Day two
Last night, after I returned home from my real job, I made my first business purchase: It's domain name, bluejayconsulting.com. $8.95 from GoDaddy.com. Our good friend Don was over, and he suggested we (Melissa, myself, and he) watch an 'on-demand' movie. I was giddy with excitement and a little anxiety over my plan to go full steam ahead with this office space thing, and wondered if I could concentrate on a movie. I also was still talkative, and wanted to keep bouncing my ideas off of Don and Melissa. One humorous moment was when I said "The business name is 'Bluejay Consulting'", and showed Don a logo of a Blue Jay I was thinking of using. I then said, "Blue Jays just look cool.." and Don replied, "And they hate snakes." I said, "That's it... our slogan..." I continued with an emotionless face: "BlueJay Consulting: We hate snakes."
It was funnier at the moment.
So I finally settled down to watch the movie. We decided on "Mystic River", which none of us knew anything about. I may have expressed this before, but I enjoy movies ten fold better when I know nothing about them. The slightest thing in a preview will take away excitement that I otherwise might have in a movie. For example, during a preview if I see a certain actor in a certain scene, then I see that same actor in a life threatening situation while watching the movie, I KNOW they will survive to be in the later scene I saw in the previews. So while I am not mad or anything, I am just not ‘excited’; by the life threatening scene.
So I always take gambles on movies without seeing any previews, but it almost always is worth it. “Mystic River’ had an all star cast, so we thought we’d give it a try.
I’m not sure if it was the mild high from the anticipation of getting office space contrasted with the powerful scenes in this movie, but I will admit my eyes watered during some powerful scenes in the beginning, and eventually a tear or two made their way from my eyes. I covertly wiped them away.
I gave the movie a solid 9, and said I wouldn’t argue with someone who gave it a 9.5. Don agreed. We discussed it pretty thoroughly after it was over, and had no complaints at all. We then watched some of the previews for it, and agreed that the previews gave away too much info. One example: the previews showed one actor saying some ‘crazy’ things, and when that happened in the movie, I was totally drawn in as he sunk into a mild psychosis, watching him go deeper and deeper for that scene. Had I seen the preview, I would have known from the start that he would go ‘crazy’ eventually, and when he started acting weird, I wouldn’t have been nearly as drawn in as I was.
Anyway, Don went home and Melissa went to bed. I was still not tired, but *should* have become tired at about 3am given my last few nights. Plus, I had to meet this guy and the office space at 10:30 this morning. But I was thinking a lot about the office space, the costs I will have to cover, the ideas of marketing. I eventually fell asleep at about 7am. I woke up in the middle of a mildly sexual dream at 9:45am, with no alarm. I recall in my dream suddenly realizing I needed to be awake. Sorry girls, opportunity knocks.
Now, I had already envisioned the office space, the area on Bethel, the guy who was renting me the space, the potential business relationship I might have with him. I’m not sure if my brain is simply re-writing my memories, but a lot of what I imagined I think is what it turned out to be. The guy’s name was Sean, short for his Indian name. He was Indian, as I had imagined (he had barely an accent, but I caught it after talking to him a second time on the phone). He was also young (30) and drove a BMW. He was outgoing, personable, and seemingly a really nice guy. I already liked the office building itself, a dark brick brown building, two stories, carpeted hallways, carpeted steps (I think, or wooden). Up the steps and to the left was one of several doors in the hallway. I knocked, he answered, we greeted each other. The first area was a small reception area, maybe 15’ x 17’. No windows, a small desk with a bowl of candies on it. We walked around behind it down a short hallway, passed his coffee maker on a red end table in the hallway. He showed me the room I would rent. It was completely bare except for a small putters hole and several colored golf balls gathered around it.
I do know that the room was as big as I thought, about 17’ x 18’. I was hoping it would have a window, but was prepared for it not to have one. I got something in the middle: two skinny lengthwise windows that run from the ceiling to the floor, but don’t open. One of those archi-deco things of mid 90’s, I guess. They face Bethel Rd., the main drag, though. It was of course carpeted in a slate blue, the wall paper pleasant. A key stuck out from the door knob.
