it's almost been a year.

[jinglebellrox]

since i have written anything on this site.
i am frustrated.
i am in college.
i am almost/practically done with my first year.
i am on a break with shane.
i feel like an idiot.
i feel frustrated.
i feel like i've made myself be alone.
i want to get outta here.
good thing i'm going to peru in the next week.
it's only for a week.
then i live floating around jax for a couple of days.
then i go to naples.
naples.
damn.
gotta get a job, gotta float and work and see family.
figure some shit out. i don't want to figure it all out. i just want to live and get lost. because i feel, and perhaps this is just the imminentness of a year completed coming to a close, that i was very successful in this year of college, i feel like i am getting lost on what it means to me to have used the year successfully.
i feel like a wildchild who never went wild.
or at least that is someone's definition of wild. that i don't fit into.
i want to be loved and appreciated.
and i have/had that. and i push it away, say not now. i just want to be physically intimate. fuck distance. it's a load of shit.
i want to be friendly. i want people to know who i am.
i talk and it's like why bother.
*