star light, star bright (all the stars are blinking out tonight)
Title: star light, star bright (all the stars are blinking out tonight)
Pairing: Chanyeol/Kai
Word Count: 2115 words
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own EXO
Summary: There's a new little girl on the way and while Chanyeol is ecstatic, Jongin is absolutely terrified.
"Would you like to see her?"
Chanyeol is eager, as he always has been. His fingers are fidgeting in his pockets, his foot is tapping apprehensively on the ground, and it takes every fiber in his being to stop himself from screaming yes, god fucking yes in the middle of the emergency room.
Jongin is terrified, nerves and fear swirling precariously in his stomach. His fingers are winding tightly in the fabric of his shirt, pulling at the fabric as his toes curl in his shoes. The anxiety bubbles up to his throat and winds itself around it like a snake, winding tighter and tighter until he can hardly breathe out a yes before he's pulled along by Chanyeol's firm grip.
His feet are heavy, sounding like the twinge of plucked guitar strings echoing off the walls as he stumbles behind. The grip on his shirt is his anchor of sanity, holding him together as the fear grows with every step they take to the room of newborn children.
"Come on, slowpoke! She's waiting for us!" Chanyeol beams, trying to stop himself from looking so ecstatic, but it's hard not to feel the burning rays of happiness that Chanyeol emits like the sun, simultaneously warm and painful. His steps are light through turn after turn and his smile gets wider with every step towards the maternity ward.
It's fucking time, Chanyeol had screamed through the phone, just as Jongin was released from his last meeting of the day. And so overwhelmed by emotion, Jongin packed up his files and rushed over in record time before he even remembered to think. Chanyeol had stood by the door, gripping his arm so hard that his knuckles paled. "She's coming- god, Jongin, she's coming!" he breathed, looking as pale as his knuckles and on the cusp of a caffeine rush and simultaneously about to faint. There's something Chanyeol spews about how things could be dangerous because she's early and a C-section, but Jongin is too focused on trying not to show how scared he is. He thought he had another month to prepare, at least another two weeks, but it's actually time and fuck, he's nowhere near prepared.
Chanyeol lets go of his arm as they walk into a room with unfazed nurses and the cries of newborns in the background. There's a glass window off to the right, and Chanyeol presses his face to the glass where all the new little boys and girls are crying and sleeping and fidgeting in their little baskets, their names taped neatly to the back. His fingers curl against the glass when his eyes land on a little girl with no name on the back of her carrier.
She's absolutely tiny, Jongin thinks as his eyes glance upon the same little girl. His heart begins to swell, filling the crevices of his ribcage at the sight because she's beautiful, pink faced and tiny feet kicking slowly in the air. She's smaller than most, but her big eyes are closed and her little fists are curled in the air, looking for contact. She's swathed in pink hospital clothes that are adorably big for her tiny frame and she's got obvious ears and a small face and a small nose.
And she's perfect, she's absolutely perfect.
"Minhee," Chanyeol whispers before the nurse who brought them in even asks, gaze never wavering from the carrier. "Park Minhee- that's her name."
The nurse smiles softly, gently looking at the both of them before she says, "I'll bring her out for you. She dismisses herself and disappears through the door around another corner. Chanyeol takes a huge breath after she leaves, as if he just remembered he needed to breathe to live.
"Jongin, she's… Minhee is-" he's choked up for words, eyes looking as if they're about ready to let down the floodgates and a torrential downpour is about to cascade over Chanyeol's cheeks. He's always been so emotional over the smallest things, Jongin thinks as Chanyeol embraces him tightly, trying to regain a bit of his composure before the nurse comes back.
But that feeling of anxiety comes back to Jongin. His heart drops to the heel of his feet and he wishes the floor would swallow him up. Apprehension begins to swirl in his stomach, competing for his attention with his heart that's beating in his ears, and he's about ready to vomit. He's not prepared for this.
The nurse is back, pink blankets in her arms as she hands Minhee carefully to Chanyeol. He adjusts the baby in his arms, a blinding smile spreading across his face, and pushes the blankets away from her face.
"Hi there, baby," he whispers, pressing teary kisses to Minhee's little fists. She yawns, toothless gums peeking from her lips, then tries to shift in his arms. Chanyeol locks her fist around his finger and sighs, content and enamored by the little girl.