He showed me his two rooms, and they were lightly furnished with simple, non glamorous furniture. However, they were adorned with the expensive LCD monitors. He immediately pulled up two chairs and beckoned me to sit while he energetically asked me what I do, what my business does, etc. I wanted to portray the truth, and did so by describing myself as having no experience with business, and focused my bragging on my partner (who agreed to partner with me, by the way) who will have completed a 4 year degree in 2.5 years with a 4.0 average. I described him as the ‘know how’ man, and me as the ‘business getter’ man. I laced my portion of the conversation with the occasional reference to my hopes to learn, my desires to get business, and my anxiety about the whole thing. I did not want this guy to think I could bring him any business, or have any positive contribution to him. I also apologetically explained that I want to stay out of his way and stray within my office. I quickly followed that up with “Don’t take that as isolationism, as I would prefer your coming into my office as you please, but I stay tucked away to stay out of YOUR way, so as not to interfere.” He pshawed that away, stating genuinely that I won’t be in his way, and I am welcome to the use of the copier machine, coffee machine, etc.
Then, after all that downplaying of my ability to enhance him in anyway, he states, “I think we’ll have some good synergy here” as he made his hands pass back and forth from me to him rapidly. He then stated that he is glad we were on the same page, in that he is glad I am not a mortgage guy, or something that has nothing to do with what he does. Finally, I recognized that indeed I offered at least THAT. But a mildly haunting feeling came over me as I realized that now I must impress HIM if I want any opportunities to come my way. If he sees a slacker who never comes into the office, he won’t be as likely to pull me into any of his projects. He will just see me as some Joe Schmoe that thought he could start his own business without paying his dues of blood, sweat, and tears. I knew that if I was to get any networking with him, any references, I will need to be in the office a lot. Odd, how being my own boss still doesn’t free me from having to impress someone daily.
I am a workhorse, when I have work, especially work that directly benefits me, so I don’t fear that part of impressing him. However, I need the work in order to be a workhorse. Therein lies the fear. I have to find work.
I know I’ll have a week or two to get things moved in, get ideas rolling, figure out marketing strategies. Heck, I have to get all the filings and licensing done as well as plan to pay my quarterly taxes to the IRS. I suppose that is something I can do and legitimately be busy. I mean, I *could* do this at home, but why not use this work to be what I do in my office? Furthermore, I can be making contacts and doing research. The problem though is none of this ‘work’ makes money. Further, my new partner will be graduating in 8 weeks, and if the company isn’t profitable enough for him by then, I can’t imagine him staying around. 8 weeks is too short a time, and it would have to be a meteoric rise to be profitable by then. However, I know my partner said he won’t expect profit that fast. However, I can’t blame him when he gets a job offer to take flight. Nonetheless, I hope to have other contractors/employees by then to pick up what he leaves behind. Ah, the stresses are already coming out.
When I got home, Melissa and the kids were leaving to go to the pool. I had about an hour to kill before I had to head off to my real job.
As we were out milling about the car in the driveway, I noticed a small bird flutter down to the entrance to our open garage door, merely a few feet away from me. Now, first of all, I never see that. Birds rarely fly down and touch the ground that close to humans, or at least me. But this one did. And, of course, Marvin (our indoor/outdoor cat) was RIGHT there.. I mean, this bird couldn’t have picked a worse place to land. Marvin pounced at once, and I pounced at Marvin at once, hoping to get him to drop the bird. It’s just an instant reaction in me. I couldn’t care less about the circle of life, I just don’t want a bird to get eaten alive. Marvin ran from me at a slow trot with the bird in his mouth. I called after him trying to get him to stop, following behind him trying not to run and scare him. Finally, around to the back of the house, Marvin dropped the bird to the ground. The bird immediately fluttered as Marvin pounced again, this time trapping it to the ground with his paw. I scooped up Marvin as the bird fluttered a bit but remained still. Marvin was squirming all around, trying to get down (and once again, never used his claws on me, he’s such a cool cat). Once I could see that Marvin did not know exactly where the bird was, I set him down long enough to scoop up the bird in my hand.
