I Waited Till I Saw the Sun, I Don't Know Why I Didn't Come~
Have I ever mentioned how I want to curl up in a ball, go to sleep and not wake up for a really, really, really, really long time? Yeah, maybe I'll be well-rested, then.
I say this not out of depression, but from an intensely deep feeling of fatigue. Life's pretty awesome and all - I'm in a constant state of preoccupation with friends and school and working on myself, and actively changing my life into a representation of near-perfect balance (which is going along swimmingly, I might add) and I usually get about six to seven hours of sleep, which is enough, you'd think, right? Well, every two or three weeks, when I finally get a day on the weekend to myself, I turn off my alarm clock and sleep in for an average of sixteen hours. Six. teen. hours. of an uninterrupted, beyond-comatose-more-like-death state of being, where I wake and wonder what year it is. This seems unhealthy, considering I get enough, as is. Aside from that one strange aspect of my life, things are pretty awesome.
With eating healthy foods and balancing out my intake and working out, I'm finally seeing physical changes reflecting these better choices. I've lost weight and am sooo close to that flat tummy I so adore complete with those delicious gentle ab indentions (I'z a sexy bitch); I'm no longer breathless from hurriedly walking across campus. I've come to feel rather comfortable with myself, as a person. I like this, a lot. Not much is holding me back from life, right now, aside from my age and my qualifications - all of which I'm getting closer to accumulating with each day. (For instance, I had been looking for a job, and Alex works at a wine store, that's hiring and he would gladly have hooked me up with a position, there - if only I was 21. *sigh*)
So, I've been thinking a lot about where my life's headed. I'm a Japanese and International Studies double-major, with this I could teach English in Japan, or if I pursued a degree in Education, I could teach Japanese or Japanese/Asian History, here in the US. I've always wanted to be a translator of sorts - manga, anime, video games and what have you, but why would they hire someone that spent their college years studying a language that they can never master when they could just as easily hire a native of both languages and countries - someone who spent half of their life in Japan and half in the US, speaking both with a level of fluency that I could only dream of achieving? I'm not saying I couldn't get into the business, I just have reasonable doubts that I'd be the more likely choice. To be honest, I'd like to pursue a major in linguistics and a minor in other various languages, but that major isn't exactly offerred at this university, to my great dismay and minoring in those other languages would give me a broad, shallow understanding, while I feel like majoring and focusing on a single one or two would give me a deeper comprehension.
I find myself rather entranced when my Japanese professor (who's Korean, but is fluent in Japanese and English and majored in linguistics) goes on rants in class about the similarities and disparities between American and Japanese cultures and languages and such - all of what he speaks of is amazing to me. I want his job and his knowledge, I'm so jelly. So, I inquired about what's offerred in the department of linguistics with the director of it, recently, only to find that there's a minor for it, but you can only minor in it if you're an English major. =_=;; Fucking ridiculous; that department should be in the Language and Culture Offices instead. Of course, I can get a Japanese translating certificate in a mere two classes, or so the advisor from the L&C offices told me, even though head of the Japanese department says no such certification is available yet, (I do intend to pursue these classes, regardless of certification). If these are what I really want to do, I should pursue these goals, but I really like this university, and I can't imagine spending my undergraduate years anywhere else, but this is my future, here and I feel pulled in so many directions that I want my future to go.
What should I dedicate my life to? To be quite honest, I feel a bit torn between the path my career seems set on and this recent recurring contemplation that's been on my mind, rather often. It's kind of silly, but I think I would enjoy being a sex therapist. Yes, really. It's a most fascinating subject to me, unlike others, I can find myself lost in a book on the health and psychological benefits of sex and of learning what roles it plays in relationships - casual, serious, and otherwise, for hours or even days, at a time. Besides, I've always had an interest in psychology; in high school, for about three years, I was certain I was going to be a psychologist, for the prosperous income, more than anything else. To find a field of study that can mediate between the two, serving not only as a lucrative income but specified enough that I can thoroughly enjoy what I do - that would be beyond wonderful.
I've always been a highly sexual person, even as repressed as I've always been about it in terms of myself, I'm fully aware of this fact, however, upon my ahem discovery of sex, as an experience, seeing the effects it had on me, as a person just increased that interest beyond lust, into a desire to understand it in its most basic nature to its most complex. I'm only disheartened that the likelihood of it as an area of focus in the psychology department is extremely low and that there's hardly any way to bridge a connection to Japanese or linguistics or even international studies with it. My two current majors feed into one another, thankfully; even though international studies isn't really my "thing".
I'm usually one to dismiss most thoughts of such drastic, seemingly unnecessary changes, unless the thought persists, then it's apparent that somewhere in my mind, there's more to it than I thought. Perhaps, the small bit surfacing from a much larger, broader subconscious desire for more.
