I hate it when it's beautiful out today...
...as it reminds me of the same day 5 years ago. It's almost like a betrayal. You trust a day as beautiful as today to be full of bright promise, cheer and wonder.
I'm about to read the news and I expect there will be many memorials and testimonies to the nobility and strength and courage of the human spirit. And it's all the desperate and desperately needed frilly pretty girly thing that you throw over an old delapidated chair. It makes it look okay but it's still really uncomfortable. And you try to tell yourself that it's broken in and comfortable but it's really just denial. If you think it over and over and over again it'll still never be really true.
And I hate that today the usual loneliness I feel becomes sharp and twisty in my gut. I want to stamp my feet and say "It's not fair," and have someone actually indulge me and humor me in that and not point out to me that injustice happens and tears are self-indulgent and to take it like a man and get over it. Yes, I want someone to lie to me...a lot.
I just don't want to get fucking over it. I want to call my aunt and tell her that I'm glad she's alive today but that might be weird. I really hope she knows.
Move along. Nothing to see here.
I'm about to read the news and I expect there will be many memorials and testimonies to the nobility and strength and courage of the human spirit. And it's all the desperate and desperately needed frilly pretty girly thing that you throw over an old delapidated chair. It makes it look okay but it's still really uncomfortable. And you try to tell yourself that it's broken in and comfortable but it's really just denial. If you think it over and over and over again it'll still never be really true.
And I hate that today the usual loneliness I feel becomes sharp and twisty in my gut. I want to stamp my feet and say "It's not fair," and have someone actually indulge me and humor me in that and not point out to me that injustice happens and tears are self-indulgent and to take it like a man and get over it. Yes, I want someone to lie to me...a lot.
I just don't want to get fucking over it. I want to call my aunt and tell her that I'm glad she's alive today but that might be weird. I really hope she knows.
Move along. Nothing to see here.