A Poem I Wrote At Work Tonight

[jinjojess]

Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the store,
I was finding that working
On Christ's birthday a bore.
The floors were clean,
The coffee full,
B101's constant carols
On my nerves sure did pull.
With nothing to do,
Bored tears I almost shed
While visions of sleep and presents
Danced in my head.
I thought to myself
"I'm such a sap."
I never should've agreed
To all of Sam's crap.
"Next year will be better,"
Out loud I vowed,
"I'll find a better paying job,
Where sitting's allowed."
My eyelids began to droop,
My vision got hazy.
I swore to myself
"Indians sure are lazy."
When out by the gas bays
Arose such a clatter;
I ducked to dodge bullets
Or any glass that might shatter.
But no screaming thugs
Bounded into sight--
Instead a huge sleigh
And nine reindeer did alight.
I said to myself
"I've been here too long.
I swear that I've never
Taken a hit from a bong!"
But to my surprise
Out jumped a pudgy red elf
That's right kids--
It was Santa himself!
He entered the store
Behind some guy named Kevin.
This must've been a first
For our 7Eleven.
Jokingly I kidded him:
"Hey Santa, reindeer don't need gas"
When he turned my way,
Knocking stuff over with his ass.
He said, "Everyone knows
I need fossil fuel.
Me and the reindeer are hungry.
Get us some slurpees--don't be a tool."

Merry Christmas, kids.