Linguistics with a focus in East Asian languages, Japanese, international studies, psychology with a focus in sex therapy: let's see how I can make this work?
I say this not out of depression, but from an intensely deep feeling of fatigue. Life's pretty awesome and all - I'm in a constant state of preoccupation with friends and school and working on myself, and actively changing my life into a representation of near-perfect balance (which is going along swimmingly, I might add) and I usually get about six to seven hours of sleep, which is enough, you'd think, right? Well, every two or three weeks, when I finally get a day on the weekend to myself, I turn off my alarm clock and sleep in for an average of sixteen hours. Six. teen. hours. of an uninterrupted, beyond-comatose-more-like-death state of being, where I wake and wonder what year it is. This seems unhealthy, considering I get enough, as is. Aside from that one strange aspect of my life, things are pretty awesome.
With eating healthy foods and balancing out my intake and working out, I'm finally seeing physical changes reflecting these better choices. I've lost weight and am sooo close to that flat tummy I so adore complete with those delicious gentle ab indentions (I'z a sexy bitch); I'm no longer breathless from hurriedly walking across campus. I've come to feel rather comfortable with myself, as a person. I like this, a lot. Not much is holding me back from life, right now, aside from my age and my qualifications - all of which I'm getting closer to accumulating with each day. (For instance, I had been looking for a job, and Alex works at a wine store, that's hiring and he would gladly have hooked me up with a position, there - if only I was 21. *sigh*)
So, I've been thinking a lot about where my life's headed. I'm a Japanese and International Studies double-major, with this I could teach English in Japan, or if I pursued a degree in Education, I could teach Japanese or Japanese/Asian History, here in the US. I've always wanted to be a translator of sorts - manga, anime, video games and what have you, but why would they hire someone that spent their college years studying a language that they can never master when they could just as easily hire a native of both languages and countries - someone who spent half of their life in Japan and half in the US, speaking both with a level of fluency that I could only dream of achieving? I'm not saying I couldn't get into the business, I just have reasonable doubts that I'd be the more likely choice. To be honest, I'd like to pursue a major in linguistics and a minor in other various languages, but that major isn't exactly offerred at this university, to my great dismay and minoring in those other languages would give me a broad, shallow understanding, while I feel like majoring and focusing on a single one or two would give me a deeper comprehension.
I find myself rather entranced when my Japanese professor (who's Korean, but is fluent in Japanese and English and majored in linguistics) goes on rants in class about the similarities and disparities between American and Japanese cultures and languages and such - all of what he speaks of is amazing to me. I want his job and his knowledge, I'm so jelly. So, I inquired about what's offerred in the department of linguistics with the director of it, recently, only to find that there's a minor for it, but you can only minor in it if you're an English major. =_=;; Fucking ridiculous; that department should be in the Language and Culture Offices instead. Of course, I can get a Japanese translating certificate in a mere two classes, or so the advisor from the L&C offices told me, even though head of the Japanese department says no such certification is available yet, (I do intend to pursue these classes, regardless of certification). If these are what I really want to do, I should pursue these goals, but I really like this university, and I can't imagine spending my undergraduate years anywhere else, but this is my future, here and I feel pulled in so many directions that I want my future to go.
What should I dedicate my life to? To be quite honest, I feel a bit torn between the path my career seems set on and this recent recurring contemplation that's been on my mind, rather often. It's kind of silly, but I think I would enjoy being a sex therapist. Yes, really. It's a most fascinating subject to me, unlike others, I can find myself lost in a book on the health and psychological benefits of sex and of learning what roles it plays in relationships - casual, serious, and otherwise, for hours or even days, at a time. Besides, I've always had an interest in psychology; in high school, for about three years, I was certain I was going to be a psychologist, for the prosperous income, more than anything else. To find a field of study that can mediate between the two, serving not only as a lucrative income but specified enough that I can thoroughly enjoy what I do - that would be beyond wonderful.
I've always been a highly sexual person, even as repressed as I've always been about it in terms of myself, I'm fully aware of this fact, however, upon my ahem discovery of sex, as an experience, seeing the effects it had on me, as a person just increased that interest beyond lust, into a desire to understand it in its most basic nature to its most complex. I'm only disheartened that the likelihood of it as an area of focus in the psychology department is extremely low and that there's hardly any way to bridge a connection to Japanese or linguistics or even international studies with it. My two current majors feed into one another, thankfully; even though international studies isn't really my "thing".
I'm usually one to dismiss most thoughts of such drastic, seemingly unnecessary changes, unless the thought persists, then it's apparent that somewhere in my mind, there's more to it than I thought. Perhaps, the small bit surfacing from a much larger, broader subconscious desire for more.
Linguistics with a focus in East Asian languages, Japanese, international studies, psychology with a focus in sex therapy: let's see how I can make this work?