FIC: Five times Parker didn't do it [Leverage/Highlander | Parker, Amanda, ensemble | PG]
And slowly but surely, I'm teasing out the last fics from my 5 things meme from last year.
This one is for idontlikegravy, who asked for 'Five times Parker (or Amanda, writer's choice) didn't do it'
Title: Five times Parker didn't do it
Fandoms: Leverage/Highlander
Characters: Parker, Ensemble, Amanda
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 1,000
I
The unconscious security guard was strung up and tied to the overhead piping with a blinding array of pearls and platinum pilfered from the glass covered display cases surrounding them.
As one, Alec and Eliot turned to stare at her disbelievingly.
Parker let her bubblegum pop. “It wasn't me,” she said and, after a few more moments of strained silence, “I said it wasn't me.”
“Uhuh,” Alec said, in an arch tone.
Eliot shook his head. “Something not quite right,” he muttered.
“But it wasn't me,” Parker said, puzzled at their tone. “I mean look at him.” She waved a hand at the bejewelled guard. “Would I risk damaging the resale value like that?”
Alec's face grew thoughtful. “She's got a point.”
“She's still not quite right,” Eliot said flatly.
Parker shrugged, she couldn't argue with that.
II
She knew there was trouble the moment the elevator doors opened.
“Okay, spit it out, what did you do with it?” Nate asked, the moment she stepped into the apartment, his foot tapping impatiently.
“Do with what?” she asked.
Sophie sighed as Nate reached for the scotch. "Nobody is judging you, honey-” Eliot scoffed from his position on the couch and Sophie glared at him.
“We just need to know what you did with the with it, Parker,” Alec continued. “It's kind of important.”
“But I don't know what you're talking about!” Parker said, exasperated.
“We're talking about the Star of India!” Nate barked. “What else?”
Parker rolled her eyes. As if she’d be interested in that piece of trash. “Wasn't me,” she said succinctly.
“What do you mean, it wasn't you. Of course it was you! Who else would be be?” Nate demanded.
Parker shrugged a shoulder. “Search me,” she said, “I've been in London for the last week.”
“Doing what,exactly?” Nate asked.
Parker smirked. “Not stealing the Star of India,” she said. “What's so important about it, anyway?”
“It was supposed to be our honey to spring a trap,” Sophie said glumly.
“Oh...” Parker said, before venturing, “Would you settle for Granny's Chips, instead ?”
“Oh my, you didn't...” Sophie said, slightly awed.
“Oh Christ,” Nate groaned.
“Uh, could someone fill me in here?” Alec said. “Coz something tells me she isn't talking about her grandmother's french fries.”
“It means she broke into Buckingham,” Sophie said hoarsely.
“What, as in the palace?” Alec squeaked.
“We're so screwed,” Nate moaned. “Screwed.”
Well really, this is the thanks she gets for offering to help the team out?
III
“It wasn’t me,” Parker singsonged.
“Of course it wasn’t,” Alec drawled.
“Really trying not to lose my temper right now,” Nate said, through gritted teeth.
“I hear the Seychelles are nice this time of year” Sophie mused.
Eliot muttered under his breath as the news headlines scrolled across the bottom of the screen.
“And in breaking news,” the CNN reporter said, “It has been confirmed that Fort Knox has been breached.”
IV
“The Royal family's private collection wasn't enough, you had to go after the Scottish Crown Jewels as well - really, Parker?” Sophie asked.
Parker pursed her lips. "Oh please, as if I'd waste my time. That stuff is unhockable.”
"Unhockable?" Eliot echoed. "Is that a word now?"
“Relax, guys,” Alec said, looking up from his laptop. “Apparently, the only rock that they stole was literally a piece of rock. Nothing to worry about.
“Just a...” Sophie spun on her heels. “Alec, are you talking about the Stone of Scone
“Yeah,” he said. “No biggie.”
“I think I'm going to be ill,” Sophie said faintly.
“Guess we're going to get another visit from Interpol, then,” Eliot said laconically.
“Only if we're lucky,” Sophie said. “They may pass this onto M16.”
“I don't see what the big deal is,”Parker harrumphed.
The doors burst open and Nate stormed into the room. “We need to move. Some idiot has just threatened the accession to the British throne and pointed the finger at us.”
Parker threw her hand into the air. “It wasn't me.” She paused, and her eyes narrowed. “But I think I know who it might be.”
V
Parker was waiting for Amanda when she got home.
“Parker, darling, so lovely to see you again,” she said, not missing a beat when she switched on the light and found her perched on the couch.
”Amanda,” she said. “Been to Scotland recently?”
“Why yes, I have, however did you know?” Amanda asked lightly.
Parker growled. “Give it back.”
Amanda pouted. “Parker, I'm afraid you're going to have to be a bit more forthcoming. I'm not sure what you mean.”
The expression on Parker's face was almost disconcerting; it was half a smirk, half a scowl. “I thought you might be like that. That's why I brought...leverage.” Her front door opened - funny, she thought she'd locked it behind her - and a rumpled character in a pork pie hat stalked into the room. Parker got to her feet. “This is Nate. He's going to show you why honesty is the best policy.”
Half an hour later, Amanda felt a bit queasy. “Well,” she said. “I must say that was a very thorough background check. Although, how you found out that titbit about my grandmother...?”
Nate gave her a measuring look. "I have my sources,” he said.
“No wonder you're so good,” Parker added. “Eight generations of thieves.”
“At least,” Nate said. “I found a few titbits from the fifteenth century-”
“Alright, alright,” Amanda said hurriedly. “I'll tell you what want to know...but I have a question first. “
The looked at her expectantly.
“Which stone of scone do you want - the real one, or the one the Royal family has been warming their behinds on for the last few centuries?”