He's starstruck, eyes shining as bright as his aura radiating around him. He's probably the happiest person alive on the earth with a new, beautiful little life in his arms. Jongin's heart seems to expand in the small space of his chest at Chanyeol's smile, a smile he's always loved so much from the very beginning. One that's warm and happy and completely Chanyeol.
Chanyeol pushes the pink blanket into his arms. "How about you hold her," he whispers, careful not to startle Minhee. He leans in close and supports Jongin's arms as he shifts the baby out of his grip. Jongin's hands start to shake with the fragility in his arms and a thousand worries start flooding his mind because what if he drops her or what if he holds her too tight or what if-
"Chanyeol, I can't do this-"
"Calm down and support her head," he says, eyes never leaving Minhee as he holds them together. Jongin ignores the bursts in his heart that threaten to shatter him and shifts Minhee around until he's comfortable and less afraid she'll slip.
And Chanyeol's right, it's a miracle to be holding a baby in his arms. She's got big ears like Chanyeol and a nose like Chanyeol and eyes like Chanyeol and she's so precious that Jongin can't help the shallow smile that crosses his face. She's absolutely perfect, even if she starts to slobber all over his nicest shirt.
Jongin doesn't know how much time goes by until Chanyeol begins to slide Minhee out of his arms to hold her again, just for a moment, before she's taken back by the nurse and put back into her bassinet. Chanyeol almost looks heartbroken as Minhee is taken away, only feet from his protective arms. But now her carrier has the characters for Park Minhee scrawled across the back and Chanyeol shifts back to his usual happy persona as they start to wander back through the hallways.
"You're free to go back; we'll bring the papers to you soon," the nurse says before she leaves them in the waiting room and disappears behind another corner. Jongin is still a little dizzy and sick somehow.
There's a heavy sigh as they walk towards the elevators. "God, Jongin, she's fucking perfect," Chanyeol mutters in awe, staring at his feet as they walk back through the maternity ward, turning through hallways until they're at the elevators. Chanyeol is searching for contact, itching for a hug, Jongin can still tell.
So Jongin doesn't think when he tugs on Chanyeol's hand, ducking into a dark hallway to have a little privacy when he kisses him hard. He's slow and his hands are shaking, gripping tightly at Chanyeol's shoulders, digging in almost painfully. The cracks in his heart that he almost forgot about are beginning to break, going deeper and deeper into the arteries and cavities and it's slipping through his fingers like sand as Chanyeol doesn't respond but grips his shirt by the front and twists the fabric in his hands.
He pushes Jongin away, hard enough to make Jongin stumble back, and punches him square in the jaw.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" His voice is grave now, his eyes hard set but looking absolutely torn. Like Jongin had ruthlessly clawed his heart from his chest and cut it down the middle with a blunt, rusty knife.
Jongin can't reply back, not with the invisible hand of guilt wrapping around his neck, cutting of this airways.
Chanyeol turns furious. "Jongin! What the fuck?!" He's soon to start screaming and the horrors start filtering in through Jongin's skin and it hurts. It hurts just as much as it did a year and a half ago; the memories are still too raw.
How does he tell Chanyeol that he's still in love, even though the wounds are opened wide and just the thought of happiness rains salt upon them. How does he make up for what's gone- it's too late, it's far too fucking late, and Chanyeol has moved on but he's still stuck in the quicksand and falling in faster than he can blink. How can he fix what was broken from the beginning.
"I'm sorry-"
"I don't need your apologies!" Chanyeol shouts, shoving Jongin back a little more. His hands are shaking as he grips the collar of Jongin's shirt and pulls it towards him. He looks between murderous and grief-stricken. "I don't need your goddamn apologies, Jongin."
I need answers.
Chanyeol's breaths are heavy, his chest heaving with the effort to push words through his clogged throat. He looks so utterly confused. "Jongin, I invited you here because we're friends now- we're like brothers. What we had in the past is over, and I'm not going back. We broke each other, cheated each other, lived under the delusion of what happiness truly was, and we don't deserve that- you don't deserve it, Jongin. We screamed and fought consistently and you know neither of us could live like that." Chanyeol relaxes his grip on his shirt, but Jongin still feels like he can't breathe.
"I have a family now. I have a wife and a little girl and I'm not giving up on them. I'm happy like this and I'm not going back to the past. Ever."
