(no subject)
I hope im ready to see her one last time.
So last thursday around 10, or 11, i was working on my drawing for brandon, of a car. the nova he so desperatly wants me to draw. and when im drawing, i dont have much more to do than let my mind wander to unsual places. i started thinking about what would happen if i were to get into a car accident and die. what would people do, and what would they think? how would they react? what would i do with all the stuff i dont want my mom seeing?
i laid down probably about 12.
Who would have thought that i'd get a call an hour later, from mike, around 1 am, saying that katie magle had gotten into a car accident and passed away. and of course, being half awake, could hardly beleive what he was saying because how could such a thing happen to someone like her. it just seemed impossible at the time. i thought he was kidding around, and she was alright. but he sounded so shaken up. i told him to call me after school to talk. i went to bed, and in the morning didnt think much about it, because it wasnt on the morning news, or anything. i was in school and it occured to me, what if she was really hurt, or something as impossible as that, did happen. i came home, and my dad was talking to me and i got a call from brandon saying that she really had passed away the night before. i hung up the phone and started crying. i felt so terrible. i had just talked to her on tuesday. i took a shower and went out to dinner, and then to brandons where brandons mom and i watched the news. it showed the trail blazer all crushed, and the story, and everything. i cried with brandon again.
i was just in such disbelief about how such a thing could happen to such an amazing and beautiful person. at the same time i was sooo fucking angry because she had to be taken and she enjoyed living so much and i have never seen anyone nearly as happy as she seemed. she was always smiling and laughing and joking, and every time we talked we would talk about how much i loved rancid and modest mouse and how much she loved hello goodbye and how silly and immature she used to be with jessica when we were growing up. haha and how she thought it was perfectly rational that i wanted to kill her best friend for hitting on brandon. she always stayed up at night during the summer to talk to me because we couldnt fall asleep. and shed listen to me complain about people, or listen to me talk about brandon. and she'd pick on me for being a flammer and how it's a new fad. duh. and how we never got along in grade school because i was angsty and she was immature, the stuff we loved, and how irrational i act sometimes. and that one time we were at doc's on 8th grade grad, and her and jessica were pointing lasers at us outside. i think mike was there too. haha
i've never met anyone as caring as her. over not even a year an a half i feel like ive known her forever. i'm so happy that her and jaime got together and we started talking almost every night. she's such an awesome person and im so enlightened with her happiness it makes me want to live life with more meaning and everything. seriously. i never thought id miss her this much.
ive been trying to put it out of my mind for the weekend. like she's still just a few minutes away, or like her screen name is still gonna pop up on my screen with her little hgb icon, with a million little "lol"s, or see her going some where and see her smiling and waving or getting another one of her hugs. she was always so excited. i never really got to tell her how much i appreicated her listening to me and how good and how beatiful of a human being she really was. she is amazing. with that lovely smile. <3
i dont think anyone's going to forget her.
and i hope she's the same way up there, too.
Just as happy.
