Love meme and why it is hurtful.

[jin_fenghuang]

There has been talk about the anonymous masses ruining people’s fun and enjoyment of the love meme.

These masses are not anonymous. I am one of them.

I am putting my name forth. Yes, this hurt me.

I do not care if I am on the meme or not, for the record, I did get people "loving on me", this is not about me being butthurt.

The point is that

Comments

[r_grayjoy]

Okay, I'll bite. We discussed most of this last night, but what's up with the "anonymous masses" bit? Apparently I've missed something there.

[jin_fenghuang]

There have been posts claiming that the anonymous masses are ruining the fun by being hurt by this and that those elusive masses have no right to do so.

[bethbethbeth]

Just wondering...do you feel the same way about love memes where people put their own name out there, or is it only the ones like the current one that you consider problematic?

I mean, for a variety of fairly complicated reasons, I don't participate in any of these memes, certainly not the hate memes (anonymous or otherwise), but not the love ones either - and I'm almost never mentioned on them, one way or another. However, I saw enough links to this one that I glanced at it, and I have to admit that I was pleased to have been mentioned in my modly capacity for hp_beholder.

It's just...I wonder about the intensity of opinion surrounding these memes (and not just from you, of course). Is it that you think it's unfair that some people are singled out for praise when others aren't? Because, okay...I recced one of your artworks on crack_broom last month, which meant, since there's a maximum number of recs, that I *didn't* rec other people (i.e., I excluded them). Do you feel the same way about recs - or is it this specific meme -

[jin_fenghuang]

I have no issues with people getting singled out for specific things that they have done. I have and will rec art/fic that I like.

The issue I have is that these kinds of memes create an in-out group in a way that is hurtful.

It measures how many people like 'you', making it very hurtful to those who get left out, be it because they get forgotten or are genuinely not liked.

I am not willing to go through my flist and decide who is worthy getting loved upon and who not. I feel I would inadvertently hurt someone by forgetting them.
Would you not be sad if someone who you consider a friend, does not mention you, but someone you feel is not even close to that person?

As I said before, it makes me feel like the crap I went through in high-school where excluding was a favored from of bullying that the teachers could/would do nothing about.

[bethbethbeth]

Oh, believe me...I feel slights (real or imagined) as much as the next person - and I've always been worried about contributing to other people feeling excluded, so I sympathize with your feelings. It's just that I've heard some people say that even recs* fit into that kind of "mutual admiration society" category. which I can kind of see, if I squint.

[jin_fenghuang]

I think you'd have to squint real hard to fit recs in there and I think that is going too far. If people would declare their love for certain people in their journals I would not have minded this much either. I also would have potential to hurt others, but the meme is way worse. Having a list where people are basically ranked by how popular they are is rather disgusting, no matter the intention.

[tripperfunster]

I see what you're saying here, but I'm not sure if I agree. (your opinion is valid, of course, I'm just not sure if it is exclusive in MY opinion.)

I don't think I've ever been mentioned on a love meme. Or I'm just obtuse and don't know it. Am I butt hurt about it? Not really. It would be nice to be fawned over, but I get fawned over all the time by my 'real' (and by real, I mean fandom) friends.

I guess the issue here is intent. If I were to participate, I don't think I would exclude anyone on purpose, I would just be squeeing about the ones that stuck out in my mind.

Of course, I"m not everyone, so ...

Also? It DOES make me sad, when someone puts someone elses' name out there and it gets very few comments.

Also? I have shitty internet, and generally posts with tons of comments freeze my computer, so I don't peruse those memes much. Perhaps I've missed an attitude that you have picked up on?

Cheers bb!

[jin_fenghuang]

Most people don't mind getting squeed at, and of course some people don't mind not being mentioned. That does not negate the fact that it does hurt to be excluded