I'm very sad.
Extremely sad.
I have never disliked a Miyazaki movie before.
I've thought some were better than others, to be sure... But this? This was... a sell out. A flop. A tool. A fraud!
This was not the Miyazaki I knew and loved.
Warning. Here there be spoilers:
The fact of it was; there was nothing Miyazaki about it anymore except for the style of the actual technical drawing of the characters. There was no Miyazaki design. No Miyazaki colors. No Miyazaki costumes. No Miyazaki subtlety. It was, in a word: Boring.
Am I devastated? Yes. Were the characters cutesy and unmemorable? Yes. Was this Blasphemy? Yes. Did Miyazaki surgically remove half his heart to make this like he did his other movies? No.
To quote "Who framed Roger Rabbit": -> "Let me count the ways I love you: 1 I love you, 2 I love you..." Miyazaki was the bar, the goal, the ICON of pure animated goodness. You know what I saw in this movie? A sellout.
Lets begin the pain;
In the beginning, the viewer is treated to a lovely spectacle of underwater life. But right off the bat, you notice that there aren't the SPLENDID Miyazaki colors that we have come to expect (Please view Howl's Moving Castle- the scene in his bedroom, if you do not know what I am referring to. Or the playroom in Spirited Away, or the- Well, you get the picture) instead- you are subjected to a muted color palate more into local color than anything else. "Oh, it must be underwater' the viewer thinks to herself. Justification for an ominous opening sequence.
And then the opening credits begin, and suddenly it all makes sense.
The opening credits are digitally animated.
Aaaaaaaaah. A knot tightens in the pit of your stomach. "No No NO!"
But maybe, the viewer reasons, maybe it'll be fine. Maybe he'll just use digital and it'll be okay.
No it won't.
The movie opens on an anti-climactic opening, introducing you to the main characters, who miraculously get shoved together. There are some neat water effects, but Miyazaki's trademark "expressive hair" is nowhere to be found. Sure, their hair blows in the wind when they're concerned- but if his bowl cut doesn't go Super Saiyan when Ponyo LICKS him *(btw- she's a GOLDFISH?! Where?!) then it isn't expressive enough. The viewer is also introduced to the scenery.
Holy shit, why is the scenery done in colored pencils?!
The stagnancy makes the viewing animation cadet cringe. But what just happened?! The background wasn't colored pencils before! It was- Ah, wait. It was oil paints. That would have been fine had it not, you know, been a different medium and made it look like two entirely different universes per scene change.
Apprehensive, yet? Good.
Now for the 'plot'.
Ponyo, the 'goldfish' whose father is the only decently designed character in the lot- and he's not a goldfish, btw- is in love with the 5 year old Sosuke. You may begin to feel a slight tingling. It's okay, it's just your understandable desire to crawl into a hole and die.
Sosuke in turn is in love with her. A goldfish.
Yes. I did say that. No, it isn't believable, and no, there's no subtlety. Or chemistry for that matter. Can 5 year olds even HAVE chemistry?
Life continues. She gains magical powers by... uh... actually. She just has magical powers.
Because of this long-established and completely irrelevant fact up to this point: The ocean's pissed.
So Ponyo's dad, the aforementioned solitarily well designed character naturally has to go and right this wrong. But Ponyo, the 5 year old girlfish is abruptly super powerful. So powerful, in fact, that super-daddy who is in charge of the balance of the earth/sea clearly can't do anything. He appeals to her sense of decency, and tells her essentially that humans suck and she shouldn't become one. He neglects, of course, to mention that by becoming human, she'll destroy the balance of the world. That's less important than his prejudice you know.
Think we're past all this? No.
I haven't even gotten to the world being flooded. In a moment of homage to Spirited Away, the world is suddenly covered in water, and Sosuke and his gamey girlfriend-fish are trapped on their mountaintop away from Sosuke's mother. Who is on another mountain.
How did she get there? Oh, yeah, she left Sosuke and Ponyo in a house on a cliff all alone during the middle of a massive life-threatening, world-flooding storm.
What good parenting.
So to say at least one good thing about the movie. There was one thing, you know. I promise. Sosuke and Ponyo now have to trek out across the flooded world to find his mom in a boat Ponyo magics up for them. This sequence (them in the boat) is quite possibly the best one in the movie; and the only good one in my opinion. The water was stunning, the various fish were awesome (if slightly out of place) and just for those five-ten minutes, the viewer sat back and breathed a sigh of relief. THAT was a Miyazaki sequence. Whew!
Brightly colored flags, boats, and scenery made for an engaging underwater and sea-faring scene change.
But all good things must come to an end; or in this case, the one good thing.
To be fair, the next sequence (revolving around the old ladies) was adorable. But not good. Merely funny.
