Well, it all catch up eventually. It all caught up and honestly...
Death is always sketchy on the internet. You may be friends with someone but you can't actually see them. You just have to trust them. You have to make the decision to believe the people the people you meet on the internet and, honestly, you usually do. Because the human reaction is not to assume that people are lying to you.
Corax, someone I never actually spoke to, died in a house fire. I only knew him because he was in a raiding guild on WoW with Jack. I've spent many nights listening to him on Ventrillo while they did raids and other guild type stuff. He was funny, he was pretty cool, he seemed totally awesome. Truthfully, I was always a little annoyed because I'd tried to initiate contact with him and some of others on the Blackwater Raiders (our server) forum, but to no avail.
There was some big drama on the forum involving some stupid internet stuff about his death and the other two (one of which also played WoW) that lived with him. It took me a while to figure out exactly what happened. By the time I did, I figured it wouldn't really affect me much, since I didn't know him. But... fuck.
I just keep thinking about it now and it's bothering me. When I was ten or so, the apartment below the one we were living in caught fire after a molotov cocktail was thrown through the window. A few years ago, some of friends' house burned down after someone threw an aresol can of something into their dryer. Their dog was in the laundry room when it exploded. He lived, but he looked like shit for a while. So... I keep finding myself thinking about Corax and how silly he was and what it must have been like to die like that. And it's giving me nightmares. I feel like there's something I should be doing, but I don't know what.
Also...
Dear you, who should know who you are,
I am so sorry for what I put you through. I know I've said this before, but I never feel like it's enough for you to forgive me. And it's okay. I don't really think you should. But, there's something I want to tell you.
It probably won't help anything. It might make things worse. I really don't know. I'm going to go ahead and say it anyway.
I didn't know, until it was too late, the extent of your feelings for the me you thought I was. And I'm sorry I made you feel like that. I'm sorry I betrayed that emotion. But... I felt the same. I just didn't think you, or anyone, would feel that way about me, even when I was lying.
I miss you. I miss talking to you all night. I miss exchanging music. I miss hearing about your day and your cats. I miss feeling close to you. I miss everything about you and I hate that I don't understand everything you're saying anymore.
I wish I could go back and change the way I did things. I wish I could fix what I broke. I wish we could be friends again. This halfway, purgatory we're in with each other makes me feel terrible and, even though I know I deserve it, I wish we could go back to the way things were before.
The way I hurt you is the thing I regret the most.
Corax, someone I never actually spoke to, died in a house fire. I only knew him because he was in a raiding guild on WoW with Jack. I've spent many nights listening to him on Ventrillo while they did raids and other guild type stuff. He was funny, he was pretty cool, he seemed totally awesome. Truthfully, I was always a little annoyed because I'd tried to initiate contact with him and some of others on the Blackwater Raiders (our server) forum, but to no avail.
There was some big drama on the forum involving some stupid internet stuff about his death and the other two (one of which also played WoW) that lived with him. It took me a while to figure out exactly what happened. By the time I did, I figured it wouldn't really affect me much, since I didn't know him. But... fuck.
I just keep thinking about it now and it's bothering me. When I was ten or so, the apartment below the one we were living in caught fire after a molotov cocktail was thrown through the window. A few years ago, some of friends' house burned down after someone threw an aresol can of something into their dryer. Their dog was in the laundry room when it exploded. He lived, but he looked like shit for a while. So... I keep finding myself thinking about Corax and how silly he was and what it must have been like to die like that. And it's giving me nightmares. I feel like there's something I should be doing, but I don't know what.
Also...
Dear you, who should know who you are,
I am so sorry for what I put you through. I know I've said this before, but I never feel like it's enough for you to forgive me. And it's okay. I don't really think you should. But, there's something I want to tell you.
It probably won't help anything. It might make things worse. I really don't know. I'm going to go ahead and say it anyway.
I didn't know, until it was too late, the extent of your feelings for the me you thought I was. And I'm sorry I made you feel like that. I'm sorry I betrayed that emotion. But... I felt the same. I just didn't think you, or anyone, would feel that way about me, even when I was lying.
I miss you. I miss talking to you all night. I miss exchanging music. I miss hearing about your day and your cats. I miss feeling close to you. I miss everything about you and I hate that I don't understand everything you're saying anymore.
I wish I could go back and change the way I did things. I wish I could fix what I broke. I wish we could be friends again. This halfway, purgatory we're in with each other makes me feel terrible and, even though I know I deserve it, I wish we could go back to the way things were before.
The way I hurt you is the thing I regret the most.