Jessica, I want you to truly understand the devastation that being raped causes. It is no ordinary violation, it is a violation that removes a part of your soul, it leaves you desperate and empty. And desperation and emptiness can lead a person to do some very questionable things.
It can cause anger and rage, a sense of vengeance - not necessarily against an abuser - but against the world as a whole. It makes you resent the happiness of others, which leads to inappropriate thoughts of causing cruelty and horrific pain. But more than anything else it silences that voice that all normal and well adujsted people have. That voice that says "you can survive this" and "things will get better". Instead you are left to your own devices. So it is inevitable that, without the skills to believe otherwise, you begin to loathe the person that you are.
Most people never recover from this, for most people this will signal the end. But you are different, Jessica, you have that 'spark', that strength of will and determination.
You have been blessed, and cursed, with a vast intellect. A blessing because it has afforded you the ability to see yourself objectively and deeply understand your purpose and position in life. A curse because it forces you to confront certain matters and ideas that you may not be mentally prepared for.
You are certainly a lot stronger than most people could ever hope to be, and I believe that deep down you are aware of how strong you are and know that, although it may hurt like hell at times, you can change those things about yourself that you do not like.
I know that you will become that person you so desire to be, because - as you have seen in me - I have already seen that potential in you. It is there, just under the surface, and it fills my heart with utter contented happiness to know that I will be there to witness you blossom.
I see that spark of strength in you as well; the fact alone that you've survived such a chemical disfunction, even worse than my own, makes you strong.
Although you are sometimes strangled by the grip of despair and blinded by the darkness of depression, I believe you still have amazing potential - this is evident in your ability to love, despite all that happened to you. In an ability to love that so unconditional and forgiving and understanding.
Considering this and your strength well, in short, we shall blossom together...
It can cause anger and rage, a sense of vengeance - not necessarily against an abuser - but against the world as a whole. It makes you resent the happiness of others, which leads to inappropriate thoughts of causing cruelty and horrific pain. But more than anything else it silences that voice that all normal and well adujsted people have. That voice that says "you can survive this" and "things will get better". Instead you are left to your own devices. So it is inevitable that, without the skills to believe otherwise, you begin to loathe the person that you are.
Most people never recover from this, for most people this will signal the end. But you are different, Jessica, you have that 'spark', that strength of will and determination.
You have been blessed, and cursed, with a vast intellect. A blessing because it has afforded you the ability to see yourself objectively and deeply understand your purpose and position in life. A curse because it forces you to confront certain matters and ideas that you may not be mentally prepared for.
You are certainly a lot stronger than most people could ever hope to be, and I believe that deep down you are aware of how strong you are and know that, although it may hurt like hell at times, you can change those things about yourself that you do not like.
I know that you will become that person you so desire to be, because - as you have seen in me - I have already seen that potential in you. It is there, just under the surface, and it fills my heart with utter contented happiness to know that I will be there to witness you blossom.
I love you.
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I see that spark of strength in you as well; the fact alone that you've survived such a chemical disfunction, even worse than my own, makes you strong.
Although you are sometimes strangled by the grip of despair and blinded by the darkness of depression, I believe you still have amazing potential - this is evident in your ability to love, despite all that happened to you. In an ability to love that so unconditional and forgiving and understanding.
Considering this and your strength well, in short, we shall blossom together...
I love you too.
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