Nate and Parker looked at each other. “Guys, you'd better come in!” they said, in unison.
The door burst open.
FINIS
This one is for idontlikegravy, who asked for 'Five times Parker (or Amanda, writer's choice) didn't do it'
Title: Five times Parker didn't do it
Fandoms: Leverage/Highlander
Characters: Parker, Ensemble, Amanda
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 1,000
I
The unconscious security guard was strung up and tied to the overhead piping with a blinding array of pearls and platinum pilfered from the glass covered display cases surrounding them.
As one, Alec and Eliot turned to stare at her disbelievingly.
Parker let her bubblegum pop. “It wasn't me,” she said and, after a few more moments of strained silence, “I said it wasn't me.”
“Uhuh,” Alec said, in an arch tone.
Eliot shook his head. “Something not quite right,” he muttered.
“But it wasn't me,” Parker said, puzzled at their tone. “I mean look at him.” She waved a hand at the bejewelled guard. “Would I risk damaging the resale value like that?”
Alec's face grew thoughtful. “She's got a point.”
“She's still not quite right,” Eliot said flatly.
Parker shrugged, she couldn't argue with that.
II
She knew there was trouble the moment the elevator doors opened.
“Okay, spit it out, what did you do with it?” Nate asked, the moment she stepped into the apartment, his foot tapping impatiently.
“Do with what?” she asked.
Sophie sighed as Nate reached for the scotch. "Nobody is judging you, honey-” Eliot scoffed from his position on the couch and Sophie glared at him.
“We just need to know what you did with the with it, Parker,” Alec continued. “It's kind of important.”
“But I don't know what you're talking about!” Parker said, exasperated.
“We're talking about the Star of India!” Nate barked. “What else?”
Parker rolled her eyes. As if she’d be interested in that piece of trash. “Wasn't me,” she said succinctly.
“What do you mean, it wasn't you. Of course it was you! Who else would be be?” Nate demanded.
Parker shrugged a shoulder. “Search me,” she said, “I've been in London for the last week.”
“Doing what,exactly?” Nate asked.
Parker smirked. “Not stealing the Star of India,” she said. “What's so important about it, anyway?”
“It was supposed to be our honey to spring a trap,” Sophie said glumly.
“Oh...” Parker said, before venturing, “Would you settle for Granny's Chips, instead ?”
“Oh my, you didn't...” Sophie said, slightly awed.
“Oh Christ,” Nate groaned.
“Uh, could someone fill me in here?” Alec said. “Coz something tells me she isn't talking about her grandmother's french fries.”
“It means she broke into Buckingham,” Sophie said hoarsely.
“What, as in the palace?” Alec squeaked.
“We're so screwed,” Nate moaned. “Screwed.”
Well really, this is the thanks she gets for offering to help the team out?
III
“It wasn’t me,” Parker singsonged.
“Of course it wasn’t,” Alec drawled.
“Really trying not to lose my temper right now,” Nate said, through gritted teeth.
“I hear the Seychelles are nice this time of year” Sophie mused.
Eliot muttered under his breath as the news headlines scrolled across the bottom of the screen.
“And in breaking news,” the CNN reporter said, “It has been confirmed that Fort Knox has been breached.”
IV
“The Royal family's private collection wasn't enough, you had to go after the Scottish Crown Jewels as well - really, Parker?” Sophie asked.
Parker pursed her lips. "Oh please, as if I'd waste my time. That stuff is unhockable.”
"Unhockable?" Eliot echoed. "Is that a word now?"
“Relax, guys,” Alec said, looking up from his laptop. “Apparently, the only rock that they stole was literally a piece of rock. Nothing to worry about.
“Just a...” Sophie spun on her heels. “Alec, are you talking about the Stone of Scone
“Yeah,” he said. “No biggie.”
“I think I'm going to be ill,” Sophie said faintly.
“Guess we're going to get another visit from Interpol, then,” Eliot said laconically.
“Only if we're lucky,” Sophie said. “They may pass this onto M16.”
“I don't see what the big deal is,”Parker harrumphed.
The doors burst open and Nate stormed into the room. “We need to move. Some idiot has just threatened the accession to the British throne and pointed the finger at us.”
Parker threw her hand into the air. “It wasn't me.” She paused, and her eyes narrowed. “But I think I know who it might be.”
V
Parker was waiting for Amanda when she got home.
“Parker, darling, so lovely to see you again,” she said, not missing a beat when she switched on the light and found her perched on the couch.
”Amanda,” she said. “Been to Scotland recently?”
“Why yes, I have, however did you know?” Amanda asked lightly.
Parker growled. “Give it back.”
Amanda pouted. “Parker, I'm afraid you're going to have to be a bit more forthcoming. I'm not sure what you mean.”
The expression on Parker's face was almost disconcerting; it was half a smirk, half a scowl. “I thought you might be like that. That's why I brought...leverage.” Her front door opened - funny, she thought she'd locked it behind her - and a rumpled character in a pork pie hat stalked into the room. Parker got to her feet. “This is Nate. He's going to show you why honesty is the best policy.”
Half an hour later, Amanda felt a bit queasy. “Well,” she said. “I must say that was a very thorough background check. Although, how you found out that titbit about my grandmother...?”
Nate gave her a measuring look. "I have my sources,” he said.
“No wonder you're so good,” Parker added. “Eight generations of thieves.”
“At least,” Nate said. “I found a few titbits from the fifteenth century-”
“Alright, alright,” Amanda said hurriedly. “I'll tell you what want to know...but I have a question first. “
The looked at her expectantly.
“Which stone of scone do you want - the real one, or the one the Royal family has been warming their behinds on for the last few centuries?”
Nate and Parker looked at each other. “Guys, you'd better come in!” they said, in unison.
The door burst open.
FINIS