Jongin feels his knees tremble, like they're seconds away from giving out underneath him. The throbbing in his jaw is becoming more persistent; it's swelling under his fingertips. It takes all his strength right then not to vomit at Chanyeol's feet, to stop himself from bending over and pleading, begging for Chanyeol back. Though Chanyeol had learned to swim, he is still drowning.
"It's probably better if you leave," mutters Chanyeol, shuffling nervously with his eyes to the ground. Jongin dreadfully thinks that he's ruined their shaky relationship, a friendship as sturdy as blades of grass. He was willing to live with a broken heart if that meant temporarily closing up the wounds on his body.
But with pieces on the floor, Jongin thinks it's better to leave. There's a happy family waiting to be united and he's just getting in the way of it all.
So he pulls himself away, eases Chanyeol's warm fingers from his shirt until they're holding hands, but not in the way they had once dreamed. They aren't holding hands on a date or cuddling underneath the bedcovers or to hold up a little kid of their own. Jongin squeezes tight because this has to be goodbye.
"You sure can pack a punch still." His hands go limp to prod at the bruise growing at his jaw.
Chanyeol doesn't respond. He leaves before Jongin gains the courage to take a step in the other direction. Chanyeol will probably shove the hurt and guilt down his throat as he walks into the room where this wife is holding their baby, swollen eyes and sweat drenched hair but looking more beautiful than ever. Chanyeol will probably forget about this when Minhee first begins to cry and will take it upon himself to cheer his little girl up. They'll probably drift away for awhile as he takes Minhee home and lives surrounding his baby girl.
But Jongin doesn't know how to move on, he's tried for the past nine months. The wounds will still remain fresh and raw on his heart; not even a new heart could replace the pain. Though he and Chanyeol had loved and ripped each other limb from limb, he regrets that he was never able to really treasure Chanyeol.
Because that smile now isn't for him. That thousand megawatt smile is for a new little baby girl with tiny fists and big eyes swathed in pink blankets adorably big for her size.
A/N:
-this is purely procrastination
-I should be studying for my calculus quiz tomorrow
-college sucks who ever said it was fun
-i hope the surprise twist of the first one actually worked how i wanted it to
-my cough is so bad i think i'll cough out my lungs one day or another
-i dont actually know what this is
-tumblr
Pairing: Chanyeol/Kai
Word Count: 2115 words
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own EXO
Summary: There's a new little girl on the way and while Chanyeol is ecstatic, Jongin is absolutely terrified.
"Would you like to see her?"
Chanyeol is eager, as he always has been. His fingers are fidgeting in his pockets, his foot is tapping apprehensively on the ground, and it takes every fiber in his being to stop himself from screaming yes, god fucking yes in the middle of the emergency room.
Jongin is terrified, nerves and fear swirling precariously in his stomach. His fingers are winding tightly in the fabric of his shirt, pulling at the fabric as his toes curl in his shoes. The anxiety bubbles up to his throat and winds itself around it like a snake, winding tighter and tighter until he can hardly breathe out a yes before he's pulled along by Chanyeol's firm grip.
His feet are heavy, sounding like the twinge of plucked guitar strings echoing off the walls as he stumbles behind. The grip on his shirt is his anchor of sanity, holding him together as the fear grows with every step they take to the room of newborn children.
"Come on, slowpoke! She's waiting for us!" Chanyeol beams, trying to stop himself from looking so ecstatic, but it's hard not to feel the burning rays of happiness that Chanyeol emits like the sun, simultaneously warm and painful. His steps are light through turn after turn and his smile gets wider with every step towards the maternity ward.
It's fucking time, Chanyeol had screamed through the phone, just as Jongin was released from his last meeting of the day. And so overwhelmed by emotion, Jongin packed up his files and rushed over in record time before he even remembered to think. Chanyeol had stood by the door, gripping his arm so hard that his knuckles paled. "She's coming- god, Jongin, she's coming!" he breathed, looking as pale as his knuckles and on the cusp of a caffeine rush and simultaneously about to faint. There's something Chanyeol spews about how things could be dangerous because she's early and a C-section, but Jongin is too focused on trying not to show how scared he is. He thought he had another month to prepare, at least another two weeks, but it's actually time and fuck, he's nowhere near prepared.
