The Irish Solution to the Credit Crisis.
When Fergus won a green card in the yearly United States immigration raffle, he took up on the opportunity and moved from Cork in Ireland to Texas, which was a place he had always been fascinated with as a kid, and watched Westerns on his mothers old black and white TV set.
When he arrived, and had found somewhere to live, he set about making his initial purchases, so that he could, as he planned, begin living the real life of Riley in the New World.
One of his first purchases was to be a donkey , which, after a pound of bacon and a six-pack of Guinness, is an important staple for any Irishman, especially one who fancies continuing his trade as a tinker.
He placed an ad on Craig's list, and soon found a local Texas farmer who agreed to sell him a donkey for $100.00, and so Fergus made arrangements to meet the farmer in a local bar, where they sealed the deal, Texas style, over a couple of beers. They shook hands and Fergus handed him the $100.00 in cash.
The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day. Butwhen Fergus saw him drive up in his truck that next day there was no donkey to be seen.
“Sorry son," said the farmer, getting out of his truck " but I have some bad news,.......the donkey died last night”.....
Fergus replied was extremely disappointed but he trusted in the honesty of this seemingly straight shooter of a Texan. So he replied, “Ah, don't worry about it, Sorr. Just give me my money back.”
But, the farmer said, “I Can’t do that, son. I’m sorry but I went and spent it already.”
Now Fergus was very shocked, having assumed that, here in what he considered the Wild West,
a man's word was his bond.
But as an Irishman, he was not one to be without some of his inate Irish creativity when it comes to such matters. Andt he had an idea.
“Ok, then, Sorr, just bring me the dead donkey.” he said.
Obviously not as shocked as the farmer now was though, who asked, “What the hell ya gonna do with him ?”....
But Fergus seemed not the slightest bit fazed by all this and he told the farmer , “Ah well, Oi tawt about dat, sorr, and Oi’m going to raffle him off.”.....
Now the farmer seemed really concerned. Not only had he screwed the Irishman out of $100.00, but now the Irishman had plans to maybe screw some of his neighbors out of money as well. And this, he know, would eventually come back to haunt him in some way.
The farmer said “You can’t raffle off a dead donkey, son. Y'all can can get shot for that here in Texas
Fergus said, “ t’be sure Oi can. You just watch me, Sorr. Oi just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.”
The Texas farmer go back up into his truck, and drove off slowly, still shaking his head.
A month later, the farmer met up again in that same bar where he had done the deal with Fergus and asked, “What happened with that dead donkey, son?”
Fergus beamed back at the farmer and said, “Oi raffled him off. Oi sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.”.
The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?”
Fergus said, “Just the feller who won. So I bought him a Guinness and gave him his two
dollars back.”.......
Fergus now works for Goldman Sachs, and both presidential candidates are furiously looking for any Irishman who wants to live in Washington and be the new Treasury Secretary.
When he arrived, and had found somewhere to live, he set about making his initial purchases, so that he could, as he planned, begin living the real life of Riley in the New World.
One of his first purchases was to be a donkey , which, after a pound of bacon and a six-pack of Guinness, is an important staple for any Irishman, especially one who fancies continuing his trade as a tinker.
He placed an ad on Craig's list, and soon found a local Texas farmer who agreed to sell him a donkey for $100.00, and so Fergus made arrangements to meet the farmer in a local bar, where they sealed the deal, Texas style, over a couple of beers. They shook hands and Fergus handed him the $100.00 in cash.
The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day. Butwhen Fergus saw him drive up in his truck that next day there was no donkey to be seen.
“Sorry son," said the farmer, getting out of his truck " but I have some bad news,.......the donkey died last night”.....
Fergus replied was extremely disappointed but he trusted in the honesty of this seemingly straight shooter of a Texan. So he replied, “Ah, don't worry about it, Sorr. Just give me my money back.”
But, the farmer said, “I Can’t do that, son. I’m sorry but I went and spent it already.”
Now Fergus was very shocked, having assumed that, here in what he considered the Wild West,
a man's word was his bond.
But as an Irishman, he was not one to be without some of his inate Irish creativity when it comes to such matters. Andt he had an idea.
“Ok, then, Sorr, just bring me the dead donkey.” he said.
Obviously not as shocked as the farmer now was though, who asked, “What the hell ya gonna do with him ?”....
But Fergus seemed not the slightest bit fazed by all this and he told the farmer , “Ah well, Oi tawt about dat, sorr, and Oi’m going to raffle him off.”.....
Now the farmer seemed really concerned. Not only had he screwed the Irishman out of $100.00, but now the Irishman had plans to maybe screw some of his neighbors out of money as well. And this, he know, would eventually come back to haunt him in some way.
The farmer said “You can’t raffle off a dead donkey, son. Y'all can can get shot for that here in Texas
Fergus said, “ t’be sure Oi can. You just watch me, Sorr. Oi just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.”
The Texas farmer go back up into his truck, and drove off slowly, still shaking his head.
A month later, the farmer met up again in that same bar where he had done the deal with Fergus and asked, “What happened with that dead donkey, son?”
Fergus beamed back at the farmer and said, “Oi raffled him off. Oi sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.”.
The farmer said, “Didn’t anyone complain?”
Fergus said, “Just the feller who won. So I bought him a Guinness and gave him his two
dollars back.”.......
Fergus now works for Goldman Sachs, and both presidential candidates are furiously looking for any Irishman who wants to live in Washington and be the new Treasury Secretary.