To Know, Know, Know Him is to Love, Love, Love Him...
First fucking day of solidarity, and already, men are pissing me off.
"It would be lovely to have a FWB as beautiful and wonderful as yourself. :)<3"
Really? Are you fucking kidding me...?
What the fuck is this shit? To be straight-forward about the offer is one thing, but to add that, afterwards, just takes it out of line. Take out 'FWB' and insert 'girlfriend' and you have a justified statement, there. But, this is just...just no. That's what you say when you're trying to coax a girl into being your girlfriend, not your friend-with-benefits. Do you really think that would've convinced me?
Is that really all I'm worth to the male population? A pretty piece of flesh. Am I not good enough to be more to somebody worthwhile?
Yes, I'm very open about the fact that I like sex, but it, certainly, isn't the only thing I want and to assume so would be utterly foolish.
Fuck that shit, all together.
It's taken time to be honest with myself, but I realize that I have made a home, a lifestyle, a security in him, just as he has in me. He's what I know. You know what else? I'm a die-hard home-body, and always have been. I guess it's a nasty trait, not wanting to venture out from under a leaky roof on wobbling walls. Unfortunately, there's one thing that's always been true for me; that home is where the heart is. I don't know if I can say there's any love left, or if there ever was any, but I can be certain of that one fact. He's got my heart and I can't take it back.
Is there any difference between loving someone and them having your heart? Maybe not to some, but I feel it shifting. Even with this vacant cavity in my chest, and the lack of feeling any love or anything, for that matter, something still pulls me in his direction. What else could it be but an emptiness in need of filling? Drawn to what belongs in it, like the Headless Horseman to his head.
Do you know what it's like to feel nothing where pain and sadness have crept in, time and time, again? I do. It doesn't feel wrong or right, it just is. The feeling, as a whole, is new to me, though I've felt it creeping in over time. Something is either very wrong with me or very right. I'll admit, though, it scares me...
There was, however, one flutter of emotion. I guess it's good to know that my heart is just hibernating, rather than numb; though it's the worst thing, knowing that I couldn't even bring myself to accept that offer because it wouldn't feel right. How fucking lame is that for a reason? Passing up no-strings-attached sex because of a strip of faithfulness to a person I should have no faith in, whatsoever. I, desperately, need to learn to separate sex from emotion.
What's right and wrong, anymore? What makes a hookup wrong? What makes lovemaking right? What does it make something in-between?
Why do I hate referring to sex as 'fucking'? Well, it makes it sound empty, without feeling or concern for the other, and, by association, makes it feel like it's empty without feeling or concern. It, literally, makes me feel like I've been fucked over, physically and emotionally. 'Making fuck'. Every time he said it, it made me cringe, internally.
This fits me. Most of her songs do, actually.
I should care, I should go around weeping,
I should care, I should go without sleeping,
Strangely enough, I sleep well,
'cept for a dream or two,
But then I count my sheep well,
Funny how sheep can lull you to sleep.
So I should care, I should let it upset me,
I should care but it just doesn't get me,
Maybe I won't find someone as lovely as you,
But I should care and I do.
I should care but it just doesn't get me,
Maybe I won't find someone as lovely as you,
But I should care and I do.
And I do...
"It would be lovely to have a FWB as beautiful and wonderful as yourself. :)<3"
Really? Are you fucking kidding me...?
What the fuck is this shit? To be straight-forward about the offer is one thing, but to add that, afterwards, just takes it out of line. Take out 'FWB' and insert 'girlfriend' and you have a justified statement, there. But, this is just...just no. That's what you say when you're trying to coax a girl into being your girlfriend, not your friend-with-benefits. Do you really think that would've convinced me?
Is that really all I'm worth to the male population? A pretty piece of flesh. Am I not good enough to be more to somebody worthwhile?
Yes, I'm very open about the fact that I like sex, but it, certainly, isn't the only thing I want and to assume so would be utterly foolish.
Fuck that shit, all together.
It's taken time to be honest with myself, but I realize that I have made a home, a lifestyle, a security in him, just as he has in me. He's what I know. You know what else? I'm a die-hard home-body, and always have been. I guess it's a nasty trait, not wanting to venture out from under a leaky roof on wobbling walls. Unfortunately, there's one thing that's always been true for me; that home is where the heart is. I don't know if I can say there's any love left, or if there ever was any, but I can be certain of that one fact. He's got my heart and I can't take it back.
Is there any difference between loving someone and them having your heart? Maybe not to some, but I feel it shifting. Even with this vacant cavity in my chest, and the lack of feeling any love or anything, for that matter, something still pulls me in his direction. What else could it be but an emptiness in need of filling? Drawn to what belongs in it, like the Headless Horseman to his head.
Do you know what it's like to feel nothing where pain and sadness have crept in, time and time, again? I do. It doesn't feel wrong or right, it just is. The feeling, as a whole, is new to me, though I've felt it creeping in over time. Something is either very wrong with me or very right. I'll admit, though, it scares me...
There was, however, one flutter of emotion. I guess it's good to know that my heart is just hibernating, rather than numb; though it's the worst thing, knowing that I couldn't even bring myself to accept that offer because it wouldn't feel right. How fucking lame is that for a reason? Passing up no-strings-attached sex because of a strip of faithfulness to a person I should have no faith in, whatsoever. I, desperately, need to learn to separate sex from emotion.
What's right and wrong, anymore? What makes a hookup wrong? What makes lovemaking right? What does it make something in-between?
Why do I hate referring to sex as 'fucking'? Well, it makes it sound empty, without feeling or concern for the other, and, by association, makes it feel like it's empty without feeling or concern. It, literally, makes me feel like I've been fucked over, physically and emotionally. 'Making fuck'. Every time he said it, it made me cringe, internally.
This fits me. Most of her songs do, actually.
I should care, I should go around weeping,
I should care, I should go without sleeping,
Strangely enough, I sleep well,
'cept for a dream or two,
But then I count my sheep well,
Funny how sheep can lull you to sleep.
So I should care, I should let it upset me,
I should care but it just doesn't get me,
Maybe I won't find someone as lovely as you,
But I should care and I do.
I should care but it just doesn't get me,
Maybe I won't find someone as lovely as you,
But I should care and I do.
And I do...