He was sitting there, eyes intense, looking around, his beak agape, panting rapidly. He fluttered at first when I picked him up, then seemed to just be sitting there doing nothing. I wasn’t sure he could be saved, since I didn’t know the extent of the damage Marvin’s mouth inflicted on him. I know he was squeezed in there pretty firmly when I was trying to get Marvin to drop him. Nonetheless, he was just sitting there. I was hoping he was just in shock, and would eventually fly away.
Well, I took him around to a part of the tree as Marvin meowed incessantly at my feet. I swirled a small thin heavily leaved tree branch in a loop to create a makeshift nest of sorts, and I set the little bird into it. When I first moved the tree branch, the bird heard that and quickly darted his head around to see what was coming. Later I would feel horrible, knowing he was reflexively trying not to be killed. Anyway, I set him into the circled branch and watched him from merely 2 inches away. I looked right into his eyes. That’s when I saw the prelude to death. His panting became lesser, the breaths longer, until it took a slight ‘jerk’ to get him to take the next breath. I’ve seen this in dying people. While the internal injuries cause the organs to cease functioning, in this case, the lungs, the sympathetic/parasympathetic nerves reflexively force the diaphragm to compress the lungs to get the oxygen the brain is desperately missing now. The mouth opens with force, with moments of peace between each reflexive gasp. The gasps for breath, that resemble hiccups, lapse longer and longer apart from each other for about a minute or two until the last gasp is taken and peace comes at last The little bird mimicked this exactly, then sadly I watched his eye close softly. I continued to stare at him from mere inches away, my heart mildly aching for him. His eye opened again, one last time, then closed. I left him in the tree and hated the circle of life.
So I went to work, and now the workday is done. The mere three hours of sleep is not as apparent to my energy level as I thought it would be, although my eyes are just mildly stinging. I expect Don and Heidi will be at my house when I get there so I won’t go to bed in that case.
Tomorrow, Day 3, I deposit the check from my last computer job and use it to pay the first month’s rent at my new office space. I experience a bit of anxiety when I say that.
End of Day 2.
It was funnier at the moment.
So I finally settled down to watch the movie. We decided on "Mystic River", which none of us knew anything about. I may have expressed this before, but I enjoy movies ten fold better when I know nothing about them. The slightest thing in a preview will take away excitement that I otherwise might have in a movie. For example, during a preview if I see a certain actor in a certain scene, then I see that same actor in a life threatening situation while watching the movie, I KNOW they will survive to be in the later scene I saw in the previews. So while I am not mad or anything, I am just not ‘excited’; by the life threatening scene.
So I always take gambles on movies without seeing any previews, but it almost always is worth it. “Mystic River’ had an all star cast, so we thought we’d give it a try.
I’m not sure if it was the mild high from the anticipation of getting office space contrasted with the powerful scenes in this movie, but I will admit my eyes watered during some powerful scenes in the beginning, and eventually a tear or two made their way from my eyes. I covertly wiped them away.
I gave the movie a solid 9, and said I wouldn’t argue with someone who gave it a 9.5. Don agreed. We discussed it pretty thoroughly after it was over, and had no complaints at all. We then watched some of the previews for it, and agreed that the previews gave away too much info. One example: the previews showed one actor saying some ‘crazy’ things, and when that happened in the movie, I was totally drawn in as he sunk into a mild psychosis, watching him go deeper and deeper for that scene. Had I seen the preview, I would have known from the start that he would go ‘crazy’ eventually, and when he started acting weird, I wouldn’t have been nearly as drawn in as I was.
