--- you don't get in another Man's face like that. You just don't. I applaud Mitch for not decking him. The look on his face spoke that he was definitely holding back.
At that point, I broke the momentary, very uncomfortable silence.
"Dr. Whaley, I hope that you can understand where we are coming from here..."
He starts to interrupt me and talking over me.... and I just lowered my head and closed my eyes until he shut up. I looked at him, and I said " I would appreciate it if you would let me speak to you instead of you talking over me. Now, I want this conversation to turn away from the blame-game that it has turned into, and let's put the focus back on my mother, who is the reason that we are here. As you can see, this is very hard on her, and hard on all of us... and this was a day where she was supposed to find out essentially, whether she's going to continue treatment or not-- and I hope that you can appreciate the anticipation of this day. I hope that you can understand that while we can see that the treament is working on a musculo-skeletal level, we can't SEE how it's working on a visceral level. We are not satisfied with going on what we can visually see, which is why we had the scan done in the first place. If the scans aren't necessary, then why are you having them ordered? Furthermore, we aren't going to come back in two weeks to find out. We're going to find out today, no matter what it takes. She's not going to spend another 2 weeks in anxiety hell wondering if any of this that she is suffering through is doing any good. Now, I can read the PDR and statistics about what we can expect about the disease at this stage, but I don't want that quantitative information... I want the quantitative information that pertains to HER. I realize that you are not GOD, as we have been told numerous time that "only GOD knows..." but you are a Doctor, and I want to know what scientific evidence you have that supports your recommendation that she continue treatment."
The Doctor said, "I understand that, and that's why I ordered the reports to be ordered." He was going back to that whole thing again. Instead of just GETTING THE FUCKING REPORTS, he still wanted to argue about it. My mother then started to say something, and he says, "Honey.. no... no... you let them handle this discussion, they aren't the ones breathing straight oxygen and taking pain meds." OMG.... I cannot believe he allowed something so disrespectful to come out of his mouth. My brother got up and left the room because he would have KILLED that man. He got on the phone with my aunt, and together they had the reports sent from the hospital while I finished up talking to the "doctor."
I basically said, "Sir, my comments here have not been made in the spirit of confrontation, but I hope you can put yourself in our shoes. I meant no disrespect to you, and I will assume that you intended no disrespect toward my mother or my family. So, moving on...." He agreed, and said, "I will go check on something, and I'll be back in a few moments."
It took my brother getting the reports sent over. Why did ANY of that have to happen?????? It was so ridiculous and uncalled-for. The doctor was NOT a professional in my opinion, AT ALL... and he better be glad his staff that he wanted to blame for everything has done such a wonderful job of building his stellar reputation- because without it, I don't care HOW long he's been in practice, he's a piss-poor excuse of a doctor.
They came to get my mother for another blood builder injection, and Mitch and I went to the car, to smoke and then to McDonalds in the 30 minutes we had.
I could go on with other details, but in a nutshell, when the information got back, the doctor didn't come back to talk to us. He instead had the clinic director come back and talk to us. The good news was that the cancer hadn't progressed any since the last scan. The bad news is, that they told my mother it was up to her at this point, whether she can handle any more chemo--that she needed to put her quality of life over her quantity of life.
For the first time ever, this past week, I've heard my mother say, "I'm so sick of being sick. I don't know how much more of this I want to go through." So, they told her she could take a two week break to give her a rest, and that she should start back and take it until she can't take it anymore. They advised her that if she came off it it, there would be no way to predict how much time she would have. They said that at this stage, some patients have lasted 6-9 months, and some have lasted 2 weeks once they end treatment.
I think since Friday, she's decided to start again and go for the gusto. She's just not ready to throw in the towel, and I admire her strength. I do hope however, that she decides to stop before it kills her. I hope that she will have an ending that closes with being able to do some of the things she wishes she could right now, and not feeling so lousy.
Anyway, time will tell...