DreamerS
How many of you have dreams? Y'know the kind of dreams that you aspire to be. How many of you are actively pursing them? Don't really know? Well your dreams are awsome and all, but it takes a lot more than just "school work" to achieve your dreams.
First off you are pretty lonely. Your dreams are ranked #1 in your "Things I care about" board. If you want a true relationship with someone that person must be #1. If it takes you 5 minutes to decide that someone is more important than your dreams, then you aren't really going for your dreams. That question should be hard to answer, I mean that person must really be something in order for you to risk it all. Since you are lonely it takes a lot of strength and hope to go for your dreams. Hope because you hope that the one you want is still around when you do achieve your dreams.
Going for your dreams also seem to throw you into a darkness spiral. The inside of you will constantly be tested and there will be those times where you feel like you can't continue. Its at those moments where you get up no matter how hard it hurts and continue. Pain is pain, but it goes away with time. What might be even harder is to keep the people around you unaware of your pain.
Dreams are great and everything, but they are just plans for a happier future. Its scary while your in it all because you don't even know if it'll pay off or if you'll make it to the end. So for many they choose to have fun now and not really go for their dreams. While others like me choose to take the risk and go for them. Its like trading the sucky life now for an awsome one later. Where as the people who want to have fun now will probably not have a fun time later or won't achieve their dreams...but hey anything is possible. I myself feel like I can do it. I have the strength and hope to get through the lonelyness and my trifecta (brain, heart, inhibitions: another theory for another time) will save me from being consumed from the darkness. It doesn't mean that I'm still not scared that I won't make it though...that'll always be there until I make it.
I leave you with a quote from the movie "The Replacements"...y'know that movie with Keanu Reeves.
"I look at you and see two men: the man you are and the man you oughtta be. Someday those two men will meet and it should make for one hell of a football player."