Chanyeol lets go of his arm as they walk into a room with unfazed nurses and the cries of newborns in the background. There's a glass window off to the right, and Chanyeol presses his face to the glass where all the new little boys and girls are crying and sleeping and fidgeting in their little baskets, their names taped neatly to the back. His fingers curl against the glass when his eyes land on a little girl with no name on the back of her carrier.
She's absolutely tiny, Jongin thinks as his eyes glance upon the same little girl. His heart begins to swell, filling the crevices of his ribcage at the sight because she's beautiful, pink faced and tiny feet kicking slowly in the air. She's smaller than most, but her big eyes are closed and her little fists are curled in the air, looking for contact. She's swathed in pink hospital clothes that are adorably big for her tiny frame and she's got obvious ears and a small face and a small nose.
And she's perfect, she's absolutely perfect.
"Minhee," Chanyeol whispers before the nurse who brought them in even asks, gaze never wavering from the carrier. "Park Minhee- that's her name."
The nurse smiles softly, gently looking at the both of them before she says, "I'll bring her out for you. She dismisses herself and disappears through the door around another corner. Chanyeol takes a huge breath after she leaves, as if he just remembered he needed to breathe to live.
"Jongin, she's… Minhee is-" he's choked up for words, eyes looking as if they're about ready to let down the floodgates and a torrential downpour is about to cascade over Chanyeol's cheeks. He's always been so emotional over the smallest things, Jongin thinks as Chanyeol embraces him tightly, trying to regain a bit of his composure before the nurse comes back.
But that feeling of anxiety comes back to Jongin. His heart drops to the heel of his feet and he wishes the floor would swallow him up. Apprehension begins to swirl in his stomach, competing for his attention with his heart that's beating in his ears, and he's about ready to vomit. He's not prepared for this.
The nurse is back, pink blankets in her arms as she hands Minhee carefully to Chanyeol. He adjusts the baby in his arms, a blinding smile spreading across his face, and pushes the blankets away from her face.
"Hi there, baby," he whispers, pressing teary kisses to Minhee's little fists. She yawns, toothless gums peeking from her lips, then tries to shift in his arms. Chanyeol locks her fist around his finger and sighs, content and enamored by the little girl.
He's starstruck, eyes shining as bright as his aura radiating around him. He's probably the happiest person alive on the earth with a new, beautiful little life in his arms. Jongin's heart seems to expand in the small space of his chest at Chanyeol's smile, a smile he's always loved so much from the very beginning. One that's warm and happy and completely Chanyeol.
Chanyeol pushes the pink blanket into his arms. "How about you hold her," he whispers, careful not to startle Minhee. He leans in close and supports Jongin's arms as he shifts the baby out of his grip. Jongin's hands start to shake with the fragility in his arms and a thousand worries start flooding his mind because what if he drops her or what if he holds her too tight or what if-
"Chanyeol, I can't do this-"
"Calm down and support her head," he says, eyes never leaving Minhee as he holds them together. Jongin ignores the bursts in his heart that threaten to shatter him and shifts Minhee around until he's comfortable and less afraid she'll slip.
And Chanyeol's right, it's a miracle to be holding a baby in his arms. She's got big ears like Chanyeol and a nose like Chanyeol and eyes like Chanyeol and she's so precious that Jongin can't help the shallow smile that crosses his face. She's absolutely perfect, even if she starts to slobber all over his nicest shirt.
Jongin doesn't know how much time goes by until Chanyeol begins to slide Minhee out of his arms to hold her again, just for a moment, before she's taken back by the nurse and put back into her bassinet. Chanyeol almost looks heartbroken as Minhee is taken away, only feet from his protective arms. But now her carrier has the characters for Park Minhee scrawled across the back and Chanyeol shifts back to his usual happy persona as they start to wander back through the hallways.
"You're free to go back; we'll bring the papers to you soon," the nurse says before she leaves them in the waiting room and disappears behind another corner. Jongin is still a little dizzy and sick somehow.
There's a heavy sigh as they walk towards the elevators. "God, Jongin, she's fucking perfect," Chanyeol mutters in awe, staring at his feet as they walk back through the maternity ward, turning through hallways until they're at the elevators. Chanyeol is searching for contact, itching for a hug, Jongin can still tell.