Now go save Mom, says the Plot-gods. So Ponyo and Sosuke go off to find Mom some more. At which point, might I add, Ponyo's mother (sorry, almost forgot her since she was so unmemorable) shows up and says she wants to test Sosuke's love for Ponyo by... ah, actually, that's never defined. So I don't know. But she's testing him to see if he wants to keep her baby on land. Ground bound and without magic for eternity. This scene change showed Ponyo's mom talking to Sosuke's mom. Probably a 'what are your son's intentions toward my daughter' nonsense.
The 'test' Sosuke and Ponyo have to go through involves her falling asleep and turning back into a fish.
Wow. I feel so tested. I'm like. Totally gonna need a study guide!
My pet fish (Ponyo) whom I loved oh so very very much, turned into my girlfriend (Ponyo) who I love oh so very very much.
Oh no! She's a fish again! What do I do!
Put her in water?
Put her in water!
..... Oh my goodness, he put Ponyo in the ocean because she was a fish and needed water! He MUST love her eternally and with a devotion that five year olds completely understand! So Ponyo and Sosuke are brought to see Mommy and Daddy Ponyo, and they give their blessings (and hugs) at which point, all humans (and Ponyo) are delivered back to the surface, and life goes on as if the entire world totally didn't flood.
End movie!
No, I really am serious. That's the end of the movie.
Ah, but the credits. Those happened! And it was a cute, though slightly shrill song about Ponyo that we've all heard floating on the interwebz.
And then, naturally, a DJ techno remix of it.
Wait WHAT?!
Yes, a techno remix. And while this song may launch a thousand hilarious internet memes... it was still the biggest and most upsetting sellout I could have ever imagined happening. It was like "High School Miyazaki" with Zuko Efron and Miaka Montez. It left a bad taste in this animation-lover's mouth. And a taint on my soul.
Miyazaki; why'd you do it?
As I said; I've never disliked a Miyazaki movie before, and I am quite sad. Quite let down. I suppose this merely opens up the possibility for an even better animator. A new idol. But it's a sad day for me. And a sad day for animators, animation directors, and anime lovers everywhere.
I will now leave you to mourn. Good day to you sir.
TL;DR- I wasn't happy with Ponyo. I thought it wasn't even a shadow of what Miyazaki could do. And I'm glad I didn't pay $11 for it.
I am leaving this entry for public viewing in case anyone wishes to send it to their friends and share the misery.
Adieu.
EDIT:
I don't know how to make the double-cut thing go away. *sigh* But they go to the same thing.
I have never disliked a Miyazaki movie before.
I've thought some were better than others, to be sure... But this? This was... a sell out. A flop. A tool. A fraud!
This was not the Miyazaki I knew and loved.
Warning. Here there be spoilers:
The fact of it was; there was nothing Miyazaki about it anymore except for the style of the actual technical drawing of the characters. There was no Miyazaki design. No Miyazaki colors. No Miyazaki costumes. No Miyazaki subtlety. It was, in a word: Boring.
Am I devastated? Yes. Were the characters cutesy and unmemorable? Yes. Was this Blasphemy? Yes. Did Miyazaki surgically remove half his heart to make this like he did his other movies? No.
To quote "Who framed Roger Rabbit": -> "Let me count the ways I love you: 1 I love you, 2 I love you..." Miyazaki was the bar, the goal, the ICON of pure animated goodness. You know what I saw in this movie? A sellout.
Lets begin the pain;
In the beginning, the viewer is treated to a lovely spectacle of underwater life. But right off the bat, you notice that there aren't the SPLENDID Miyazaki colors that we have come to expect (Please view Howl's Moving Castle- the scene in his bedroom, if you do not know what I am referring to. Or the playroom in Spirited Away, or the- Well, you get the picture) instead- you are subjected to a muted color palate more into local color than anything else. "Oh, it must be underwater' the viewer thinks to herself. Justification for an ominous opening sequence.
And then the opening credits begin, and suddenly it all makes sense.
The opening credits are digitally animated.
Aaaaaaaaah. A knot tightens in the pit of your stomach. "No No NO!"
But maybe, the viewer reasons, maybe it'll be fine. Maybe he'll just use digital and it'll be okay.
No it won't.
The movie opens on an anti-climactic opening, introducing you to the main characters, who miraculously get shoved together. There are some neat water effects, but Miyazaki's trademark "expressive hair" is nowhere to be found. Sure, their hair blows in the wind when they're concerned- but if his bowl cut doesn't go Super Saiyan when Ponyo LICKS him *(btw- she's a GOLDFISH?! Where?!) then it isn't expressive enough. The viewer is also introduced to the scenery.
Holy shit, why is the scenery done in colored pencils?!
The stagnancy makes the viewing animation cadet cringe. But what just happened?! The background wasn't colored pencils before! It was- Ah, wait. It was oil paints. That would have been fine had it not, you know, been a different medium and made it look like two entirely different universes per scene change.
