"Every date is like every kiss, it feels like the first time."

[jinc1019]

I have to admit, I have dated a lot of girls. Most of my 8th grade year was dating different girls, and I have had a girlfriend for most of the last 5 years but not so much the last year

Comments

"Just to Prove to you I was telling the truth, it's 5:27 right now"

[jinc1019]

well here it is, 5:27......no alarm or anything and I'm up again.........for no reason at all. I am in rhode island obviously and I did finally get to sleep in my own bed, but, I didn't. I slept on the couch......it figures but I just couldn't concentrate enough on sleeping to be in bed. I basically waited all night and eventually fell asleep, only to wake up again at 5:30. I do get to see the sun come up here though and I have to say, the sun coming up over providence
(I live on a very big hill/small mountain overlooking providence) is pretty nice because it's the only beautiful thing you see in this state for the most part.

but anyway.....I don't want you to feel like it's your fault. it's not.....it is mine. I am who I am and sometimes I really hate the way I act or the things I feel, mostly the things I feel because I can always change the way I act but I can't change the way I feel. I knew what you were doing in the note, I do understand you're just trying to lay out where you are considering I'm always doing that, and I guess you just don't see some things the way I do......and that's ok because you're in a very different situation than I am.......

see I have been through some things that most people never have, and most people never should have to go through......and they have brought out some unalterable characteristics inside me. Two especially. The first is that I don't give up, ever, about anything for the most part. don't confuse this with being stubborn, that's a totally different thing. What I'm talking about is that I don't ever let anything destroy me. This mostly came from me being very sick and having to fight with the school many many many many times.......the other characteristic is that I'm very good at expressing exactly how I feel, and sometimes I should just keep my mouth shut, especially with you. because even though I feel all of the things I say, and I most definetly do. and even though we both agree our relationship should be completely open......it's a good idea for me to shut my mouth sometimes. I'm a very sweet boy, I know I am but sometimes Tara I should keep journal entries like the last few I wrote to myself because

I like you lots Tara, so much that......
I'm willing to just back off because it seems that's what you need. I'm sorry I haven't been thinking

I guess I just always have felt that if I think with how I feel, everything will work itself out. But you need me to just sort of, not do that I think and I want to do what you need.

I'm just trying to be the boy who does what you need to be happy.

because I'm really not into the idea of being without you.

nope, not at all.