So Jongin doesn't think when he tugs on Chanyeol's hand, ducking into a dark hallway to have a little privacy when he kisses him hard. He's slow and his hands are shaking, gripping tightly at Chanyeol's shoulders, digging in almost painfully. The cracks in his heart that he almost forgot about are beginning to break, going deeper and deeper into the arteries and cavities and it's slipping through his fingers like sand as Chanyeol doesn't respond but grips his shirt by the front and twists the fabric in his hands.
He pushes Jongin away, hard enough to make Jongin stumble back, and punches him square in the jaw.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" His voice is grave now, his eyes hard set but looking absolutely torn. Like Jongin had ruthlessly clawed his heart from his chest and cut it down the middle with a blunt, rusty knife.
Jongin can't reply back, not with the invisible hand of guilt wrapping around his neck, cutting of this airways.
Chanyeol turns furious. "Jongin! What the fuck?!" He's soon to start screaming and the horrors start filtering in through Jongin's skin and it hurts. It hurts just as much as it did a year and a half ago; the memories are still too raw.
How does he tell Chanyeol that he's still in love, even though the wounds are opened wide and just the thought of happiness rains salt upon them. How does he make up for what's gone- it's too late, it's far too fucking late, and Chanyeol has moved on but he's still stuck in the quicksand and falling in faster than he can blink. How can he fix what was broken from the beginning.
"I'm sorry-"
"I don't need your apologies!" Chanyeol shouts, shoving Jongin back a little more. His hands are shaking as he grips the collar of Jongin's shirt and pulls it towards him. He looks between murderous and grief-stricken. "I don't need your goddamn apologies, Jongin."
I need answers.
Chanyeol's breaths are heavy, his chest heaving with the effort to push words through his clogged throat. He looks so utterly confused. "Jongin, I invited you here because we're friends now- we're like brothers. What we had in the past is over, and I'm not going back. We broke each other, cheated each other, lived under the delusion of what happiness truly was, and we don't deserve that- you don't deserve it, Jongin. We screamed and fought consistently and you know neither of us could live like that." Chanyeol relaxes his grip on his shirt, but Jongin still feels like he can't breathe.
"I have a family now. I have a wife and a little girl and I'm not giving up on them. I'm happy like this and I'm not going back to the past. Ever."
Jongin feels his knees tremble, like they're seconds away from giving out underneath him. The throbbing in his jaw is becoming more persistent; it's swelling under his fingertips. It takes all his strength right then not to vomit at Chanyeol's feet, to stop himself from bending over and pleading, begging for Chanyeol back. Though Chanyeol had learned to swim, he is still drowning.
"It's probably better if you leave," mutters Chanyeol, shuffling nervously with his eyes to the ground. Jongin dreadfully thinks that he's ruined their shaky relationship, a friendship as sturdy as blades of grass. He was willing to live with a broken heart if that meant temporarily closing up the wounds on his body.
But with pieces on the floor, Jongin thinks it's better to leave. There's a happy family waiting to be united and he's just getting in the way of it all.
So he pulls himself away, eases Chanyeol's warm fingers from his shirt until they're holding hands, but not in the way they had once dreamed. They aren't holding hands on a date or cuddling underneath the bedcovers or to hold up a little kid of their own. Jongin squeezes tight because this has to be goodbye.
"You sure can pack a punch still." His hands go limp to prod at the bruise growing at his jaw.
Chanyeol doesn't respond. He leaves before Jongin gains the courage to take a step in the other direction. Chanyeol will probably shove the hurt and guilt down his throat as he walks into the room where this wife is holding their baby, swollen eyes and sweat drenched hair but looking more beautiful than ever. Chanyeol will probably forget about this when Minhee first begins to cry and will take it upon himself to cheer his little girl up. They'll probably drift away for awhile as he takes Minhee home and lives surrounding his baby girl.
But Jongin doesn't know how to move on, he's tried for the past nine months. The wounds will still remain fresh and raw on his heart; not even a new heart could replace the pain. Though he and Chanyeol had loved and ripped each other limb from limb, he regrets that he was never able to really treasure Chanyeol.
Because that smile now isn't for him. That thousand megawatt smile is for a new little baby girl with tiny fists and big eyes swathed in pink blankets adorably big for her size.
A/N:
-this is purely procrastination
-I should be studying for my calculus quiz tomorrow
-college sucks who ever said it was fun
-i hope the surprise twist of the first one actually worked how i wanted it to
-my cough is so bad i think i'll cough out my lungs one day or another
-i dont actually know what this is
-tumblr