Anyway, Don went home and Melissa went to bed. I was still not tired, but *should* have become tired at about 3am given my last few nights. Plus, I had to meet this guy and the office space at 10:30 this morning. But I was thinking a lot about the office space, the costs I will have to cover, the ideas of marketing. I eventually fell asleep at about 7am. I woke up in the middle of a mildly sexual dream at 9:45am, with no alarm. I recall in my dream suddenly realizing I needed to be awake. Sorry girls, opportunity knocks.
Now, I had already envisioned the office space, the area on Bethel, the guy who was renting me the space, the potential business relationship I might have with him. I’m not sure if my brain is simply re-writing my memories, but a lot of what I imagined I think is what it turned out to be. The guy’s name was Sean, short for his Indian name. He was Indian, as I had imagined (he had barely an accent, but I caught it after talking to him a second time on the phone). He was also young (30) and drove a BMW. He was outgoing, personable, and seemingly a really nice guy. I already liked the office building itself, a dark brick brown building, two stories, carpeted hallways, carpeted steps (I think, or wooden). Up the steps and to the left was one of several doors in the hallway. I knocked, he answered, we greeted each other. The first area was a small reception area, maybe 15’ x 17’. No windows, a small desk with a bowl of candies on it. We walked around behind it down a short hallway, passed his coffee maker on a red end table in the hallway. He showed me the room I would rent. It was completely bare except for a small putters hole and several colored golf balls gathered around it.
I do know that the room was as big as I thought, about 17’ x 18’. I was hoping it would have a window, but was prepared for it not to have one. I got something in the middle: two skinny lengthwise windows that run from the ceiling to the floor, but don’t open. One of those archi-deco things of mid 90’s, I guess. They face Bethel Rd., the main drag, though. It was of course carpeted in a slate blue, the wall paper pleasant. A key stuck out from the door knob.
He showed me his two rooms, and they were lightly furnished with simple, non glamorous furniture. However, they were adorned with the expensive LCD monitors. He immediately pulled up two chairs and beckoned me to sit while he energetically asked me what I do, what my business does, etc. I wanted to portray the truth, and did so by describing myself as having no experience with business, and focused my bragging on my partner (who agreed to partner with me, by the way) who will have completed a 4 year degree in 2.5 years with a 4.0 average. I described him as the ‘know how’ man, and me as the ‘business getter’ man. I laced my portion of the conversation with the occasional reference to my hopes to learn, my desires to get business, and my anxiety about the whole thing. I did not want this guy to think I could bring him any business, or have any positive contribution to him. I also apologetically explained that I want to stay out of his way and stray within my office. I quickly followed that up with “Don’t take that as isolationism, as I would prefer your coming into my office as you please, but I stay tucked away to stay out of YOUR way, so as not to interfere.” He pshawed that away, stating genuinely that I won’t be in his way, and I am welcome to the use of the copier machine, coffee machine, etc.
Then, after all that downplaying of my ability to enhance him in anyway, he states, “I think we’ll have some good synergy here” as he made his hands pass back and forth from me to him rapidly. He then stated that he is glad we were on the same page, in that he is glad I am not a mortgage guy, or something that has nothing to do with what he does. Finally, I recognized that indeed I offered at least THAT. But a mildly haunting feeling came over me as I realized that now I must impress HIM if I want any opportunities to come my way. If he sees a slacker who never comes into the office, he won’t be as likely to pull me into any of his projects. He will just see me as some Joe Schmoe that thought he could start his own business without paying his dues of blood, sweat, and tears. I knew that if I was to get any networking with him, any references, I will need to be in the office a lot. Odd, how being my own boss still doesn’t free me from having to impress someone daily.
I am a workhorse, when I have work, especially work that directly benefits me, so I don’t fear that part of impressing him. However, I need the work in order to be a workhorse. Therein lies the fear. I have to find work.
