I guess I can't put this on pause anymore...
Watch this folks, this is the "mess it up while your in it all" part of my awsome quote "get out while you can or just mess it up while you in it all."
So I guess being back home means that I gotta start settling these issues with people. Since Sissy seems like she has the immidiate issue with me I'll start out with that I guess. Since the fallout about a pair of months ago its just been a lot of where do I stand? and what can I do that won't piss her off? I have an idea of where I am in the first question, but have not found the answer to the second question. I've tried to care, but that gave me the cold shoulder strike 1. I've tried not caring and now she thinks I have issues with other people which is so not true strike 2. I mean you 2 aren't dating anymore so I don't care. I did the not caring thing because she was doing ok with me not interfering in her life and that was good enough for me. Now shes just coming up with things that piss her off and so I guess I'm heading towards "I hate you" level. I haven't changed any of my behavior in the past bunch of months and she didn't seem to care before. Like for example she has like and issue with people not knocking on her door before entering and I use to do that a lot and she didn't seem to mind...altho I do knock now and don't seem to get far beyond that lol how ironic.
So I feel like the only thing I can do is disapear. I really respect her and how she busts her ass every single day and the last thing I want is her stressing over me or even using brain cells on me. I thought that the not caring thing would work, but it has just made things worse in a way. I know running from my problems is stupid and its not what I want to do at all, but like it seems like the only logical option I have. Everything else I've tried has just made her more angry at me....really everything I say seems to get her angry...I bet typing this right now is going to fuck things up more, but its gotta get settled right here right now. I've asked this 10000 times to you, what do you want me to do? Because I sure as hell don't know what the hell I'm supossed to do. I just want you to do what you gotta do without having to worry/deal with me.
me: I really fucked this one up didn't I?
inner self: yeah...now you know why it sucks to make an impact on someone's life when you're not consistant....
me: yeah gotta work on the consistancy thing...
So I guess being back home means that I gotta start settling these issues with people. Since Sissy seems like she has the immidiate issue with me I'll start out with that I guess. Since the fallout about a pair of months ago its just been a lot of where do I stand? and what can I do that won't piss her off? I have an idea of where I am in the first question, but have not found the answer to the second question. I've tried to care, but that gave me the cold shoulder strike 1. I've tried not caring and now she thinks I have issues with other people which is so not true strike 2. I mean you 2 aren't dating anymore so I don't care. I did the not caring thing because she was doing ok with me not interfering in her life and that was good enough for me. Now shes just coming up with things that piss her off and so I guess I'm heading towards "I hate you" level. I haven't changed any of my behavior in the past bunch of months and she didn't seem to care before. Like for example she has like and issue with people not knocking on her door before entering and I use to do that a lot and she didn't seem to mind...altho I do knock now and don't seem to get far beyond that lol how ironic.
So I feel like the only thing I can do is disapear. I really respect her and how she busts her ass every single day and the last thing I want is her stressing over me or even using brain cells on me. I thought that the not caring thing would work, but it has just made things worse in a way. I know running from my problems is stupid and its not what I want to do at all, but like it seems like the only logical option I have. Everything else I've tried has just made her more angry at me....really everything I say seems to get her angry...I bet typing this right now is going to fuck things up more, but its gotta get settled right here right now. I've asked this 10000 times to you, what do you want me to do? Because I sure as hell don't know what the hell I'm supossed to do. I just want you to do what you gotta do without having to worry/deal with me.
me: I really fucked this one up didn't I?
inner self: yeah...now you know why it sucks to make an impact on someone's life when you're not consistant....
me: yeah gotta work on the consistancy thing...