Apprehensive, yet? Good.
Now for the 'plot'.
Ponyo, the 'goldfish' whose father is the only decently designed character in the lot- and he's not a goldfish, btw- is in love with the 5 year old Sosuke. You may begin to feel a slight tingling. It's okay, it's just your understandable desire to crawl into a hole and die.
Sosuke in turn is in love with her. A goldfish.
Yes. I did say that. No, it isn't believable, and no, there's no subtlety. Or chemistry for that matter. Can 5 year olds even HAVE chemistry?
Life continues. She gains magical powers by... uh... actually. She just has magical powers.
Because of this long-established and completely irrelevant fact up to this point: The ocean's pissed.
So Ponyo's dad, the aforementioned solitarily well designed character naturally has to go and right this wrong. But Ponyo, the 5 year old girlfish is abruptly super powerful. So powerful, in fact, that super-daddy who is in charge of the balance of the earth/sea clearly can't do anything. He appeals to her sense of decency, and tells her essentially that humans suck and she shouldn't become one. He neglects, of course, to mention that by becoming human, she'll destroy the balance of the world. That's less important than his prejudice you know.
Think we're past all this? No.
I haven't even gotten to the world being flooded. In a moment of homage to Spirited Away, the world is suddenly covered in water, and Sosuke and his gamey girlfriend-fish are trapped on their mountaintop away from Sosuke's mother. Who is on another mountain.
How did she get there? Oh, yeah, she left Sosuke and Ponyo in a house on a cliff all alone during the middle of a massive life-threatening, world-flooding storm.
What good parenting.
So to say at least one good thing about the movie. There was one thing, you know. I promise. Sosuke and Ponyo now have to trek out across the flooded world to find his mom in a boat Ponyo magics up for them. This sequence (them in the boat) is quite possibly the best one in the movie; and the only good one in my opinion. The water was stunning, the various fish were awesome (if slightly out of place) and just for those five-ten minutes, the viewer sat back and breathed a sigh of relief. THAT was a Miyazaki sequence. Whew!
Brightly colored flags, boats, and scenery made for an engaging underwater and sea-faring scene change.
But all good things must come to an end; or in this case, the one good thing.
To be fair, the next sequence (revolving around the old ladies) was adorable. But not good. Merely funny.
Now go save Mom, says the Plot-gods. So Ponyo and Sosuke go off to find Mom some more. At which point, might I add, Ponyo's mother (sorry, almost forgot her since she was so unmemorable) shows up and says she wants to test Sosuke's love for Ponyo by... ah, actually, that's never defined. So I don't know. But she's testing him to see if he wants to keep her baby on land. Ground bound and without magic for eternity. This scene change showed Ponyo's mom talking to Sosuke's mom. Probably a 'what are your son's intentions toward my daughter' nonsense.
The 'test' Sosuke and Ponyo have to go through involves her falling asleep and turning back into a fish.
Wow. I feel so tested. I'm like. Totally gonna need a study guide!
My pet fish (Ponyo) whom I loved oh so very very much, turned into my girlfriend (Ponyo) who I love oh so very very much.
Oh no! She's a fish again! What do I do!
Put her in water?
Put her in water!
..... Oh my goodness, he put Ponyo in the ocean because she was a fish and needed water! He MUST love her eternally and with a devotion that five year olds completely understand! So Ponyo and Sosuke are brought to see Mommy and Daddy Ponyo, and they give their blessings (and hugs) at which point, all humans (and Ponyo) are delivered back to the surface, and life goes on as if the entire world totally didn't flood.
End movie!
No, I really am serious. That's the end of the movie.
Ah, but the credits. Those happened! And it was a cute, though slightly shrill song about Ponyo that we've all heard floating on the interwebz.
And then, naturally, a DJ techno remix of it.
Wait WHAT?!
Yes, a techno remix. And while this song may launch a thousand hilarious internet memes... it was still the biggest and most upsetting sellout I could have ever imagined happening. It was like "High School Miyazaki" with Zuko Efron and Miaka Montez. It left a bad taste in this animation-lover's mouth. And a taint on my soul.
Miyazaki; why'd you do it?
As I said; I've never disliked a Miyazaki movie before, and I am quite sad. Quite let down. I suppose this merely opens up the possibility for an even better animator. A new idol. But it's a sad day for me. And a sad day for animators, animation directors, and anime lovers everywhere.
I will now leave you to mourn. Good day to you sir.
TL;DR- I wasn't happy with Ponyo. I thought it wasn't even a shadow of what Miyazaki could do. And I'm glad I didn't pay $11 for it.
I am leaving this entry for public viewing in case anyone wishes to send it to their friends and share the misery.
Adieu.
EDIT:
I don't know how to make the double-cut thing go away. *sigh* But they go to the same thing.