I know I’ll have a week or two to get things moved in, get ideas rolling, figure out marketing strategies. Heck, I have to get all the filings and licensing done as well as plan to pay my quarterly taxes to the IRS. I suppose that is something I can do and legitimately be busy. I mean, I *could* do this at home, but why not use this work to be what I do in my office? Furthermore, I can be making contacts and doing research. The problem though is none of this ‘work’ makes money. Further, my new partner will be graduating in 8 weeks, and if the company isn’t profitable enough for him by then, I can’t imagine him staying around. 8 weeks is too short a time, and it would have to be a meteoric rise to be profitable by then. However, I know my partner said he won’t expect profit that fast. However, I can’t blame him when he gets a job offer to take flight. Nonetheless, I hope to have other contractors/employees by then to pick up what he leaves behind. Ah, the stresses are already coming out.
When I got home, Melissa and the kids were leaving to go to the pool. I had about an hour to kill before I had to head off to my real job.
As we were out milling about the car in the driveway, I noticed a small bird flutter down to the entrance to our open garage door, merely a few feet away from me. Now, first of all, I never see that. Birds rarely fly down and touch the ground that close to humans, or at least me. But this one did. And, of course, Marvin (our indoor/outdoor cat) was RIGHT there.. I mean, this bird couldn’t have picked a worse place to land. Marvin pounced at once, and I pounced at Marvin at once, hoping to get him to drop the bird. It’s just an instant reaction in me. I couldn’t care less about the circle of life, I just don’t want a bird to get eaten alive. Marvin ran from me at a slow trot with the bird in his mouth. I called after him trying to get him to stop, following behind him trying not to run and scare him. Finally, around to the back of the house, Marvin dropped the bird to the ground. The bird immediately fluttered as Marvin pounced again, this time trapping it to the ground with his paw. I scooped up Marvin as the bird fluttered a bit but remained still. Marvin was squirming all around, trying to get down (and once again, never used his claws on me, he’s such a cool cat). Once I could see that Marvin did not know exactly where the bird was, I set him down long enough to scoop up the bird in my hand.
He was sitting there, eyes intense, looking around, his beak agape, panting rapidly. He fluttered at first when I picked him up, then seemed to just be sitting there doing nothing. I wasn’t sure he could be saved, since I didn’t know the extent of the damage Marvin’s mouth inflicted on him. I know he was squeezed in there pretty firmly when I was trying to get Marvin to drop him. Nonetheless, he was just sitting there. I was hoping he was just in shock, and would eventually fly away.
Well, I took him around to a part of the tree as Marvin meowed incessantly at my feet. I swirled a small thin heavily leaved tree branch in a loop to create a makeshift nest of sorts, and I set the little bird into it. When I first moved the tree branch, the bird heard that and quickly darted his head around to see what was coming. Later I would feel horrible, knowing he was reflexively trying not to be killed. Anyway, I set him into the circled branch and watched him from merely 2 inches away. I looked right into his eyes. That’s when I saw the prelude to death. His panting became lesser, the breaths longer, until it took a slight ‘jerk’ to get him to take the next breath. I’ve seen this in dying people. While the internal injuries cause the organs to cease functioning, in this case, the lungs, the sympathetic/parasympathetic nerves reflexively force the diaphragm to compress the lungs to get the oxygen the brain is desperately missing now. The mouth opens with force, with moments of peace between each reflexive gasp. The gasps for breath, that resemble hiccups, lapse longer and longer apart from each other for about a minute or two until the last gasp is taken and peace comes at last The little bird mimicked this exactly, then sadly I watched his eye close softly. I continued to stare at him from mere inches away, my heart mildly aching for him. His eye opened again, one last time, then closed. I left him in the tree and hated the circle of life.
So I went to work, and now the workday is done. The mere three hours of sleep is not as apparent to my energy level as I thought it would be, although my eyes are just mildly stinging. I expect Don and Heidi will be at my house when I get there so I won’t go to bed in that case.
Tomorrow, Day 3, I deposit the check from my last computer job and use it to pay the first month’s rent at my new office space. I experience a bit of anxiety when I say that.
End of Day 2.